Heidi & Spencer: Racist crackers of the apocalypse?

April 17th, 2008 // 143 Comments

There. Hopefully that headline will make asshat lovers Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt think twice about participating in another one of their dipshit posed photo sessions. Then, even worse, they forced this poor Negro fellow to be party to their shenanigans. What’d he ever do to you? For shame. Anyway, I catch a lot of shit for posting pics of these two because apparently I’m just bolstering their celebrity. But, c’mon. Who’s seriously staring at them thinking “Goddamn, please drench me in the excruciating minutiae of their daily lives!” No one’s that stupid. And if they are, don’t worry. Chances are they’ve swallowed their mouse by now.

UPDATE: Criss Angel rushed to hospital. A stomach pump produced a wireless mouse, an albino sloth and enough rhinestones to Bedazzle China – twice.


  1. jennifer


  2. Heidi M.

    We bought this negro for a grate, um, great price when we went to Africa last week. Wait. Whatta ya mean slavery’s illegal?

  3. Hadn’t ever heard of either of these two douche bags until seeing them on this site. Still not sure why they are “famous”, but I hear they are both on http://www.UselessDoucheBagsWhoWantAttention.com.

  4. restingonlaurels

    oooh… carrying her on the shoulders looks rather uncomfortable…

  5. restingonlaurels

    @3 i’d never heard of them either, as mtv or whatever network that show is on doesn’t register as entertainment in my mind, just mindless drivle.

  6. Fernando Valenzuela

    negro?..geez what are we in the 50′s?..why not just call him “colored”?

  7. Heidi M.

    I love how all of these staged photo sessions show them doing “normal”, everyday things – only no one actually does any of these things because they are not, in fact, normal activities (Seriously, when was the last time you saw a grown man carrying a grown woman – wearing banana colored pants, no less – on his shoulders through a park? Just because she has the mental capacity of a three year old doesn’t mean you need to carry her around like one.). And these two are completely oblivious to that fact.

  8. Mario

    lol – amazing story, I’ll be back a little while later to read the race war that’ll be raging throughout this article’s comments.

    oh! and, well, they’re both still douches. Almost forgot about that, woe is me.

  9. Auntie Kryst

    I keep wanting to stuff Newports in their mouths. These douchefuckers are a living “Alive with Pleasure” print ad.

  10. BunnyButt

    There’s my favorite feminist advancing the feminist cause by engaging in more of those great feminist activities she’s so famous for! You go, girl!

  11. Black

    You sound almost as racist as these two cunts look. Negro is a older term that some BLACK people find racist. Please, try these words..

    -African American

  12. nipolian

    Is it Ok to use the word negro? I mean I know it was at one time but then there was black, colored and then african american. I can’t kkep up with the acceptable term so from now on I am going to be safe and use the term “Kwanzaa Approbationist.”

  13. restingonlaurels

    lol @ 9 – totally newport fodder.

  14. aja

    These two are just sitting there, how is that racist?

    the fish writer is being racist

  15. veggi

    Republican Heidi is thinking “this is the rightful place for a nig” while Spencer is caressing his own anus and thinking “his is the rightful place for that nig’s huge throbbing cock.”

  16. Oveta

    laf @ 3 and 9

    i thought they were brother and sister – who knew?

  17. HuckyDucky

    I still want to see a cage match with Spencer Pratt and Criss Angel.

    The event will be pay-per-view. Tina Turner will be the emcee.

    “Two Douches Enter…One Douche Leaves!”

  18. Pedal Cab Driver

    I disagree that the picture is racist. There are pedal taxi drivers all over the world that get paid to cart people around. If those two sophisticates treated that man graciously and compensated him fairly for his work, then where does race come into play? What IS wrong is how racially judgmental people can still be. Welcome to 2008, where all people can be equals just below undeserving celebrities.

  19. Angus

    So the black guy is doing unskilled manual labor, big deal. What, have we all become Obama-elitists? Besides we all know it’s either unskilled manual labor or no labor at all.

