Heidi Montag’s Playboy shoot is Jesus-friendly

June 13th, 2009 // 49 Comments

Heidi Montag’s upcoming Playboy spread is officially the most pointless thing in the world, according to TMZ:

Heidi said although she exposed a lot of skin during the shoot, she still covered up the bull’s-eyes on her moneymakers. She also told us she’ll be featured on two covers — but no real nudity.

At this point, I can only hope that Heidi and Spencer were the ones who paid Hugh Hefner for this and not vice versa. I mean, Christ, what’s the point of posing in Playboy if you’re not even going to show your nipples? Unless, of course, Heidi doesn’t have any in honor of her spiritual mentor: Malibu Barbie.

superficial

  1. Better Than You

    Has a nice ass, should make the faglets pissed!

  2. Dorito Man

    Who cares. She’s boring.

  3. Better Than You

    What first and second???

  4. Andy

    @1 and 3 YOUR A FAG

    i bet she has retarded nipples

  5. what a waste of effort
    at least pay lindsay and lets see some high quality ass

  6. Fantastic Sam

    She’s pretty, but her hair is too long and icky. Someone really needs a trim.

    I love her, kiss, kiss, kiss….

  7. It Really is Summer

    #4 -

    You are is spelled out as you’re, not YOUR. Remember the ‘ mark goes where the letter is left out. YOU RETARD. How old are you, 10?

  8. Headshakin'

    Are there no other skanks in Hollywood you could waste your (our) time on besides this horse-faced broad, Shauna, her nipplesand shoes,Lilo, Ebola etc.

  9. Kodos

    Who is this vacuous twat again?

    Hef has really let a great publication slide. A Playboy shoot where you don’t see anything.

    FAIL.

  10. friendlyfires

    Heidi has a better chance of getting into heaven than Carrie Prejean who turns out to be a snarly lying bag of shit – for Jesus!

  11. friendlyfires

    Heidi has a better chance of being admitted past the pearly gates than Carrie Prejean, who is turning out to be a snarly sneaky lying bag of shit – for Jesus!

  12. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    WHITE MEN’S DREAM WOMAN SHE HAS

    1. FAKE BREASTS
    2. ANOREXIC 12 YEAR OLD BODY THAT IS JUSTIFIED WITH IMPLANTS AS BEING FEMALE
    3. COMPLETE AIRHEAD, HAS NOTHING TO SAY

    PERFECT HUH

    ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

  13. Ben Dover

    She has just about a perfect ass! I bet she’ll end up like Raquel, always flashing T & A but never showing the goods. She’s set for life, earning while on the fringe. It’s actually the sleazy papparazzis that keep in her business. I love America!

  14. sam

    @12 you must be a fatty who has never had a bf, you sad cunt

  15. White Men Rule

    Hi Jen you really are an ugly ape aren’t you? I agree with be fake breasts, but this is no the body of a boy you tall, big boned monster. I bet you got one of those real wide noses and a really hideous tan too, dontcha?

    Heidi is a goddess. Any man that disagrees is either a fag or a liar.

  16. maxchain

    Fuckin’ called it.

  17. Groucho

    Jesus loved himself some nekkid women. For Heidi to wear clothes is an affront to God himself.

  18. Walter

    And Playboy wonders why it is going down the tube. It is a nudie magazine. Without nudes, it is worthless.

  19. John

    Just goes to prove Hef is getting senile if he is now paying women to pose and their is no actual nudity!

  20. Uh Huh

    “I mean, Christ, what’s the point of posing in Playboy if you’re not even going to show your nipples?”

    This coming from a guy who thinks armpits are nipples and kneecaps are vaginas.

    Not that I don’t agree with him.

  21. captain america

    well, do not panic, folks.
    AMERICA IS STILL AS PRUDISH AS HELL!!

  22. Fuck U

    #5,
    If Lindsey Lohan is your idea of a “high quality” pice of ass, you don’t have any fucking idea what “quality” means,but I’m sure you know what “high” means.
    I suppose you think Amy Shithouse and Shitney Spears are “high quality” too, huh?
    You have shit for brains and the only “high quality” shit you know about is drugs/weed.
    Does that bitch ever shut her fuckin mouth? She looks stupid as hell in pic #1…and #2…. isnt that the same face? That bitch is faker than Fishs’ cock.

