Heidi Montag fashions: For today’s street whore

April 14th, 2008 // 149 Comments

Heidi Montag launched her new clothing line Heidiwood over the weekend which she previously described as “fun and flirty for the everyday woman.” Since I’m freaking bad to the ass, I came up with a more appropriate slogan:

Heidiwood: Clothing designed exclusively by and for the everyday skank – who loves looking classy!

Everyday skank seen here not included. Doucehole boyfriend sold separately. Heidiwood does not endorse or condone breast augmentation devices but you’re pretty much super retarded and should die if you don’t have them. P.S. Lauren Conrad has a smelly vagina.

superficial

  1. Andrea

    If Obama wins the nomination, just go ahead and disband the party. What a joke. Conditions were incredibly bad in the country when John Kerry lost, and now they’re even worse – sort of like Vietnam and the Great Depression all in one. And there’s no way that the Democratic candidate (Obama) will win in November. All the polls right now are utter bullshit. When it’s time to vote, will Americans pick a completely inexperienced, unqualified, condescending, elitist, America-hating black man with a muslim name, over a bona fide military hero who went on to perform decades of public service? Not a chance. If you want to make an empty statement about “change” then vote for Nader. Otherwise, everybody knows – except the Democrats – that now is not the time to fuck around with serious choices for leadership.

  2. woodhorse

    How much more abuse can that Fraggle Rock hair take?

  3. nipolian

    Ralph Nader – At least you would get the best of both canidates: a 75 year old Lebanese terrorist – perfect!

  4. aja

    shut the fuck up with the political stuff, this is a gossiup site, not McNeil lehrer

    BORING

    anyway – she is UGLY

  5. Take away the fact that Heidi is as plastic as the bumpers on my car and if you could find a way for her to keep her mouth shut, she is do able..

  6. Cant stand Heidi or her stupid clothes. Im glad I am not the only on who thinks she is stupid.

  7. ABC

    I cannot put down this female because she obviously knows when to push herself from the plate; unlike fat ass Kim Kardaskank lol!

  8. Hannah T

    She clearly has the intelligence of a half-dead, oxygen-deprived gnat with learning difficulties, and would beat the as-yet undefeated champion Paris Hilton in a Waste of Space contest, but I am *quite* jealous of her legs, Louboutins, and money. *sigh*

  9. Harry

    Good God! I don’t care if this chick is dumb as a bulb. I’d love to see her and John McCain’s teenage daughter getting it on in the shower!

  10. G

    heidi’s sexy!

  11. hahaha

    i love how every time we get a new heidi montag post it eventually becomes a candidate debate.

  12. VOTE DEMOCRAT

    #62

    This is a critical presidential election. The way we vote decides if US is going to continue fighting a war that cannot be won or not.

    END THE WAR-VOTE DEMOCRAT.

  13. @63 It can be won. It is just that the pussys in DC will not do what it takes to win the war. They don’t want the media talking bad about them..

  14. @65 No, she just blows strangers on Santa Monica Blvd..

  15. monkeyfightclub

    I can picture Clooney’s woman wearing an outfit like that. God I love whores.

  16. Janet

    All you people dissing her looks are just jealous. She’s hot and you know it.

  17. Turbo Lover

    Fuck yeah Heidi. You are already dressed for the show, let’s go. Priest rulez!

  18. Superevil

    How the fuck did this get turned into a politics topic again? While I will admit that most of my fellow Americans are half-retarded I HOPE they’re not stupid enough to vote Bush 2.0. Like it or not get used to hearing President Obama.

    Oh, and fuck this ugly skank. Give me more Audrina Patridge

  19. BoboTed

    Hey inbred Jimbo @#64, go get off your fat white trash ass and get to Iraq you fucking pussy Chickenhawk.

  20. OK PEOPLE ILL SAY ONCE. I’M SURE A LOT OF GUYS WOULDN’T KICK THIS SKANK OUT OF BED. BUT AFTER POKIN HER A COUPLE OF TIMES I GARENTEE SHE WOULD DEFINETTLY BE SENT HOME FOR GOOD! ON TO THE NEXT SKANK. KIM? WHERE ARE YOU? ALREADY GAVE PARIS HERPES.

