Heidi Montag in her bikini/only useful form

May 29th, 2008 // 202 Comments

Honest Injun, heeding your cries, I’ve been exercising a moratorium on Heidi and Spencer’s horribly retarded candid (but really posed) shots. However, drastic times call for drastic measures. And I’d like to point you to the two drastic measures above. I’m going to step away from my keyboard now because I never type angry/aroused. *SMASH!* Shiiiit, I just knocked over my cubicle. Geekologist, are you alright? I was editing Heidi photos and- Hey! Eyes up here, bud. Nothing technological going on down there. That’s simply nature. And, okay, plutonium.

superficial

  1. me

    you know who would make a great couple? michael schuhmacher and heidi

    their chins are just made to be together.

  2. Kelley Small

    Holy Fake Tits, Batman !!

  3. Kelley Small

    Holy Fake Tits, Batman !!

  4. dude_on_a_wire

    It is amazing how she manages to always look so natural.

    - Eventually she will have to show more ass to keep this going.

  5. sarah

    dude, take her off. shes fuckin disgusting

  6. veggi

    She can fit as much cock in her mouth as I can in my ass. And no, that’s not a compliment.

  7. I really like how Nuvaring looks like the main source of advertisement for your blog…lol.

  8. I really like how Nuvaring looks like the main source of advertisement for your blog…lol.

  9. Dorito Man

    I wonder if she shaves it. I hope not. A totally out of control bush under there would be very hawt.

  10. Doctor Who

    More pictures of pasty half-wits in bikinis.

    YAWN!

    Superficial is getting lazier and lazier.

  11. 28-INDEED. I WOULD LOVE TO CLEAN HER INSIDE/OUTSIDE HER ASSHOLE WITH MY TONGUE AND SWALLOW.

  12. rob

    i always say, if ya gotta get fake boobs, somethings wrong with ya (unless they are alien like) but anyway, i’ve never seen or heard her on TV, only here …. i look at her as i would a blow up doll, think that sums it up.

  13. DB

    shitty boobjob.

  14. weirdo

    God how I’d love to bend her over and fuck the hell out of her tight asshole while Spencer watched! I don’t know who would cry more.

  15. hairbairbunch

    I feel indifferent to these two. There is nothing remarkable about them at all. Two pretty and really dull individuals who are famous for something next to nothing.

  16. booboo

    this cunt has some major daddy issues. and beavis needs to get his face fixed, then again if he did him and heidi would be twins. ehh creepy.

  17. mikey

    Honest to god. I have no idea who these people are lol. Why do do you guys keep posting their pictures?

  18. Moochacho

    Good lord she’s a poser slut.

  19. WHat I’d like to know is how they got that horse to wear a bikini, then stand up on its hind legs like that. God I love the circus!!!

  20. bubba

    okay i will admit that her body might be kinda hot..

    but her FACE & boobs are atrocious.

  21. twzzlrgirl

    #34 — HuckyDucky — of course that’s the appeal!

    She would probably look good with a ball gag in her mouth, too, btw.

    :)
    Twizzy

  22. horhay

    now if she would only keep her mouth closed and never speak again

  23. Sparqi

    Must….squeeze….boobies…..

  24. I think the term “bumping uglies” should also apply to Heidi and Spencey kissing each other in public. I’d rather see him grinding on his last girlfriend Brody Jenner. These are about two of the most disgusting, hideous creatures that god has ever dropped on this planet.

    Just when you thought he couldn’t get any uglier, he had to add the facial hair. He’s so nasty, it reminds me of an elf, leprechaun or that fat, hairy, naked baby…cupid is it? Sick.

    I don’t think they understand that some people are just born ugly. No amount of money could ever fix that, a doctor that talented does not even exist at this point.

    For the love of all things good, please wear bags over your heads and donate the money you use to buy clothes, makeup, surgery, etc.. to people who actually have a chance.

  25. BTW

    I have to admit the girl has a very hot body! her face is not cute and very annoying and the boobs look way fake, but her body is hot.
    SHe is still the stupidest most annoying girl, and spencer .. . .
    did anyone see them on tyra, they said they were gonna adopt a african boy and name him Dunk. FUckin retards. I think the whole “hills” thing is fake, but these bitches are BEYOND fake!

  26. Marj

    My proposed solution to this bitch: brain transplant. Find a worthy member of society who’s wonderful personality doesn’t match her body, and put her brain in Heidi here. Then feed Heidi’s brain to the dogs (if she even has one).

  27. Marj

    My proposed solution to this bitch: brain transplant. Find a worthy member of society whose wonderful personality doesn’t match her body, and put her brain in Heidi here. Then feed Heidi’s brain to the dogs (if she even has one).

  28. who cares?

    i’d hit it

    you know, after making sure she was std-free

  29. Conscience_Found

    Pic 15 she look like shes happy w/ her ass, as am i.

    superficial webmaster: “I’m pretty sure the ad graphics won’t slow down the page loads.”

    Fish: “Good. let’s sell every square inch of this mofo”

  30. Ted from LA

    Has there ever been a tsunami with a death toll of two?

