‘One due east, and one due south,’ he said. ‘That be her calling card.’

November 5th, 2009 // 78 Comments

Here’s a braless Britney Spears in Australia this morning and I just realized something: If her breasts were guns on a battleship, she’d be perfect for covert missions. One would destroy the enemy, while the other would take out her own ship leaving zero evidence behind. Seriously, has the Pentagon seen these? Because I’m pretty sure my obsession with tits just won the War on Terror. Like I told them I would. Who’s the pervert trying to get out of paying taxes now, Washington?


  1. jessica

    those look sad

    maybe they had a fight or something
    tying to stay as far appart as they possibly can!

  2. mel gibson

    I just want to pull the left one into place

    she’s not a Jew is she?

  3. Go Trainwreck

    Still a mess!

  4. Fourth!


  5. Possibilty!

    Think about the endless possibilities! Those could be fun funbags!
    Also, who’s that gay guy behind her?

  6. havoc

    You could almost get two mousetraps on each nipple!


  7. fearsarewishes

    Tits, schmits, who cares?

    Women are good for just two things anyway…doing them and then doing them again. I don’t waste my time thinking about if the tits are good or bad.

  8. Rancid

    #1 – I agree.

    They look really sad – looking down at the ground all dejected and like.

  9. mok

    If you are born a redneck in the South, the hillbily eventually wins out. Look at Britney – once so hot and so tight, until her hillbilly nature took over, first in her actions (early childbirth and marriage, bad relationships), and now its taking over her looks. Same happened to Jessica Simpson.

  10. beep beep

    Cripes! She has the thighs of a field hockey player and the neck of a linebacker.

  11. Dude…she looks like she’s missing a chromosome. Corky Spears

    WTF happened to her.

    And her tits….Jesus……she needs to put those suckers in the back of the closet and buy herself a new pair. Maybe it’ll also help distract people from the rancid face.

  12. Jenna

    That’s because her shirt is too tight and she never adjusted them to point in the same direction. I can say this much – that’s not a boob job.

    Most women have … more flexible? … boobs after having kids. You can do all kinds of fun things with them post partum. When I’m short on jumping rope I can tie mine together and use them.

    Looks like she put her shirt on too fast and never bothered to check a mirror to make sure the girls were facing the same way. She should have worn a bra.

  13. WTFudge

    I gotta say, I like some of the postings on this site — but what the eff is the deal with the “jokes” the Superficial writer makes??? They are typically more tragic than Brit’s tits.

  14. chupcabra

    did anyone else hear that title spoken with a pirate voice? Specifically the one from family guy with all wooden arms and legs? Arggggh.

  15. Sport

    Sad, wasted train-wreck of a life.

  16. Taz

    those kids wrecked her tits

  17. Crusty

    Please remember, Britney Spears is from southeast Louisiana. Wearing an old t-shirt, sans bra with no makeup and your hair looking like you’ve just scoured the bayou looking for craw fish is considered high fashion..

    Now, excuse me while I motorboat my monitor.

  18. DRENK

    if those sag anymore it’ll be national geographic following her around trying to take her pic

  19. TekMoney

    Her boobs are and apparently forever will be a mystery to me. How does ones tits fluctuate from an A cup to a C cup w/o gaining or losing weight? And don’t give me the “maybe she’s on her period” shit, cuz i’ve never heard that being bloated w/ your ‘friend’ could make you 2 cup sizes bigger. And I really doubt that she’s still breast feeding her boys…

    Hell, this has been happening since way back when she was actually hot/fit!

  20. Good Goobly Goo

    Her nipples are humongous. Probably from being played with and sucked on too much, not by breast-feeding.

  21. JustJess

    Still think she’s a beauty. Little rough around the eyes – but looks like she may be finally getting settled and becoming happy in her own skin. Good for you, Brit!

    Life’s a journey…

  22. Oh Yeah!

    Thank you, thank you, thank you.

    I’ve been missing me some Britney titties for a long time. Now if you could just get her to go back to being batshit crazy, my life would be complete.

    More Britney!
    More Britney!
    More Britney!