  21. Mama Pinkus

    That skank’s 15 minutes cannot be over soon enough.

  22. FromOutOfNoWhere

    oh man yes, I would totally bitch slap that dofus Spencer off the stage and f$@k Heidi hard right then and there on the walk way..

  23. anon

    http://blog.vh1.com/2008-04-14/heidi-now-you-too-can-dress-skanky/

    I like how the VH1 blog is pretty much copying your articles

  24. Republicans are Fools

    Listen up brothers. Our world as we remember it is coming to an end. The age of cheap oil is over. Food prices are going to continue to skyrocket and the world’s poor are going to starve. There are going to be more poor people and the middle class is doomed. We are going to be living in a state of emergency before very long. Oil = energy. No oil = no life.
    We (the rich,elitist rulers) have squandered the easy hydrocarbons in a flurry. 80% of our ancient massive trees are gone. After the oil is unaffordable (how’s it for ya now?) the food will follow. We will (the majority of us, the poor) then begin to ration ourselves and eat simply. The local trees will fall for firewood, just as they always have.
    Problem (without a solution) is the world can no longer sustain billions of humans without the A R T I F I C I A L stimulation of relatively cheap hydrocarbons and the entropic extraction/devastation inherent in the chemical industrial exploitation of the world’s mineral “resources”.
    The planet is toxic.
    And for you undereducated : the world is going to lose fresh water and the seas will rise and we will lose prime agricultural land. I hear the propagandists like Limbaugh and Beck saying things like “there will be more land exposed and the world being warm is a good thing and we have gone through cycles where the earth was hotter”. And indeed it was hotter. That does not sound like a good thing to me. Less forest and fresh water and more heat does not sound sustainable for our specie, and by that I am well aware that the elite will, as they always do, persevere.
    Man as a specie will thrive. There are just going to be a lot fewer specimens.

    So yeah, go ahead and vote for whomever you wish. We have 3 terrible choices:
    1) An inexperienced maverik of sorts. Wishful thinking. Do you think the powers that be will allow this guy to implement any racical changes?
    2) Bilderberger Walmart Lobbyist Lady.
    3) Crook (S&L scandal)

    Time to die

  25. i am inside you

    VOTE DEMOCRAT, YOU ARE AN IDIOT. HOW WOULD BILLARY OR OSAMA END WAR??!?!?!?! REALLY… THEY BOTH OPERATE ON A PRE-EMPTIVE WAR STRATEGY THAT IS EXACTLY THE SAME AS THE BUSH ADMINISTRATION! AND THERE’S A REASON WHY JOHN MCCAIN, HILARY CLINTON, BARACK OBAMA CAN’T SAVE SHIT AND DON’T BELIVE IN ANY CHANGE WHATSOEVER… THEY ARE ALL “REPUBLICRATS” WHO SERVE THE NEW WORLD ORDER ON THE COUNCIL ON FORIEGN RELATIONS. THEY ARE SMOKE AND MIRRORS. THE BEST THING AMERICA COULD EVER DO BUT COMPLETELY LACKS THE FUCKING BALLS IS TO IMPEACH THE BUSH ADMINISTRATION… HOLD A PROPER INVESTIGATION INTO THE EVENTS OF 9/11… OVERTHROW THE FEDERAL RESERVE AND RETURN TO THE GOLD STANDARD, THEN PROBABLY FLUSH ALL THE CORPORATE ENTERTAINMENT HOLLYWOOD A LIST BULLSHIT DOWN THE TOILET… INCLUDING THIS SITE… BUT HERE WE ARE… AMERICA WANTS MORE… ANOTHER PARIS HILTON… ANOTHER WHORE ON THE SHORE… I’LL BE RIGHT THERE TO REMIND YOU. IN CASE YOU’RE CURIOUS, I AM THE antixrist AND I WILL SEE YOU INTO THE END. I BEAR THE MARK. 06/16/86.

  26. S. Freud

    “racical changes”

    That, my friend, was a classic slip.