  31. reckless

    Am I the only one who thinks the poses are hysterical and loves the fake tour of everywhere these two people are on? Being a straight women who couldn’t care less about the boobies and just can’t be attracted to this “man” I find the entire campaign joyfully ridiculous. Bring on the next wave! They haven’t kissed without touching hips at a museum yet. Or with sparklers. Or cross dressed. The possibilities are endless. And they’re just pictures, which means I never have to hear either idiot speak; just enjoy my endless stream of things the blonde chick can open her mouth to the camera while doing.

  32. Ted from LA

    I agree with you. Holding sparklers and sticks of dynamite at the 4th of July would be a perfect photo op.

  33. agree

    She looks beautiful. I saw her profile on milllionaire&celeb datilng slite called “W e a l t h yR o m a n c e.c o m” last week. It is said she is datilng young billlionaire on that site.

  34. mat

    i’m not saying the comments represent jealousy, but 80-90% of the negative stuff directed at her come from girls and there’s something to that. although, it IS hard for the guys to type insults with their dicks in the their hands so that might explain the disparity.

    regardless, lay off the girl. she may not be the brightest bulb on the christmas tree, but she is smart enough to turn her 15 minutes into an living. she knows what she’s doing and my guess is that the ‘dumb’ personality is an affectation. she realizes that as long as she stays on sites like this and in US weekly she can find a pay check and if everyone hating her keeps her relevant then thats what she’ll do.

  35. nutela

    this two are SO FAKE!!!!!
    so annoying.

  36. mat

    By the way, she’s not too skinny, she looks very healthy, and there’s nothing wrong with fake breasts.

  37. Average Guy

    Admittedly, she has a great body. However, those fake breasts look stupid. She would look MUCH better with a completely flat chest.

    Don’t these girls get it? Those balloons are distracting and shout out “I AM A VAIN, SHALLOW BIMBO.”

    Please, ladies do NOT get breast implants. Guys who are worth getting will NOT want to fondle your goofy balloons!

  38. long live USA

    I just read the most disgusting and nauseating thing here. I did not believe in Jewish media before but the very fact that this has been kept silent and that I have never heard of it speak volumes.

    Jewish rabbis or I guess other jews who circumsize babies suck their penis!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I am not making this up.

    Go to Slate magazine: http://www.slate.com/id/2133654/fr/rss/)

    OMG it happens 4,000 times in New York according to research!!!!!!!!!

    Here’s another article on it:

    http://www.slate.com/id/2125225/

    That’s just such a backward and and nauseating ritual and I don’t know if this is not pedophilia, then what it? And the jewish religion permits it!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    according to wikipedia:
    in New York “the Orthodox community is rapidly growing due to the high birthrates of Hasidic sects, while the numbers of Conservative and Reform Jews are declining”

    Why does nobody talk about these practices? What else are Americans not told!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Gross!

  39. JuJu

    #43, you are one FAT piece of CRAP!

  40. Wee Hee Hee Eats it

    For the love of all things good – stop putting pictures of this skank on the site.
    STOP! She’s burning my eyes… and making it hard to pee.
    OH NO – my monster betrays me. It betrays master!

  41. Sex Nuts & Retard Strong

    As a favor to all mankind, I would place my penis in her mouth and reward the world with 10 minutes of blessed silence.

  42. peterson

    Admittedly, she has a great body. However, those fake breasts look stupid. She would look MUCH better with a completely flat chest.
    —–wealthychat.com—– ? It is really a funny and interesting place to date attractive

    girls or hot guys. Many hottie videos and photos at this site, you can enjoy latest

    interesting videos or talk about hot topic with other friends. I’ve met many thoughtful

    singles who were trying to find true love.

  43. peterson

    Admittedly, she has a great body. However, those fake breasts look stupid. She would look MUCH better with a completely flat chest.
    —–wealthychat.com—– ? It is really a funny and interesting place to date attractive

    girls or hot guys. Many hottie videos and photos at this site, you can enjoy latest

    interesting videos or talk about hot topic with other friends. I’ve met many thoughtful

    singles who were trying to find true love.

  44. estrella

    Does she have scoliosis?

  45. wookielove

    90 and 91 Thanks for making me laugh guys, just awesome!

  46. Apes

    No one disputes she is SMOKIN hot. But I am so freakin tired of these “candids”… she looks positively ridiculous (but still very do-able)

  47. Irregardless of her personality and whatnot, she’s by far the most beautiful girl on TV. Only haters and homos are writing the negative comments.

  48. Jessticle

    This is one dumb ass broad. Famous for nothing, and completely plastic. Who fucking cares. Why does she pose like a fucking retarded seal? *smack* go play in the road! Heidi Who Fucking Cares Montag.

  49. magickal

    FRIST:

    I love ya, buddy…but it’s “regardless”. Made the same mistake for years. “Regardless, now I know.” :)))

    Mag

  50. Jessticle

    oh by the way FRIST!!!, Id look like that too with the help of a plastic surgeon, and a bunch of money I got from sucking a lot of cock and being a worthless bitch with nothing intelligent to say. Oh im also a huge homo, and im hater…thanks for noticing.

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