Heidi Montag in Playboy

August 14th, 2009 // 352 Comments

Because everyone knows Christ loves him some tasteful porn, here’s Heidi Montag posing for the September issue of Playboy, and I pretty much feel like I’m reading the Bible right now. Mostly because I don’t believe any of this is real and I want to beat Spencer Pratt about the face with it. No nudity clause. REPENT!

Photos: Playboy
superficial

  1. DUCKIE

    She has a short neck…

  2. Amy

    #100, glad I’m not the only one. Wow, I felt like a real freak for a moment.

    Also, wtf is up with picture #1? That looks nothing like the other horse-face pictures. She’s an embarassment to Christians everywhere.

  3. Holy crap, Batman! That is some over-the-top Photoshopping! It looks like they took that High School Musical girl with the new nose and blended them together with CGI dead-eyes for pic #1. If you are going to do Playboy…just take the damn clothes off and cash your check! This is coming from a woman too!

  4. boring

    Boring

  5. Bill

    I just called Playboy to complain about paying for a ‘Playboy’ subscription but only getting Maxim or FHM quality content. They said that because it was an ‘editorial magazine’ they could change their content whenever they wanted. FUCK PLAYBOY. I can get D list celebrities from Penthouse.

  6. Nameless

    Wow…some of those pics have been obviously altered and PS’d because her boobs and butt suddenly grow about three sizes larger while her waist get thinner.

    Calling her Christian because she wears a cross is like calling Dennis Miller a football expert because he was on MNF. Really it’s just for show.

  7. carrie

    She looks like Macaulay Culkin

  8. If you want to hate her EVEN more read this article (below or click y name). Her comments will make you want to throw her in that fire and make yourself a heidi-silicone-kabob, if you don’t want to already. I don’t give a fuck what she looks like she is too stupid to breath.

    http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20297465,00.html

    Based on the things she and Spencer the human douche-bag have made I think it may be possible that these two are Sasha Baron Cohen-ing us. I mean who could be his disgusting?

  9. Amy

    I don’t understand. I mean, if you do playboy and you are going to strip down to nothing and cover your nipples with your hands, why don’t you just go ahead and pose naked? Makes no sense. It isn’t like Jesus is sitting up there saying, “That’s okay, that’s okay, that’s okay, OKAY, THAT’S TOO FAR!”

    It’s like messing around. If you’re doing oral, anal, etc., you aren’t still a virgin because you haven’t had vaginal. Some people are so stupid.

  10. So Plastic

    EVERYTHING’s FAKE about her!

    She should evaporate already.

  11. Prof

    @ 42 & 105, I agree completely! I admit I don’t mind looking at her even though I think she’s a waste of space (hate Spencer more), but why do playboy if you’re not going to show us the goods! At least Debbi Gibson, Tiffany, and Kim Kardashian showed off the T&A. She had less clothes on when she’s wearing a bikini at the beach. The last pic should be in a JCPenny catalog NOT Playboy for Christ sakes!

  12. Courageous

    Most of these pics are not even her body… you can tell it is her face photoshopped onto another girls body… number 4 might even be the real girls face…look closely…

  13. Nogo

    I submit that these are all fake. None are her actual body. Her face looks superimposed in every single shot.

    I call shenanigans.

  14. Fabio

    What happened? I fell asleep a few times looking at some donkey show and… ohh.

  15. wozzie

    Her face looks like a young McCauley Caulkin in that first pic. Gross.

  16. Kelly

    I don’t think she’s figured out how to breathe through her nose. Maybe the nose job made it purely ornamental?

  17. Paul

    There was a time when Playboy was a pretty good magazine with really hot women. Then came the Stepford type models with empty stares and plastic titties. Now this. A heavily Photoshopped, non-nude pictorial. Jesus H Christ…

  18. Aldo

    *Yawn*…next!

  19. gotmilk?

    LOL @ 100.

  20. She looks like Pattycake in the first pic.

  21. godsmack38

    weak weak weak. boooooooooo playboy.

  22. godsmack38

    weak weak weak. boooooooooo playboy.

