Heidi Montag’s mom accuses Spencer Pratt of drugging her daughter

Chins McJugs’ mother Darlene is throwing a hissy fit in the pages of Us Weekly and claims Spencer Pratt drugged Heidi which caused her to elope. Darlene gives the marriage six months and, God willing, will turn her anger into premeditated murder:

“He’s manipulative and seems to have power over Heidi,” Darlene Egelhoff, 46, told Us in an exclusive interview from her home in Crested Butte, Colorado the day after Montag, 22, blew off Thanksgiving with her family to stay with Pratt in Cabo San Lucas., the site of her Nov. 20 elopement. “I would like to see a blood test from Mexico. It wouldn’t surprise me if he had her drugged.”
“Spencer has tried to cut everyone out of her life,” Egelhoff tells Us. “I’ve been honest with Heidi, and it’s caused our relationship to decline. I’m more devastated about that than the marriage, because I’m confident the marriage won’t work out.”
“I think Spencer wants to possess Heidi more than marry her.” Adds Egelhoff – who famously fought with Pratt, 25, on The Hills: “God says love your enemies, but I never expected it to be my son-in-law.”

Not ones to miss out on a drop of free press, Heidi and Spencer were, of course, available for comment:

“She should be happy I found someone I love,” the bride tells Us. “Some people go their entire lives without finding that.”
Adds Pratt, who famously calls Egelhoff “Stalker Mom”: “I think her mom needs to take a real fat chill pill and be happy for her daughter.”

Okay, first off, Spencer Pratt should be beaten to death with a manhole cover just for saying his mother-in-law needs to take “a real fat chill pill.” That said, what a giant fucking publicity scam on everybody’s part. Here’s how I know:

1. If you recall, Mommy dearest was involved in one of the Douche Twins shitass photo shoots.
2. She’s giving an interview with Us Weekly who happened to purchase the exclusive rights to the wedding photos.
3. Heidi Montag came out of her vagina.

Am I perpetuating their little ruse by reporting on it? Hell to the fuck no. Because shortly after this post goes live, you guys are going to rip me a new anus for even talking about them thus making these jokers even less employable. Fingers crossed, this will lead to Heidi and Spencer living on the streets where I will then selflessly offer them a blanket covered in smallpox, AIDS and that really itch stuff that irritates your skin. What’s it called again? Right; napalm.

Photos: Splash News