Heidi & Spencer tip like A-holes? Say it’s not so!

May 18th, 2008 // 114 Comments

Oh, hey, I write a blog. Morning! So, apparently over the weekend Mr. and Mrs. Douchenozzle, Heidi and Spencer, went out to eat and racked up a $783 bill. Common courtesy dictates that they should’ve tipped anywhere between $120 to $150. Spencer dropped 16 bucks. Watch out, everybody! High roller, comin’ through! TMZ reports:

A camera crew was with the vomit-inducing twosome at the time — no surprise there — and our source says that when they stopped filming, the server approached a producer from the show about the measly tip. The producer forked over $60 from his own pocket to cover Spencer’s shortcomings.

While I don’t expect these two to have any form of math skills (Frankly, I’m shocked they can speak.), dicking over those in the service industry is a big no-no in my book. Which is why I always generously tip when I go out. Right, Stripper with the Deed to My House? What’s that? Another lap dance? Sure, why not? But, listen, I can only tip you with the bike I rode here on. Or, okay, my laptop…



  1. AntiStiff

    On behalf of servers everywhere I’d like to say EFF the stingy mcbastards who leave less than 15% on good service.

    I greet you within one minute so you don’t get butthurt that I’m not there yet. I get your drinks in under 4 minutes. I put in your super-modified order (this is not your house, pick the mushrooms out yourself, princess) and deal with the pissed off cooks who’d rather throw the difficult order of food at me than cook it because no one’s paying them any tips. I refill your goddamn iced tea fives times, I hope you get diabetes by the way, order your froo-froo drinks from my bartender, take them back when you ‘cant taste the alcohol’ (hello isn’t a drink supposed to taste good?) deal with my pissed off bartender who won’t make the drink for five minutes to punish you (and you me for the late drink), and remake it as many times as it takes for your highness to approve. I bring napkins. Oh you want ranch? Make a trip across the restaurant. Oh now you want barbeque sauce? Make a trip… ad nauseumadnauseumadnauseufuckinum . FYI ‘rare’ really means bloody and cold you pussies, don’t order it if you can’t handle it. I also get your desserts with just as many problems from you, I get your senior discounts (10% BFD old person go suck an old tit with that $1.59 you saved) and take off the food I supposedly fucked up off your bill, run your multiple credit cards and payment options, god forbid your card is declined because OBVIOUSLY I’m the one who made it decline not you ya cheap shit… ALL THE WHILE DOING THE SAME DAMN THING FOR SEVEN OTHER TABLES. You think it’s over? I have to run other servers food and drinks, answer the phone before it rings 3 times, restock ice and cups and plates and roll silver ware so we don’t run out and explain every little problem to my manager so they’ll comp your meals. Then I sit down at the end of the day to check my email to see if I’ve gotten any other job offers (just graduated college, bilingual, fantastic resume) and there’s NOTHING because no one’s hiring during a recession. That’s right Dubya-RECESSION-.

    Tip big if you’re spending big. Not because a $5 glass of wine weighs the same as a $60 glass but because I have to clean your glass, present, pour, exchange for a wine you DO like, and refill. I’ll set the $5 one down and wish you luck. It’s the decorum I have to struggle to execute that you tip on. Not the fucking wine itself you dumbshits.

    You try doing that for 5 hours a day 5 days a week and see if you don’t take it personally when someone stiffs you after trying their damndest to get you through one fucking meal.

    To all the adequate/good/fantastic tippers, you make me want to live. Thank you.

    p.s. The worst part about it is I try SO hard to make myself spit in your food but at the end of the day I’m a good person and I’d go home feeling like I lowered myself to your level had I been able to. I can’t spit in your food. I wish I could.

  2. spicegrrl

    #41 A 10% tip? 1958 called, it wants its Big Spender poster boy back. I’d go, because it’s not like you’re impressing your dates here or anything.

  3. Kate

    Don’t give any of that fucking government bullshit about it not being your problem that restaurants don’t pay their servers. Guess what? It’s not gonna change any time soon, and until then, get off your fat ass and cook your own damn dinner, or go to McDonald’s.

    I just graduated college. You think anyone’s gonna hire me for a stellar job that pays above the poverty level right off the bat? No sirree, that’s why it’s gonna be two part-time jobs, and one of them will likely be serving, YES, because of the tips. Anyone who has done it knows that it’s backbreaking work, and if the world worked properly, they’d/we’d all be being paid upwards of $40/hr for that nonsense.

    And please, don’t give crap either about how much “harder” it must be to carry a $60 entree than a $20 one. Guess what? The government doesn’t care. You are taxed based on your food sales. Tips are like commission that isn’t mandatory. If you don’t report at least 10% of your total sales, you get audited. And that’s accounting for the custom of tipping out.

