Heidi Montag in her bikini/only useful form

May 29th, 2008 // 202 Comments

Honest Injun, heeding your cries, I’ve been exercising a moratorium on Heidi and Spencer’s horribly retarded candid (but really posed) shots. However, drastic times call for drastic measures. And I’d like to point you to the two drastic measures above. I’m going to step away from my keyboard now because I never type angry/aroused. *SMASH!* Shiiiit, I just knocked over my cubicle. Geekologist, are you alright? I was editing Heidi photos and- Hey! Eyes up here, bud. Nothing technological going on down there. That’s simply nature. And, okay, plutonium.

superficial

  1. Hello

    FIRSTTT

  2. Hello

    FIRSTTT

  3. Jessica

    this girl wants it soooo bad.

  4. spike

    Big fake breasts and zero brain. Why do we care?

  5. HeidiHo

    As much as I think she is worthless, she looks as good as ever in these shots.
    I would tag it but want her gone as soon as I finish my last pump.

  6. kati

    haha they are so sad. wow.

  7. GirlieGirl

    I NEVER EVER Comment in here ! but I HATE THIS GIRL SOOOO MUCH THAT I HAD TOO.. I cant take it anymore… this chick is SOOOO FAKE !!! its like OMG!!!! WTF??? Are you serous ??? Her poses and shit!! I mean hello are we spposed to be like “Oh Wow Look how cute, they got caught on the beach together?”

    I dont think so.. Im a girl and I am not hating on her looks…nor am i jealous, cus i would be there first one to say that a girl is pretty, but this bitch it super annoying…

    I hate her !!!! she should fucking move out of thiis world. I am sick of her :(

  8. bubba

    i hate this fake bimbo

  9. Someone tell that girl to close her legs. I can hear an echo…

  10. come on, she still looks very doable. and her smirck makes it even more enjoyable.

  11. lulu

    Ahh, the joy and beautification process of plastic surgery. If only every girl had the opportunity to change her worst flaws to look perfect, the world would be a happier place. *sigh*

  12. jon

    looks like she got the fake ass implants!
    fake bitch…

  13. MassGrrl

    I hate her for being such a shallow, annoying cunt.
    However, I must admit she looks pretty fucking hot. And I’d love to make her do nasty things in bed.

  14. Yuck

    is it just me….or could she stand to gain about 10 pounds? correct me if i’m wrong, but don’t most guys want someone who doesn’t look like a little girl (minus the giant fake breasts obviously)?

  15. Veroonica

    The only thing this skank is good for is porn. Yeah. Her and Lezzy Lohan in a nice porn scence. Maybe Lindsay munching on old Hiedi’s fish taco might make the hobag open her mouth even wider, if that’s possible.

  16. james

    it’s funny how all the fatties are bashing Heidi. She’s got a smokin’ bod, most guys would love to tap her.

  17. Diana

    She looks really cute, and she has a great figure (yeah, I know, they’re fake). However, she is SERIOUSLY itty-bitty. I agree – she could stand to gain five or ten pounds.

  18. Cheese & Rice

    #16
    Oh please. This girl’s light is on and no one is home. Fuck it if you’d like, but you KNOW you’d never bring this home to momma.

  19. #7 It’s ok. I’ll talk you down. I think it’s fair to say that EVERYONE hates this worthless, self absorbed, science-experiment-gone-horribly-wrong, sorry excuse for human, waste of space as much as you. So much so that we violently angry. So, what I usually do is punch a wall and pretend it’s her face..

    Then I go to the emergency room. Mmmmm delicious painkillers..

  20. ph7

    I would absolutely RUIN that.

  21. meh

    Yea, she’s utterly ridiculous–no question! She does, however, have a smokin’ body that, with the exception of the boob job, she probably worked/starved pretty hardcore for.

  22. Dumdidum

    Her body is kind of okay. If you can stand the fake breasts.
    But this face! And that … ermm … ‘smile’! Gnng, makes … my .. dick … vanish..

  23. deacon jones

    I think Max Hardcore has found his next starlet…….

    anyone, anyone?