  27. #78

    I am with you brother

  28. Booboo

    She’s freaking hot….I love her, Heidi you’re my hero!

  29. HuckyDucky

    Great legs, great ass, great fake tits, whore. Four things in her favor in my book. I’m with #34 and #37.

  30. Rick

    Vote Democrat? This is no time to put the country in the hands of a bunch of spineless he-bitches.

  31. Question for mindless republicans

    Which is it you characters prefer, capitalism or democracy? The rights of the corporation or the individual? Have any of you bothered to read the history of this country and how our rights are being subverted by a judiciary that serves the purposes of the rich?
    It doesn’t matter as I fear it is long too late anyway.
    Suffer losers

  32. metronne

    #77. racical/radical typographical slip aside, i wholeheartedly agree. we’re fucked beyond all ability to reverse or repair at this point. we the American Nation have led the world to the very brink of the Great Toilet Flush. we have done and will do nothing to attempt to slow it down (significantly, that is). we won’t even apologize. i think, if the universe is lucky, it will go down in a way that reduces or wipes out humans without rendering the planet unable to support life. maybe SOME kind of worthwhile consciousness could still have a chance to survive that way.

    also, why do political discussions always deteriorate almost immediately deteriorate into name calling and insults? if your information is good, shouldn’t it speak for itself without resorting to unnecessary character attacks? it’s like listening to drunken sports jerks at closing time. sheesh.

    PS heidi, next time you show up to launch a product with your name on it will you at LEAST get a professional-ish person to do your hair or something? it’s like the hair of a barbie doll that’s been under some kid’s bed for like two years

  33. metronne

    #77. racical/radical typographical slip aside, i wholeheartedly agree. we’re fucked beyond all ability to reverse or repair at this point. we the American Nation have led the world to the very brink of the Great Toilet Flush. we have done and will do nothing to attempt to slow it down (significantly, that is). we won’t even apologize. i think, if the universe is lucky, it will go down in a way that reduces or wipes out humans without rendering the planet unable to support life. maybe SOME kind of worthwhile consciousness could still have a chance to evolve that way.

    also, why do political discussions always deteriorate almost immediately into name calling and insults? if your information is good, shouldn’t it speak for itself without resorting to unnecessary character attacks? it’s like listening to drunken sports jerks at closing time. sheesh.

    PS heidi, next time you show up to launch a product with your name on it will you at LEAST get a professional-ish person to do your hair or something? it’s like the hair of a barbie doll that’s been under some kid’s bed for like two years

  34. Ted from LA

    #3,
    Not me and I hate having an unfunny troll. I seldom use the word cunt unless it fits (see Oprah and Kirstie Alley).

  35. Yikes Ted – we seem to be invaded here with newcomers ripe with political ‘analysis.’
    Like WOW – Guys/gals ! Welcome to the site !
    ( Oh, by the way, Obama ‘ Billary’ and McCain fans/shills – 9/11 was an inside job and the world is starting to ask a few questions…
    just in case someone should ask) (etc,,)

  36. catska

    I AM WITH # 78. WE NEED TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT THE FEDERAL RESERVE. THE TIME FOR A REVOLUTION IS NOW!!!!AND IT IS VERY POSSIBLE TO START A REVOLUTION BECAUSE OF THE BEAUTIFUL INTERNET. LET US STAND TOGETHER AND FIGHT FOR OUR RIGHTS!!!!!!!

  37. So… #36, 40,43, 52,63, 83 Etc, You… maybe, American ? Or Americano ?
    Cliff Notes : I always liked the O – 69 .
    Knee Ya Ha Ha : (Settle down Cliff). Inside job – those numbers up there ?
    Can you explain again for us all ‘free fall collapse speed’ though undamaged steel structure ?
    Just one more time…
    And you still don’t give a shit ?
    (And in related news.Heidi – keep working out – things are going great)

  38. boiler

    i’d like to boil her alive and dip french fries in her blood.

    whata ho.

