Heidi Montag’s video debuts big on iTunes

February 13th, 2008 // 132 Comments

Somehow Heidi Montag’s video “Higher” reached No. 7 on the iTunes Top 100. It’s official. The terrorists have won. In the meantime, Heidi had initially said she was thrilled people commented on the video but in reality she drowned her fake breasts in tears. Us Magazine reports:

“I just started sobbing uncontrollably,” The Hills star tells Us.
“I cried myself to sleep that first night after my video came out,” she says. “I just couldn’t understand why people I didn’t even know felt the need to be so cruel and hurtful toward me.”
“I am just a 21-year-old from a small town in Colorado trying to follow her dreams,” Montag says.

Heidi also revealed the technical prowess employed by the video’s director Spencer Pratt:

“We were at the beach and, literally, Spencer had his camera and a boom box in the trunk,” Montag recalls of the amateur shoot in October. “We did it in one take, maybe two, and it took us 20 minutes to film and cost us zero dollars.”

A boom box was involved? Whoa! That changes everything. Here I thought some ass-clown just videotaped his tone-deaf girlfriend rolling around the beach in a bikini. But all this time advanced boom box technology was being used. Spencer Pratt, I underestimated you. Please show up to my house to receive my well-earned respect.*

*Respect subject to change and may be substituted for a brick in the face. Brick subject to be on fire.

Photos: Splash News
superficial

  1. deaconjones

    faffsefsefsefer

  2. Yikes. Why is this talentless bimbo still talking?

  3. josh

    thats gotta be the worst ugly face/hot body ratio ive ever seen in that vid.

  4. Mike

    That’s not a real music video is it? It’s some sort of home-made joke, right?

  5. Judd

    I wonder when she’ll start shitting herself like Tyra! Probably needs a lot of anal sex first–I’m on on that for sure (after I’m done beating up her pussy)!

  6. Auntie Kryst

    So this douchebag boyfriend just happened to have a boom box and a video recorder in the car, interesting. Did this skank notice any rope and duct tape too?

  7. D. Richards (Blaspheme.)

    This is confirmation that humanity doesn’t know it’s ass from the hole in Heidi’s face.

    Forty years from now Heidi will tell her grandchildren that at one time she released ‘music’; she’ll tell them that people knew her name. Heidi’ll smile nostalgically and play the children this very song — the kids’ll laugh in her face.

    P.S. The chick in the parody has a great body.

  8. Suzy

    Do your boobs hang low…..

  9. deaconjones

    Hey Heidi, if you read this, this is what will happen to you over the next several years:

    6 months from now, discover coke, LUUUVVV IT!
    6 1/2 months, break up with fag boyfriend
    8 months – start doing walmart opening ceremonies
    12 months – wake up in alley with puke all over yourself, get more coke
    16 months – sign deal with vivid, accidently release sex tape with fag boyfriend
    18 months – OD on heroin

  10. whatever

    @4 – That’s actually a vast improvement on the “real” Heidi video.

  11. JJ

    I never would have believed that the video was done in one take!

  12. whatever

    @4 – That’s actually a vast improvement on the “real” Heidi video.

  13. Judd

    @ #3- AGREED!!!
    She should definitely do porn!

  14. Costco:It's What's For Dinner

    Laughter is the best aphrodisiac Fish, you hot twisted steel and sex appeal.

  15. Alan

    It reached #7 because it is seriously one of the funniest videos ever made.

  16. good deeds

    love the new fake lips. god this bitch is a mess. spencer better enjoy it now cause once chicks get that cosmetic enhancement bug, they end up looking like overstretched seat covers in no time.

    too bad they haven’t invented a procedure to file down that horse jaw.

  17. Paige

    I don’t see it even on iTunes top 100. I call BS on that part of this story.

    Too bad she doesn’t undertand that the only reason anyone cares that she’s hurt and crying is becuse we want to revel in how hilarious that is. Here’s a hint Heidi: You’re not talented and people don’t want you to succeed and they will laugh and point when your deluded stank ass fails. Life’s rough huh? Guess you’ll just have to console yourself w/ more surgery or something.

    BTW, I’m a tall skiny white chick from Colorado too. So where’s my dream life handed to me on a platter. Am I not entitled to one just by being born? I also have no singing talent. Now where’s my contract and endorsements already?

  18. cm

    no no heidi we’re not being cruel…..we’re just being HONEST….
    for the love of god someone needs to be

  19. DB

    That parody bitch needs some meat, a pound or two.

  20. EuroNeckPain

    This is too close to the original to be a parody. The electronic enhancement of the high-pitched “higher” sounds like Russian pop music, they use this effect a lot. But the girls on Russian videos are naturally beautiful. The sound is ameliorated, not the girls…

  21. ok, you guys are making me want to see the video. I love watching retards run into walls..