    You say the food sucks? Well, get a manager, get free food, and leave the poor kid who brought it all to you a tip anyway. Especially if they provided stellar service, though the kitchen may not have been up to par. They get paid hourly. Your college aged bottom of the barrel kids, not so much. But yes, if they suck, then don’t tip them. End of story. I have no objection to not tipping someone who doesn’t deserve it. But seriously, making excuses that “they’re just doing their job”? You don’t fucking like it, don’t go out to eat. Welcome to America. Shut the fuck up. Go to Europe if you’d rather not deal with tipping.

  4. ericococo


    it is very very sad hearing all these comments from people on the service industry. which only accomplished one thing : from now on il try to protect me and my food from rude people. i can assure you dudes. next time i have a problem with the waitress. im going to let the manager know. even if its tiny.


  5. Bodylotion


    Reservoir Dogs for the win.

    And on a sidenote: stop writing about this douchebaggery. These two cunts are a fucking insult to human society. The fucking winners in the annual Darwin awards.

  6. Pinbacker

    Tipping more than 22 EUR is retarded. The waiter won’t remember you anyways.

  7. kurt

    Is it me or does the male douche sometimes look like Warren from Something About Mary. Someone get him to say, “franks and beans”.

  8. KrispyKremeMcDonalds

    1. If the service is good, we always tip, and tip well. If the service is REALLY BAD? We don’t tip and don’t ever return. Same thing if the food is bad (looking at you, Aussie Jack’s in St. Robert, MO; yeah, you SUCK!). Simple as that.

    2. If your job doesn’t pay you enough, or doesn’t at least GUARANTEE a set wage, don’t complain to me if you don’t get a tip from me because you sucked ass as a server, and don’t expect me to cover your salary. If you need more money, get another job. So I don’t want to hear about how I should always tip. Go work at Wal-Mart, you whiny pussies.

    3. With the price of gas, who’s gonna drive to go eat out?! A-duh! Besides, some 3rd grader did a science project on how the ice they serve in restaurants is dirtier than your toilet water. I haven’t eaten out in months because of that.

    4. I am so tired of hearing all these punk ass bitches who wanna complain about how their job sucks, and how they don’t get paid enough for it ‘cuz they are in college, when plenty of their peers are in Iraq getting shot at and blown up WISHING they could afford to be at college and working as a waiter/waitress. Talk to THOSE guys, just for a sec, and you won’t be complaining about how “bad” your life is….ask me, I’ll tell you, been there twice…

    Amen @ number 72.

    Fuck this shit- I’m out…..

  9. Lila

    These two are just friggen sickening and by the friggin way, are they attatched at the hip???? It seems that she can’t pee without him and vice versa.

    I would have said “Excuse me, you forgot your $16.00 change.” Dipshits would have kept on walking no doubt…

  10. Scott

    #109……lest you forget…..it’s a VOLUNTEER ARMY……so don’t bitch about not having a choice. Your “peers” could have made the decision to wait tables instead of “getting shot at and blown up” to pay for college. It’s all about CHOICE. Just because you CHOOSE to slack off in school and get shitty grades without any college ready to hand you scholarship money is your fault – no body but your own. So lay off those that decided differently – to make their own path without having to throw their hands up in the air, scoff only to have daddy government give them a job because you weren’t qualified to do anything else. And mea culpa, perhaps you choose to serve your country because you really wanted to and not because you believed “well…what else am going to do…..hey, it’s a paycheck, they’ll take any retard”……….in saying that……thank you for your service, but loose the attitude…….it was your choice.

  11. Jonathan

    I agree with the posters who say the current tipping system in the US sucks, it’s way too ambiguous. That being said, I always try to tip at least 15% because I have friends who used to work in a restaurant back when, let’s just say they weren’t as mature. Some of the stories they told me of what they did to the food there I probably shouldn’t repeat. And a lot of their victims were repeat customers.

    So I always try to leave a decent tip, give or take a few bucks, depending on how many small bills I have in my wallet. All you servers out there, hey, I sympathize with you, but please don’t mess with the people who at least try to tip decently.

  12. Lucozade

    Oh my god the US is so tetchy about tips, over here in the UK we dont even give tips, as if you moan that much, your getting paid to do your job do you think i get tips in my office job? How selfish.
    Do your job! your getting paid for it! as if your getting paid over $100 in tips by maybe 1 person, thats half my weeks wage,
    id count yourselves lucky if you get anything.
    and thats disgusting if you did something to customers food, yeah that really makes me want to tip waiters! pathetic.

  13. raichu


  14. SnowWhite

    To you ignorant cheapasses who don’t tip properly, haven’t you seen “Waiting?”- “Don’t fuck with the person who handles your food”. Servers remember you and tell each other when you come in again. Seriously. Not to mention wishing bad things to befall you and your family. And don’t use a credit card. Just sayin’….

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