Heidi & Spencer, Goddammit…

October 23rd, 2008 // 189 Comments

Before everyone births a walrus, I’ve been avoiding these two like the plague. That said, I’ve been bombarded with e-mails today alerting me to Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt’s latest, and most shitass, photo shoot yet. In an obvious effort to get my attention, the Douche Twins posed in Sarah Palin shirts while holding a shotgun, six-pack and Harry Browne’s book “You Can Profit From a Monetary Crisis.” This, of course, comes extremely close to meeting condition #2 of my criteria for post-worthiness:

However, to show that I’m not an unreasonable man and for the sake of journalist integrity, I will make the following exceptions in allowing you on this site:
1. Heidi wears a bikini.
2. Heidi covers her topless chest in maple syrup while stumping for Sarah Palin at a Klan rally.

Granted, there’s no Aunt Jemima or Klansmen, these two asshats couldn’t be more gay for Sarah Palin if they started throwing Bibles at poor people. Anyway, to all my conservative readers, feel free to thank Heidi & Spencer for officially costing you the election. In fact, you can pinpoint the exact moment John McCain loses in these pictures: Right when someone forgot to load the gun. Smooth.

superficial

  1. Shaun

    first…

  2. bite me

    FIRST BITCHES!

  3. bra boy

    ha first asshats

  4. Jupiter Girl

    DISGUSTING! DESPERATE! PATHETIC! DUMB! DIE PLEASE!

  5. Jupiter Girl

    DISGUSTING! DESPERATE! PATHETIC! DUMB! DIE PLEASE!

  6. Lisa

    WTF!
    These two are getting ridiculous.

  7. BEAM

    Heidi and Spencer suck. But then again, so does Obama.

  8. DT

    This is why we hate america.

  9. America

    I don’t the first picture could be more American.

  10. Dan

    Jesus fucking Christ.

  11. TheTenia

    Have to admit, the fact they are repping Harry Browne is impressive. They should realize though that mccain is certainly not Libertarian.

  12. Tostito

    Oh for fuck’s sake!

  13. frank Rizzo

    Heidi is holding the book upside-down.

  14. J-Bob

    TO THE MORONIC EDITOR… YOU ARE A PUSSBAG! SHOOT YOURSELF NOW AND FIND SOMEONE WHO ACTUALLY “not” POST ABOUT THESE TWO!

    IF YOU GONNA SAY IT, DO IT… DUMBASS!!!

  15. what?

    TheSuperficial is a liar. You broke your promise!
    The only time you may post the Douche Twins is when they get attacked and torn into pieces by grizzly bear(s).

  16. ugly whore

    Heidi’s book is upside down.

  17. ugly whore

    Heidi’s book is upside down.

  18. antoine bugleboy

    The art of subtlety is not really their strong suit is it -

    Hey Spencer – overcompensate for being a closet gay much??

  19. M

    “#$%&/()(/&%$#”#$%&/( OMG i hate them so much, I truly hope something bad happen to them

  20. A

    Way to drink Belgian Beer, commie.

  21. MadCow

    Someone saw these two, didn’t wrestle the gun away and didn’t shoot them on the spot?

    That person should die.

  22. Mags

    You should be ashamed of yourself for posting this. You promised!

  23. Ted from LA

    Is that the shotgun Bristol is using for her wedding? I hope someone else shoots it at that wonderful event and hits Spencer right square in the cunt.

  24. kat

    These two encompass everything I hate about america.

  25. Jim

    Dammit quit publicizing these two idiots. No one even covers what they do except you and Extra.

  26. Mr.Peanut

    I fucking hate these two retards!!! GOD DAMN!!!

    I would like to see him strapped spread-eagled to a non-stop BALL-KICKING machine like that robotic boot in the Herbie Hancock video “Rocket”. I can visualize it now…

    Boi-Boi Boi-Boi Boi-BOI-BOI-BOI Boi-Boi-Boi BOI-BOI Boi-Boi-Boi …

    ahhh…much better

  27. Mr.Peanut

    I fucking hate these two retards!!! GOD DAMN!!!

    I would like to see him strapped spread-eagled to a non-stop BALL-KICKING machine like that robotic boot in the Herbie Hancock video “Rocket”. I can visualize it now…

    Boi-Boi Boi-Boi Boi-BOI-BOI-BOI Boi-Boi-Boi BOI-BOI Boi-Boi-Boi …

    ahhh…much better

  28. Mike

    I’d totally fuck the hell out of her, but afterwards I’d want to take a hot, runny dump right on her face while ass fucking him with a splintered broomstick.

    No hard feelings or anything….

  29. hahah

    im sure this is doing wonders for the mccain/palin camp…

    all politics and idiotic-ness aside, her shoes fabbbb

  30. asoeiurnx

    im sure this is doing wonders for the mccain/palin camp…

    all politics and idiotic-ness aside, her shoes fabbbb

  31. BakerCan

    Enough already. Stop reporting on them! You have the power to make them go away. Please, no more Speide reports.

  32. Do FreeBird

    1. that cheap pump action shotgun looks like it can hold over 5 shells, isn’t that illegal in the Republik of Kalifornia?

    2. Holding an open container of Alchohol breaks FEDERAL firearm laws.

    3. He’s holding the piece all wrong. it should be pointed down at the ground and preferably break open the gun so it can’t go off accidentally.

    ON THE PLUS SIDE…

    He could be working on his second six pack, which means …….
    Both Dick Nozzle and the shotgun could be loaded.
    He could have his thumb on the trigger (being a dick, he probably does)
    The gun could very easily slip off his shoulder. Especially a wimped out, slope shouldered punk like him.
    He could possibly hit the bitch on the cheek with the barrel and blow her pathetic, tiny brain into mush.

    I’m more than willing to be the shotguns prayer warrior.

