Here’s How That Donald Sterling Thing Is Going

Posted by Photo Boy

Yesterday we learned what a racist pile of dogshit Donald Sterling’s been for most of his life, so today we’re going to drum our fingers together with glee pretending the the mass exodus of Clippers sponsorships will have any real effect on his life. The sad fact is that even if the NBA had the authority to force him to sell the team, which it seems they don’t, he stands to make HALF A BILLION DOLLARS on that sale, since he bought it for around twelve million. And while his son-in-law throws him under the bus and his estranged wife publicly denounces his statements, even she’s not willing to go through with a divorce because it would literally cost them too much money to figure out how much money they have. (They jointly own more real estate in LA County than any other property owner.) So basically, he’s getting a shitload of negative press, lost the NAACP Lifetime Achievement Award he tried to buy and will definitely face fines from the league. So we’re back to money again, which – if you haven’t picked up the subtle suggestion – HE HAS A SHITLOAD OF. What I’m saying, in the most long-winded and admittedly Internet boobs-less way), is Sterling hasn’t violated federal or state law. This whole thing will put a tiny dent in his massive wallet and he’ll take a small social hit from the few super wealthy friends who need to pretend to give a shit for some reason, all while we gnash our teeth and debate about the state of racism in America. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go try to find someone’s nipple photos to trade in for small amounts of paper so I can eat.

Photo: WENN