Heidi Montag’s album sells less than 1,000 copies

January 20th, 2010 // 151 Comments

Despite her huge plastic tits and sexually-charged lyrics, Heidi Montag’s new album Superficial couldn’t even sell 1,000 copies. And if that’s not hilarious enough, she dropped her entire life’s savings into it because she had her brain replaced with a tennis bracelet. Us Magazine reports:

In fact, industry sources tell UsMagazine.com that the album has sold only 658 downloads to date.
This is likely upsetting news for the reality star, who told Entertainment Weekly last week that she went broke making Superficial but thought that “within the first week, we will definitely make our money back.”
She told EW, “I put every dollar I have into this. I’ve spent over $1 million, almost $2 million, on this album. It’s cost as much or more than a Britney Spears album because I wanted it to be that quality… The songs will make an impact in pop history.”

On the bright side, once they take away her house because she can’t afford the payments on her schnozz, Heidi won’t have to worry about living outdoors. You know, because she’s waterproof and bears hate the taste of mannequins.

More Pics of PlasticHeidi FrozenFace

superficial

  1. hell ya

    FIRST!!!!

  2. Jake

    FIRST THUNDER-CUNTS!!!!!

  3. Jake

    SECOND MOTHER-BITCHES!!!!!! Fuck yeah!!!

  4. ARIANA

    4° SHE’S DISGUSTING!!!!

  5. CaptainMorgan

    I think she’s kinda hot – before and after. I’d gladly plug those holes.

    She need not speak. She is to be seen, not heard. Ride it sweethart then use lots o tongue!

  6. Screaming Meat Nugget

    “The songs will make an impact in pop history.”….HA HA HA HA HA HA.

    You are so funny, Heidi.

  7. ARIANA

    4° SHE’S DISGUSTING

  8. AnnaDraconida

    Serves her right.

  9. Taz

    This is sad

  10. Rach

    She’ll go down in pop history as the person who broke Michael Jackson’s plastic surgery record. Das about it.

  11. Rupert

    “Fewer than a thousand copies.” “Copies” is a counting noun.

  12. i can’t wait until she’s 40. gonna look so fucked up by then

  13. ShArter

    Almost $2 million?!? Well at least we know the studio and producers ripped her off real good! Good job! They got paid a lot of money to make a shiity album for her to sell….poorly. Hahaha!!

  14. The Realist

    She looks HOT for a 50 year old women! Yeahhhhh baby!

    What?!?!? She’s not 50?

    Ohhhhh well, maybe she has halted the aging process, so 25 years from now I can re-post that statement! Nahhh, shit is gonna start falling off of her, Michael Jackson style. . .

  15. atom

    Madame Tussauds really made a bad job on this one!

  16. marie e.

    She spent her entire life savings recently ON THE ALBUM?! Maybe part of it yes, but I would say that a huge chunk of that money went into her face and body remolding. She also loves to compare herself to Britney Spears, but she will never reach the level of fame Britney has musically. Love her or hate her, Britney is a pop phenomenon who has broken records, with tons of #1 hits- Heidi not so much. Maybe Heidi can match her in terms of her craziness and love affair with the paparazzi, but thats about it.

  17. fixxxer

    Makes one appreciate Paris Hilton as a singer :))

  18. Elissa

    She looks like a hot 40 year old. More like a MILF than 23! She looked better before….

  19. JR

    Okay, it is creeping the fuck outta me that she now has the exact same expression in every picture. She’s going to eat my soul, isn’t she?

  20. This is the best case of schadenfreude I’ve had in a while. She makes Forrest Gump look like a Rhodes Scholar.

  21. marme

    hahahaha @ 19′s comment I agree why is she so stiff in every shot?

  22. pimp

    the people that bought this album should have been executed on the spot for the sake of the gene pool…having said that, i would love to lick on her asshole.

  23. OsakaSushi

    Hahahahah, that’s what she deserves! Its the closest thing to a reality check a fucked up human being like her could experience.

    And on a fun side note, I tried to photoshop those last pictures of her to see if I could make her look less dead, and to my amused surprise, the dodge tool lets you see the scars on her face and under her eyebrows.

    What a waste of a life….

  24. Roadie

    Pack up the tour bus! She could sell out a rural VFW hall.

