Henry Cavill is Dressed Like Superman, Have You Heard?

August 4th, 2011 // 107 Comments

If you logged onto this global porn delivery device we call the “Internet” today, you’ve probably been buffeted in the face with this first image of Henry Cavill as Superman in the Zack Snyder eventual clusterfuck Superman: Man of Steel. So here’s that image again because I’m dedicated to exciting, fresh content which is why I’m also going to make the same comments as everyone else: Where’s the spit curl? And let’s see goddamn red underwear. Although, in my defense, I say that to everybody. Not only does it set the mood, but it firmly asserts I’m a man who reads way too many comic books and will eye women suspiciously if they don’t have large, unnatural breasts. I mean, clearly they’re spies. It’s the only explanation.

Photos: Warner Bros., Getty, Splash News

superficial

  1. Man of Steel…costume of bubble wrap.

  2. Lion O

    He really doesn’t look the part. Too bad.

  3. Rough's thule

    Certainly, can give Aqua man a swim for his money.

    • TomFrank

      Was that ever a thing? Ocean race between Aquaman and Superman to see who’s faster underwater? I’ll bet Aquaman used his telekinetic powers to get his fish buddies to run interference with Superman. Cheater.

    • CranAppleSnapple

      L’Homme D’aqua!

  4. Henry

    Oh Zack…

  5. Doc Schweinstrudel

    & brass balls. I’d do him

  6. Henry Cavill Superman Costume
    Doc Schweinstrudel
    Commented on this photo:

    yummie. wrap it up please, i’m taking it

  7. Henry

    No, seriously. What is this.

  8. Carrie

    The Superficial today is full of men I’d give my right arm to bang, and for this, I thank you.

    • Unfortunately, none of them wants to fuck a one-armed chick, so fail on your part.

    • Lucion

      Fucking hell, a woman who talks like a Dude! Tell me you’re hot and what’s your number? ;-)

    • Oh please, “give up” my ass. If you fucked them right in the first place, your right arm would drop off of its own accord.

      • Carrie

        justifiable, I never said HOW I’d lose the arm. Hopefully it would rocket off my body because it couldn’t deal with the awesomeness of having either Henry Cavill or Eric from True Blood in bed with me.

    • Better pray that neither of their cocks is in your right hand when that happens. “Initial thrust” in rocket dynamics is sorta different from the sexual kind.

    • Christina Spears

      Seriously, this hottie can split me in half with his cock of steel, and I’d die happy. He looks delicious. And hear is a tip guys…some of us like to fuck too!

      • You blew it. The fact that you’d willingly – nay, happily – fuck a douchebag with a Jiffy-Pop hairdo unto death far overwhelms the “some-of-us-LIKE-sex!” factor. We have standards.

      • Yeah, I’m not dying for anyone, and to be honest, I’d probably renege on the giving up an arm. I mean, no more handstands or cartwheels? On second thought, I’ll just keep picturing them when I masturbate in the shower.

      • Johnny Cage

        Damn Justifiable is on one hellova anti-horny-chick rampage today. C-3PO would be a better wingman than you.

    • Russell Brand

      Oi, be sure ta use yer dominant hand!

      • And the more I think about it, I’d want Henry Cavill dressed up in one of his costumes from the Tudors, and I could be Anne Boleyn, because you know she was crazy in the sack. Alexander Skarsgard, on the other hand, can dress up like a clown, a bus boy, a hobo, or bin Laden for all I care.

    • Johnny Cage, a few points.

      1) None of these horny chicks are hot for either one of us, or are focussed on fucking anyone until they lose a limb or two but ol’ SuperDuper ‘Do there. If any of the misguided and horny young ladies reading my comments can be persuaded to abandon this singleminded pursuit of a steroided hairstyle (aka someone not us) and focus on the real-world real-hair guys out there, so much the better. I defy that prissy bucket of bolts to do a better wingman job than that, so start eating your words.