  22. junior

    wow…they really are clueless

  23. junior

    wow…they really are clueless

  24. You missed an obvious one there Fish—-”Something big debuted alright and I will gladly stain them with my man goo” .

  25. junior

    I heard Brian McNamee injected her hands with HGH

  26. Gerald_Tarrant

    Why in the name of God would you give a horse breast implants? Peta wouldn’t even want to protect that thing.

  27. jen

    Ok, THAT is hilarious. Whoever that girl in the wig is, she rocks.
    Poor Heidi. Poor, poor Heidi. Not only is she dating a closet homo — she bought into the whole, ‘fake boobs/fake lips’ Hollywood crap. Will somebody please tell her she already peaked and should just start Community College, already??

  28. shanipie

    Wow, nice duck lips…dumb ass cunt

  29. yuck

    Man she’s UGLY

    Another clear case of an ugly chick wanting and trying her hardest to be hot and miserably failing.

  30. Abi

    Hey, you know what, I had no idea who she was until I saw that video, and then I figured it out! She’s the spawn of Mr. Ed and Black Beauty!

  31. mrs.t

    The girl in the parody is 10,000 times more charismatic than Heidi in the “real” video.

    Poor Heidi.

  32. beerdotcom

    #21: this comment made be giggle, but to be fair I laugh whenever I hear the word “retard”……”engine retarder brakes not permitted in city limits” signs also make me laugh for some reason.

    I’m going to hell.

  33. Cindy

    Heidi…your anguished tears…like manna from heaven, baby. But…you’re still some random cable-network reality show cut-out. This isn’t nearly as entertaining as Tyra dropping a couple of crab cakes during her strut.

  34. Borat

    This plastic cunt (plastic lips, plastic tits, lipo’ed legs & tummy) must be full of self loating. She looks like a damn duck. Her boyfriend looks like a fag. She sings like a narwhal (look it up). And she’s getting older.

    Heidi, welcome to the rest of your life. The cottage cheese is coming, the mocking “fans”, the neighbors who talk about you behind your back. Yes, this is your life.

  35. She dances like an anorexic white girl. Wait…she is an anorexic white girl. *Gag*

  36. Susan

    She has the resigned facial expressions of a bimbo with dreams who’s finally realizing that no, he’s not going to pull out before he spurts in her mouth. In fact, he’s going to make a point of making it as much of a surprise as possible, every time.

  37. my comment

    Never watched the original video, but the parody is great. Somebody give that girl a contract.

  38. Solaera

    Great parody. It was almost as funny as Montag’s.

  39. sicasso

    Ms. Montag,

    Three more ticks are left on your fifteen minutes of fame. Please prepare to be seated. In my lap.

  40. Sid

    I’ll say this for her: she seems to be free of STDs, pimples, and feces. So in some ways she’s ahead of the celeb competition right now.

  41. meme

    The parody girl did a better job!

  42. socks

    With all the work she’s had done could she do something about that chin. And her lips look disfigured. She looks so ugly and fake. She probably cries herself to sleep because she realizes even with a ton of cosmetic surgery she still has zero talent and no star quality. She should probably try porn, no one looks at the faces.

  43. All you need to be famous is a big set of juggs!

  44. “She should probably try porn, no one looks at the faces.”

    I do, but only when they’re showing pain or humiliation. Or both. Even if I shot my load 5 minutes ago, that will make me hard again.

  45. yrmom

    “I just couldn’t understand why people I didn’t even know felt the need to be so cruel and hurtful toward me.”

    Cause yr song is gay. I dunno I haven’t actually listened to it, but I’m pretty sure it’ll be the worst thing I’ve ever heard.

  46. Bob from Accounting

    More bad news team. I have expressed at great length that we have to curtail our expenses. I have been reviewing many of the expense reports and matching them up with copies of your corporate credit card statements. No where in the approved uses of corporate card use allows for music downloads! Any further attempt to pad expenses with frivolous items will result in censure. I hate to be “Bad Bob” but these are the rules. I’d rather be nice Bob, company softball captain. Unless we curb our costs, there isn’t going to be softball this spring.

  47. Charis

    It’s unfortunate that the parody looks more professional than the original.

  48. MonkeyMan777

    Whaa-ha-ha-ha-ha.
    I love it when stupid self-adsorbed plastic surgery loving bimbos cry because they think “I love me, why don’t you love me too?” or “I think I’m great, who don’t you notice that too?”
    Because chica, there ARE still some people out in this great sucking mental void of a world that still have brains and can 1) appreciate real talent 2) appreciate real people intead of reality ‘star’ barbies.

    And wow, just wow, just REALLY got a Jay Leno-ish face thing going on. All that long hair does is lengthen her face….. say “neigh” for the camera girlie!

  49. Rick

    I don’t know, she looks pretty sweet, I think I’d feel bad for her if I saw her crying like that. But I’d still punch her in the vagina.

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