Heidi Montag has breasts and a camcorder

February 4th, 2008 // 205 Comments

This is the music video for Heidi Montag’s single “Higher.” Obviously there was no budget for this thing and it was shot by her boyfriend Spencer Pratt. It’s basically, and brilliantly, Heidi running around on the beach with her fake monster breasts in a bikini. As for the song itself, imagine having a wombat screech in your ear for three straight minutes. It’s sort of like that but less rewarding. However, with the audio off, this is by far the greatest music video I’ve seen in the last 20 years. Suck it, November Rain. You just got owned.

superficial

  1. Even with her smoking hot body, i couldn’t finish that clip.

  2. Meghan

    umm…. is this a joke? This is worse than Paris Hilton! Not only does her voice make me want to scratch my eyes out, but her complete lack of rhythm and flailing arms made her look like she is in Special Ed… Just because she used LC to become “famous” doesn’t mean that people actually respect her enough to watch this garbage… no wonder she was booed at her last performance. I wouldn’t quit my day job if i were her….

  3. Even with her smoking hot body, i couldn’t finish that clip.

  4. sausage bacon

    breakout role.

  5. R

    cmon, give it another chance. its not so bad on mute!

  6. amma

    …Eventually, her breasts will start demanding special treatment and go onto a solo career. I can’t believe this chick was just voted into the top 100 sexiest women in the world! Okay, Big Fake Boobs–I get it! But there are lots of big fake boobs out there attached to attractive women…for goodness sakes people, raise your standards!

  7. BunnyButt

    Jazz hands!

  8. Noneya

    That was the worst thing I have ever seen in my entire life and this site is the most unintelligent peice of shit out there and you are all morons. Go read a book and get some education you dumb dipshits

  9. The only lyrics I listen to is when a girl cries out “stop, that hurts!” because it makes me harder.

  10. kitty_kat

    Oh. My. Goodness. That was the worst singing I’ve heard in a VERY long time!

  11. Bigheadmike

    Britney bound……

  12. sg

    wow, almost as good as paula abdul

  13. BunnyButt

    Eh, someone got to jazz hands before me. Sigh.

  14. Binky

    She sounds a bit like The Chipmunks.
    Maybe she can get some cartoon work

  15. James

    “Even with her smoking hot body,”

    Only a cracker would say that. Bleached, skinny, no ass, cartoonish fake boobs. Yeah, really hot.

  16. I wonder how long it will take for her to find a real boyfriend (read ‘real man’).

  17. kirsten dunst

    da ah hahahaha. shes SERIOUSLY pushing the music career thing? funniest shit ive heard all day.

  18. mrs.t

    Made it 36 seconds, then the cringing became painful.

  19. meh

    She does look like a special ed kid. I also have to agree with the person who said she looks better in stills. Her falsetto is worse than mine…congratulations…I didn’t think that was possible.

  20. Holy crap, that is the most poorly shot video I have ever seen.

  21. She resembles someone who would take the special bus to school when she’s running….

  22. The Office Whore

    Her “dancing” reminds me of a pervert with Cerebral Palsy trying to draw a pussy on an Etch A Sketch.

    not to disrespect those with cerebral palsy.

  23. I concur with The Office Whore. Except I don’t respect anyone with cerebral palsy.

  24. laura

    waaaay atrocious. like a parody of itself.

  25. mimi

    This makes Stars are Blind look like award winning material!

  26. norton

    What the fuck was that?

  27. TS

    I like Men!

  28. brookelynn

    I’m really embarrassed for that girl.

  29. I don’t believe in cerebral palsy. It’s just another attempt to get attention.

  30. hhb

    she needs a shirt

    webelowwear dot com

  31. Sue

    Where the hell are those stingrays/jellyfish/sharks when you need them? I kept waiting….waiting…waiting….such a disappointment.

  32. tu culo

    This is another example of more tasteless music coming from the US. Love live House Music!!! Long live “Little” Louie Vega!!!

  33. I cucumber with The Office Whore.

  34. PrettyBaby

    #81 haahaa Sue

  35. Auntie Kryst

    This is certain to be a eurotrash club hit.

  36. meh

    Guess what Snarf?! I’m eating pizza. MMMMMMMMMMMMMMM. It’s so good.

  37. Erik

    Worst. Song. Evar!

    She’s the smartest person in showbiz. She realizes she’s a fourth-rate celebrity (at best). So she “made” a crap-ass song knowing that people will end up buying the song, not because it’s good, but more as a joke. Club’s will start playing this, some stupid commercial will pick it up, and soon enough, Heidi will never have to work again.

  38. You guys are just making me want to see it. I could really use a good laugh..

  39. PrettyBaby

    You gotta see it, you must, you must.
    You MUST~

  40. FlipGo

    Well the music, matches the video and the girl… shitty, shitty, shitty….

    You’d think with the overabundance of wannabe directors in LA, they could’ve hired one out for at least one day!

    Boo, I say! Boo!

  41. coachdavid

    Karaoke background?
    Smart decision to put the money in her chest and not in the video!
    2 whackos.

  42. D. Richards (Nipple biter.)

    Yeah, like I’m really going to subject myself to three-and-a half minutes of ugly Heidi Montag.

    Can’t Montag just be executed already? Who’s sick idea was it so create a (…) Heidi Montag, anyway? She’s such an untalented Joseph Merrick wannabe. What’s the purpose of Heidi Montag? Besides being viable for being beaten to death.

    You know how I know there isn’t a god? Heidi Montag.

  43. Alys

    omg ahahahaha , is this some kind of sick joke?
    this is possibly the most hilarious thing i’ve EVER seen!

  44. EuroNeckPain

    It sounds like a High School Musical song, same style, but without talent.
    They mixed the ingredients that always win: pink bikini, bleached hair, blue sea, long empty beach, blue sky, and a song that goes “hiiigher”, spread your wings, I’m free, fly away, sunshine in my hair, whatever…
    Yet it does not work.

  45. rebecca

    how sad!!! no talent, charisma or sex appeal to speak of. ugly face too. her body is about an 8 though!!!!!

  46. Half Retarded

    Even with her hot body I feel bad about jerking it to a half tard.

  47. sockmonkey

    Buttaface!!!!!!
    Would someone please put a bag over her face.

  48. yoops

    ‘The poor man’s Paris Hilton’, anyone? Is that an oxymoron?

  49. cochineal

    “don’t be afraid to fuck my heart”

    Brutal.

  50. whatever

    Ughh that was just. Awful. Will she just admit that her only calling in life is porn already? It would save us from permanent damage to our eardrums, not to mention make every guy who comments on this site very happy.

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