  23. Venom

    I am mad now.
    I really wanted to see her naked.

  24. Bigo

    ……____________________ , ,
    ……/ `—___________—-_____|]? ????D (((Heidi)))
    …../_==o;;;;;;;;_______.:/
    …..), —.(_(__) /
    ….// (..) ), —-
    …//___//
    ..//___//
    .//___//
    Bang Bang!!!!!!!

  25. mikeock

    I don’t want to se her naked. Why? Because she’s being such a fucking prude about it. Fuck her and that albino retard she married.

  26. Matthew

    DAMN IT FISH!!!!!!!!! STOP POSTING MR.AND/OR MISS DOUCHEBAG!!!!!!!!!!!!! STOP BREAKIBNG YOUR PROMISE NOT TO POST THEM EVER!!!!!!

  27. mikeock

    She DOES have a nice ass.

  28. GladtoSay

    What is the point of doing playboy and not showing your tits off you could go to a strip club to see pastys or whatever the fuck she is going to have over em

  29. Please Please Please

    Stop posting about these two retards. PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! have some decency!

  30. Abraham Lincoln

    Four score and seven years ago…

    Who the fuck is Heidi Montag?

  31. The last time i brought a playboy in a long time was Kimmy K’s, i went to the newsstand like a robot, didnt even look how much it cost. I doubt theres anyone else thatll have the same effect, sure ill see the issue but ill borough it….

  32. lol borough hall is a train station in my area, that was a shout out not a typo….

  33. I am a 355 lb sweaty whore, who gives blowjobs to black guys for crack.

  34. I wonder if Spencer would do Playgirl?

  35. the assman passes. not interested.

  36. vito

    No nudity??? What the fuck…?

    Well fuck those people then cuz I won’t be buying *that* issue, that’s for sure!

    Oh wait. I subscribe. GODDAMMIT!

  37. RtSS

    Me likes that round rump protecting the poopchute. I’d pack that dirt tunnel of love for her, and I know she’d like it too. Look at image #1 how she’s poking her butt out for ease of entry. Bless her little heart, she’s even providing a shelf with the small of her back so that I have a place to put my beer; will doing the nasty wild-thing to her port hole. Scream baby, scream!

  38. cookie

    For singles …. I found a hot place where you can find your rich and sexy partner…
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  39. H_Chick

    @ Number 12 THAT GIRL JENN

    Jenn youve forgotten two important criteria on the Dream woman wishlist! She needs to be able to get a beer out fo the fridge and also give a decent blowjob (preferably at the same time!!) :)

    Re Heidi – why do we keep getting her and that fucktard Pink wanabee Spencer Pratt thrust upon us?? They are both so puke inducing its not funny!

  40. quake

    called it.

  41. Superbiggerevil

    I predict her spread will be the LOWEST selling issue in the history of that magazine.

  42. Jim

    The real (but not surprising) news should be that Playboy is complete shit now, with all the non-nude females now going to be gracing Playboy covers now. Heidi Montag, Olivia Munn and there is already more of those non-nude cover girls than in the entire history of Playboy

  43. MUST SEE!! NOT TO BE MISSED!!

    http://captain-hash.mybrute.com

    ———————————————-

  44. Jim Jones

    What’s the fucking point then? How will it be any different from her strutting around in a bikini?

  45. Mr Semprini

    Wow, never thought the Fish was a liberal shill. Bet there’s no Santa, either!

    Ma!

  46. Celebrity actress, socialite and model Kim Kardashian encouraged Heidi Montag to do Playboy? When can I see you on that magazine spreadsheet? hehehe

  47. Rebecca

    Hef’s done this before. In the 80s, one of the girls from Three’s Company posed nude-but-covered for a front cover feature.

    Nobody liked that pictorial either.

  48. J

    Can’t believe that Hugh actually paid her $500,000 and she didn’t even have to show her breasts. Playboy’s stock share must have plumpted when this issue came out and the news hit the markets that he through that much away on her.

  49. Make sure the room is big enough to employ all votes, lol.. Different individual will respond differently. You have no way but to anticipate that.

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