  24. Auntie Kryst

    Both of these fucks have to be put down, just make them go away.. That said at least Heidi can take a drink. That douchebag of her’s is grimacing on the warm champagne they bought for their photo shoot. WEAK..

  25. HuckyDucky

    God, how I would wreck that.

  26. twzzlrgirl

    Oh, come on. She’s just dumb enough to be talked into just about anything sexual you men would want to do to her.

    Some guy would suggest something crazy, she’d look puzzled for a minute, then nod “ok” with that big, stupid smirk on her face…and I bet it would be the best sex that guy ever had.

    Kinda like fucking a blow-up doll.

  27. alisa

    god the chicks that comment on this site are so jealous. yes i cant stand this girl but she looks so hot………….. bodies like hers are just motivation cause its perfect,.. not talkin about the tits but everything else..

  28. Drundel

    I’d do her in the pooper.

  29. Indy

    Bitch needs to eat a sandwich.

  30. Rikki

    HAHA did they have a costume change mid-way through their quick dip at the beach?

  31. She’s so hot

  32. jennifer

    I am so sick of these two douche bags.
    They are a waste of perfectly usable organs, they should kill themselves and donate their organs as soon as possible.
    Do they ever NOT pose?
    They probably pose on the f’ing toilet…just in case of a photo op.

  33. Lisa

    She is a retard but has a great body.
    I’m not getting the “everyone who bashes her is jealous or fat” comments. No one is saying she’s ugly. But really, she seems pretty fucking stupid. She kind of begs to be made fun of.

  34. HuckyDucky

    #26 twzzlrgirl, that is exactly the appeal.

  35. Reggie Bush

    While she looks hot, I would rather have LC and her beefy curtain goodness.

  36. i don’t know about you, but i would definitely stick my fist in her face!

  37. cemmi

    ew
    her boobs are gross
    and she’s two skinny
    like if you can see the outline of someone’s hipbone, okay
    but you can see every little indent of hers
    jalfkjasfldsjf
    eat something
    maybe you’ll grow some real tits

  38. monkeyfightclub

    when is she going to do snuff porn already?

  39. spaceyQQQQ

    And right after the posting of gorgeous & talented Sarah MacLachlan, we get hit with this fake, useless waste of space. Oh the humanity!

  40. fygu

    Perfect body (minus fake tits) Absolutely flawless. Not too skinny either. God I wish I looked like that!

  41. pistola

    there should be an iq requirement for reproduction. this girl should be sterilized (and her douche of a boyfriend)… i almost can’t believe that she isn’t embarrassed to see how she looks in these pictures. a nice body doesn’t change the fact that she looks pathetic.

  42. curt

    Who ever said she’s too skinny is a FAT PIG who hates that others are HOT. You people are soo sad. get a life and a DIET PLAN!

  43. Indy

    Umm…just because someone says that this fake-ass slut is too skinny (which she is) does not mean that they are fat. I’m not saying she’s not hot, I’m just saying that she would be even hotter if I didn’t have to see every single bone in her body poking through her skin.

  44. izabela

    My godness. A pair of two idiots! Blond barbie fake boobie german girl and this guy with white beard moustache whatever. They want to sell them soooooooo bad. SOOOOOOOO PATHETIC!

  45. syd

    stupid bitch brought glass on the beach?
    i hope she steps on a drity needle.

  46. 21st century digital boy

    I guess the dufus duo is just too high class to drink anything on the beach except for champaign unlike we non-rich, non-famous types. Why not just add a monocle and a top hat to your beach-wear ensemble and go for totally retarded?

  47. sILENT bOB

    She is such a no talent bimbo from hell, but i would still sodomize her so i would have to look at her buter face!!

  48. Paris

    It pains me to say that she looks incredible in these. My instinctual woman desires are controlling my mind.

  49. Joe

    She may have fake tits, but compared to the vast majority of women, she is a prime hit. I still think she should have not gotten the boobs and stayed with what she had. She was still hot back then.

  50. Nikolai V

    Isn’t that the same bikini in the last few pics that Britney was sporting a few weeks back?

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