  20. Harry

    Typical Racist Republicans.

  21. They’re a walking MENTOS commerical

  22. roastbeef

    I wish Heidi would fall of Spencer’s shoulders and smash her stupid fat head into the ground!!!

  23. nipolian

    Re: Spencer’s shoes in the last pic……..I think those are the same ones that Randy Quaid gave Chevy Chase in Christmas Vacation….only black not white.

  24. SAMBO

    wow…. these two are complete idiots. i seriously hate looking at them

  25. Barack

    It’s like Alaskan huskies. Once they put this guy in the harness, he WANTED to pull. It’s instinctive. They like it.

  26. Auntie Kryst

    Pictures 14 & 15. Mom meet Spencer, Spencer meet mom. Sorry couldn’t resist.

  27. Wish that carriage would tip over and crack their heads open. I could use some more Jelly Bellies..

  28. bbb

    they even brought a carrot to feed the horse

  29. When are these two going to die and a plane crash or get ran over by a bus??

  30. Guy

    Jesus christ fish, as much as I hate these two, you are the one that brought them to our attention, plus that black guy is just doing his fucking job, his decision.

  31. audio

    for the horse pictures:

    Spencer: “Hey, he’s got your face!”

    Heidi: “You’re going to watch “Zoo” again, aren’t you?”

  32. My RightTit

    The horse looks embarrassed by its resemblance to Heidi. Poor nag.

  33. ph7

    Heidi’s got one hell of a PR person.

  34. ph7

    Three – count ‘em – three wardrobe changes in a single stroll in Central Park.

  35. poonmoon

    And she’s voting for John McCain, what a fucking shocker that is.

    Look at them, they’re so fucking proud of themselves. It’s painfully hilarious.

    … and don’t go complaining that Fish posted these turds neither, we all fucking like laughing at them and you know it. Every society needs people who everyone is mocking and yet they still don’t get it, now that Bush will soon be going back to his prior “career” ( trying to eat whole pretzels without needing a heimlich ) and working on “big building contracts” ( making ugly sandcastles at the playground in his retard helmet and safety pads) these smiley faced photo op loving little fuckers have volunteered to be the next losers who are clueless to their loosersness, the douches who don’t know they are douches. Comedy thrives on turds like this. Isn’t all if Hollywood basically just a bunch of Heidis and Spencers to lesser and greater degrees?

  36. adoe

    Good gosh people, fish was JOKING when he said negro. It’s all part of the context in making fun of these 2 totally ridiculous posers!!

  37. Sam

    With each series of pictures we watch the poor gay boy’s soul slowly die. Meanwhile the shark girl with the dislocating jaw only grows stronger.

  38. Heidi

    “What I nice horsey! Hey, he likes me! It’s almost as if he recognizes me! Spencer, do you have something to feed him? Spencer? My god, Spencer, stop picking your ass or whatever you’re doing and…hey! A carrot!”

  39. National Geographic reader

    They’re banning rickshaws in India for this very reason.

  40. Crit

    what happens if the BLACK person isn’t from Africa??? Good comment though…

  41. Jesse

    Just like with horses, the problem isn’t that this animal is pulling the two people on a ride, it’s the awful smell that they have to endure if they’re downwind.

  42. What? All Africans are from Africa. Just like all Vikings are from Minnesota. It’s exactly the same thing.

  43. Rev. Wright

    Obama told me his racist grandmother used to go on these types of rides all the time.

  44. dirt chicken

    What … no whip ?

  45. Isaberg

    Anyone else see the resemblance between Heidi and the horse?

  46. Kat

    Number 2′s a fake…Heidi can’t doesn’t write comments

    Or just can’t write…either way.

  47. John McCain

    They don’t have “Stolen Bike Rides” at the park where I grew up.

  48. jzz

    Goddamn He looks like such a Douche!

  49. B. Obama

    Is it me or does the driver look bitter?

  50. Ted from LA

    Negro? What the hell Fish? Negro. At least step into the 1960s and call them coloreds or darkies.

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