Heidi & Spencer tip like A-holes? Say it’s not so!

May 18th, 2008 // 114 Comments

Oh, hey, I write a blog. Morning! So, apparently over the weekend Mr. and Mrs. Douchenozzle, Heidi and Spencer, went out to eat and racked up a $783 bill. Common courtesy dictates that they should’ve tipped anywhere between $120 to $150. Spencer dropped 16 bucks. Watch out, everybody! High roller, comin’ through! TMZ reports:

A camera crew was with the vomit-inducing twosome at the time — no surprise there — and our source says that when they stopped filming, the server approached a producer from the show about the measly tip. The producer forked over $60 from his own pocket to cover Spencer’s shortcomings.

While I don’t expect these two to have any form of math skills (Frankly, I’m shocked they can speak.), dicking over those in the service industry is a big no-no in my book. Which is why I always generously tip when I go out. Right, Stripper with the Deed to My House? What’s that? Another lap dance? Sure, why not? But, listen, I can only tip you with the bike I rode here on. Or, okay, my laptop…



  1. sara

    Stop talking about these tools!!

  2. Please stop writing about these two. No one cares. Isn’t a celebrity getting their teeth cleaned somewhere? Way more exciting…

  3. You open with this? Motherfucker… this is like when Cher opened with an “I Got You Babe” solo in Vegas… what a gyp… I mean… er…um… oops.. I’ve said too much…

  4. English Bob

    Perhaps he’s aware that any waiter/waitress with half a brain is gonna shit/piss/jizz/spit in his food. Why would he tip for that ??

  5. veggi

    In fairness, Spencer gave the waiter 2 blowjobs in the course of the evening during “bathroom breaks” so a larger tip would have made it seem like prostitution.

  6. Jules

    Is her mouth always open?

  7. Brain Smasher

    What a pair of matching dickheads. I wish I could run across them in a restaurant sometime. I would pull my pain giver out and piss on her face and then I would bitch slap that tool spencer while he sat there weeping like a little girl wetting his pants.

  8. DB


  9. meanoldman

    Back in my day I woulda beat his ass while his girl held my coat, then I woulda took her home with me so the real fun could begin!

  10. Jason

    Blarg a narg!!!!

  11. Cassius

    What the hell did they eat that cost $783? A baby?

  12. crabby old guy

    These 2 phicks ran up a LUNCH bill of almost $800??? And then go Hillary-like with the tip???

    Ya know, I’m startin’ to side with the Islamofacists who want to nuke us. Maybe we do need a REALLY big enema – one with a 100-year afterlife – to rid us of these useless shits and their ilk.

  13. veggi

    7. pain giver? issues dear crazy, you have issues.

  14. English Bob

    I’ve got a tip for the two of them, for him a red hot poker tip straight through his eyeball, for her the tip of my penis straight through her eyeball……Or the other way round …Whatever !!!

  15. What an ass-clown

  16. whatisthis

    #6 it makes her face look less ugly :)

  17. havoc

    These two are like one of Hitler’s wet dreams……


  18. mimi

    No that I like these two, but have you thought of the possibility that the service sucked? Tipping is not mandatory. If the service stinks and MORE servers need to learn that.

    APOLOGIZE when you screw up and order… when you miss refilling drinks… when the steak is undercooked…

    We know it’s not the servers fault when food is messed up… but some serves are SO rude they do not deserve tips.

  19. the nuge

    the more you talk about them the better I like them

  20. English BoB

    Thanks mimi for letting us know that important waitering stuff, your right, more ‘servers’ need to be properly trained in the fine art of ‘Serving’. So for all you budding waiters and waitresses out there please see my important tip at no. 4…..

  21. roshaa

    @18…if the service was that horrible, would you stay and continue to rack up a bill of almost $800.00?? Didn’t think so!

  22. Frank

    I’ve never understood the disgust shown for people who don’t tip. Waiters are there to do a job, and they get paid for it. If they aren’t happy with the money or have a problem with ‘serving’ people, get another fucking job. If you seriously think you deserve extra money for going to aaallll that trouble to smile and be polite to a paying customer, without spitting in their food, you need to get a fucking clue.

  23. erococo

    tips should never be over 20 bucks. its common sense.

  24. Sam

    What’s unexpected about the $800 bill? It takes a lot of food to fill up that mouth.

  25. KC

    Wait, he paid $799? That takes effort. Lazy and/or cheap guy just pays $800, but $799 is a deliberate slap in the face.

    Here’s to hoping that every waiter in the world will spit, or worse, into their food from now until eternity.

  26. Auntie Kryst

    Their douchebaggery knows no fucking end.. Even Scottie Pippen would call these fuckwads a couple of cheapskates. That tip just reeks of fucking uber-assholedom. What’s the URL to that shithead’s blog “Yo Spencer”? Everyone should fucking carpet bomb that site. Fish, enough with these fuckers, please.

  27. OC Dee

    Spencer needs to carry a wallet size tip chart card at all times because obviously he either cannot do simple math or he is cheap.

