Heidi & Spencer are ‘End Times’ prophets now

July 1st, 2009 // 147 Comments

After becoming social pariahs thanks to their shenanigans on I’m a Celebrity… Get Me Outta Here!, Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt have officially taken the final dive into full-blown religious hysteria. The two appeared on conspiracy nutjob Alex Jones’ radio show where Heidi talked about 9/11, Obama bringing on Armageddon and the evils of birth control. Via Jezebel:

I was just saying about birth control, because I got very scared about it the other day and I felt like God was telling me that this was something just created by the government that is really bad for my body and I was just getting sick, and I researched it, and one of the founding people who invented birth control said it was the worst thing they had ever done, they wished they’d never created it, how it morally corrupted society, it’s just sickening to him. How it devalues women, how it causes depression, how it can cause cancer, how it sterilizes your body, and what it does to your body, how most women are suicidal sometimes on it, and in fact, in order to even stabilize the population right now, each woman would have to have three children, that the population is decreasing so much that population control is just a myth.

At one point, the conversation turned to nightclubs that are allegedly having customers implant microchips in their hands to have access to VIP areas which, for those who don’t know, is what modern evangelicals believe is the mark of the beast:

“You would have to kill me before I get a chip, that would never happen. The fact that people are even already OK with this is sickening, I could throw up right now. A chip? are we dogs? Not even dogs deserve chips. It says in the bible that it’s the mark of the beast and that is a sign of worshipping the devil – so over my dead body would I ever get a chip in my body. My body belongs to Jesus Christ, to God alone, and no one will ever put anything in me, I will not worship the devil, I will not be conformed to this world, that will not happen.”

Somehow I missed the part in the Bible where Jesus spoke about the dangers of microchips. Must’ve been right after his sermon on the virtues of fake tits, posing for Playboy and drunken gun ownership. Yeah, that sounds like Jesus.

Thanks to Maggie who was, literally, the first person to write me who didn’t think I should spread the truth about microchips. Not even joking.

superficial

  1. sierra

    “and no one will ever put anything in me.”

    hahahaha.

  2. Polk

    ” My body belongs to Jesus Christ, to God alone, and no one will ever put anything in me”

    I knew Spencer was a fag!

  3. Hilton Hunter

    Haven`t read the story as it`s no doubt shite, but she does look good in a bikini.

  4. loo

    dammit

  5. tkh

    ahahahahhaa.

  6. Nick

    Goddamnit, Sierra. You beat me to it. I almost feel bad for Spencer, now. Almost. And by almost, I mean not a chance.

  7. Kathleen

    I wish the Superficial would take after “E!” and make this a “Speidi”-free zone.

    I’m so sick of these two.

  8. gotmilk?

    enough with these two! the second picture almost made me vomit. her face is so fucking ugly and his pube face isn’t helping the situation either.

  9. Matt

    She said no one will ever put anything in me. I bet she wasn’t thinking about when the doctor put those fake tits in her chest

  10. A sphincter says what

    “and no one will ever put anything in me.”

    so jesus is cool with silicone breast implants then…?

  11. I hope every single girl have a box of the morning after pill in their medicine cabinet…I even do…

  12. john

    speidi, please do the RIGHT thing and leave us in peace. prisonplanet.com davidicke.com

  13. lol

    So what did Jesus have to say when you got several plastic surgeries to alter “his” body? Fake tits, yes. Microchips, no.

  14. TheRage

    wish these two would just die already.

  15. stitrehnomucdluow

    the good thing about this whole radio interview is that is just might help to get them ostracised from society. so many famous people deaths this last week (RIP Karl Malden) and yet we could still use two more to make the world a better place

  16. stitrehnomucdluowI

    the good thing about this whole radio interview is that is just might help to get them ostracised from society. so many famous people deaths this last week (RIP Karl Malden) and yet we could still use two more to make the world a better place

  17. stitrehnomucdluowi

    the good thing about this whole radio interview is that is just might help to get them ostracised from society. so many famous people deaths this last week (RIP Karl Malden) and yet we could still use two more to make the world a better place

  18. Ryan Seacrest

    It is times like this when I can safely say that I wish Speidi’s parents had used birth control.

    And that was the longest run-on sentence I have ever seen. Bitch needs to learn to punctuate.

  19. If these two morons are such bible-thumping idiots we can only hope there is a God and he brings them ‘home’ immediately before they ruin any more of society.

    It’s a shame on our culture that we even know who these two ass-clowns are.

  20. n

    “my body belongs to jesus christ” and playboy…idiotwhore.

  21. Roddy

    Funny, looking at these pictures, I imagine putting everything in every orifice of her body.

  22. stitrehnomucdluowi

    sorry, didn’t mean to be a douche put that in there 3 times. I forgot the i at the end of my name.

  23. Deacon Jones

    This bimbo has “Technical Virgin” material written all over here.

