Here’s How Trump’s ‘It Was Just Locker Room Talk’ Bullshit Is Going

After the revelations from the Access Hollywood tape showed that Donald Trump has been Orange Cosby this whole time, his campaign has taken such a hit that they can’t afford to spend money in Virginia now. And as an added bonus, the GOP is now warring over who’s still supporting the Gropenstein’s monster they made, which could actually result in Democrats winning back both the Senate and the House. So, it’s a good time to be alive if you happen to believe in a social safety net, even if we had to throw a tangerine turd bomb at our government to get it. So, as we enjoy watching the flaming wreck of Trump’s candidacy, let’s at least relish in the fact that the worst is over. What’s this now? Multiple women have now come forward with stories that allege his locker room talk was actually fond memories of the times he forcibly groped them kissed them against their will? You don’t say. Here are the lowlights via The New York Times:

More than three decades ago, when she was a traveling businesswoman at a paper company, Ms. Leeds said, she sat beside Mr. Trump in the first-class cabin of a flight to New York. They had never met before.

About 45 minutes after takeoff, she recalled, Mr. Trump lifted the armrest and began to touch her.

According to Ms. Leeds, Mr. Trump grabbed her breasts and tried to put his hand up her skirt.

“He was like an octopus,” she said. “His hands were everywhere.”

Three decades ago, huh? Is that when America was great? Or how about 11 years ago, the same year he was on a bus measuring dicks with Billy Bush about, oh what was that he said again? “I just start kissing them,” he said to Bush. “It’s like a magnet. Just kiss. I don’t even wait.”

Ms. Crooks was a 22-year-old receptionist at Bayrock Group, a real estate investment and development company in Trump Tower in Manhattan, when she encountered Mr. Trump outside an elevator in the building one morning in 2005.

Aware that her company did business with Mr. Trump, she turned and introduced herself. They shook hands, but Mr. Trump would not let go, she said. Instead, he began kissing her cheeks. Then, she said, he “kissed me directly on the mouth.”

It didn’t feel like an accident, she said. It felt like a violation.

And then there’s that time he allegedly shoved PEOPLE reporter, Natasha Stoynoff, against a wall and jammed his tongue down her throat while his pregnant wife was upstairs changing. This was also in 2005. Talk about a hot year for The Donald. And now Jezebel already has the list up to six women reporting sexual misconduct, because if Donald Trump is going to be revealed as a serial attacker of women, you better believe he’s going to be the most luxurious and fantastic attacker of women the world has ever seen. Believe it, folks.

Pretty damning stuff right there, huh? Surely his frothing defenders have to at least consider these accusations. Guess again. ArmrestGate is already happening in response to Jessica Leeds’ story, and the general catch-all for the rest has become #NextFakeTrumpVictim, the hashtag that’s almost 100% “But Hillary!”



If this isn’t the shrieking, pants-pissing death spasm of Tang Hitler we’ve all been waiting for, then I don’t know what is. Meanwhile, I’ll just be over here like:


Ayeeeeee its lit #hoodclips #comedy #HoodComedy

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