      2) C’mon. “Rampage”? Seriously? It’s teh internets, so if I’m pro, anti or totally indifferent to any horny chicks here, the result is still the same – nobody’s getting laid.

      • Johnny Cage

        @justifiable

        Listen… Whenever women are pumped full of love aggression, no matter who it’s directed to, guys like to be nearby. It’s our first instinct. Or would we rather hear more talk about how the Hulk can beat Superman?

        Besides it gives everyone hope that not every western or American female is some neo-feminist ultra-liberal cock-block. Rejoice man, there are women out there who love being women! This should be a happy revelation for all of us and our expectations on the honeymoon night. At first I was getting much too tired of this same-sex marriage crap, but just when the night got darkest, the sun showed it’s face….in the form of honest women.

        With that said, Carrie, could you please speak more of the actions you would like to do this new superman guy?

    • JC, I’m surprised that you still don’t know that the “neo-feminist ultra-liberal” women are the ones who aren’t ashamed of having a healthy sex drive. They love being women and know that exercising a functioning libido doesn’t make them sluts. If you’re being cock-blocked, you might consider checking your attitude about “honest” women at the door and see what happens. And if you’re waiting until the honeymoon night to satisfy your expectations, a good wingman’s totally wasted on you.

      • Johnny Cage

        Justifiable, Neo Feminist Ultra Liberal women don’t have a sex drive, they have whiny lesbian angst. And as for the ones that do sleep with men, they basically turn into sex hating Thelma and Louise monsters later on. The minute you want to have fun with them they start spouting “I’m an equal independent confident woman yada yada yada yada.” Why do you think American men are starting to look at foreign chicks. But the problem with that motive is that once the foreign babe becomes Americanized, she becomes worse than any American woman. Take a look at Oksana.

        Don’t think I was born yesterday either. I already know the basis of what kind of man women truly want. They want Cocky-funny, tough guys, strong men, and the douchebags. Most of all they want guys who have lots of money. I mean guys, don’t expect to impress chicks with the pokemon card collection you have in your mom’s addict.

        Besides most of the neo-Feminist ultra-liberal whores are ugly as hell. Take a look at them. Nancy Pelosi, Rosie Odonell, Ellen Degeneres, Janet Reno, Andrea Dworkin, Helen Thomas, the list goes on.

      • I wouldn’t mind a pokemon card collection, as long as you also give me a run for my money in a heated Dr. Mario tourney. My boyfriend is also of the real-life, real hair persuasion, so there’s that. He plays COD and I read A Song of Ice and Fire books. It works out. I’ve dated the douchebags, the jerks with money that think they’re doing you a favor by buying you dinner, the asshole cheaters without souls, etc. Finally found someone who’s a rockstar to me and that’s what counts.

        All that being said, I would bet the farm that you guys are wayyyyy better in the sack than any celebrity. Celebrities don’t have to try to get laid, pussy comes to them, so why should they give a shit if the girl is satisfied? And plus–any chick that sleeps with a guy based on only looks or celebrity is not a chick worth spending time and energy on.

    • Jesus Christ, JC, you sure you got enough straw men there, or would you just like to import the scarecrow population of Kansas to make your argument? The reason you desperately need a wingman is becoming abundantly clear, and your being a rabid neocon is only part of the problem women immediately turn lesbo on you after they fuck you. Only two of the women in your “neo-feminist ultra-liberal ugly whore” list are under 60 years of age, and they just happen to be lesbians (and non-lipstick ones, too). I suggest for fairness’ sake you repair to the bathroom and try to whack off to pictures of Phyllis Schafly, Jean Schmidt, Andrew Breitbart, Glenn Beck and other hot reactionary women. You’ll soon find the sad truth that, for everyone, eventually beauty goes – only stupid is forever.

