Heidi Montag wishes she was on Baywatch

September 28th, 2007 // 229 Comments

I don’t know how, but this site seems to have turned into a tribute page to The Hills. Anyway, everybody’s favorite plastic surgery role model Heidi Montag was spotted frolicking on the beach yesterday wearing a pink bikini and carrying around a red life preserver. What an accomplished life. When she’s 60 and looking back on her life she’ll be able to say she inspired a nation of girls to get breast implants and run on the beach. Somebody should get started on her biography now. It’s such a moving story of determination and the human spirit. She makes that Rosa Parks character look like a total douche.


  1. Nikky Raney

    i love her :]

  2. froot

    I don’t even know what The Hills are, but I hate them judging the crappy photos I keep seeing of the people in it.

  3. O J Simpson

    She makes Rosa Parks look like a total douche? Hell, Larry King could make Rosa Parks look like a total douche; I’d still love to cut this chick’s throat though . . .

  4. nagger please

    I don’t know who she is but I’m already tired of her..

  5. she is ugly as shit, and het body isn’t that great!

  6. leatherdaddy

    boo fish, …& boo this crazy chick. shes okay on the eyes, but i have low standards. theyre even lower once alcohol enters my system. so for any guy to say they hitd it, isnt saying a lot. especially when i say it. she does look like ever other cali gurl. hell, like most in movies & on t.v. boo!! fish! where are the beautiful people?!?!

  7. Now, cracker, you been skooled! Dis post b link to da nu Rosa Parks!

  8. alanna

    everyone keeps making fun of her face, but I think she has a very pretty one, minus the dumb expressions from these photos. And she needs to eat more . . without those boobs, she would look like a skeleton..

    i love hollywood standards of beauty:

    anorexic + fake big boobs + blonde blonde blonde hair+ cheesy tattoo piercing = PERFECTION

  9. Kodak Kid

    She is really an ugly, but this photographer should be shot (with a gun, not with a camera), all of the pix of her are so staged and amateurish they look like her 4 year old kid brother took them.

  10. What a useless waste of space.

  11. Ugh. Those breasts are way too big for her frame. Look rock-hard, too.

  12. whoa

    ….her tits are higher than her armpits….and they dont move at all when she runs…..does that not freak anyone out…..those are straight up nasty

  13. chimpy

    This airhead went for the big size balloons, simply UGLY.

  14. MeanMofo

    Fake tits and no hips? Somone needs to fix that girl a sammich!

  15. Gillette Venus

    In #2 look how hairy her belly is. Ew.

  16. Kingnitro

    She’s a cutie, but those Fakie’s look way out of proportion!

  17. nitsua

    i get it now!!!
    looking hot is not impossible for adult women
    you starve to have the body of a prepubesint (ieN.Richie)
    get big boobies planted
    & shave your twat
    i thought anime was just a sick asian cult
    wow! now i know ALL men are pedofilish ;)

  18. allie

    iwanna live in hoolywood the land of makebelieve
    everyone is so unique

  19. El Ces

    She’s pretty cool. I’m comfortable her.
    Besides, while we will always love Pam, she’s had it.

  20. Lazulis

    At 16, I have a body similar to hers….thin, curvy; but more tan, and with smaller (but natural) breasts, natural dark hair, and an attractive face….Fortunately, I’ve achieved this through good genes, rather than artificially fucking up my body.

    Not everybody who accesses this site is overweight and jealous of these celebrities. I, and various other girls who go to my school, look better than these people.

  21. joeypants

    I would absolutely wreck that.

  22. Princess

    Wow, Janine, you make Kimberely seem smart. Yes you CAN breastfeed with implants, so long as they go in through the armpit or in the under-crease of the breast, and not the areola which can damage nerves or milk-ducts. And, yes, implants can leak, but silicon is a GEL you fucktard. You can’t “drink” it through a milk duct. I read that and wanted to fucking hit you. How, may I ask, would a gel get from the implant pocket, through the muscle, through the fatty tissue of the breasts, IN the milk ducts and then out to the baby? The only liquid used for implants is saline, which is salt water, and if that ruptures it is just absorbed through the body. The whole idea that you can get sick from silicon breast implants is an old wife’s tale too, because the gel stays right there in the pocket, rarely more than a teaspoon ever escaping given its viscosity.

    And to all the other haters out there. You rag on this girl because she has implants, yet in every other post you go on and on about how hot Denise Richards is, or any of those other plastic bitches, or you drool over Jessica Alba, Scarlet Johansson, that Vita girl….whomever. if any of them were less than an A cup like Hidie had been, you all wouldn’t give two shits about them, and would be saying “I’d do her, if she got a boob job”…I know this because that is exactly what is said on every post about Siena Millar, Kirsten Dunce, etc.

    And you wonder why there are girls out there with low self-esteem?

    Fucking assholes, all of you.