  28. Reason #1285498 to hate these two people… if i was their waiter i’d spit in everything i sent their way!! Speidi is so desperate I bet they would appear on this online News Show: http://digitalfuntown.squarespace.com/dft-blog/2008/5/16/dft-news-episode-4.html

  29. Gerald_Tarrant

    I’ll bet he was just pissed that the $800 didn’t get comped for such a big celeb.

    Waiter: Here’s the bill, sir.

    Sissy Pratt: You want me to pay? Don’t you know who I am?

    Waiter: Yes you have to pay. I don’t care who you are.

    Sissy: I’ll bet you don’t make other huge celebs like me pay. Well, here’s your $18 tip then.

  30. Dogs

    Mr. Pink: Uh-uh. I don’t tip.

    Nice Guy Eddie: Whaddaya mean you don’t tip?

    Pink: I don’t believe in it.

    Eddie: You don’t believe in tipping?

    Mr. White: (laughing) I love this kid, he’s a madman, this guy.

    Blonde: Do you have any idea what these ladies make? They make shit.

    Pink: Don’t give me that. She don’t make enough money, she can quit.

    Eddie: I don’t even know a Jew who’d have the balls to say that. So let’s get this straight. You never ever tip?

    Pink: I don’t tip because society says I gotta. I tip when somebody deserves a tip. When somebody really puts forth an effort, they deserve a little something extra. But this tipping automatically, that shit’s for the birds. As far as I’m concerned, they’re just doin their job.

    Mr. Blue: Our girl was nice.

    Pink: Our girl was okay. She didn’t do anything special.

    Blonde: What’s something special, take ya in the kitchen and suck your dick?

    Eddie: I’d go over twelve percent for that.

    White: Look, I ordered coffee. Now we’ve been here a long fuckin time, and she’s only filled my cup three times. When I order coffee, I want it filled six times.

    Blonde: What if she’s too busy?

    Pink: The words “too busy” shouldn’t be in a waitress’s vocabulary.

    Eddie: Excuse me, Mr. Pink, but the last thing you need is another cup of coffee.

    Pink: These ladies aren’t starvin to death. They make minimum wage. When I worked for minimum wage, I wasn’t lucky enough to have a job that society deemed tip worthy.

    Eddie: Ahh, now we’re getting down to it. It’s not just that he’s a cheap bastard –

    Mr. Orange: — It is that too –

    Eddie: — It is that too. But it’s also he couldn’t get a waiter job. You talk like a pissed off dishwasher: “Fuck those cunts and their fucking tips.”

    Blonde: So you don’t care that they’re counting on your tip to live?

    (Mr. Pink rubs two of his fingers together.)

    Pink: Do you know what this is? It’s the world’s smallest violin, playing just for the waitresses.

    Blonde: You don’t have any idea what you’re talking about. These people bust their ass. This is a hard job.

    Pink: So’s working at McDonald’s, but you don’t feel the need to tip them. They’re servin ya food, you should tip em. But no, society says tip these guys over here, but not those guys over there. That’s bullshit.

    Mr. Orange: They work harder than the kids at McDonald’s.

    Pink: Oh yeah, I don’t see them cleaning fryers.

    Mr. Brown: These people are taxed on the tips they make. When you stiff ‘em, you cost them money.

    Blonde: Waitressing is the number one occupation for female non-college graduates in this country. It’s the one job basically any woman can get, and make a living on. The reason is because of tips.

    Pink: Fuck all that. Hey, I’m very sorry that the government taxes their tips. That’s fucked up. But that ain’t my fault. It would appear that waitresses are just one of the many groups the government fucks in the ass on a regular basis. You show me a paper says the government shouldn’t do that, I’ll sign it. Put it to a vote, I’ll vote for it. But what I won’t do is play ball. And this non- college bullshit you’re telling me, I got two words for that: “Learn to fuckin type.” Cause if you’re expecting me to help out with the rent, you’re in for a big fuckin surprise.

  31. Who the fuck are these douche bags and why do you keep posting pics of them? Isn’t this supposed to be a site about “famous” people?

  32. coffeebean

    Way to go Spence!!! I’m with you. Fuck the help, they get paid to do their job, why should they feel that they are entitled to get more. Do your fucking job and if you do it really really well maybe there will be a little something extra in it for you.

  33. Mo


    SO full of yes. I love that.

  34. Shawn

    22. and 23. — You are idiots.

    Servers make $3/hour. Tips are meant to make up the rest of their salaries. Without them, servers don’t even make minimum wage. They have these jobs because customers are expected to provide the salary they earn for their hard work serving assholes like you guys. Serving is not easy, and these servers deserve a decent tip.

    I do consider extravagantly priced wine bottles and such as exceptions to the 15% rule, however. If the bill is inflated by something like that, I would tip based on a more reasonable price for the bottle. Of course, you wouldn’t catch me spending a bunch of money on a wine bottle, either.

  35. Ted Mosby

    I’ve heard Spencer has many shortcomings.