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  27. Crabby Old Guy

    Wow – just about time for ol’ Spencer to turn off the pilot lights, fire up the gas on the oven and seal all the windows. He and the Heidi3.0 bot can snooze off to Valhalla together.

    Cool thing is with Heidi3.0, you can just hollow her out and use her as a floor lamp by sticking a light bulb in her mouth (like Uncle Fester). Hmmm…I bet you could do that NOW even while she’s “alive”.

    Okay, I think I have Spencer’s Science experiment for this semester at Douche University.

  28. Littlesby

    She was blah before, after this last surgery she looks good…maybe the boobs are a little too much, but she is actually pretty now. She is non-descript pretty, but definitely a LOT better looking.
    Sorry to say it, if this is her goal then she achieved it…and she was super fug before…

  29. Justin

    she lost her girlish looks. The original breast implants were ok but she should have stopped there.

  30. Cactus

    It’s a miracle ppl actually bought her album! Wait, ppl didn’t buy it, she actually connected herself to the computer (cause shes a robot) and downloaded them to her boobs! What a relief to know ppl are not listening to it.

  31. Jean Hollingsworth

    Freak me out, did she always want to be Faith Hill??????? Look at her and tell me she doesn’t.

  32. kevin baconator

    28 – have you been smoking paint chips? A close up of my hairy and soiled anus looks better than Heidi’s face.

  33. Jim Jehosephat

    what a useless waste of space. I hope she has to do porn to pay her bills. Pathetic cunt.

  34. Jim Jehosephat

    what a useless waste of space. I hope she has to do porn to pay her bills. Pathetic cunt.

  35. Megan

    I’m tired of the “this is so sad” people. Come on, fucking walk the walk. Months ago we all talk about how she’s a waste of life, she proceeded to make it more blatantly obvious by the day, and now you’re sorry? Fuck no. I want this joker out on the streets. I want her on the other side of those fucking soup lines she pretended to volunteer for. Waste of life, completely. I’m glad everything is fucking up for her.

  36. Fegirst

    Rupert (#11) beat me to it. You numbskull.

  37. yuki

    her plastic surgery makes her look more like spencers sister.
    i bet spencer totally thinks shes hotter now.

  38. sound advice

    Maybe she will be a serious actress now, with that serious face of hers. heheheheheheehheehehheehehe

  39. Lynne

    She looks like a cat now. Why would she do this to herself, she was so pretty before…

  40. jumpin_j

    She can’t move her album or her face. Oh sweet irony, how I love ya!

  41. Nameless

    All she really needs to get some of her money back is a good HD camera for the sex tape. Vivid’s going rate seems to be a million for “stolen” sextapes.

  42. gu

    you can’t polish a turd

  43. Hefe

    Wow, I’m not shocked that she’d do something so stupid, but…..damn she looks way odd now.

  44. Christina

    I have mixed feelings on her. On the one hand, she is absolutely useless as a celebrity. She has no talent and should not be famous for any reason.

    On the other hand, it’s very sad for anyone, regardless of their talent or lack of any real reason to be famous, to be so addicted to plastic surgery. It’s depressing that she feels so horrible about herself as to make herself look liek that.

    Anyway, she’s completely delusional. First of all, for anyone to act like a fucking Britney Spears album is of the highest possible quality is insane. Second, this post doesn’t mention it but she actually compared her album to Thriller, saying it would have a bigger impact and be more lasting than that. Yeah. Cuz Thriller isn’t the top selling album worldwide of all time or anything. She’s just sad.

  45. LMS

    Less than 1,000 copies….
    Wow big suprise here folks.

  46. That’s one very big fail… I wonder if she’s going to end up some kind of porn star…

  47. Stoopid speidi and spence-buddy

    Ewww she looks REALLY nasty now!! lol She has the same expression in every pic cuz she prob can’t move her facial muscles are frozen haha
    Actually track # 11 isn’t that bad, the rest suck though..And no I didn’t buy the album coughtorrentzcoughcough lol

  48. And the sad thing, is that the 658 albums that she did sell, were probably all from her and her family/friends.

    Might as well just wrap up the ‘singing’ career Heidi, and evolve into your new line of work. Porn.

  49. Sad

    This is what happens to people who are not living in reality

  50. Pal

    She had 2 millions dollars? I guess appearing on a couple of crappy reality shows is a lot more lucrative than I thought.

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