Heidi Montag has breasts and a camcorder

February 4th, 2008 // 205 Comments

This is the music video for Heidi Montag’s single “Higher.” Obviously there was no budget for this thing and it was shot by her boyfriend Spencer Pratt. It’s basically, and brilliantly, Heidi running around on the beach with her fake monster breasts in a bikini. As for the song itself, imagine having a wombat screech in your ear for three straight minutes. It’s sort of like that but less rewarding. However, with the audio off, this is by far the greatest music video I’ve seen in the last 20 years. Suck it, November Rain. You just got owned.

superficial

  1. not a dumb blonde

    She’s like a persistent and delusional American Idol reject who is determined to become a star despite the undeniable fact that she is actually *gasp!* an ordinary chick with zero talent and fake tig ol’ bitties that daddy probably paid for. I’ve sung drunk karaoke better than her.

  2. p0nk

    next stop, her own ‘reality’ TV show.

  3. emmaleigh

    she’s a total BUTTERFACE
    haha
    and she can’t perform. What the F@#& is she doing with her hands and arms?
    The same thing over and over again, is the answer.
    Probably the dumbest person “in Hollywood”
    is she in Hollywood? what has she ever done besides screw over her friends, lie about shit and be 1/2 of the most ridiculous couple to ever walk the Earth??

  4. she makes paris hilton look like a fucking grammy winner!!!

  5. not a dumb blonde

    She’s like a delusional American Idol reject who is determined to become a star despite the undeniable fact that she has zero talent. I’ve heard drunk karaoke that sounds better. Nothing has ever made me want to claw out my eyes and stick a burning hot poker through my ears the way this video does. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.

  6. princess_f

    that was by far the most pathetic thing that i have ever seen

  7. Lisa

    She can afford those boobs but not a music video…i guess you have to cut costs somewhere. Maybe it was an audition for a middle school talent contest!

  8. eLIZABETH Z

    I’M SORRY BUT WHO THE FUCK IS SHE!!?? I KEEP SEEING HER DUMBASS EVERYWHERE. SHE IS WAY TOO INTO HERSELF..FAKE ASS!!!

  9. mandi

    her hands are massive

  10. ElectricNachos

    There’s so much modulation on her voice, she sounds like a Chipette.

  11. not a dumb blonde....HA

    hahaha okay joke’s up maaaybe I am a dumb blonde seeing as how I somehow managed to post a comment before I was done writing it and then posted it again. Whoopsies! Haha at least I can laugh at myself. It’s a good thing to be able to do. Hopefully Heidi learns how to laugh at herself since the entire world is already.

  12. Tit fucking her would be like sliding your meat between two quart sized freezer zip locks full of half set Jello. Only the Jello is probably smarter.

  13. Randy Jackson

    Singing’s not your thing, dawg.

  14. i have never seen anyone on american idol as bad as her. that video is a total joke. is she trying to be sexy? this shit is baaaaaaad.

  15. i have never seen anyone on american idol as bad as her. that video is a total joke. is she trying to be sexy? this shit is baaaaaaad.

  16. jessica h

    honestly she fuckin sucks big hairy donkey dick and i have nothing against people who are def cause my aunt is but she sounds like she is fucking def or something its utterly a fuckin mess go back to where you came from

  17. e

    Whats wrong with this bitchs hands..she looks like she has webbed fingers..this is awful.

  18. jessica h

    lets drop off Heidi and spencer pratt in the middle of the ghetto and call it a day

  19. Cory

    “Suck it, November Rain, you just got owned”

    LOL! Thanks!

  20. La Frascatana

    This makes me imagine some Belorussian gangster sitting in a warehouse, with a foxfur-lined stole, surrounded by a cloud of cigar smoke and this video playing on 120 stolen plasma screens behind him.

    He absentmindedly looks over at Heidi’s bouncing tits while making a deal for smuggled microchips on his cell phone, and whispers to one of his minions, “Geet me theese Montag’s number.” Then back into his cell phone: “Bela, you are terrible liar, the cocaine was sewed into your pant leg. Prepare to die.”

  21. bonz

    Everything seemed real ok untill she began singing ….. she’s pretty much just built for sex , nothing more.

  22. amused

    wtf is she doing with her monster hands?

  23. Regular guy

    This girl would look great without those fake breasts. Do you hear that, women? Please, for once, LISTEN. Those fake knockers are downright silly and distracting.

    We guys love nice female bodies. In fact, we go crazy for them. Your bodies are NOT made nicer by goofy breast implants.!! How many times do you have to hear that? Those knockers are like giant pills inserted to treat some sort of brain deficit in shallow women.

    Oh, and when intimate with a girl who has balloons like this, I feel like bouncing them around like juggler. I sure as hell don’t consider them a turn-on. Ladies, just stay in shape. We love your bodies as they are. Don’t mess them up with breast implants!

