Heidi Montag has breasts and a camcorder

February 4th, 2008 // 205 Comments

This is the music video for Heidi Montag’s single “Higher.” Obviously there was no budget for this thing and it was shot by her boyfriend Spencer Pratt. It’s basically, and brilliantly, Heidi running around on the beach with her fake monster breasts in a bikini. As for the song itself, imagine having a wombat screech in your ear for three straight minutes. It’s sort of like that but less rewarding. However, with the audio off, this is by far the greatest music video I’ve seen in the last 20 years. Suck it, November Rain. You just got owned.

superficial

  1. Dave

    First

  2. To bad I can’t see the video..

  3. Snarf

    Pizza! WTF! I NEED SOME FUCKING PIZZA!!!

    ARGHH!!!

    PIZZA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  4. TS

    Dave, you are a fucking dork. You should be ashamed of yourself.

    If it wasn’t for Heidi’s enourmous chin she would be pretty damn hot.

  5. Junior

    WOW….hollywood really does f**k with your head!!

  6. Junior

    WOW….hollywood really does f**k with your head!!

  7. Mella

    This looks like a student project.

  8. Mella

    This looks like a student project.

  9. TS

    actually Dave you rock, i’m just sad because my small package makes it hard for me to rub one out with a bottle of jergens and this music video

  10. TS

    Jimbo, consider yourself lucky you can’t see it because it could be possible that you would actually hear a snippet of that song if you could. wThat song is by far the worst thing I have ever heard. The mere fact that she would even agree to record it simply baffles me.

  11. kate

    HOLY SHIT THAT SUCKED SO BAD.

  12. TS

    #9 how original, jackass.

  13. Jen

    OH MY GOD! Can i please borrow her for 5 minutes? Did any of you “MEN’ Even listen to the Lyrics?

  14. gotmilk?

    HAHAHAHAHAAA what the fuck was that? i had to stop it as soon as she started singing & flailing her arms about.

    spencer must have taped that – it can’t be for real.

  15. sharpeidude

    This bitch must be in “special Ed” or something.

  16. Men

    “Did any of you “MEN’ Even listen to the Lyrics?”

    Huh? On a chick song? Don’t make me hit you.

  17. meghanfish

    Hands down – the shittiest music video I have ever seen

  18. meghanfish

    Hands down – the shittiest music video I have ever seen

  19. leah

    jesus christ, i could only watch a small portion of that before my eyes began to bleed. what’s with the weird goofy look she gets on her face when she is running?

    that was sad.

  20. TS, I did not want to see the video to hear her sing. I just wanted to see her in a bikini.

    And congratulations, you have your own troll. Take care of it. They like to have the shit beat out of them at least once a day. If you are lucky, yours will have brain damage..

  21. combustion8

    wow.. just wow.. they must be going for the worst video/song of the year award.

  22. Harry

    It was actually a lot better song than the one Paula Abdul sang before the Super Bowl, which, I feel, was a little pitchy.

  23. gotmilk?

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NpRbZpFi7z4

    proof – spencer did in fact tape this video. i thought Fish was kidding.

  24. KR

    Yet more minutes of my life wasted on “production” music that I will never get back. There is a good reason that her boyfriend had to shoot the video vs. her “record” company. Heidi needs to stick to something that she is good at–but i can honestly say that sitting still and looking pretty is not one of them. Big breasts and a nose job may be great right now, but for the long term she needs to develop her crappy, self-absorbed personality.

  25. pirhan

    OMG. I couldn’t even stand 30 seconds, and I’m a lesbian. *shock* I’ll try again tomorrow with the sound off.

  26. PrettyBaby

    *makes the sign of the cross*

    Can you imagine the boner Spencer had while filming that?

  27. Gack

    Good lord, check out the man hands on that girl! And with the constant “jazz hands” poses she does they look HUMONGOUS! What a horrible, awkward piece of tripe that “video” is. Yeesh.

  28. cindy

    that was soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo bad

  29. Hey Pirhan, I am a lesbian too..

  30. oops

    ‘director’ ——and………end scene. CUT dammit!! CUT!! stop. moving. we aren’t filming anymore. jesus, this girl is stupid.

  31. Nance

    I’ve seen coconut shells that were softer and more natural looking.

  32. I can’t see it either. What I want to see is Paris Hilton at Fitty Cent’s after superbowl party, where she gets up on the stage and Fitty tells her to GET THE FUCK OFF, and she starts crying. Where’s that footage???

  33. PrettyBaby

    The only thing that kept me hanging on til the end was the thought, no more like the fervent wish, that LC would fly out and just start beating the fuck out of her.
    But sadly, no such thing happens.

  34. PrettyBaby

    hahahah yes Jazz Hands #27

    Either that or she is trying to make like thuggish street hand gestures. *shudders*

  35. carly

    She is so NOT naturally blessed.

  36. p0nk

    wow, that’s 3:29 of my life i wish i could have back. even with the sound off. she makes baywatch look realistic, and pam anderson look classy.

  37. @35 and your point?? It is not like we care..

  38. pointandlaugh

    I predict her singing career is going to asplode in a massive fail-a-palooza

  39. alicia

    OMG…That screetching bitch made my teeth hurt. Its like nails on a chalk board!

  40. PrettyBaby

    p0nk, you have to hear the singing…. you just have too.

  41. JM

    I just pulled this up on my laptop while dumping out. Even my shit thought that video was shitty. One turd could be overheard saying “Does that bitch know anything else besides circles and spirit fingers? FLUSH ME ALREADY, ASSHOLE!” I don’t think I need to explain how bad something has to be to make shit suicidal.

  42. sausage legs

    she sound real nice a likea. likea real girl on the vergea of fameo and a fortunea. I hopea she makes it for a longa timea.

  43. Nikki

    My god.. I had to shut it off half way through because it was so horrible.

  44. angelA

    this video just raped my eyes and ears. i thought no one could beat paris hilton’s insane delusions of grandeur but this dumbass chick wins it all.

  45. GUT THIS WHORE ALREADY

    she’s going nowhere and clearly spencer bratt is just humoring her so he can bang her holes. it must be all from behind cause that’s how you ride a horse.

  46. Adam

    I’d hit that.

  47. sicasso

    she is an artist’s model, but hardly an artist. she is to music what eyeglasses are to a sea cucumber.

  48. sloane

    This bitch is completely useless! What an atrocity this whole production is. The writing, the production, the artificial VOICE all HORRIBLE. The video is embarrassing. Her fake smile, her spastic hand movements, her lame dancing and frolicking and her forced attempts at being sexy!!
    I want to kidnap this bitch, tie her up and violate her asshole with a hot curling iron…smile for the camera Heidi!

  49. Jess

    This same video was released by another brilliant blonde a few years back—her name is Paris Hilton and the song was “Stars are Blind”. Which sadly, was a much better song and beach frollicking than this.

  50. masterless

    shes one of those chicks that look good in still pictures, if that. showing any movement breaks the illusion and she tends to look like a meth addict 5 years before rehab.

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