      • Johnny Cage

        @Carrie thanks for your comment. Thanks also for being so honest. I personally am a bit Old Fashioned, so for me buying a woman dinner isn’t trying to pimp her, it’s just what I’m programmed to do as a man. I feel the man is evidently supposed to be the provider. It’s old fashioned but in the end of the day it works best.

        @Justifiable once again you prove that men can also have PMS. I don’t even think a can of bear mace can stop the torrent of rage and drama you present in every post. It’s almost like all those liberal women I listed above had a hybrid baby, turned it asexual, gave it a large clitoris that they modified to be a penis, and then called their creation “Justifiable”. With that said, you my friend, really need to relax. You’re basically like Simon Cowell without the whit, humor, accent, charm, or the liking of women.

    • Cage, if you look up “misogynist” I’m pretty fucking sure you’ll find your picture next to the definition. So far you’ve called women whose politics you dislike, “ugly whores” “whiny lesbians” and the rest (of undetermined political persuasion) have been tagged as moneygrubbing golddiggers. Nice. This is not the speech of someone who can ever claim a “liking for women”. Seems like buying all those dinners really has made you think – if not act – like a pimp, so at least have the balls to own the abuse. And if anyone’s full of rage, hate and resentment, take a look at all that you’ve written and try to figure out who that person is.

      Hint: yeah, dummy, it’s you.

      • Johnny Cage

        While I get you need to be an attention, shut the fuck up already. What were they out of prunes at the supermarket? Or do you just have the need to be seen every chance you get? By now I’m assuming that you’re a queer. Which is probably why you had a fit with the chicks posting their femininity, because you originally wanted to state your blowjob fantasies with Henry Cavill.

        Let me just make this clear about all the militant twinkle toes like yourself; women will always be better at being women than you will. While jealousy in women can be annoying, jealousy in gay men should be punishable by hanging. Guys are NOT into you. Guys are into chicks. So next time you see a handsome guy holding hands with a pretty girl, don’t snicker at them. Cuz not only are you liable to get punched out by the dude, but they don’t need your flaming homosexuality in their face 24/7.

    • Seriously, this is all you got? Remember, folks, when you truly have no comeback and have been shown up to be a complete hypocrite, call your opponent queer. That may be a death-blow in the circles you frequent, since there’s nothing so horrific to the latentcy-hiding Beck-worshipping horde, but it’s an unfortunate misfire in the straight and secure part of the world that deals with reality. Just keep telling yourself that mommy was right and everyone’s secretly jealous of you, even the boys.

      • Johnny Cage

        Judging from your persistent posting I think it’s safe to say that you are in fact gayer than all the Twilight movies put together. All who’s got exactly? Let me remind you that you ran out of material 5 posts ago. As a matter of fact I stopped reading all your posts since then. I assume they all sound the same anyway—You looking up in a thesaurus to find new ways to call someone you disagree with, stupid or misogynistic. I might as well have fun with this now and milk you for everything your worth as my personal lolcow.

        By the way, If it really means so much to you, then why don’t you write Henry Cavill a letter? Why is it you have to scratch your raging estrogen and homosexual jealousy in every thread you visit?

  9. Henry Cavill Superman Costume
    Doc Schweinstrudel
    Commented on this photo:

    yes, i’m ready to poison your drink and carry you on my back all way home.
    you’ll like it chained in my basement, promise ;-)

  10. Shockandawe

    How many reboots of superhero movies does Hollywood plan on making. Confirming that there are no original thoughts or ideas out there . Did we not have a superman movie a couple of years ago? Fish has it right, this looks like a cluster fuck of a movie.

    • The superman movie from a few years ago was an abortion of repeating the premise of the 1978 movie, but as a sequel not a remake…I don’t know what that was supposed to mean either. Even worse was deciding to do it as an homage to the Christopher Reeve movies because he had just died…even though those movies were campy trash. So we ended up with nonsensical new campy trash.

    • Rough's thule

      It would be less painful if they had featured Super-villains like Dark side or Brainiac 5.

