Heidi Montag wrote another movie

April 12th, 2010 // 124 Comments

While you’d just assume Heidi Montag spends 98% of her time waxing her jugs outside my bedroom window, it’s more like 85% because she’s apparently churning out screenplays like Stephen King on coke. Us Magazine reports:

“I’m writing a movie right now. It’s very action packed,” the bikini-clad reality star, 23, told UsMagazine.com Sunday at the opening of the Liquid Pool Lounge at Las Vegas’ Aria Resort & Casino.
“It’s Bourne-meets-Barbie,” adds Montag, referring to Matt Damon’s action flicks. Montag would would “of course” play the starring role.
“I’ve trained in knife fighting and guns for over two years with one of the founding members of Saw, [who] was [in] the original Delta Force. So I’ve been shooting and practicing the whole real-life action figure for years,” she said. “So I’m very excited to have action roles.”

I’m going to be completely honest with you: I would stab my grandmother in the neck just to read one of Heidi’s screenplays. Mostly because I want to see this dialog happen:

ARMY MAN
This bomb needs not to explode so much, Heidi Bourne
who is like Matt Damon in that movie.

HEIDI BOURNE
Help me point my boobs at my boobs
to make bomb stop with my boobs.

ARMY MAN
You're prettier than Lauren Conrad.

superficial

  1. Frankie

    10 surgeries later and she has no eyebrows, a droopy left eye, the breasts of an anime character, and the facial structure of a man.

  2. Cactus

    I don’t get why people want to go from normal looking to weird/crazy looking?..It’s like normal looking was so 2009. Im amazed no one has gotten surgery to look like Freddy Krueger.

  3. CHoc DOnut

    As far as I’m concerned, any guy who finds her attractive has not had many partners or likes abusive sex, because any experienced guy would know that sex with her would involved so much whining and complaining about her painful ass implants and boob implants that it would be worthless. I guess her curves are attractive, but nothing about this woman is attractive to me, from the stupidity to the raw, unbridled delusional ego. And those fake tits are FAKE. and her face is FAKE. There are probably 100k young, unknown women in hollywood a million times hotter. She is appalling. Before, she was pretty cute. Now, she looks like a barbie statue thats gonna fall over. Her face looks like she’s in constant pain. What a complete idiot.

  4. hollywierdhater

    # 106 says it best …
    whoever finds this attractive is either insane or lives under a rock ..
    here is a person who is the same height standing up as sitting down ..lawwwwwwwd!!!

  5. 7L

    Damn i thought the surgery fucked her up but i would love to fuck the shit outta her. Her tits are amazing. Listen lady’s, your boyfriend would cheat on you with her at Christmas dinner at your house. No bullshit. and for the guys… liars.

    and as for 106 and 107 please, its you who have not had many partners. Sex with chicks who look like this is the same. Only we want to look at them after.

  6. Sandra

    She cannot REALLY think she looks good can she?
    I mean does she not own a mirror.
    She was pretty before.. now she looks old and OMG those fake boobs are nasty.
    She’s only in her 20s and she looks 40 now.

  7. hails

    is that a dildo next to her??

  8. you are a great girl and i will be back to read your photo again .nice and great for your sharing

  9. what are you dong girl? are you so crazy

  10. http://www.nike-airjordanshoes.com
  11. @ That is ok Buzzlightyear, we don’t want you in the gene pool anyway. You keep spilling that seed in your sock while you watch porn featuring such good looking women as Heidi. Your robot is being built right now

  12. 89 dollar brand replica watches
    Yearning for her and I hand in hand sharing of peach trees in the beautiful flowers! However, this is just a fantastic looking, but also a very slim look! open a memory window screening, her voice and facial expression clearly demonstrated in my soul space, the whole baked hot by her thoughts of

  13. On the other hand, she’s terrifying and uses super digitized effects to drown out her perfectly good vocals. Her acoustic live version of “Poker Face” is the only reason I know she can sing at all.
    Seagal played the immortal Gino Felino in Out For Justice, and that´s all that matters to me, really…

  14. .Now, she looks like a barbie statue thats gonna fall over. Her face looks like she’s in constant pain. What a complete idiot.

    As far as I’m concerned, any guy who finds her attractive has not had many partners or likes abusive sex, because any experienced guy would know that sex with her would involved so much whining and complaining about her painful ass implants and boob implants that it would be worthless. I guess her curves are attractive, but nothing about this woman is attractive to me, from the stupidity to the raw, unbridled delusional ego

  15. Liam

    This circus show of Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt is the sure sign form the universe to all people that the human race is doomed to self destruction.

  16. Liam

    Despite the end of the world, Heidi is looking hotter than hell now, for the up side of things.

  17. buna yorum yazm??t?m ama sorun de?il

  18. fdafeiaofeija

    her ass is fake though… :/

  19. This circus show of Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt is the sure sign form the universe to all people that the human race is doomed to self destruction.

  20. B
    Commented on this photo:

    HOT!

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