Heidi & Spencer pretend to shop for $12 mil house, bribe realtor to go along with it

July 24th, 2008 // 105 Comments

Heidi and Spencer love to take everyday events and turn them into photo shoots so fucking retarded, you’ll swear you’ve been huffing paint all morning. Here some hapless realtor is forced to take part in their shenanigans. But, then again, this man has no soul because he later lied to TMZ about Mr. and Mrs. Cockweasel’s real estate potential:

So we thought it was a big publicity stunt, until we called the realtor who showed the property. Sandro Dazzan says they’re “serious buyers,” although he doesn’t think they’ll pull the trigger right away. Dazzan stunned us when he said they can afford the $12 million beach house right now, but that they’re “at least six months” out from being able to afford the bigger house.

Serious buyers who won’t pull the trigger. Interesting, Sandro. So, basically, Heidi showed you her boobs, and you agreed to pretend they’ve got money? Unless a commission shot out of her nipples, congratulations, you’re an idiot. The only way these two can buy a house is if you let them pay in forced smiles and chin wax.


  1. her…mouth…is…always…OPEN.

  2. Poon

    I bet Spencer (what kind of gay fucking name is that anyway?) likes a nice Cleveland Steamer from time to time.

  3. justifiable

    PLEASE tell me when they’re ready to “pull the trigger” – I’ll bring my Remington sawed-off. Hey, I like to be helpful.

  4. These are the role-models of people why AMARICA is going down.
    People like to buy things with loans so beyond their powers!!
    THINK BIG but act small.(especially in the beginning.)

  5. Chilly

    Damn, they cast shadows. There goes THAT theory…

  6. MonkeyMan777

    #3 You beat me to it.
    Please someone, put all of us out of our misery and run them over with your Hummer. It would take a Hummer, or a Sherman Tank to get over that mountain Heidi has as a chin.

    And isn’t she wearing the exact same outfit in these photos as a couple of posts ago? If you can afford a $12M house, you shouldn’t be caught dead in your staged photo ops in the same outfit. Or posing in front of a dirty car.

  7. “It would take a Hummer, or a Sherman Tank to get over that mountain Heidi has as a chin.” BAH!!! it’s like she swallowed a cinder block or something.

  8. I’ve gone through more douchbag detectors that have overloaded and blown up from reading these posts than you can ever imagine. Those aren’t cheap either!

  9. lloyd johnson

    They can’t even afford to wash their BMW!

  10. Thaís

    aff ¬¬

  11. Yoda

    Who’s a bigger fool? The fool or the fool that follows him? (hint: it’s Fish)

  12. c

    @28 – “plastic tits and pube face” made me laugh out loud. nice work.

  13. What’s next? public sex?

  14. Miserable Bastard

    There’s no ritual powerful enough to exorcise the douchiness that now oozes from the walls of that place.

  15. Lisa

    These two are such idiots!

  16. BigGyrl


  17. McCain's Prostitute

    This chick can pinch her own nipples with that damn chin!

  18. And yet, in defiance of logic you idiots keep writing about them. I suspect that Spencer’s plan is working.

    1. Create illusion of reality in a scripted show. Check.
    2. Take one vapid blonde with reasonably nice body, add extra boobage. Check. (Note to self: Increase budget for bikinis.)
    3. Subject media to constant onslaught of staged photo-ops intended to make self and blonde look like America’s hottest yuppie couple. Check.
    4. Sit back and wait for TMZ, Superficial, Us, People, etc to beat a path to my door. In progress.
    5. Before blonde starts to get old and nasty, contact Hef about a Playboy spread. Backup plan: Penthouse. (TBD)
    6. Before blonde starts to get really old and nasty, contact Insane Cock Brothas about a different kind of spread. (TBD)

  19. Any one can “afford” a $15 million dollar house. Just ask Ed McMahon.

  20. gotmilk?

    so they can afford a 12 million dollar house, but he can’t afford to get her a real engagement ring.

    full of shit.

  21. emmyem

    Is it wrong to hate these two soooo much? And that Hermes Bag, even *I* can tell it’s a knock-off. That snotty Hermes company, even THEY are too smart to let Rin Chin Chin carry one of their bags for “publicity”. Unless they want BAD publicity and want to make NO ONE spend those idiotic prices ever again on their OVERPRICED CRAP.
    Back on the hating subject. Paid off in “forced smiles and chin wax” made me laugh WAY TOO HARD. HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
    Those two have no genitals OR souls.
    So let’s all kill them, mmmkkkk? We should. Really.

  22. YesAndNo

    Je ne care pas.