    (takes out lube in back of 79′ Chevy) “No, seriously, you’d still be a virgin”
    (blank look across face) “Wellll, ok, just don’t tell anyone”
    (pumps fists in air) “Sure”

  24. holliebean

    my friends grandma used to talk about that shit all the time. she was from Mississippi. the sad thing is that alot of ppl believe this crap. they”re all being controlled by fear. all the religious hysteria these days is crazy. some poeple are so scared that they refuse to just live life. whats really funny is that ppl will say that sounds crazy but saying that a guy who walked on water, rose from the dead and whose mom was a virgin will someday come back and take all his followers to heaven sounds sane! and so does the possibility that theres some dude in the sky watching us all the time. sorry that this is offensive but that is all batshit crazy talk. to an athiest every religious person seems a lil off.

  25. angiepants

    oh but a boob job is perfectly biblical?! BULL

    “My body belongs to Jesus Christ, to God alone, and no one will ever put anything in me, I will not worship
    the devil, I will not be conformed to this world, that will not happen.”

  26. “…How it devalues women…”

    That’s like the dude that invented lollipops being concerned with tooth decay…

  27. Wrightwood

    Can someone tell me why he is always carrying her? Does she have trouble walking for long lengths?

  28. Amy

    Birth control devalues me? I was under the impression not having babies made me more awesome. Also, I was under the impression posing for Playboy devalued women. Whatever. She embarasses the Christian Community.

  29. I thought they were a sign of the end times.

  30. squeehunter

    @25 You seem to know what you’re talking about as much as these two dumbasses.

  31. abby

    I was thinking today, “Wow, I don’t think we will have to hear from these two ever again.”

    I honestly thought their PR dropped them, or at least hoped so. It was so nice not to see their faces. Now his little sister is whoring herself out, great.

  32. edumakated

    Heidi sounds so well-informed about the population problem. She should go to China and tell everyone to start reproducing as fast as possible, because they’re really struggling with a low birth rate over there.

  33. The thing about population control was the dumbest thing I have ever heard someone say. Population decreasing? GOOD! It just sucks that the majority of people who excessively breed are the ones who shouldn’t be breeding anyways. So guaranteed Heidi will pop out at LEAST 4 kids.

  34. twzzlrgirl

    Hey, Heidi…not letting anyone put anything in you IS birth control.

    And I wouldn’t worry about devaluing women such as yourself, because we didn’t have any respect for you to begin with :)

    Twizz

  35. weirdo

    I’d like to put something in Heidi and its got nothing to do with microchips. I’d like to put it in her mouth, pussy, and her sweet asshole and then spray it all over her face and titties.

  36. Zee Brat

    @8 The Superficial SAID they would stop posting anything about Heidi Montag unless she was in a bikini about a year ago.

    Instead of actually doing that, they report every time she opens her stupid mouth and include a picture of her in a bikini. Not really what we were looking for.

    If you would stop posting about them, they would go away.

  37. justifiable

    Good luck to you, Heidi and Octomom, valiant warriors in the losing battle to stabilize our failing population. Why is it always these insufferably numb, room temperature IQ cunts who insist on continuing this fine work? ( I feel like God is telling me that the government is behind that too! Yes!)

    P.S. “Research” does not mean sitting slack-jawed and wet-brained while some religious whackjob tells you “facts” and then gives you a treat afterwards if you remember most of them. Even devil-worshipping Satan-chipped dogs know better than that.

  38. lina

    OMG! I don’t know what to say!

  39. justifiable

    P.P.S. Can anyone think of a less subtle way to attention-whore yourself out for a “baby bump” watch?

  40. I wonder is implants could be the mark of the best, too. Come on, they get you into all the best places. Here’s hoping that shower gave them plantar’s warts.

  41. AMO

    I’m just going to say it: He is the ugliest person I’ve ever seen and doesn’t even look like he can satisfy a woman. What does she see in him? Although she’s no prize… And most women are suicidal on birth control, huh? Ok… Are they turning into Scientologist now? They are worse than Megan Fox. EVERYTHING that comes out of their mouth is the world’s dumbest thing. Can someone please “take care of” these two? Maybe one of the NJ housewives’ husbands can help…j/k, but really someone should!

  42. AMO

    How do they not care that they are the biggest joke in the world? Their families must be so proud… not to mention Jesus.

  43. please

    For love of all that is holy please stop posting about these two.

  44. joe blow

    Wow… look between her legs in that first picture…. you can see her pussy!!!!

  45. Geoff

    95% of people at an E! online poll said they don’t want to hear about these stupid idiots anymore. And they are keeping their promise. If people don’t want to hear about them, why are you still posting about them? I think the only time you should be allowed to post about those two (i refuse to say their names) is if they died of a VERY PAINFUL and SLOW DEATH. Other than that, most people don’t even give a rat’s ass.

  46. GeorgeWBush

    Yawwwwn…..can be get back to talking about Jon And Kate…..

  47. Bill

    spencer so needs to be butt fucked while praying to his almighty. his wife idiot wife can watch. really…what is up with these two? they are worse than the armageddon.

  48. speidihater

    Perhaps we’ll be lucky and these two will decide to join Jesus soon.
    After all, we need two more to make it three in July…

  49. mikeock

    I I was giving her a piggy back ride on my shoulders, she’d be facing the other way. I know she’s annoying, but damn – I’d like to snack on that little shaved pussy.

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