    • add:

      I really, really, hope we don’t get another origin story taking up half the movie again. New flash to Hollywood…we fucking KNOW where Superman came from…and Spider Man, and the Hulk, on and fucking on…just pick it up where the story gets good. STOP telling the origin over and over.

      Seriously, why do we have to be told over and over where Spider-Man came from…but the Smurfs are just THERE?

      • Bceause if you knew where the Smurfs really come from, they’d have to kill you.

      • TomFrank

        I find it disturbing that you know so much about the Smurfs movie and how there’s no origin story in it.

      • Doc Schweinstrudel

        I don’t care about the plot of any movies he would star in cause I’d be creaming my panties either way. My friend said you meet a handsome man and he is trying to talk to you, to tell you something he thinks would be interesting, but you are not paying attention just starring at his lips the whole time

    • The Listener

      Yep, and it was not good. I was pretty disappointed. They tried to do it in Christopher Reeve-like style, but it didn’t work well. For the storyline, they pretended that Superman III and IV were never done, and this movie was supposed to take place after Superman II. There was a completely unnecessary and irritating Christian tone to a non-religious superhero movie. There were other things wrong with the movie, but I’ll just stop at that.

  11. Angus

    He looks pretty good as Superman. At least he has the build. Only thing I don’t like is the slickback mobster haircut.

  12. Henry Cavill Superman Costume
    Doc Schweinstrudel
    Commented on this photo:

    this is who gets his dick sucked twice daily

  13. Ms. Poodle

    Well hello there Mr. Pedophile. Stop looking at me, makes me feel dirty…

  14. Henry Cavill Superman Costume
    O'chunt
    Commented on this photo:

    The photo is actually an animated one, but in very very very slow motion.

  15. Deacon Jones

    When will the droves stop going to comic book movies???

    Let us real fans reflect on our comic books in peace.

  16. cynicalspinster

    What happened to Henry Cavill’s face? Why is it all… gross? I don’t want to have sex with that at all, let alone see a movie about a shitty lame superhero that gets all whiny when people are assholes.

    • OK

      I’ll let him know that sex with you is off the table until he fixes his face. He’ll be heartbroken.

  17. Jess

    And then I jizzed. In. My pants

  18. Shockandawe

    Next in development; Wonder Woman or Mighty Isis starring Olivia Wilde.
    Aaarrrgghhhh…….

  19. Henry Cavill Superman Costume
    Snakebitereport
    Commented on this photo:

    Costume designer: So Heir Snyder, what are you thinking about for the costume?
    Zach Snyder: Oh I don’t know, red… blue… I got it!
    Costume designer: You do, oh magnificent one?
    Zach Snyder: Call Sony, I bet they have a shitload of Toby Maguire’s old Spider-man costumes. Grab a few, put an ‘S’ over that silly spider and sew a red cape on it! DONE!
    Costume designer: You are the smartest man in show business!
    Zach Snyder: I know, haven’t you seen “Sucker Punch” or my movie with talking owls?
    Christopher Nolan: So, what did I miss?

  20. Cock Dr

    I need more information before rendering a snap judgement.
    I need to see him naked.

  21. flabbergast

    Looks the part, I’m hyped about the movie

  22. Can

    I want him to do to my vagina what he did to that steel door.

  23. Jack

    Love it, except for the eighties perm he’s rockin.

  24. Hollywood, I am a nerd and a fanboy, and I am officially sick of comic book Superhero movies. Thanks for ruining a good thing you unimaginative hacks.

  25. Fandy

    More like Stupid Man in a scuba suit

  26. Willy Ketchum

    Gays guys like capes , so it makes sense to widen your appeal for that demographic.

  27. "Big" Palmer

    Hollywood is missing the boat on the Superman movie . They should completely gay it up , like “Man of Steel meets Robin , Power Bottom”

  28. stratacat

    Zack Snyder decided that super slo-mo was too fast, so the whole movie will just be presented as a series of ultra-high-resolution photographs.