  36. mcbeef

    if you have the money for a $783 lunch, you have the money to add a 15% tip.

    what a couple of fuck facing douche wipes. everytime these asshats take a shit i see i post on this website. it needs to stop, it’s making my penis really soft.

    i would beat both of those fucks with a baseball bat until i was sure they were dead, then beat them for a few more minutes. not to beat a dead horse or anything…

  37. Guy

    So what?

    Is it harder for the waiter to carry a $500 dish then a $1 dish?

  38. jimbo

    I want to bore out a 2″ hole in the back of Heidi’s skull then swish my dick around in her brain.

  39. mcbeef


    it is just easy to carry a $500 dish as $1 dish, but with a $500 dollar dish you have to deal the ass-fucks that can afford a $500 dish.

  40. ericoco

    34. i WONT tip over 20 bucks. how is that assholetry ? cause i tip them 17-18 bucks on a 300 dls tap ? the dude made the min off one costumer right there.

    waitressing should be a job u do while you learn some skills and you can do a proper job. not some awesome dream job where you get super compensated because you know how to hear and write.

    lol and 15% rule ? LOL.

    15% Extraordinary service.
    10% Good Service.
    5 % bad service.

  41. Rob

    Hell Yeah Ericoco.

    The only thing I differ here is I will leave 20% if they are really good and 25% if they are extraordinary.

    But come on. I’ve been to places where you rack up a couple hundred dollar meal and the service was so shitty. If they can’t do their job then they don’t deserve to be paid. I kind of doubt this story is real though. Because if your bill is $783 why wouldn’t you leave $17. Even numbers baby.


  42. wreckhouse


    How about the fact that restaurants get away with paying servers such shitty wages because of the very expectation that customers will make up the difference through tips? If those in tipped occupations were paid the same minimum wage as everyone else, nobody would think about the size of the tip, and it sure as hell wouldn’t be expected that every server deserves extra for doing what is, after all, their job.

    Also: assuming it was just the two of them eating, that $783 bill was the result of
    really, really expensive food. Why should servers at some fancy restaurant make a shitload in tips for doing the same job as a server at Swiss Chalet/Denny’s/Boston Pizza (insert name of chain restaurant here), when the chain restaurant server spends their shift running their ass off, catering to families large and small, yet because the bills are smaller, doesn’t make nearly so much in tips.

    I actually do tip,unless the service is really bad, but the whole thing’s gotten out of hand, with every person doing a menial service job, no matter how well they do it or how simple the job is to perform,expecting something extra.

  43. Guy


    You make a very good point, what on earth could you eat that costs so much?

  44. 21st century digital boy

    $16 on a $783 is like 2%. Why the hell even bother leaving anything at that point. It’s like throwing change on the table. These fucktards represent exactly what this country is headed for – a small upper crust of brainless aristocrat multimillionaires and billionaires ruling over a nation of slaves, i.e. the rest of us.

    Everyone who posts on here defending what shitty tippers they are and how it’s justified can go to hell. Obviously you’ve never been forced to wait tables for a few bucks and hour plus whatever you get in tips. Believe me, all of us who at one time or another have had to wait on scum like you wish you dead.

  45. Indiana Jen

    @29 you are so right! Those two ran up an 800$ bill totally expecting to be comped! When it didn’t happen Spencer realized he has only enough money on his debit card for the bill plus a 16 $ tip!

  46. Indiana Jen

    @29 you are so right! Those two ran up an 800$ bill totally expecting to be comped! When it didn’t happen Spencer realized he has only enough money on his debit card for the bill plus a 16 $ tip!

  47. Lexatron

    #41 – You give a 5% tip for bad service?


    You’re rewarding them for being shit at the easiest job in the world?

  48. Indiana Jen

    @29 is right!!

  49. Shawn

    41. First, 10% for good service is a dick move because, as I said, servers are expected to make 15%, and are paid with that in mind. They are exceptions to federal minimum wage because of that fact. Not to mention, servers spend their tips to tip out the bartenders and bussers, so they do not get the whole tip you provide.

    “waitressing should be a job u do while you learn some skills and you can do a proper job. not some awesome dream job where you get super compensated because you know how to hear and write.”
    This is why you’re an asshole. Some people don’t really have a choice, and need to feed their family. How they got into this situation is a whole other argument, but if they are good enough to serve you and your family food, they should be good enough to tip.

    Second, you pay tip based on the experience of eating at the restaurant. You are not only tipping the server, but the entire establishment you are patronizing. If you are willing to fork over $300 for dinner, then it must have been a pretty good dinner, and you should pay because of that. If there is a problem with dinner, complain. If not, shut up and tip. Your tip helps the restaurant spend its money on other things than paying servers (those things that likely brought you to eat there to begin with). If everyone thought like you, the quality of service would drop, the restaurants would have to pay servers more to get good employees, and you would pay more for your food than you already do. The way it is now, we support the system while assholes like you, who only pay 10% regularly, cheat it for your own advantage.

    I hope that helps clarify for everyone why you are indeed an asshole.

  50. jrz

    God WHAT are these fucking people DOING?

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