Heidi Montag in Playboy

August 14th, 2009 // 352 Comments

Because everyone knows Christ loves him some tasteful porn, here’s Heidi Montag posing for the September issue of Playboy, and I pretty much feel like I’m reading the Bible right now. Mostly because I don’t believe any of this is real and I want to beat Spencer Pratt about the face with it. No nudity clause. REPENT!

Photos: Playboy
superficial

  1. farles chew

    “That’s a photoshop, I can tell” guy, this is YOUR MOMENT. Have at it.

  2. Perry

    She’s such a waste of space

  3. Zanna

    Oh, they didn’t photoshop her EQUINE face too much in the first one did they? She looks like Xtina Aguilera.

  4. Dicks

    What a beautiful horse.

  5. Zee Brat

    BAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

  6. F2

    Pic 8 has some serious symbolism going on… Her Jesusly hoo hoo will scorch you with devil fire if you try to climb her Holy Mountain

  7. Richard McBeef

    If you want to see her naked check out the August issue of Horse Illustrated. Pages 23-30.

  8. It's Me Fuckers

    she actually looks fuckable here. I think it’s bacause there is nothing coming out of her mouth.

  9. I've seen more skin in MAXIM

    Holy shit they softened her face in every picture.

  10. ksu-cat

    I think I might have to cancel my subscription to playboy now

  11. It's Me Fuckers

    *because*

  12. Zanna

    @7 – you can see more of here here:

    http://www.enjoyhorses.net

  13. F2

    And by “devil fire”, what I meant to say was “herpes”. Sorry for the slip up.

  14. Rocketman

    She looks like she is drugged in all these photos. I guess you would have to be to hang out with fag boy Spencer.

    I cannot believe Hef approved this, this cunt needs to get hit by a truck.

  15. Jim

    Playboy isn’t what it used to be…

  16. jcwbnimble

    Hey, now we have all seen as much of Heidi as her husband.YAY!!!

  17. LAWDY,LAWDY...

    This will probably be Playboys WORST seller…….they could have just as easily called MATTEL toys for all the PLASTIC and work done on this broad.

  18. Zanna

    Fuck…I’m getting Kourtney & Khloe pop ups CONSTANTLY on this site. It’s like the fish has herpes….

  19. joho777

    I know that Playboy has been shallow and stupid for years, but puts the lid on the coffin.

  20. lololololol

    i think this photoshoot is proof that hef needs to croak already…

  21. Shep

    So why’s this in playboy and not maxim? You see more tit in the swimsuit edition.

  22. WTF is with Playboy doing all of these non-nude celeb covers??

  23. Heywood Jablome

    “10. ksu-cat – August 14, 2009 12:51 PM

    I think I might have to cancel my subscription to playboy now.”

    I hope you’re joking…about paying money for pictures of naked women. The internet is for porn…

  24. Ego

    I’d hit it as long as she didn’t speak. At least i’m honest. =x

  25. Goebels

    Wow! Now that’s a real blonde haired blue eyed beauty just like Wotan meant em to look! You can hate her all you want,but she is the finest thing you have posted to date.

  26. job

    WTF is up with her neck in that 1st pic? Horrible photoshopping attaching the head to the body there.

  27. D

    Playboy is the new Maxim. Playboy is the new Maxim.Playboy is the new Maxim.Playboy is the new Maxim.Playboy is the new Maxim.Playboy is the new Maxim.Playboy is the new Maxim.Playboy is the new Maxim.

  28. Armageddon

    If I consider Spencer to be a flaming festering twat would it be correct to describe Heidi as a steaming pile of Spencer?

    Or do they each have such exponentially increasing twattiness by themselves that it would not be mathmatically correct to only call them a twat in an individual form?

    I suspect that Heidi and Spencer will join one day into a massive twat black hole singularity where the gravitational force will be so great that all intelligence and, the umm…..that other thing…..ummm…duuuhhhhhhh………….

  29. CG

    I have to say, BORING
    When someone came up with “no talent assclown” they had to have been thinking about Spencer & Heidi.
    Both are no talent assclowns who are what? Oh, NOTHING
    Don’t go away mad bible bangers just go the fuck away and take that skank wife with you Spencey

  30. Bobaloo

    Is this woman physically capable of closing her mouth? It’s hanging open in every pic. Despite that, she looks better than usual, thanks to photoshop making her not look like her.