  23. Lauren

    Go to US Weekly to see this picture. They completely photoshopped her nipples out of the picture! And they brightened the image so she looks less haggard. It’s outrageous! You can’t trust US Weekly to not doctor up a supposedly “candid” photo.

    Furthermore I added two comments, and US Weekly wouldn’t post either one.

    Thanks superfish for keeping it real!


  24. Breastman

    Her boobs have been awful for years. This isn’t like a one off, they are screwed, it will be like this forever. I don’t expect the females to understand what I’m talking about. I’m not even talking about them pointing in different directions.

    Who would have thought that sweet Britney from circa 2000 could be attached to these. They are like 50 year old breasts. Saggy, bad shape, biggish nips (probably will get worse with age) always pointing towards her toes. Childbirth could be a part of it, but I don’t think it is. I’ve seen boobs 8 1/2 months pregnant that are better then this. You don’t expect someone who dances for a living to have a problem like this. Going braless is supposed to be exciting, but in this case it’s dissappoitning and traumatising.

  25. m.

    Britney propably had implants but let them removed and after 2 children her puppies are just not very nice anymore. In her case i think boobjob would be the right thing. Not to make them bigger, but make them look more beautiful. Actually boobjob were originally meant to help in these kind of situations …

  26. This is exactly why having children is a bad idea.

  27. Jake

    At least this girl can bring home the big bucks and half of you a$$holes can’t do that. Since when do men give a shit about if a chick breast is even. Sounds like a bunch of ho’s that don’t look half as good as this b!thcing and complaining because you are jealous.

  28. PunkA

    You idiots are clueless. She has implants, then had 2 babies sucks on them and cause them to become misshapen. She is due for an upgrade. SHE HAS IMPLANTS. Breast feeding just affects what they look like. Of course, if you are a teenager you would have no concept about what happens when life happens.

    She looks tired, but I;d hit it.

  29. Anon

    She got some major wonky tittays.

  30. chris

    wow, didn’t know she had implants, they look good to me

  31. Creepy Older Guy

    OMG! I’m so glad she has saggy tits. I hope she keeps them that way. She should shve her head again for that perfect look.

  32. i still wanna slip her a baby or two.

  33. JPRichardson

    They have looked like that ever since she got’em funny bolt-on implants. They are totally out of place.

  34. turd the third

    Those nipples are just crying for a nice large set of D rings….. Nothing special in these picts just an ulgy burnt out old broad. I pity those kids that call her mommy!

  35. turd the third

    She looks like a cow coming in for a milking..

  36. jumperatty

    “one eye fishing….one eye looking for bait”……

  37. Yeah, uh huh. That's right.

    You guys!!!!! Guess all of your moms have firm racks too, right???? . . . . . Thought so.

  38. turd the third

    She looks like she is going to bust out crying at any instant. (that bust would make me cry if they were mine)..You would think she has enough $$ to do something about them. Skimp on kids clothes for a few months and use the $$ to buy some new boobies, as you can tell by all these pictures posted on the superfish, she doesn’t give at rat’s ass about her kids anyway.

  39. Michael Jacksons Rotting Corpse

    She’d look so much better if she would shave her head again, only this time smooth and shiny.

  40. pimp

    I’d bang the depression right outta this whore!

  41. Wear. A. Bra. Dear God. Nobody wants to see that.

  42. netstarman

    Her boobs look like a retarded basset hound that had the runs.

  43. netstarman

    Or they look like to fried eggs on the fence post with the yolk broke.

  44. Britney Superfan

    She doesn’t like underwear.

  45. Jamie Lynn's Uterus

    Bowling pin tits. Enough said.

    She is a celebrity and her image is what sells. She should get those fixed.

  46. tuhnu


  47. WallEyeLover

    That left one keeps following the camera. When she turns sideways it is still looking right at you. Creepy.

  48. missywissy

    I dunno… I think she looks fine. She’s a human, that’s what we all like about her, when she pulls out a natural part of life and carries it off like “who gives a shit?”. Oh yeah, superficial people.

  49. lo

    brit needs some nippies. bristols6.com

  50. face is looking a little beat, but id still give her the business end of my thunder rod.

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