Heidi Montag is a ball of retardation and implants

February 27th, 2008 // 109 Comments

Heidi Montag can’t do anything without it becoming a totally staged photo shoot. I bet she goes to the bathroom and gives the toilet paper roll a thumbs up and a smile. Here she is shopping at Kitson while cameramen film her for MySpace Presents: The Fit on MySpace Celebrity. I have no idea what that is, nor do I want to know. I’ll just end up wanting to firebomb everyone that uses MySpace. So watch out pervs, 15-year-old girls and, most of all, Dane Cook.

superficial

  1. killer

    She’s so fake looking. A fame whore.

  2. Ript1&0

    Yeah man, fuck Myspace. And fuck Tom too. I don’t even have a Myspace page. Because I’m cool, way too cool.

    Now people who don’t matter from high school will never ever find me again! Muahahahah!!!!! Revenge!

  3. ms

    does anyone know where she got this dress/who makes it?

  4. sweetnsnooty

    gawd, she’s fugly, just another hollywood big star wannabe bimbo

  5. 23apples

    Picture number 6. She looks like one of those dolls that people actually use as a significant other, like in that movie, Lars and the Real Girl. She’s fucking creepy

  6. Kiki

    Thats cool. I cant believe theres going to be a new season of Keeping Up With The Kardashians. So awesome. Check these links out. Theres a funny game too

    http://www.eonline.com/on/shows/kardashians/tushygame/index.jsp.

    http://www.eonline.com/on/shows/kardashians/index.jsp?sid=nav-shows

  7. Lulu Grandiron

    This cunt deserves a kick in the box. I’d get a running start and plant my fucking size 12 so far up her twat that you’d see Adidas stripes when she smiled.

  8. Truthums

    #21: I know why shes here and why we care and want her to be followed around by photogs. Because its clear shes not emotionally stable enough to withstand it for long, and then she’ll crack and we’ll all have another whacked out flaky has-been to laugh at! Whats gonna be her downfall? Stay tuned! Drugs? Marriages? Bad Roles? A porno tape? I dont know about you but I cant wait to watch it all unfold on this site!

  9. sharpeidude

    #36 – Holy smokes, you’re right about her! She does look like Ann Coulter in a mildly retarded way. No wonder she turns my stomach.

  10. Todd Pratt

    What I can’t understand is how does she sleep with my brother and not be bothered by all his dick cheese?

  11. Lina

    Her face is starting to look like E.T. Or maybe a Bratz doll. Maybe if she got a new set of boobs that didn’t look bolted on pointing in two different directions and a face transplant her “singing career” might go somewhere.

  12. Lina

    A functioning brain might help too.

  13. mimi

    TO ME- not mimi… “ME”

    Only an ignoramus would write when they can’t spell!

  14. kharris

    Hey! She has her new Valentine’s shoes on!

  15. ipanema_schuyler

    damn, now THAT’s where Binky got his name from:

    http://www.thoughtviper.com/inexob/arch12.html !!!

  16. Neybirt

    who is this person? she big in the usa? seems to me she’s a loser?

  17. nana

    lights are on… nobody’s home.

  18. Giomon_Rocks

    Uh…Who is she?

  19. BananaMan

    I want to stick my beef in her taco

  20. gotmilk?

    53, this isn’t a fashion blog. please see the section of People magazine that shows where these mindless drones get their clothes. and why would you want to loook like her? basically, it’s an XXL Fruit of the Loom gray tshirt. you’re weclome.

  21. Come chat with Playboy model D’Nika Thursday, February 28 at 6 p.m. PST. Register your free account now, and avoid the lines when she goes on

    Link here if you wanna check her out – http://www.celebrityfanchat.com

  22. big billy

    Jesus Christ! Is it just me or is this chick getting fatter by the month? She is way too heavy to be on this site. Put on some skinny chicks, dude!

  23. La Frascatana

    Her face is so long it’s almost as if she underwent a maladjusted teleportation and came out on the other side all stretched out.

    Still, I love girls who have an awkward walk like that, where their thin, ropy legs get all tangled up… Yum yum. In other words, her colt legs compensate for her horse face.

  24. LJ

    Has anyone even looked at her gold jacket? Come on, is that from the 90′s? I think she must have stolen it from my halloween costume box.

  25. j

    She used to be so pretty.
    Her face is disgusting and her hair is horrible that way.
    I like old – small titty Heidi

  26. xagonyxscenex

    when is her inevitable porn coming out? that i would like to see. This girl may be worthless..but damn shes hot.

