Heidi Montag’s Fake Tits: A Ron Howard Film

March 9th, 2010 // 105 Comments

Heidi Montag spoofs the body science gave her in a new Funny or Die video inexplicably directed by Ron Howard. I say inexplicably because the man’s a legendary director and could’ve easily got away with advocating credit card reform with nothing but a blow-up doll.

Then again, I’m not entirely sure he didn’t do just that. Touché, Ron Howard. Touché…

superficial

  1. CJ

    She looks so hideous

  2. PosionIvyLeague

    Robo-tits plastic face. Bitch looks like a busted leather couch.

  3. KM

    She looks 50 years old. And not a good 50, but a ridden hard and put away wet 50.

  4. Dia

    This is scary

  5. Danielle

    I feel kinda bad for her. I don’t think she’s the monster everyone makes her out to be, I think she’s just a insecure young girl. And on top of all that her plastic surgery made her look at least ten years older.

  6. mamamiasweetpeaches

    That bitches hands are HUGE!

  7. NG

    She’s hideous up close! Jeeeeesus!

    And… she can’t act. She can add that to her resume:

    can’t:

    - sing
    - act
    - be a normal person

  8. NICOLE

    SHE IS SO FAKE AND UGLY

  9. Randal

    Heidi is a growth above the rest, proving she has a great positive vibe in putting together this latest video for Funny or Die, a well known site that brings together celebrity fun to the general masses.

    Girl, just wanted to say that you’re looking great, as always and wish you nothing but the best. Post again soon – xoxo

    Randal

  10. titsonsnack

    she looks SO OLD. She’s younger than me and she looks twenty goddamn years older than I do! She looks like an old trophy-wife mom who got a bunch of work done to try and make herself look young again. This vid wasn’t so great – the “Am I smiling?” bit would have been funny actually except it went on too long.

  11. Sport

    she is so gross i cant even click the video to watch it.

  12. Will

    Randal likes blowup dolls

  13. Dinosaur Hater

    Not even funny.

  14. fuxy

    she looks fucking hacked

  15. Parker

    She used to be pretty.

  16. Matt

    Her face looks like the aliens from Mars attacks.

    ACK ACK!!! ACK ACK ACK!!!!

  17. crazypants

    I know, all of that heavy handed and unnecessary surgery to her face now makes a 20-something girl look like a 50-something woman who’s had too much plastic surgery in a vain attempt to look 30 again. Tragic.

    The boobs are ridiculous, but great big porno boobs on a young woman is something a lot of people can live with – but what she did to her face is criminal.

  18. FATTY'NYJETSFAN

    I would STILL TAP! that PLASTIC NUT!

  19. stupidass

    shit man, that picture in the tub is an eye opener. she’s gonna be a surgery trainwreck at 40. this will not go well for her.

  20. lisa

    lol i think shes great. :’)

  21. She’s gonna be an absolute mess when she’s older; she is definitely not going to age well.

  22. Oscar

    The part where the two stiffs pop-up in the tub is hilarious, other than that – She’s just another Paris Hilton. meh.

  23. Max Planck

    Tranny train wreck.

  24. LC

    Was part of the joke to make her look shiny like cheap vinyl couch?!?!?!?

  25. lisa

    gosh… is that Ivana Trump in that tube??

  26. farttits

    Wow her face is lookin’ shiny. The surgery’s hideous and the performance terrible, but the fact that she’s willing to cut a video for credit card reform is something. Perhaps her head is slightly less empty than reported.

  27. Jade

    What the hell did she do to herself? She has to look in the mirror and just cry.

  28. chelsea

    when she gonna start the pornos?

    that’s the only industry she can pass on sucking at.
    can’t sing.
    can’t act ‘couture’
    can’t act period.
    magic erase marker pleasee?
    she claims she has multitude of orgasms a day.
    pleasee.
    spencer doesn’t have junk. and majority of chicks can’t climax.
    20% of girls who’ve had sex, haven’t even had an orgasm.
    and a girl takes at least 10 minutes to climax.
    the girls just as bad as tila. ahahah.

  29. Chelsea_Is_Stupid

    “a girl takes at least 10 minutes to climax”

    Don’t know how old you are or what planet you’re from, but in my world, it doesn’t take anywhere NEAR ten minutes!

