Heidi & Spencer are ‘End Times’ prophets now

After becoming social pariahs thanks to their shenanigans on I’m a Celebrity… Get Me Outta Here!, Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt have officially taken the final dive into full-blown religious hysteria. The two appeared on conspiracy nutjob Alex Jones’ radio show where Heidi talked about 9/11, Obama bringing on Armageddon and the evils of birth control. Via Jezebel:

I was just saying about birth control, because I got very scared about it the other day and I felt like God was telling me that this was something just created by the government that is really bad for my body and I was just getting sick, and I researched it, and one of the founding people who invented birth control said it was the worst thing they had ever done, they wished they’d never created it, how it morally corrupted society, it’s just sickening to him. How it devalues women, how it causes depression, how it can cause cancer, how it sterilizes your body, and what it does to your body, how most women are suicidal sometimes on it, and in fact, in order to even stabilize the population right now, each woman would have to have three children, that the population is decreasing so much that population control is just a myth.

At one point, the conversation turned to nightclubs that are allegedly having customers implant microchips in their hands to have access to VIP areas which, for those who don’t know, is what modern evangelicals believe is the mark of the beast:

“You would have to kill me before I get a chip, that would never happen. The fact that people are even already OK with this is sickening, I could throw up right now. A chip? are we dogs? Not even dogs deserve chips. It says in the bible that it’s the mark of the beast and that is a sign of worshipping the devil – so over my dead body would I ever get a chip in my body. My body belongs to Jesus Christ, to God alone, and no one will ever put anything in me, I will not worship the devil, I will not be conformed to this world, that will not happen.”

Somehow I missed the part in the Bible where Jesus spoke about the dangers of microchips. Must’ve been right after his sermon on the virtues of fake tits, posing for Playboy and drunken gun ownership. Yeah, that sounds like Jesus.

Thanks to Maggie who was, literally, the first person to write me who didn’t think I should spread the truth about microchips. Not even joking.