  23. monster

    I really can’t believe that in 119 comments nobody has pointed out that this is a…

    FAKE!!!!

    This is a complete photoshop job. You can tell its a fake because the shadow’s are all wrong.

    This is exactly like that scene int he movie Never Back Down where Max fucked a horse in an RV

  24. Jolo

    She does not even look like herself, I thought #8 was the worst for photoshopping

  25. Lain

    That doesn’t even look like her! The removed half her chin and made her implants less gross.

    Jesus would be upset.

  26. Lain

    @124

    Stop trying to be like Daisy, idiot.

  27. Lindsay

    HAHA OMG THE LAST ONE! I JUST SAW IT!

  28. alexis

    I don’t understand why she is famous and I don’t even know who she is. Who would want to see this? She’s not even attractive.

  29. alexis

    I don’t understand why she is famous and I don’t even know who she is. Who would want to see this? She’s not even attractive.

  30. Lindsay

    Sorry I meant 2nd to last.

  31. Christina

    Aside from the shitty job on the photoshopping, she does have a good body but WTF HAPPENED TO HER FACE????

  32. kevin

    I came to this site from here: http://www.hilkoo.com

    those guys are really funny too!

  33. Taylor

    She doesn’t look real! How can you be in playboy and not be nude? She’s got to be the biggest hypocrite ever. Disgusting! Shame on playboy for running her photoshopped face!

  34. Worm566

    Did Hugh get soft????? WTF?????

  35. a butterface, if i ever saw one.

    Tits or GTFO, Heidi.

  36. dude

    What the fuck is this? No nip, no vag, not even a decent ass shot. This isn’t Playboy, it’s Maxim for retards.

  37. Rarla

    Her body is amazing but then you glance at her face and whoa…it has a horse head! Bizarre!

  38. Superbiggerevil

    Pic #6 I will admit is hot, but I can’t get the vision out of my head that when fagboy Spencer sees it, he runs from the room screaming, “Ooh ickey-poo!!!”

  39. mick

    LAME.

    WTF Playboy. I guess if you squint really hard you can see a nipple. Didn’t Playboy used to guarantee at least ass and tits.

    Hugh put his wife in Playboy after they were married and she was totally naked. SOmeone should get fired for this.

  40. Jack Black

    So, this is what Playboy has fallen to, eh? What’s next, pics of saggy ol’ Pamela Anderson and her warped boobs?

    This is just sad…

  41. YOYO!

    Why the fuck would anyone buy this? You see more in maxim. Hey honey, let’s see the pussy!

  42. Jamie's Uterus

    Seriously, is this even her? Her face looks like a doll’s face. In most of the pics, it doesn’t even look like her, or anyone human for that matter.

    Playboy can work miracles with airbrushing.

  43. The CreaseMaster

    I’d fuck her up the ass, make her suck it and then shoot on her horse face. In other words, “make love to her.”

  44. Boo, you whore!

    Dumb girl is still dumb….and also ugly.

  45. dawnalex

    We have seen this routine before. Here is what is going to happen.
    In a few years NOONE will be paying any attention to her and she will come crawling back to Playboy offering a full frontal layout.
    She will toss the bible out the window just for a little more attention.

  46. Kelley

    I’ve collected Playboy for 30 years and am very disappointed … two attention whores is all they are … “oooohh, I LOVE ___; he’s making us famous. I though the interview was a complete fucking joke. In fact I’m not even sure if it’s supposed to be serious … now she wants bigger boobs and ass implants so she can pose again. Yuck, blechhh, wretch – plastic air-headed twits.

  47. bearandbu

    Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…..

  48. Shari

    I thought the first picture was Christina Aguilera, then I read it was supposed to be Heidi Montag in Playboy and laughed.

    First – what’s the point of having her in it if they’re just going to Photoshop her face needlessly to the point of no return.

    Second: what’s the point of doing Playboy if you’re not going to show anything? All these photos could easily be in Maxim or FHM.

  49. weirdo

    I’d love to smack her ass around the room and then fuck it until it bleeds and she had severe carpet rash on her elbows and knees! And then do it all over again until she begged me to stop.

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