Heidi & Spencer’s tabloid deal reveals I want them to get hit by a bus full of ninja monkeys

May 2nd, 2008 // 55 Comments

Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are world-renown for being the fakest conglomeration of asshats in the history of chicanery. To further prove that point, Star has broken the news that Heidi and Spencer orchestrated their break-up, reunion and even marriage with a tabloid. I even hear that Life & Style has dibs on Spencer’s first vasectomy. True story. And now the details from Star:

“Which weekly glossy just signed a megamillion-dollar contract with a certain annoying celebrity couple?” The New York Daily News asked in its April 20 gossip column. “The deal is, the magazine will get exclusive interviews with the couple, but in turn, they need to break up (again), get back together (again) and actually get married.”
ndeed, reports surfaced last September that Spencer and Heidi — who got engaged in May 2007 — were about to announce they’d ended their relationship and would then sell their separate stories to the media, before getting paid for exclusive photos of a staged “reunion” getaway to Cabo San Lucas, Mexico. And although a rep for The Hills — which has a reputation for being completely scripted — denied it at the time, incredibly, it played out exactly that way for the couple!

Even Heidi and Spencer’s friends – wait, friends, huh, what how? – laugh at the planted tabloid reports:

“As friends, we laugh to ourselves whenever we see ‘serious’ coverage of the ups and downs of Heidi and Spencer’s relationship,” says their pal. “It’s astounding anyone could still believe any of it is spontaneous.”
As for which magazine is conspiring with Speidi? Beats Us!

I, too, wonder which magazine it could be. Maybe if all of US put our heads together, the combined efforts of US could get to the bottom of this. I mean, even if a small group of US, weekly, got together and sort of hashed this baby out an answer would come to US – Hold on. Duh. I’m retarded. It’s “Jugs.” Ha! The answer was staring me right in the face. Seriously, if it were a snake, it would’ve bitten me – with its fake boobs.

Photos: Splash News
superficial

  1. a2m

    Ugh, everyday with these 2. I’ll try to cover the basics:

    Ugly face, good body, spooge on chin, hope they die, no talent, who are they?, etc..

  2. Apparently Clueless

    Why does anybody even know who these people are?

  3. Lease

    LAST

    bahahah i think Britney been doing this since she married KFed, The best part about this type of acting job is that you don’t even need any talent, at all!

  4. Lease

    LAST

    bahahah i think Britney been doing this since she married KFed, The best part about this type of acting job is that you don’t even need any talent, at all!

  5. Ryleigh

    Look at his stubble. God I hate him.

  6. etr

    pssst…you’re supposed to button the top two on the jacket.

  7. Skip Smith

    Welcome to the automated Heidi and Spencer Superficial posting system.

    To say “Why are they famous?”, press 1.

    To say “Heidi is stupid.”, press 2.

    To say “These two are so fake!!! i hope they die!!!”, press 3.

    To say “Heidi is so cute. She seems really nice. I think I saw her profile on celebritymatches. c o m. Lots of cute people there, go check it out!”, press 4.

  8. LAME

    I think the Fish secretly jerks his man meat to this chick. Why else does he keep posting these useless articles about a nobody? Maybe tomorrow Fish will post me taking a dump.

  9. Guy

    Oh no, another sham celebrity marriage, I don’t know how you Americans sleep at night.

  10. retard alert

    9 is a moron.

  11. Aerialgreen

    Daaamn the self-entitlement face that bitch has is so fucking sincere that is scary.

  12. JRZ

    FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!

    JESUS!

    GOD I FUCKING HATE THESE PEOPLE!

    ASSHOLES!

    *said like Parker Posey in Waiting for Guffman in the scene outside of Corky’s apt.*

  13. ow

    I’ll always have a place at the Dairy Queen.

  14. Smitty

    Who are these people? Why do I care to know about anything they do? They have like a rich dad grandfather that left them money or something? Cause lately thats about all you need to be famous in the states.

  15. ow

    I’ll always have a place at the Dairy Queen.

  16. Fumus

    Chhoo chhooo chuffman!

    @ 7

    Press 5 to say “I just found this site. Are there any cute guys here?”

    Press 6 to say “First!!”

  17. annie m

    Please end this now.

  18. tickled

    why is her mouth closed?

  19. tn

    Here’s the Remains of the Day lunchbox. Kids don’t like eating at school, but if they have a Remains of the Day lunchbox they’re a lot happier

  20. Spencer Pratt looks like Wally Cleaver from LEAVE IT TO BEAVER. CAN YOU PUT THE 2 SIDE BY SIDE PLEASE.

  21. shadow of char

    Is that a picture of her in the upper right corner?! HAHA.

  22. mz_tricsta

    I hate these two fucktards. Go to hell, bitches.

  23. spindoc

    Somebody should have told him that guys with dark facial hair can totally rock the scrub look. However, blonde guys like him look like the creepy homeless guy down by the beach trying to sell acid to kids so he has enough money to buy a new coffee can to take dumps in. I’m just saying.