  39. Look Knee – you’ve been a bit ‘Lax’ and tardy with the comments lately – and I’m suddenly finding this ‘catska’ guy/gal much more relevant.
    Knee Ya Ha Ha : Don’t worry. Sorry about that – Monday/Tuesday is Bowling night – give or take a time zone.

  40. Great analysis of H2O conversion #91.
    Inside job ?

  41. luna

    i like the shoes but she is not worthy of wearing LV

  42. Good point Luna.
    The shoes work – No problem there. But,really. who she ?
    I mean this woman must really be back by the right pea-pole ! No ?
    Over here at ChungKing Mansions pea-pole having a bit more of problem with the ’9/11 Inside job’ thing. ‘Frank’ from 16th floor watch a lot of movies and always talk about it.
    Frank from 16th Floor : 9/11 was an inside job.

  43. InternetToughGuy

    What a bunch of fucking liars. Any male saying they would not take a shot at that, given the chance, is not not a heterosexual. It’s that fucking simple.

  44. King Wang

    Uhhhhhhhhh………….who the fuck is this gal?

    I thought it was a time-warped and plastic enhanced Tara Reid for a minute.

    Then I realized the obvious: It is Nobody.

    Hmmmmm……..time for us to break out the inflatable women, they are more real, plus, China is using lead paint now, so we can get FUCKING crazy!

    Before I forget, that gal is like Amy Whinehouse, all the muscle tone of a bucket of used lard. Here’s to hoping her brain isn’t suffering the same atrophy as the rest of her.

    Someone remind these skanks that real sunlight might help them.

    Oh, and I am not racist, I believe everyone should own at least one slave.
    After all, THAT is real equality………..vote Repub!
    Screw the Demo-tards……..you want a bitch as fucked up as THIS one running your country?
    You want a black dude that I am more blacker than, even though I am white?

    Shit, you get what you pay for my friends, and if you buy what THOSE piss ignorant freaks are selling, more power to you. I will make sure to lock my door when the shooting starts. FUCK YOU BUDDY!

  45. Great analysis ‘Internet Tough guy’.
    No offense – but did you just basically give up on the ‘handle’ as they say in the industry ?
    Inside job ?
    Cliff Notes : My guess is the guy will say ‘no’ Knee.

  46. Well. ‘King Wang’ and ‘Internet Tough guy’ – Welcome to the site .
    Inside job ?

  47. That’s what I thought ‘cool’ – But then reality took over and I decided to do some spring cleaning….

  48. Now non-celebrities have ‘celebrity clothing lines’. The crap’s fugly and a half, nothing different than we’ve all seen before. BTW I don’t know if Lauren Conrad has a smelly vagina but I understand she has a wide gaping cooch with an enlarged clitoris.

    PS: But she sucks a mean pole holla Lauren!

  49. So Da Man – Inside job ?
    Cliff Notes : And , Da Man – welcome to the site – quite a few links ago we had a question from ‘Frist’ -our good friend from the Pacific Northwest – somewhere near Spokane Washington.
    It was ‘What is a hill ?’
    Binky : No it was what was a ‘shill ‘. You’ve just screwed up this whole comment you fucking moron.
    Cliff Notes : Oh.

  50. King Wang

    What you are saying Da Man, is that she has a bigger Dick than you.

    If you are NOT saying that……….well, skank is, as gapped out skank does.

    I still don’t know who this gal is. Kind of like the Victorian Secret biatches.
    I watch the commercials, and almost have time to whip it out in the 30 seconds.

    Then I can’t make it fast enough, and then remember they are skanks.

    I then go watch CNN Headline News, and choke the chicken to the continuing downward spiral on the Pyramid Scheme called “Sub Prime”. Not to mention that last blast when Intel stocks go up a nickel……..

    Not a better day to be American. I got to lose my house, and rope the mule to a chick I never heard of, that has as much fashion sense as a retarded Spider Monkey. Most likely, she would qualify for those “special” classes I keep hearing about for “special” people……….like my Congressman.

    Sorry, been around for a while, off and on. I can’t handle not using “Free Speech”, and watching nameless hacks like MTV and Fox News try to make celebrities out of people nobody gives a shit about……

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