Heidi Montag’s Playboy Cover

August 7th, 2009 // 136 Comments

Heidi Montag unveiled her new Playboy cover at the LA premiere of G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra last night which is smart considering it’s a film aimed at fanboys whose only sexual outlet is porn. However, it’s not so smart when you realize it’s also aimed at eight-year-old boys.

SPENCER: Psst. Hey. Hey, kid. Want to look at almost-naked pictures of my wife in a restroom stall?
KID: Not really. But you can.
SPENCER: What?! Gross.

Photos: Getty, WENN

  1. me

    i really could care less about all this drama , but i have to say i think it is cute how much they love each other …….WE NEED MORE LOVE IN THIS WORLD !!!!! DONT B JEALOUS PEOPLE !!!! I THINK THE PIC IS OK BUT COULD B BETTER ….

  2. Name No

    51. Spencer is that you? I hate your fucking guts man.

  3. The Observer

    Um…are you looking at that guy? And you think we’re jealous? That guy is easily the biggest douchebag i’ve ever seen. He transcends douchebaggery. He’s like the uberdouche; he’s assembled from parts of lesser douches.

    He’s wearing a pink shirt and he has that hair, and yet he still gets to bang that girl and her amazing legs. He doesn’t deserve to live. If I ever see him in person, i will kill him with fire.

  4. Crabby Old Guy

    So, ol’ Heidi is into receiving the “Cleveland Steamer”, huh? Excellent. Next up is full David Caradine action for Spencer. Pay Per View on both. Then it wraps in a snuff ending.


  5. Spencer… Gosselin… some serious douchebaggation goin’ on today…

  6. sam

    Hasn’t Spencer Douchebag said he wants to go into politics? As if our government isn’t fucked up enough already. If he is trying to perfect his ass licking technique in Hollywood, well, I guess his plan is on track.

    #18 and #26, you are both sooo right on.

  7. Perkin Merkin

    I see a sequel to Star 80 for these two.

  8. Ryan the Canadian

    Dirtiest Sanchez. If you look up Douchebag in the Urban Dictionary, do you find a picture of Spencer there? Can someone make it so it does display Spencer? It would help a little….

  9. Cooties

    Ugly is as stupid does.

  10. Jen

    She has a bangin body. Cover’s not bad, but I hate that stupid look she has on her busted face.

  11. big teeth

    Whoa @26.. think about what you’re saying man.. you can’t regrow your eyes..

  12. Where is he?

    Where is the real RANDALL when you need him?

  13. squeehunter

    Stop making the rest of us look bad!

  14. grobpilot

    Pic #2: Looks like he’s never seen tits and tail before. But, since she’s apparently not really naked, he still hasn’t. Just touching that magazine made him spuzz in his shorts.

  15. Name No

    My husband gets playboy. I asked him if I could see it to read the Kurt Vonnegut story. He claims it was “stolen”. Wah-wah

  16. She’s got nice legs; I’ll giver her that.

  17. Jacq

    Forget her stomach, they shouldve used the mud to cover her face!

  18. Death2Speidi

    I’d like to see 6 more feet of dirt on her.

  19. tost

    i like the bunny drawing in her boy more than the whole coveer ..that means this is a bad playboy coveeer and why? because of the horrible model

  20. tost

    i like the bunny drawing in her body more than the whole coveer ..that means this is a bad playboy coveeer and why? because of the horrible model

  21. Jamie's Uterus

    The should be chased and hunted through the Hollywood hills with torches and sticks. Then terrorized and beaten.

  22. namehere

    really…….. why in the hell is she on the cover? GROSS is all that needs to be said…

  23. Katja

    That Cover picture is disgusting!!! its uglyyyy…ewww hate em bothh

  24. Ebony

    See here: Another honky tryin to look brown. Get some lip injections bieotch.

  25. pasteve

    Worst spray tan ever.

  26. Nameless

    As someone asked earlier, why is Heidi smeared with crap? WTF Playboy….

  27. Name

    It is so weird to see her body covered in dirt… Yet her face is totally clean? Dirt just isn’t attractive…

  28. Venom

    I really want to f*ck her in the ass.

  29. Danklin24

    Why des the press give these assbags the time of day? Sure Heidi is pretty hot but she’s annoying as fuck and her husband is the biggest douche walking the planet.

  30. 2012 the year the world ends.
    2009 the year playboy got lame.

  31. quinn

    is Spencer wearing nail polish?

  32. “Non-nude”

    I heard its the damp and swipe issue, if you run out of toilette paper….

  33. Alexis

    Seriously…Heidi Looks HIGH as a kite! WTF did that fleshy beard do to her?! She use to be somewhat “Normal” Ughh…nasty

  34. eka

    i think she’s gorgeous and she’s managed to make more money than all of us ever will. so in all reality, maybe she’s stupid…..but do stupid people make over 4 million in less than 4 years?? and everybody made fun of her beach video cause it was low quality….but that was the point. she knows she’s not a big superstar…the video was for her small group of fans only. which is why she didn’t make a big production out of it and spend a ton of money. what would be the point?

  35. Chichan

    The only thing I’d masturbate to is me slitting these b___ throat then blowing my l0@D in directly in their esophagus. Screw “a day without Megan Fox” how about an eternity without these two train wrecks?

  36. quake

    Playboy is almost as much of a joke as Heidi these days.

    Paying her to pose in a bikini? Vagina or GTFO.

  37. Not that!

    84. Spencer you are a maggot.

  38. Clo

    Where’s the neck?? O_O

  39. Kelley

    OMG, they’re actually both retarded. Nice posed facial expressions.

  40. Truth Doctor

    ITT: butthurt nobodys hate Heidi because they wish they could be/be with her.

  41. nunayobizness

    I am shocked by the level of hatred this couple evokes in me. I literally want them to die, and I don’t feel that way about NE1. I honestly avoid anything that has to do with them. I truly wish they would leave this earth.

  42. seriously/!

    Dudes… completely objectively—- after all the airbrushing is said and done… the cover looks pretty hot.

  43. Meg

    Maybe if we stop talking about them, they’ll go away. OK, let’s try it. Shhhhh.

  44. GeorgeWBush

    Pic 2 is the best, great shot of a in the closet gay man seeing his pretend wife naked for the first time- just priceless.

    @80. ROUGH Daddy
    Nah, Playboy started to be lame in the 90′s, now its just struggling to be relavent knowing its end is near when Hefner kicks the old bucket.

  45. e rantonio

    they are brilliant artists making a social commentary on good vs. evil

  46. v tard

    The idea to put mud on her for the cover as – I would guess – a reference to “I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Outta Here”, makes it looks like she’s covered in shit.

    How appropriate.

  47. Anon

    Rolling in shit and THEN putting on a white bikini = skidmarks all around

  48. fonzeyfu

    Is it just me or does that photo look absolutely ridiculous?! – it’s out of proportion, doesn’t look realistic. And Heidi??? Playboy’s really scraping the bottom of the barrel.

  49. LOL~~

    She looks like she’s been covered in FECES. Very apropos! So much so, that it went way over that bimbos head. Well done Mr. Hefner!

  50. WHOA! So if I purchase Playboy…I’ll get to see pics of Heidi in a bikini…similar to the dozens that are on Superficial right now…except she’s covered in crap.

    What a value!

    I still think they should make their own Jackass show where they swim in diarrhea and dangle over alligator pits. Or, “I’m Not A Celebrity, What Am I Doing Here?”.

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