  23. omnibacon

    Is everyone in California a douche?

  24. lucky

    I went to high school with Sandro. He is a friend of Spencer’s. This is totally fake.

  25. they need to be shot

    Not only is the bird shit a nice tough, but the glass is filthy, way to be $12 million house. It astounds me that these to abominations of god actually have a “think tank” to perpetuate them.

  26. sharpeidude

    I wish they will one day take a wrong turn coming back from a night out and get lost in South Central. I hear those Crips have an interesting way of MapQuesting directions by carving them in your torso.

  27. Venom

    I drive a more expensive car than these “millionaires” and my car is clean…

  28. Alex

    Yeah, idiots continue to take pictures of them…and idiots continue to POST pictures of them. Idiots like you! Are you really that desperate for content? Maybe if dumbasses like yourself stopped posting pics of these idiots, people would stop caring about them.

  29. Venom

    I can’t wait till the IRS starts looking at them.

  30. me

    Why can’t Al-Queda target these tards?

  31. emmyem

    Oh shut up ALEX. It’s FUN to hate these guys. Like anyone would really risk life in prison, or even ninety days of parole, (which totally could be the sentence) for killing these two.
    ‘EEES A JOKE…….just taking a break, pissing yourself off in a funny way for a minute or two when we see these clowns, then, back to living a lovely life, being glad you haven’t sold your soul to the Dark Lord like these two. All in good hating/fun!

  32. GG1000

    Dear Jesus God, it’s the End of Days and these two are the First Sign.

  33. lola

    why the fuck is heidi’s purse hanging over the railing in picture 2?

  34. U.S. Economy

    What’s that Heidi? You want an interest only $12,000,000 loan? I don’t see that being a problem for anyone. Let’s call Countrywide!

  35. dingdangdung

    Superfish, you’re a fucking douchebag for posting more lamer posed pics of these two douchebags.

    DIAF then go to hell and burn some more.

  36. WHY are they still famous?!

  37. michelle

    #11 lmfao. thats funny. ok, these 2 people annoy the fucking shit outta me. they are soooooooooooooo fuckin fake, its beyond aggravating. those 2 deserve each other

  38. mytwocents

    yea, who hangs a 4-10 thousand! dollar bag over the rail like that, against the DIRTIEST glass ever. I wouldn’t let a white 100 dollar bag touch that…so makes me wonder if it’s fake.

    Why does she always have this empty glare in her eyes , much like Audrina does.

    They are soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo stupid and whats worse they tell the WORLD we are the best we are the best…if you were then how come NO ONE is hiring you to do ANYTHING?
    They are in an alter universe …when they finally realize they can’t afford stuff they will be knocked to reality

  39. rachel

    Please don’t buy any more of these pictures. Please.

  40. herpes free

    Makes me want to put my balls … on her chin.

    Then Spence can have my sloppy seconds…

  41. Sam

    Even Miley Cyrus, the biggest star with no talent, has more talent than these two in her pinky fingers. Paris Hilton could fit both of these two up her ass hole.

  42. tig

    Again…let’s re-cap.

    Hate is the new adoration. This site works for, or is ‘funded’ by, MTV and like ilk.

    The more comments the better. It’s the way they track it. Stop posting and these creatures will go away. It’s just that simple.

  43. nichole

    I wish I were 6 months away from affording a $12 million house…… I’m 6 months away from affording a $200,000 house, if even. Heh.

  44. Anne

    please can the superficial please stop posting about them, stop posting and their “famous” status will start to fall. make a stand everyone hates them, no one can stand them. please make it all go away

  45. Tori

    Do these two morons ever quit “posing” for the camera? File under PUKE.

  46. Jeniffer

    She looks cute….Someone saw her profile with sexy photos on R I C H L O V I N G.C O M, a hot hook-up club for millionaires and celebrities. It seems the profile looks sincere and attractive. Is it real!? Lots of beautiful girls and lady are said to be there.

  47. No wishing necessary...

    Difference–> You are actually buying your house. These fark-wads, at least from the photo of Montag’s mouth wide open, are just huffing the dust off the “for sale” sign.

  48. Cattyluo

    It is incredible !Her pictures were found on*** M i l l i o n a i r e4me.com***It is said her hot pictures were displayed due to buying new house.

  49. Sarah

    What do they even do?

    Do they think that people fall for this crap?

    Please don’t tell me this vapid bore actually owns a Kelly bag… that’s a disgrace to Hermes.

  50. Beanz

    Ew you lookin chunky there AND your shoes don’t match bitch!!

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