Heidi Montag’s piehole is a portal of dumb

April 21st, 2008 // 64 Comments

Heidi Montag unveiled her new clothing line Heidiwood at Kitson over the weekend. For those of you who haven’t seen it, I posted about it a week ago and, it’s really stunning stuff. I’m talking the general elegance of a $5 hooker that you’d think about tipping, but will probably keep that dollar for a McMuffin instead. Anyway, Heidi spoke exclusively to Us Magazine about doing a spin-off show with Spencer:

I would love to eventually do a spin-off with Spencer and I,” she tells Usmagazine.com. “We’ve had a lot of ups and downs, and if we make it through this season, I’d love to look down the road to a spin-off.”

“If we make it through this season.” Are you fucking kidding me?! Look, I’m just a jackass who makes poorly-delivered jokes about blowing up Paris Hilton and claims laser beams come out of my cock (They do.). But even I know that The Hills is complete bullshit. The season was finished taping months ago and Heidi and Spencer are still together. In fact, here’s their dumb, stupid posed mugs in Central Park on Thursday. I’m absolutely flabbergasted that folks are out there watching The Hills and thinking “Golly, gee, I’m watching their life truly unfold on my TV.” Seriously, we need to get these people away from the boob-tube before they do something crazy – like vote for John McCain. WHOOOOAA! Didn’t see that coming!


  1. kat

    she’s surely an idiot. but she’s got one thing right…..

    MCCAIN 08!!!!!

  2. caljenna66

    For the love of Pete, CLOSE YOUR MOUTH!!!!!

  3. friendlyfires

    whoa video snatched right before eyes – didn’t click on time.

  4. mc

    Hey Heidi! If you can’t close your mouth, at least learn to wipe it after he’s done (pic 3)

  5. Oprah's Gorilla Butthole

    There once was a girl named Heidi

    Whose boyfriend was gay and so tidy

    They’re plumb out of luck

    Cuz we don’t give a fuck

    They give a bad name to whiteys.

  6. ph7

    Some real hotties behind her in pic #3.

  7. mc

    @6 oh yeah, real hotties. and they look like they are about to kick her ass!

  8. kat


    that is because she’s white and makes more money than they will ever dream of. why? because they sit on their asses and do nothing and collect welfare from hard working tax paying americans like you and me. oh – and use abortion as a means of birth control. alomost forgot that one. WHEW!

  9. Laura

    cant we make it through a day without a heidi post. jesus.

  10. Cash

    What the heck? Before she said she was voting for McCain you were all about her in bikini’s and shit, but now all you can do is bash the girl. What, it’s ok to be a fake titted fucking moron as long as you vote Democrat? Jesus man, get over yourself.

  11. ldsqtbea

    ugly dress … ugly shoes (in my opinion) and wow #8 … bitter much ???

  12. mc

    @8 pfffft…me? hard working? personally, i’ve been on the fish so much today that my dress is starting to smell like hiedi montag’s.

  13. Bruce

    …Thats not all it’s a portal for ! ! !

  14. Bruce

    …Thats not all it’s a portal for ! ! !

  15. Bruce

    …Thats not all it’s a portal for ! ! !

  16. Lexatron

    It is ridiculous that the fact she said “Spencer and I” is more annoying than her big stupid face….bloody grammar, people! It’s not hard.

  17. PunkA

    Stupid bitch is laughing all the way to the bank. Damn, I hate MTV.

  18. kat


    it’s all good. we still do more in one day than those fat fuckers do.


    you are either black or a democrat, right??
    and not bitter. just smart.

  19. Gabriella

    Dear TheSuperficial,
    God bless ya but PLEASEEEEEEEE please please stop posting about Heidi Montag before I gauge my eyes out.

  20. HuckyDucky

    I would love to eventually do a spin-off with I.

  21. Zee Brat

    stop posting about heidi montag. Thank you in advance.

  22. Josh

    Yea, before she “endorsed” McCain, this site was all about her. This place used to be good for a few laughs, but the jokes and commentary have really deteriorated.

  23. mamadough

    she reminds me of those bop-em clowns that pop right back up, the ones you could punch for hours…

  24. Kennedy


    If you are NOT the elite 3 percent making $250,000 or more annually (use to be 1 percent but it has increased with the Bush Administation.) and you want better tax breaks and take away tax breaks from the elite 3 percent then vote democrat.

    If you want to end the war in Iraq and lower the deficit then vote democrat.

    My boss is coming! Gotta go!

  25. Snobama


    Yeah, if you’re a rich liberal asshole who wants the terrorists bombing our cities. McCain’s a nut, but Obama’s a psychof*ck terrorist supporter who hates white people. Good on Heidi for seeing the difference.

  26. I’m Barack Obama and I read this site everyday over a bowl of corn flakes. The Fish has been trashing on that white bitch Heidi since she first opened her dumb hole and claimed life without fake ta-ta’s is for suckers. God bless her! No love was lost when she endorsed my future opponent Geezer Geezerton. But that’s just my two cents. Vote for me and my change.