    I think she looks good, and no, she is not “too thin”…”I can see her ribs poking out” I can see my ribs too, and I am not underweight, it’s called having pronounced ribs, and don’t be jealous just because you are a fucking 230 lb ugly-ass bitch.
    2/3rds of America is fat and/or obese and child obesity has gone up 30% since 1980. So go mind your fat-ass children you lazy worthless fucks and stop hating on a girl that has money, and a decent body, thing YOU will never fucking have.

  23. HRH Adam

    Man, so much hate in this world. If you don’t like ‘er, why don’t you move it along with your life. Everyone calling her fug knows they wouldnt kick her out of bed. I’m not a fan of hers, or her tooly boyfriend, but its not worth the time and energy eh. P.s. the guy who dissed Amy Winehouse is worth the time and energy, you nerd.

  24. Dorito man

    I’m inferring from many of the comments here that fake breasts aren’t as popular as they used to be. Who’d have thunk..

  25. GG1000

    I just love these candid shots of famous people doing just what us regular folk do. What, you don’t grab lifeguards’ stuff and hump on Fire Dept. vehicles and run around like a retard with your mouth open when you’re at the beach?

  26. tam


  27. at least she is hot

  28. Damn, she’s SO whaite! She looks like a ghost!
    I don’t know what you’re talking about – she has a great boobs! I’d love to lick them.. :)
    Also a great body! Too bad it has no color!

    P.S – I’ve always wanted to be a Baywatch lifeguard..

  29. Marlboro Man

    # 93 Danklin24 spewed…

    “…Meanwhile you sit on your computer and type up a blog about celebrities we shouldnt really give a shit about. You life is amazing.”

    And here you are, again and again, looking at the pics and reading the blog.

    A douche calling someone a douche. Ironic and priceless!

  30. Mike

    I’d drink her douche water.

  31. hee hee

    if only she would get her head removed, then she would be the perfect (body) person.

  32. Beth

    whoever writes this site is an idiot. u give heidi montag a hard time for getting breast implants and u give kate hudson a hard time for havin small boobs. no wonder girls are so fucked up these days with guys like u passin judgement on them

  33. Haroof

    Look at that body…

    I’d hit that till her eyeballs popped out of her head.

  34. So CPR is sounding better all the time…

  35. starscanfrighten

    nothing but skin, bone, and silicone.

  36. 122 didn’t read your comment. Positive it was lame.

    I already forgot this skinny ass chicks name, but, if she paid me $2.50 I’d find it in my heart (cock) to break her little pelvis in 2 (4) . Then I’d call her a cunt and love (break) her heart (jaw) with my love (cock).

  37. Binky

    # 136
    Yeah. Ok.
    But have you ever had a date ?
    (The regs take a break and look who moves in)

  38. Binky

    Holly. Well ok Heidi. Whatever. Where’s the before PiX ? Let the judges decide.
    But to be honest, the Globe and Mail, a paper up here in Canuckistan, did a story on you nobodies this weak-end which explained who are and which of course I’m not reading.
    Public at LARGE : Why ?
    Binky : 9-11 was an inside job. And you call that journalism ?
    Public at LARGE : Occasionally you have a point Bink.
    Binky: NP

  39. George

    # 122 -

    Do we have PMS or what!

    I think you need to go to See Candies and buy yourself a 5 pound box and eat the whole thing at once. You’ll see it will make you feel better instantly.

  40. Princess

    no PMS here, just more than half a brain, which is a LOT more than i can say for you # 139.

  41. Binky

    And in other news :
    Shakira said she would commit $40 million to charity relief etc…
    Yikes ! A human? Pass the meds – popular culture might not take this one easily… Whatever…
    (And in other, other, news – Can anyone get into 911-Blogger ? Ever since some mench mentioned the ‘Dancing Israelis and the Mossad’ in a radio interview with CIA guy Ray McGovern – the site seems to be down)
    ( For those of you keeping score at home)

  42. And with a rack like that she COULD be on Baywatch!

  43. Well Burp – relevant point…
    And 9-11 IS an INSIDE Job
    Check the link
    ( Great response from Gage’s elected reps LOL )
    Oh Ladies–by the way…

  44. Ellen Tauscher, and Senator Feinstein.
    There’s a chance you’re great democrats for blowing off Rich Gage and the 180 plus or so pros…. (and growing…)
    But then again. I think there’s a chance you may not be
    ‘the sharpest tool in the shed’
    Such is life’s hic-up’s.
    And 9-11 was an Inside job

  45. YouWish

    Seriously — what or who the F is the Hills, and who is the Lauren b that’s always polluting my trashy mags? Geez, can’t even read about Brit without feeling tragically old. lol

  46. What’s the big deal for getting a boob job done? Give her a break.

  47. Mama Pinkus

    The “big deal” for getting a boob job done is to not go so big on a thin frame so as to look like you’re sporting a couple of cantaloupe halves on your chest

  48. Vote for Hillary and there will be free boob jobs for all!

  49. And then they’re…well almost….
    I am so mad I’m censoring my own comments for a while…
    Well ok. #145 146…are here
    Any comments on 9-11 guys ? Nice new tits but –
    145-6… Inside job ?

  50. B

    How about you Bill C. ?
    Time has cum – Inside job ?

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