  27. HuckyDucky

    I heard she fond of internet recently. Or recently fond of internet. Don’t know which.

    Sissy men bragging to others “Hey I don’t like Ann Coulter EITHER!” Sissy, girly, pansy men.

    Kiki, great spam message about the Kardashians. You had me fooled with the “That’s cool.” sentence at the beginning. I had to read the whole thing before I finally figured it out!

  28. Ted from LA

    Welcome aboard Huckyducky. You sound like you have great potential here. I can’t tell if you are funny or an asshole yet, but I anxiously await your subsequent posts. Fish, I hate to be so hard on you, but about 1 in 3 of your posts mention “retards” or “retardation.” I think there are way better people to criticize, for example, “famous” people. Just a thought. My tooth is killing me. My dentist only works one day a week, just like me, so I have to wait until Tuesday for relief. I’d never cheat on my dentist. My wife, on the other hand, is a different story. We’ve been married for 18 years and I haven’t cheated on her yet, but I think about it every day. On Topic: This girl is annoying as a hemroid exposed to poison ivy. If she ever had a hemroid exposed to poison ivy, I’m sure she’d have a herd of photographers snapping away at said hemroid while she flirtatiously smiled at the camera overlooking her ass with a red rose in her teeth.

  29. haaaa8888tttter

    At least she’s skinny.

  30. Anal Fistula

    Montag is a vapid cunt, of course.

    I can’t wait to see what a whoring, drunking slut she will become once the fame goes and she loses her plastic looks…she’ll be on whatever version of “I used to be a celebrity” reality show is around at that point.

  31. HuckyDucky

    Ted,

    Thanks for the greet. Hopefully “funny” and “asshole” aren’t mutually exclusive.

  32. FRT

    If she wants “staged”…why in the fuck doesn’t she at least bend over and lift her skirt up for the lads…??? Hmmm….with or without…???

  33. pookie8

    If the media would QUIT posting them they would die. PLEASE for the sake of us, quit already!

  34. avidfisher

    @6 Hey Julia, take your penis out of your vagina, you can’t procreate that way, and Frist is way hotter than YOUR fatass will ever be, so give it up, you piece of shit!!!

  35. Colleen

    Dont care for the girl.

    LOVE THE DRESS!

    anyone know where its from?

  36. avidfisher

    Yeah, it’s from the 80′s, were ya born yet?

  37. I hate her jaw. HEIDI – YOU LOOK LIKE A HORSE. I can’t wait until this bitch realizes she’s useless, not a celebrity, and not hot. Fuck her and her faggot boyfriend.

  38. stardust

    I HATE her! i hate her, i hate her, i hate her!!!!!

  39. sweeniesforever

    ok seriously, that dress and those shoes.
    i know that’s not what this site is about but i am in love with that outfit.

    … also. what a skank…

  40. Lynn

    Oh, what a sexy girl! I saw her profile and lots of hot photos on a dating site called ~~~~~~~MeetWealthyBoomer.com~~~~~~~~. Is she dating with sugar daddy?

  41. Alice

    I love her.

  42. She’s annoying but ooo so hot

  43. stephanie

    I don’t remember her face looking so long, narrow, and weird….
    I like the dress, though.

  44. whoreses

    Enough about the “dress.” It’s a goddamn glorified t-shirt. Big fuckin deal!

  45. CHicken80

    THis chick has one of the worst fake racks I’ve ever seen.

  46. Pilatunes

    She looks pretty enough in some pictures, especially in that dress, IF you can overlook her smug, self conscious smile.

    That notwithstanding…I think she should try cageless shark diving off the Bahamas….in a ground beef bathing suit, wrapped in fish.

  47. lame

    I can’t believe I’m posting on this one.

    This girl needs to get a fucking life.

    Hold on… that was harsh. Let me think about it.

    Okay, no, YEAH. She needs to get a fucking life.

    shit, so do i.

  48. FCS

    What a cute horsey ! Quick sombody get some sugar cubes..

  49. Kate

    Aw, why the loooong face Heidi??? Did you finally realize your bf likes dudes?

  50. race1

    Ok, I know she was on some TV show for 5minutes, that I never watched, but this Celebutard is trying too hard to be more famous.

    Yes, fake, posed, staged photos are quite retarded!

    The TEAM HEIDI shirt, that’s a prop right?

    I mean, she had it made up a brought it into the store with her, right?

    Is someone actually licensing attire for this wanna be celeb.

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