  27. Champ

    Look at all the people in the photos wondering “Who the fuck is that personal pretending to be famous?”

    Oh, and VOTE REPUBLICAN, just to piss off the spammers to this site…

  28. Kennedy


    The Republicans know that they can fool the ignorant people that have no clue about war and history. War makes big corporations rich and this is why the Republicans want to continue the war because they want to continue the huge war profits. US fought the communist in Vietnam and after 50,000 US soldiers were killed; US finally pulled out and guess what people; the communist never took over America or bombed America. The only cities the terrorist can bomb are the cities in Iraq. We have the best defense in the world and there is no way the terrorist could bomb America. I work for the Defense and if ending the war means I have to find another job then so be it. 4,000 plus Americans have died in Iraq; let’s not wait until US reaches 50,000 Americans killed like in Vietnam to end the war in Iraq.

  29. I just want to slap her with a brick,,,but then again why punish an innocent brick? I’m so conflicted!

  30. #29 it’s ok, go ahead and punish the brick I don’t mind..

  31. Auntie Kryst

    Barbaro Montag and Veruca Hilton pushing their clothing and shoe fashions will really going to help defray the remodelling costs of their Dark Master’s crib.. Finally Hades is going to build that split level deck and above ground pool.

  32. boo

    Can’t believe I’m going to wade into these waters, but does anyone else find it
    ironic that conservatives love to call liberals “pussies”, but they also insist we need a strong-on-defense daddy figure to “keep us safe from the terrorists”?

    And anyone that supports this war, should go fight, including Heidi.

  33. Missy

    Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease no more Heidi Montag!!!! I would rather hear about what you had for lunch than anything on that girl!

  34. 23apples

    Duh, she means if they make it through this season ALIVE… it’s like a game, they have to avoid being killed by the general public before the season finale of The Hills airs. If they make it out alive, then she and Spencie-poo can make a great spin-off! I hope it’s as awesome as the spin-off, “Joey”.

  35. Cash

    #24/28 Kennedy

    VOTE REPUBLICAN if you’re tired of the *real* elitists like Obama, Hillary, Tim Robins etc who besides telling you what to do with yourself don’t give a damn about you.

    VOTE REPUBLICAN if you are tired of listening to a bunch of arrogant, self righteous asshats that think they know how to run your life better then you do.

    Obama made 4 mil last year. Some actors made twice that, if not more. Where the hell is their charity? Where the hell is their shame as they light their cuban cigars with 100 dollars bills, while bitching to their elitist friends about the dirty corporate fat cats that are ruining this country?

  36. Tim barnes

    Please stop

  37. viva viagra

    go back to colorado nerd.

  38. titsonsnack

    But seriously who is this person? I see her all the time on this fucking site, and that’s about it. I’m guessing she’s from some TV show on some cable channel I don’t get or don’t watch. Why is her chin so huge? Why do I only ever see her in annoying fakey-looking photos? WHY???

  39. abortion having, god hating, gun loving, faggot conservative

    That’s right #35, all Republicans are poor, church goers who give what little money they make to charity and have pulled up their big boy pants to overcome adversity. And they do it all with your best interests at heart. They love you, they really, really do.


    Keep on believing that voting for anyone, donkey or elephant, makes any difference at all.

  40. WTB

    No funny stuff today — just a request. Please, no more Heidi and Spencer stuff. They really, honestly don’t deserve the free publicity. Even making fun of them is too much of their stupid faces for my taste. Please? Please stop.

  41. Pixie

    If McCain does become president, do ya think he could drop one of those NOOK-YU-LAR weapons in Heidi’s mouth?

  42. woodhorse

    Heidi and Spencer watched The Truman Show and wondered why it didn’t have a plot.

  43. Hidden Agenda

    Hey elephants and donkey lovers…it doesn’t really matter anyway. This world is pretty much being ruled by the nonelected money masters. All of know this deep down but noone wants to be called a conspiracy theorist/lunatic. How could the few control the many? Bush really cares about the American people. He loves us like we were his children.

    These wars only further the plan of conquering the people however many nations at a time and we the “Poo-uhr (Rush Limbaugh) get to pay for it all!

    Vote Stalin or Hitler. What does it matter anymore?

  44. TJ

    Why oh why? I know she’s an easy target with all those cheesy pics, but come on. I trust you can do better than that… Don’t make me go to a new site.

  45. bootlips

    Why would anyone want a yard ape as President? Name me one negro run country that isn’t a disaster.

  46. Sandwich

    The “eloquence” of a hooker? Really?

  47. dk

    She’s is so fake breast implants have more creditability

  48. NaS

    some one please kill this moron.

  49. fuck you

    can’t she ever close her her freaking mouth, she always has this totally dumb-assed look…geez

  50. Chelsea

    If you think she’s such a waste of space then why do you keep giving her coverage?

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