Heidi Montag showering herself off in a bikini

June 14th, 2009 // 79 Comments

Had I known Heidi Montag was going to pose in her bikini in Costa Rica yesterday I probably would’ve laid off the bikini shots while posting about her lame as all hell Playboy shoot. But these are trials of my life. Sometimes I think the only people who have rougher than I do are kids in third world countries. Then again, they don’t have to go to school, work or sit through Twilight to touch a boob. — Little bastards.

superficial

  1. T-Squared

    I’d hit it. I’d way hit it. Then I would hit Shauna Sand. Then I would strangle Spencer. Then the whole world would declare me King, name a holiday after me, and I would replace Ghandi and Mother Theresa as the greatest person ever to live.

  2. wet newspaper

    faggoty colour co-ordinated PINK shorts. ROFFLE!

  3. Danny

    Awful. Just awful. That giant chin and stupid gaping mouth… nobody wants to see this, no matter how good her body may look.

  4. Nope… still didn’t wash off the ugly…

  5. Darth

    If you want to be accepted by The Superficial as a celebrity then you can send your request with a photo of your nipples or cooter to us.Some of these photos we might publish here.

  6. Donkey Dongey Dong

    Between that stupid celebrity show (yes, I watched it) and Pic #8, her ass is looking pretty wide. Still, they’re both deeply religious people. Praise Jebus!

  7. Ego

    Toni Braxton’s new single will be released in 2 weeks……

  8. Looking for REAL beauty

    Karma works in odd ways, she was blessed with a decent body but must have been distracted when they handed out the pretty faces, poor thing.

  9. Rod

    quit showing this wench. i’ve got prettier corn in my poo.

  10. Amy

    # 29, I couldn’t agree more. It’s rare to see a well-built celebrity (or normal folk) who aren’t complete idiots or douches. Either they’re born that way, or they give up on life because they can. I honestly think they give up on ze book-learnin’ because they can…I guess that makes them smart…well, until they reach 40. Then what do they do? If you’ve based your whole life on your looks, what do you do when you get old? Where do retired strippers or “world’s strongest men” go? Honestly…I’m curious.

    The only thing awesome about this girl is her waist. Other than that, she’s got a total horse-face (if you’ll remember, SJP used to have a “pretty” horse-face that was quite endearing, and then she got older) regular legs, slight cankles, and fake boobs (which any of us can buy). Spencer has a pretty nice body…I’m not going to lie. But then you hear him talk and see his awful beard, and then you want to kill yourself.

    Also, these people make us Christans (the few that exist/comment on this site) look really, really, really bad. Embarassing. Pretty much everyone lately has made us look like crap: Spence and Heidi, Mel Gibson, Carrie Prejean…the list goes on and on. They don’t seem to get it: Everybody screws up…but the spotlight get turned on when you do the whole “holier than thou” spiel. Don’t expect us to understand that you are a huge Christian when you are planning to pose for Playboy…naked or not. Ridiculous. Don’t expect us to think you are a huge Christian by making Passion of the Christ and then subsequently leaving your wife (who was with you before your fame and bore you like a million kids) to knock up someone else. They’ve held themselves out to a higher standard than the rest of us…so why don’t they act any better than any of us?

    Wow, I have no life. I just posted a book…that no one will likely read. *hangs head in shame*

  11. Jim Lahey

    Nice chest there Captain Caveman! I’ve seen a better built chest on a budgie after it was roadkill.

  12. Maximus

    Wow.
    She just keeps getting uglier.

  13. MightyD

    Horse face indeed…and again, FUCK U PHISH… *noisy chunky barfing*

  14. Barry

    The shower pictures are wreaking of Photoshop, some of the worst I photo retouch I have seen….

  15. spencer is UGLY

    I couldn’t even imagine how anyone could find him attractive. NO talent, NO personality, and yes to whoever said it, he indeed looks like a leprechaun. Hopefully they’re both at minute 14:59. Course, they’re the ones on TV with all the attention and money, and the best we can do is comment about how much we hate them on some random blog.

    No offense, fish!

  16. jow

    There is nothing sexy or attractive about this woman. Hideous.

  17. jow

    There is nothing sexy or attractive about this woman. Hideous.

  18. Anyone else think Amy #60 is HOT, but types entirely too much on every post? For fucks sakes…

  19. Mama Pinkus

    aw Alli, leave Amy be – yeah her posts can be wordy but she’s articulate and interesting which gives her points way above Ms. Montag any freaking day

  20. becauseican

    God I would pay top dollar to watch Lexington Steele butfuck this stupid bitch.

  21. Linkerlad

    Weird toes.

  22. She looks so sexy. Love her so much

  23. Jonny

    OK, IF YOU DON’T THINK SHE LOOKS HOT IN THESE PICKS YOU ARE OFFICIALLY NOT HETEROSEXUAL.

    I’M NOT SAYING THATS A BAD THING. BUT YOUR A NANCY BOY.

  24. Rachel

    Spencer is the definition of a douche. look up douche in the dictionary and you’ll see his picture.

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