    You poor, dumb bitch

  30. Nicolyn

    @ #28 Chelsea: Girls don’t take at least 10 minutes to climax. I can get off in a matter of minutes. Sometimes even less than a minute. I don’t know where you’re getting your facts from, but everyone is different. I also can climax multiple times a day. It’s all about knowing what you like. It also helps to have a partner who knows your body just as well as you do.

  31. It's not about you, honey

    Nicolyn, no one gives a shit about you or when and how you get off. I love people that can make anything about themselves.

  32. Sandstone Place

    #28 and #30

    Ok, since we’re talking about secret gardens….

    All girls are different. I can climax with a bullet vibe over the clit, no penetration, within five minutes and I can go for multiples. It used to be as little as 1 – 2 minutes to an orgasm.

    But here’s the problem: I’ve never had an orgasm during sex. Never. It just doesn’t stimulate me much at all, though I like sex. Not even oral sex though it will get me about a quarter of the way there after like ten minutes.

    But don’t overuse the vibrator. I’m a lot less sensitive these days and my vibe might have something to do with that. I use it on the right side and that’s where there is the least feeling. I used to use it for hours, as in more than five orgasms and just going and going. It’s a bad idea! You’ll end up sore and that’s when the feeling starts to deaden – maybe permanently. I hope that it’s just stress or dieting or something else that has me down, because it would suck to be less sensitive for good.

  33. It's not about you either, honey

    #32, stfu.

  34. Deacon Jones

    Her face is so shiny it reminded me of the Barbie dolls whose heads I used to shoot loads onto when I was in 9th grade. (ahhh, the good ole days)

  35. Shut The Fuck Up

    @28, 30, & 32:

    Why don’t you go fuck yourselves (literally) and shut the hell up. No one here cares!

  36. Get a life

    This place if for celebrity gossip, not conceited “no-one-cares-about-me-so-I’m-going-to-talk-about-masturbation” bitch gossip.

  37. Randals Love

    WHO IS RANDAL!? I LOVE YOUUU.

    Oh, and to Heidi… that video was a DIE. That scene in the bathtub… her face looks eerie.

  38. Bombay

    … she’s so stupid. I think I’m starting to like her. She entertains me.

  39. wtf

    She looks like a girl, dressed up as a man, trying to dress up like a drag queen tranny.

  40. Mr. Nice Guy

    She looks Very Beautiful to me.

  41. I agree with Danielle – #5. Her husband should have been reassuring her that she was beautiful and didn’t need the plastic surgery. I don’t know much about him but the little that I have seen, to me is seems as though he only has $ signs on his mind. She looked much better before the surgery. Her boobs are outrageous and I just kept waiting for her dress to fall down!

  42. c-ko

    Um, that wasn’t funny. Does that mean Heidi has to die?

    Too bad she married Spencer. This is the result of your husband watching WAY too much porn and expecting you to look like one of the models in Playboy. I remember one ep of the Hills when he was dating Heidi where he actually hired Playboy bunnies to hang out with him and Brody when Heidi was out with friends. He is a loser, she’s just sad and offensive to look at.

  43. To all of you

    Why don’t all of ou shut the fuck up? All except me. I will remain here as the sole poster.
    Thanx

  44. Deacon Jones

    @41

    (makes concerned, empathetic look. Places reassuring hand on “A Legals” knee)

    “Yes, you’re right. He should have.”

    (lone tear runs down cheek)

  45. KIKI

    This post is OUTTA control! Whewwwwwwww

  46. jt

    she’s actually pretty hot, but this is not even remotely funny. is it supposed to be?

  47. nikita

    that’s sad because even though as a person she’s a tool she was pretty before and now she’s gone and ruined her face, is that what you call more money than sense?

  48. Her face and tits look like shit. She looks at least 35 now. It’s almost sad how pathetic she has become.

  49. chupacabra

    those douches need a hell of alot of healing bracelets… just sayin… like, a truckload…

  50. church lady

    I think she and Spencer should do porn, together and with other couples.

    He would do so well with white on black, having cock inside a black man’s ass, and then the guy taking him in close up money shots, how fucking good would that be???

    Spence has a gorgeous body, he’s a terrible actor, and he can probably fuck, like a robotic porn star..I would love to see him get fucked up the white pink ass like a plastic insert a coin pony at the mall..

    Heidi I would love to watch a big black guy fuck her cunt and then he flips her over and licks her ass tops and butt hole, i would so direct this film, screw them out of their money,move to Europe, marry an accountant, and bake cookies for my kids, a girl can dream…

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