  24. spindoc

    Somebody should have told him that guys with dark facial hair can totally rock the scrub look. However, blonde guys like him look like the creepy homeless guy down by the beach trying to sell acid to kids so he has enough money to buy a new coffee can to take dumps in. I’m just saying.

  25. chinspooge

    hey, can we start a paypal collection to take out a hit on these two? You wouldn’t even have to make it look like an accident. no one would care.

  26. Fumus

    @ 23&24

    Someone should have told you that you just press submit once and wait.

    Spammer McPostalot

  27. Nicole

    wait a second… is he holding a pink Vera Bradley purse… holy fuck me

  28. @ #27, Why yes, I do believe you’re correct…………….

    I still love the dress, so pretty and feminine.

  29. Karmacidal

    Thats it…I’m done with this site until you stop posting on these two douche nozzles.

  30. NYAmicas

    LMAO @ #7, Skip Smith-that is hilarious!
    lol @ Spencer’s vasectomy.
    In all seriousness, they truly do irk the hell out of me. *presses 1*

  31. spaceyQ

    I want to know what constitutes these two dipshits to be deemed a “celebrity couple.”

  32. alexreager

    Who are these people (#9) that use phrases like, “you Americans?” It so easy to slam Americans, yet, here you are, on a gossip site loaded with AMERICAN coverage. Why do you take a moment or two and rethink the way you think about people.

    And back on topic, I am pretty sick of these two also. However, I dont think Heidi has ever looked as good as she does in these pics. She actually looks glamorous like a 1930s or 40s star.

  33. Randal

    What does it matter what the media reports, just as long as FISH keeps reporting Heidi right to the top of the charts!

    This girl has got legs and she knows how to use them. She’s got a great smile too and she can sing, although the latter isn’t doing too well but what does she need that for when she has The Hills? True, it might not be around forever but it’s a great stepping stone for her to more serious roles in the industry.

    Randal

  34. sharpeidude

    Fuck the both of them!

  35. Superevil

    Did they ink a deal with the Fish so thay can be front page fodder everyday as well?

    Speaking of these two, do they have bodyguards?

  36. Annoyed

    PLEASE STOP POSTING ABOUT THESE TWO ASSHATS!

  37. dude

    (cue “Jessie’s Girl”)

    But lately somethin’s changed
    It ain’t hard to define
    Spencer’s got himself a girl
    And I wanna slit her throat

  38. sameshitdifferentyear

    He has a high enough sperm-count to warrant a vasectomy??
    Doubt that.

    And, I know BSpears is truly more boring than a 2×4 wooden plank now
    (as if she ever was not),
    at least until the “we-led-to-her-demise” bullshit coming up in 6 months,
    but I must agree, a little bit too much on these two,
    do an in-depth report on the cast of Joanie Loves Chachi (sp) or something.

  39. Truth About Heidi

    The thing is, Heidi looks pretty damn good. You would think that she’d be worth screwing. But I bet she is totally lame in bed.

  40. amy

    She looks beautiful. She is my favorite. I saw her profile on millionaire&celeb dating site “W e a l t h yR o m a n c e.c o m” last week. It is said she is dating young billionaire on that site.

  41. AliCat

    What is the connection between ninjas and monkeys? Honesty, why are the monkeys always ninjas?

  42. woodhorse

    There could be a sequel to Bride of Chucky with Spencer in it: Cousin of Chucky.

  43. weirdo

    WTF is that pathetic looking hair doing on Spencer’s chin and upper lip? Is he trying to prove that the testosterone injections are working? Now all he has to do is get his gigantic pussy made into a little prick….wait he already is a little prick! Anyway….I’d still fuck the hell out of Heidi even though I’d hate myself for the rest of my life! I just love blonde pussy, even if it’s bleached.

  44. Anal Fistula

    they’ve really taken the pointlessness of life to a new level…Sartre would love them

  45. sponge

    if you stop talking about them they will go away so pleez!!!! stop posting stuff on them it just keeps them more famous …durr

  46. poot

    i seriously doubt that this site is what’s keeping them famous. you’ll have to talk to all the tabloids, mtv, and randall up there (who really seems like he’d be more comfortable on some fan site, not a smack-talking one).

    anyway. it looks like the closet in barbie’s dreamhouse got massively wasted and vomited all over heidi.

  47. The Devil's Prom Date

    Who in holy fuck are these master-race rejects?

  48. korina_jebediah

    Yep

    So,

    Are those pit stains from Heidi’s underarm?

    Is she flesh-y enough (let alone human and plastic-less) to segregate something besides drool?

    I know it must be the fabric from the dress.

  49. sharpeidude

    That fucking 5 o’clock shaddow look went out with Miami Vice, didn’t it?

  50. def

    So sweet couple ,seems they are famous on a online dating site ~~~~~blackmatching.com,I saw their hottest photos on that site many times.

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