Heidi Montag’s breasts can multitask

March 16th, 2010 // 91 Comments

While defying the very laws of reason by acting in a legitimate film yesterday, Heidi Montag somehow find time to squeeze in a photoshoot for her line of hair care products. So not only is Heidi an actress, she’s a working model with all the beauty and grace of Barbie having a stroke.

We’re in a parallel dimension, aren’t we? Goddammit.

superficial

  1. Livinius Nwambe

    She looks like Walter Cronkite, for God’s sake. First.

  2. She’s so full of herself I can’t take it!!

  3. FATTY'NYJETSFAN

    I just want to give it to her! so bad! and THE BACK DOOR!

  4. oooaaahhh

    It looks like they’re doing a remake of The Dukes of Hazzard and she’s taking Jennifer Simpson’s role cause she’s too fat to play it anymore.

  5. snarkyscreenname

    For Gods sake! Nothing on this woman is real! Fish, normally you are so funny that I have to hit the site MANY times a day….but there has been fffaaarrrr too much Heidi lately. If everyone would stop paying attention, she would stop being relevant.

    She’s wearing fake EYELASHES for fucks sake

  6. snarkyscreenname

    Where are my posts going?

  7. oooaaahhh

    Fake or not, that body is sssmmmoookkkiiinnn’. The face, eh.

  8. Sheena

    Those basketballs in her chest have to hurt. Actually, I hope they do.

  9. AnnaDraconida

    She looks like a wax figure.

    And she has cankles.

  10. I

    I don’t know how much dirty money the superficial accepts from speidis publicist each month, but it’s not enuff to buy back the now extinct respect for the fish

    we are not fooled

  11. oooaaahhh

    @8. No way she has cankles. In my book, her legs are her best feature. She just doesn’t have heels on and she’s not turned sideways.

  12. I think she would do great as a contestant on RuPual’s show Drag Race. Her and her manly face bone structure and fake body.

  13. Shaft

    Damn, is that Rocky Dennis?

  14. PepeLeScrew

    She digusts me. Her low self-esteem is enough to see her completely rebuild her face and body, but not low enough to see her do the decent thing and use those fine assets in the field of pornography. For shame.

  15. havoc

    What do you call all that worthless skin around the vagina?

    Heidi Montag.

    .

  16. Randal

    Venus herself could stand next to Heidi and look plain. Crackerjacks aren’t even made with the POP Heidi brings.

    We’ve all seen the young girl grow on one of TV’s most anticipated and mega hit shows, The Hills and watched her become a musical star as a young lady and now we get to watch her mature on the big screen.

    Congratulations Heidi for making your dreams come true and for living them to the fullest! You are an inspiration to all. Kisses! xxx

    Randal

  17. Ron

    Why don’t you just post pics of silicon bags instead?

  18. Tek

    Double the tranny. I guess one post a day of this shemale isnt enough?

    Oh and Randall, please kill yourself.

  19. fornarina

    ease up on the Heidi Posts Fish, we don’t need to see her this many times a day.

    If I didn’t know better I’d say she was paying you or you actually are sexually obsessed with her.

  20. Haywood Jablowmie

    #16 Randall – when did you decide to go GAY?

  21. Angie

    I don’t care HOW many times you post Heidi stuff as long as you continue with lines like “she’s a working model with all the beauty and grace of Barbie having a stroke.:”

  22. jenn

    ok, for some weird reason, i like the heidi montag posts. her face is a collision on a freeway and i have to look

  23. Nameless

    Damn her face looks like shit. I admit I thought she looked better when she first had her surgery but now its obvious they photoshopped her to clean everything up.

    Non-PS’d and in natural light she looks like she’s wearing Jim Carrey’s Mask.

  24. ___

    #13, I just fell out of my chair laughing. I was trying to figure out why she looks so disturbingly familiar and you hit it right on the head. That jaw is ridiculous. Just like everything else on her. And why is her suck hole always hanging open? Did the doctor botch the nose job so she can only breath through her mouth or something?

  25. Ughhh

    If you insist on posting pics of this thing then at least replace its face with something better looking, like Patrick Stewart.

  26. KIKI

    Where is photo shop when you really need it? I bet those boobs don’t move they are so bolted on.

  27. oWL

    She looks like she”s wearing the mask from V for Vendetta.

  28. big fat bob

    still …
    no matter what y’all say – i’d like to put my little finger in her bum bum bum.

  29. Area Man

    Hey look! She cracked a smile! Literally!

  30. Her hair is about all that’s left. She should comb it over that creepy mannequin face.

    @ 16 – Venus was a nasty heifer anyway.

  31. steff

    does she really think shes sexy making that stupid fucking face in every god damned picture!?!?!?! i cant stand this bitch

  32. John

    Is it me, or did she not look a whole lot better before the changes?

  33. Hey isnt she in the movie White Chicks??

  34. @32, shame on you, that’s the only face she can make

  35. Swankie Mcjaggert

    You know what jerks!!! She’s a beautiful woman and her hair smells of cinammon and mint! She brushes her teeth with gold!!!!! her bottom is as laminated as any fine sheet of paper you will ever see!!! Why don’t you pick on somebody your own size, like something really small!!!!

  36. MY SIZE IS NOT SMALL!..Swankie McJagert…fi that is your real name!? I bet its not, I bet its not your real name, you cowardly hog! I would strike yo down if I had the opportunity but…alas…

    I AM NOT SMALL! SO I WOULD HAVE TO PICK ONE SOMETHING VERY VEYR LARGE…if I were that kind of guy…or girl…like YOUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!DDDDDD

    I am not small. Period.

  37. KIKI

    OK SWANKIE.

  38. Mr. Nice Guy

    Heidi is Hot, Sexy and Beautiful. If any normal guy saw her and did not know her history they would fight to be with her. Smart guys won’t care and will still chase her once her loser Husband goes away.
    Most of the people hating on her are young women and gay men in love with the boring Lauren Conrad.

  39. Do_FreeBird

    She looks like a fucking Android.

  40. Mama Pinkus

    sad…….as annoying as she was before, at least her face had character – now she looks like some sort of borg whore

  41. Bianca

    That chick looks like shit. She ought to tell her doc to go back to plastic surgeon school cause she still looks like the same horsey face, ugly chick.

  42. sos

    Is she spraying herself with something painful? (I hope so)

  43. me again

    what an asshole….stupid… she looked fine before….

  44. edward

    spray in the f@#king eyes so i don’t have to look at her…

  45. Marcus

    I thank #37 small business health insurance2 for saying what we all felt but were afraid to say.

    I salute you sir.

  46. fonzeyfu

    “…with all the beauty and grace of Barbie having a stroke.” LOL. This is why I return to SF.

  47. BennyfromThames

    In terms of her looks I’m not going to lie, I would love to grab that long blonde hair and raw dog her till I filled her gas tank up! Her looks & pussy are the only reason has any fame, or any male so much as tolerates her existence. As for her personality, well I imagine being exposed to Heidi Montag unfiltered would be the mental equivalent of sitting next to the autistic kid in class that just shit his pants while the teacher decides to rake her nails down the chalk board randomly for a solid hour! It starts out interesting with a few chuckles but would get fucking old fast. An I agree she was a moron for getting plastic surgery and if she keeps it up she’s going to end up looking like Rocky from Mask.

  48. Jas

    She actually looks like a man in these pictures.

    Like ACTUALLY!!!

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