  29. Henry Cavill Superman Costume
    stud
    Commented on this photo:

    wtf that doesnt even look like superman

  30. jamesblonde

    looks like bizarro superman already!

  31. Eeo

    What happened to him. He was so hot in The Tudors. No likey.

  32. Johnny Cage

    Critics aside, this looks pretty damn good and a movie superman finally done right. I mean think of it; Superman had a bright blue shirt, red outerwear and a yellow utility belt. This costume adaptation is the freaking best you’ll ever get without dressing superman up in all black leather like some gay German sex slave.

    I know a certain costume looks better on the silver screen than on saturday morning cartoons, but come one. The all black thing worked for Batman, it looked kind of overused on the X-men, and it would have looked damn ridiculous for Superman. So far the Dark-blue costume, huge S, Spartan like Royal creased red cape, and slicked back detective hair is the best reinvention ever done.

    • cheese

      Ah, but in an alternative universe where Lois dies, dystopia Superman dons a black version of his costume, no cape. TAS, anyway. That was a pretty memorable episode.

      • Johnny Cage

        I remember the capeless black and silver S costume. It did look cool as an alternate, non-default uniform though.

        This new costume for the movie is win. Even with the people who complain about the snake scales, I can still look past that. Remember Tim Burton supposedly wanted a neon costume for his Nick Cage version.

  33. terry

    This looks fucking pathetic. And what’s with his goddam hairline? LOL!
    What a damn fail.

  34. the one

    is he using a wheelchair too?

  35. I see, so Superman was picked from the cast of the “Jersey Shore” huh? At least that’s what I gather with that ridiculous hairdo of his…

  36. April

    He looks… old. It’s like looking at my dad in a Superman costume :/

  37. The Listener

    Too many superhero movies. Not all are great.

  38. Henry Cavill Superman Costume
    lex
    Commented on this photo:

    that’s a shame…. I’m laughing….Why not take superman return’s suit and make it better. He’s a mad face… looking a vilain. I always thought that superman suit should be something every man wanted to wear…to look like a general our something else, but not like this…it looks like a toy…
    wtf…what about that “S” symbol, looks like my little syster made it…

  39. Henry Cavill Superman Costume
    lex
    Commented on this photo:

    Now superman is a thief….spiderman is without suit

  40. lex

    that’s a shame…. I’m laughing….Why not take superman return’s suit and make it better. He’s a mad face… looking a vilain. I always thought that superman suit should be something every man wanted to wear…to look like a general our something else, but not like this…it looks like a toy…
    wtf…what about that “S” symbol, looks like my little syster made it…

  41. Henry Cavill Superman Costume
    lex
    Commented on this photo:

    is he sweaty?superman?

  42. Henry Cavill Superman Costume
    lex
    Commented on this photo:

    looks tired

  43. Henry Cavill Superman Costume
    joe
    Commented on this photo:

    he looks more like bizzaro… this aint no superman material!

  44. Bee Bee

    This guy cannot act, but god he’s damned beautiful to look at.

  45. 5318008

    Judging by his bouffant, Superman comes from Jersey instead of Smallville in this reboot.

    • Johnny Cage

      I remember from youth that Superman supposedly once sported this Steven Segal Pony tail as a then-new look. I’m happy they ain’t go with that for this one.

  46. Henry Cavill Superman Costume
    alleycat
    Commented on this photo:

    I mean really another sequel with all new characters!!! This isn’t part two this is a new movie!

  47. Henry Cavill Superman Costume
    Mat
    Commented on this photo:

    I personally do not like the new of Superman.I think the colros look almost menacing. I also think the new costume looks rather like they are trying to make Superman metrosexual. Personally what I find offensive about the new costume is that America does not respect it’s own works of art. Changing the costume is in many ways like painting a smile on Mona Lisa. (Orginally Superman’s costume was made on earth in the comic books)

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