  31. Montrose

    U C more at a public pool. How bout that John Silky Edwards babydaddy?

  32. stella

    like victoria’s secret w lots of air brushing…..SLUT!

  33. Stobi

    BORING!!!

  34. NL

    How can I jerk off on Playboy anymore???

  35. NL

    How can I jerk off on Playboy anymore???

  36. GeorgeWBush

    @15. Jim

    Yup, Playboy is crap…they’re now in the same league as Playgirl. Hefner needs to take control of his company again.

  37. meee

    not that i care to see another pair of sturdy fake boobs & a creepily waxed landing strip, but i’m surprised hef agreed to this

  38. Anna

    This vapid whore doesn’t even deserve to be in Hustler’s Beaver Hunt section. Talentless, soul-less, average-looking, married to the fucking Anti-Christ cunt. Lord, strike me down, but I wish she and that fuckwad husband of her’s would be brutally murdered. Where’s the fucking Manson family when you need them. And p.s., I’ve taken better “nude” pics of myself for my fiance on my camera phone. The only thing this issue of Playboy is good for is if you run out of Charmin in the house.

  39. fortiesandblunts

    horseface. below average blonde ditz. no personality. that’s what sells in u.s.a.
    blame the rich white men. heidi is a disgrace to the female race. i hope she get’s her shit together. there are no celebrities with dignity anymore. oh yeah–celebrities are a social construct. thank you mindless delight of being a u.s. citizen.

  40. Zanna

    @35- I don’t know. I just don’t know.

  41. IRON TWAT

    I say we all be our own celebrities.
    Anna, please autograph one of your nekkid pics and send to me.
    McBeef – strike a pose on the red carpet and then flash your junk.
    fotiesandblunts – get drunk and fight with a christmas tree.

    See. We don’t need them.

  42. Anon

    WTF is wrong with Playboy these days?! Not one GODDAMN nipple!

  43. jester

    Boring pictures, whats the point of being in playboy? Oh yeah they actually paid her for this weak shit. I would smack her repeatedly about the face with my schwack apple.

  44. zsa

    She looks like she’s picking off lip skin in the pic where she is completely nude and “getting ready to lie down”. Why does anyone know her name? I can’t figure out…

    zsa

  45. lauri robinson

    I think Heidi get a bad break because of Spencer. She needs to leave Spencer. I was in a relationship with a “Spencer” before and believe me, he was in complete control of the whole photo shoot and ran the whole thing. I wish we could see Heidi without the puppet master running her. One thing I don’t understand with the pictures is, why is there dirt all over her? The pic on the beach. I’mm 99% sure that was Spencer’s idea, show the world what a dirty gir Heidi is. And I bet Spencer is making Heidi regret that she ever agreed to do Playboy. Well, as long as Spencer gets the money……

  46. lauri robinson

    I think Heidi get a bad break because of Spencer. She needs to leave Spencer. I was in a relationship with a “Spencer” before and believe me, he was in complete control of the whole photo shoot and ran the whole thing. I wish we could see Heidi without the puppet master running her. One thing I don’t understand with the pictures is, why is there dirt all over her? The pic on the beach. I’mm 99% sure that was Spencer’s idea, show the world what a dirty gir Heidi is. And I bet Spencer is making Heidi regret that she ever agreed to do Playboy. Well, as long as Spencer gets the money……

  47. katie

    picture #8- her eyes are flying in 7 different directions…its a shame this girl is presented in front of the public

  48. Now talk about accessory to blue ballz, What happen to all the christian magazines that are out there?

    -I wonder if Heidi and Spencer gets their period concurrently. Next stop baby route
    -next stop for playboy chapter 11, hopefully…

  49. JJ

    Damn she has a huge head

    (and #25 you have GOT to be kidding)

  50. Spud McKenzie

    She is just gross but they make the perfect couple. Does she have a nice bod? Yes. Mostly fake but nice. But she is just dumb which is also unattractive. She reminds me of Tori Spelling, just uglier and I didnt think that was possible. Thank God beauty is only a light switch away!

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