Heidi Montag wishes she was on Baywatch

September 28th, 2007 // 229 Comments

I don’t know how, but this site seems to have turned into a tribute page to The Hills. Anyway, everybody’s favorite plastic surgery role model Heidi Montag was spotted frolicking on the beach yesterday wearing a pink bikini and carrying around a red life preserver. What an accomplished life. When she’s 60 and looking back on her life she’ll be able to say she inspired a nation of girls to get breast implants and run on the beach. Somebody should get started on her biography now. It’s such a moving story of determination and the human spirit. She makes that Rosa Parks character look like a total douche.


  1. Shallow Val

    Another bottle blonde nobody with too much torso, not enough self-respect, and not enough brains in her head to realize that she is a vapid, insecure idiot who needs to get a hobby and a real job and realize that there is nothing, NOTHING about physical attibutes that will make her a better or more interesting person.

    When the shit hits the fan and brains triumph over braun and looks, people like her will be the first to be thrown into the volcano.

  2. moncheechee

    that is one sexy ass horse. i’d love to ride her cross country. i wonder how many carrots it takes to lure her away from that doofus spencer.

  3. Nice, that’s a very pretty bikini. I want it.

  4. let's get original

    apparently walmart must have a clearance sell on the word “vapid” because it’s has been used up more than pam anderson’s vag.

    here are some other options you can consider so you all can stop sounding like clones.

    Main Entry: vapid
    Part of Speech: adjective
    Definition: dull
    Synonyms: big zero, bland, boring, colorless, dead*, driveling, flat, flat tire*, flavorless, inane, innocuous, insipid, jejune, least, lifeless, limp, milk-and-water*, milk-toast, nothing, nowhere, stale, tame, tasteless, tedious, tiresome, unimaginative, uninspiring, uninteresting, unpalatable, vacant, vacuous, watery, weak, wishy-washy*, zero*

  5. InstantAsshat-AddFame

    This girl bugs me, and it isn’t the fake boobs. It isn’t the nose job. It’s that she actually thought that lgetting surgery so she would end up looking exactly like every other Hollywood bimbo out there was the right thing to do. And she didn’t care if it killed her.

    And this is what she aspires to. I hope she enjoys it while it lasts, because I have a feeling that when that show goes bye-bye, her career will be over. It’s not like she has a real personality or anything. Haven’t seen the show–is there a little talent at least?

  6. InstantAsshat-AddFame

    Have you ever tried using the word ‘inane?’ Most people chew you out for spelling ‘insane’ wrong. They are too clueless to know that’s an actual word.

    This chick IS inane. I like the word jejune too. Sounds a bit empty and clueless, kinda like this chick. ;-)

  7. my comment

    She looks like an anorexic Tori Spelling. No good.

    And enough with the belly piercings already! You girls look like circus animals with those things.

  8. Drunkman

    As much of a moron as she is, I don’t think the implants look terrible. I’d definitely punish her.

  9. Mz Duff

    PLEASE stop posting anything about this horse-face, fug celebrity wannabe!!! The more you post about her the more we will see her every where else! She has nothing unique!!!

  10. Sophia

    She looks like a BARBIE DOLL! Her boobs are way to big for her body only consisting of skin and bones; she looks like a horse for slaghter because of her teeth (Hilary Duff?) do many white girls in the USA have those over white teeth? Disgusting!
    ugly like hell; not smart I guess, ridiculous!!

  11. Come on people – who wouldn’t hit that. Seriously. And I would enjoy it. Every single time.

  12. The Black Fly Ninja

    Spencer was like “Throw some Ds on that B*tch!!”

  13. kate

    Who is taking these pictures – she is ALWAYS looking at the camera so it can’t be the papparazi unless she is even more retarded than I thought she was

  14. Kelly

    eww heidi is so ugly …. her boobs are totally fake
    why dont heidi and spencer just disapperrr???
    team lauren all the wayy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  15. sorry, but...

    Not to be a dickhead, but your site looks a lot better when correct grammar (mostly correct subjunctive tense) is used:

    “Heidi Montag wishes she WERE on Baywatch”

  16. Lucy

    I swear, if I see her face looking at me from this page again, I’ll beat her up. She’s not even famous, and she’s way too skinny and her boobs look retarded. Show us a real celebrity please. The Hills is LAME. So lame, that my country is smart enough to not even bother playing it on TV.

  17. justanoldladynow

    I know people are talking ugly about her but if I looked like her I’d be staring in the mirror at myself. Constantly.

  18. lulu


  19. KatiePie

    God, I don’t know who I can’t stand more, this chick or Paris Hilton. One is just a talentless, dumb, spoiled rich bitch and one likes steal boyfriends and call up the paparazzi to take pictures of her everywhere she goes like anyone gives a shit. Actually yea, I hate this attention whore more than Paris Hilton.

  20. kitty_kat

    Nice body. But that doesn’t count for shit when you have an ugly face.

  21. Steven Colbert

    Another hideous boob job. Implants feel fake, simular to a stress squeeze ball.

  22. Dick Richards

    What a stupid looking piece-of Californian trash little Heidi is. She’s living the dream up. I bet she feels very important. I’d like to kick her on the side of her temple as hard as I possibly could. Teach her some manners. Lastly, too bad the plastique-mold doctor couldn’t have fixed Montag’s hilarious knot-kneed chicken legs. Somebody wants to be her. Somebody fucks her. Gross.

  23. zsa

    I take back my last post. Her boobs look totally fake. Just when I thought that someone in entertainment got a tasteful boob job, instead of implants too big and obviously fake for the rest of her body, I am proven wrong. They look pretty bad on her too. Too big and far apart, not to mention the way they hang. Ugh…

  24. fake boobs do their job!

  25. eXtasyStef wrote:

    “Yet another obvious boob job. You could park a truck in that crevasse between them. Though it’s nothing compared to the empty space between her ears.”

    Ah! Who cares about the empty space between her tits! I just want to cram my Love Stick in between them and fill up the empty space between her legs. Who gives a shit if she ain’t got nuttin’ betwixt her ears!

  26. And as for the rest of you jerks who would only speak ill of her… well, you’re just jealous.

    What really amuses me is all the fat-ass bitches in this country who put down a fine lookin’ piece of ass like Heidi Montag, only because they’re jealous they can’t get the tonnage off their butts and look half as good as her.

    And for the guys who put her down… well, you’re probably gay and someone needs to bitch-slap you for being so fuckin’ ugly as a guy that you couldn’t look as good as this girl either. Bitch! You’re probably jealous, too!

  27. after you watch the video you’ll never

    gonna want to see the photo…


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