  24. Miley Cyrus

    She’s a no talent, over publicized, product of pop culture, and as for Heidi, you go girl….can you teach me that rainbow move you do with your hands fourteen times? It’s such an inspiration to me. Remember…”Everybody makes mistakes…everybody has those days.” I’m talking about the douche that shot that video for you..WOOOOOOOOOooooooh!

  25. VtFarmboy

    THe music sucks but then what doesnt that is produced by the established record companies…… put britneys face on with photo shop and they all look the same…. come to think about it they sound the same too…… OMG its a consperiacy……. doesnt matter in the end the both suck and its obvious she has been doing plenty of that because its the only way you can explain how this got released.

  26. brain

    Crap.

  27. Aj

    She needs to never open her mouth again….especially to sing. Dear God….I think her singing may be worse than Britney Spears…..

  28. LALALAA

    WTF was that….. “Am I dreaming…..” No b**** was I dreaming that I actually just watched that train wreak????

  29. Aj

    She needs to never open her mouth again….especially to sing. Dear God….I think her singing may be worse than Britney Spears…..

  30. Katy

    In her favorite bikini…

  31. Farmboy, it’s a “conspiracy.” Maybe I shouldn’t be a stickler on such a site, but gimme a break here. That wasn’t even close.

  32. Johann

    I take back every bad thing I said about Britney, compared to this, she is her generation’s greatest talent.

    …my bad, I forgot Christina actually sings her songs, so I still hate Britney, and I want to get a “Hoagie Shack” from Heidi and the twins.

  33. i think the only person i hate more than heidi montag is that loser boyfriend of hers. you know, the one that filmed this “video” on his camera phone.

  34. Viv

    THE HANDS!!!! oh god the hands!!!

  35. Wow that song is fucking garbage; even with the sound off. I wish I couldn’t read lips.

  36. lola

    I bet Lauren Conrad is peeing her pants from laughter right now.

  37. Wow that song is fucking garbage; even with the sound off. I wish I couldn’t read lips.

  38. shame on Yahoo Entertainment for posting this shit on their website this morning! sure i can make a video at the beach: me, my 2-piece, my terrible voice, and my massive HANDS, but the real criminal is the “news source” that posts it for all to see.

  39. caterina

    Wombats are adorable - and fairly silent. They grunt, they don’t screech. Unfair to the family Vombatidae!

  40. Guy

    This song should have been called, “MY HANDS ARE LIKE RAKES”.

    Is there a contest to see how far and how often you can spread your fingers? If so, I know who the winner is going to be… Michael Jordan. But Heidi is going to come in second.

    Also Spencer is an awesome director. He makes Uwe Boll look like Jason Wahler.

  41. Stephanie

    Good God she sucks more than…FUCK I don’t know! She’s bad man.

  42. ella

    can’t believe i just watched that. I need to wash my brain now.

  43. “My Hands Are Like Rakes” – LOVE IT!! the cds are going to fly off the shelves.

  44. ldjfksd

    thats some bad music.. another useless cunt with no talent is exactly what Hollywood needs, as though they don’t have enough of them.
    seems like another disney channel tool they use to frighten little kids out of playing with barbies
    cheap blonde bitch, bad music vid too

  45. OH. MY. GOD.

    This bitch must be completely oblivious. This is shit my teenage sister does with her friends…..make little music videos…..cuz they’re kids, and it’s funny. But this bitch is SERIOUS…isn’t she? I mean…in her own mind of course.

    Wow. I’m so embarassed for her.

  46. Corynnia

    i’m pretty sure anyone who can make it through the whole video with the sound on deserves a congressional medal of honor.
    and to quote my stepmother: “They probably make the prisoners at Guantanamo choose between waterboarding and watching this video.
    I choose waterboarding, please.”

  47. wow thats bad

    Wow.

    What a bimbo. But she’s not even a real bimbo. She’s a fake bimbo- which is even worse.
    How much did the record company have to edit that song? There’s no way that was her real voice.
    Isn’t her 15 minutes up already?

  48. andyalsg

    She is so hot. I have seen her profile with sexy pix on a dating site named “SearchingMillionaire.com”.
    It is for millionaires and celebrities. Her photos were certified there. I sent a wink to her but no reply yet.
    It’s said Charlie Sheen dated a very sexy model there before.

  49. andiyals

    She is so hot. I have seen her profile with sexy pix on a dating site named “SearchingM illionaire dot com”.
    It is for millionaires and celebrities. Her photos were certified there. I sent a wink to her but no reply yet.

  50. andyalsg!!! i saw your profile on youradouchebag.com! I sent you cancer…but you’re still kickin!

    Damn.

Leave A Comment