    What idiots

    And Fish, unless you have a picture of Heidi gushing blood, please send them back to that special Hell reserved for Ass wipes.

  33. Kristen

    These two age me…. literally, I think I just got a wrinkle in my forehead. What do you think their private dialogue is like??

    Heidi: “Spence, I fake love you, lets yet again, shamelessly go take advantage of our inexplicable and undeserving fame and pretend to not only be political, but to actually read about how to benefit from the country’s economic crisis. Clearly we are well versed in the rhetoric of domestic politics, but I am well on my way to practicing monetary responsibility in times of financial crisis, especially with my Fendi boots and matching belt that I wore to Taco Bell for our LAST shameless staged press encounter.”

    Spencer: “Oh Heidi, you are so smart. Why don’t you go get dressed in another outfit that ensures that the public is sickeningly aware of your disproportionately large fake boobs, and is always a mere centimeter from seeing you carnal treasure. I’m going to go trim my beard and think of more ways I can manipulate your insecurities and need for male approval to my advantage.”

    Heidi: “What expensive designer purse should I carry while we pretend to actually know anything about the country’s financial crisis, and who the GOP even is??”

    Spencer: “Babe, just like I tell you every single day, you need to bring the biggest purse you can find in order to give everyone something to puke in after they witness our shenanigans.”

    Someone needs to just take them out….preferably with a 2×4 in the middle of one of their staged photoshoots. I can’t take much more of this. They have this repulsive symbiotic relationship devoid of any real affection, based soley on the knowledge that they can pretend to be a couple in all sorts of contrived scenarios, and they will extend their 15 minutes of fame. Everyone need to just ignore them! People should only be famous if they are contributing to society. Not only are Heidi and Spencer not contributing anything to society, but they are causing me, and most likely many other innocent bystanders, to want to shove a blunt object in my eye repetitively until their image is no longer burned in my skull. That is not a productive desire to have, FYI.

  34. mike

    no more please.

  35. fellatia

    Kristen — too long, but did read. funny.

    let me echo those above — why are these 2 not dead yet? why don’t they realize that a double suicide is the only way to redeem themselves after all of this?

  36. CAPTAINMORGAN

    What is going through her head as she pretends to be able to read:

    Breath……..Breath……..my nails look pretty…….Breath……pose for my “candid” pictures……I hope they like my shirt. I am not sure what it says, my mom told me to put it on its PRETTY AND PINK……uuhhhhhhhh aahhhhh Shit I forgot to breath.”

  37. CAPTAINMORGAN

    What is going through her head as she pretends to be able to read:

    Breath……..Breath……..my nails look pretty…….Breath……pose for my “candid” pictures……I hope they like my shirt. I am not sure what it says, my mom told me to put it on its PRETTY AND PINK……uuhhhhhhhh aahhhhh Shit I forgot to breath.”

  38. Dorito Man

    Fuck-me heels to go for a walk on a hillside?

  39. Miguel Angelo

    Fucking Bastards….I HATE people like this two fuckers!!!

    DIE DIE!!!

    USA: NEED MORE WAR?? FUCKING NUTS!!!…….NEED MORE GUNS??…PLASTIC BASTARDS!!

  40. i give up

    please can someone please get that shotgun out of his hands and please shoot me in the face!!! ive had enough of talentless, worthless assholes like these two earning money from being nothing more then morons and shame on us all for buying into this, yet get back our celebrities who have talent and drop these C*nts!!

  41. Truth doctor

    Fuck yeah! Heidi and Spencer!

  42. long time reader

    Yo.

    I’ve read this blog daily for a couple of years. STOP FUCKING POSTING ABOUT THESE TWO or I’m going to stop reading after the next post and stick with egotastic

  43. britney's weave

    … we don’t like liars, fish.

    btw, i don’t take either of their endorsements of mccain/palin seriously. you shouldn’t either–i mean look at these photos. they’re obviously being facetious. i doubt either of them is even registered to vote.

  44. Truth doctor

    > “#$%&/()(/&%$#”#$%&/( OMG i hate them so much, I truly hope something bad happen to them
    > why are these 2 not dead yet? why don’t they realize that a double suicide is the only way to redeem themselves after all of this?
    > DISGUSTING! DESPERATE! PATHETIC! DUMB! DIE PLEASE!
    > I fucking hate these two retards!!! GOD DAMN!!!

    Ah, typical left-wing reactions. Pure emotion, zero logic. 110% pathetic.

  45. CCW

    Why don’t they just go to the shooting range like the rest of us.

    These pictures are so staged, no normal person would drink and shoot at the same time. What a couple of idiot’s.

    I bet the gun isn’t even loaded!

  46. I guess we’re supposed to be proud of Heidi for actually holding the book right side up.

  47. ali

    @ 20. haha. funny comment.

    on a lighter note. Heidi I will always love you, even if you do the dumbest things ever. you can always make it up to me though, yep…2 gallons of Crisco, and a Penicillin shot…pick you up in an hour? great.

  48. Lynsey

    O.M.G. These two are absolutely ridiculous. So, tell me, why the heck do I look at everyone of them? (Rhetorical question, of course.) They are fun pictures and Heidi always looks amazing. I just wish they wouldn’t sell them as paparazzi shots and instead just call it what it is, a photo shoot. At least you could respect it then.

  49. Lindsay

    what…..the………FUCK

  50. haasd

    I knew you’d break your promise Fish! I love you for that! Now, what you need to do is promise these idiots that you will never EVER post Spence and Heidi again. Promise them, promise them, promise them! And then . . . break your promise!

    One more thing: I’m truly sorry I uploaded ~4.75 megabytes of Cunt into the Britney thread . . . OK, I’m not really TRULY sorry, only a little bit sorry . . . maybe . . .

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