Heidi Montag in a bikini: Now with more balcony!

May 30th, 2008 // 193 Comments

These are the latest batch from Heidi Montag’s posed-as-all-hell bikini shoot. I’m actually impressed that her chest balloons didn’t glide her right off the balcony and out to sea. Clearly, this proves there is no God or, at the very least, he doesn’t hear my prayers. Time for a new tactic: Voodoo. Now that’s some reliable shit. Okay, anyone got a Barbie doll I can borrow/dip in acid? Joker from Batman, you still on here? Call me, son. You know my digits.

superficial

  1. charlotte

    If she didnt have her breasts pumped full of silicone jelly, her chest would resemble a pair of small empty spaniels ears …. eewwwww annoooorreeeexic!!

  2. charlotte

    hahah sorry I toyed with the two similes!!

  3. Brandy

    PLASTIC PLASTIC PLASTIC….. Z LIST AIR HEAD…..WHO CARES ABOUT HER OR WHATS HIS NAME?

  4. simplicity

    Why are they always so pathetically fake?
    None of their pictures look genuine… ever.

  5. UK Baby89

    #93: Montage is Frenchfor MOUNTING. Learn French so you don’t sound stupid.

  6. #154 their pictures are never natural. They are the ultimate poseurs. They think it’s “funny” and/or “cute” to orchestrate these faux “natural” shoots and do them as much as possible to get their no-talent, lame mugs in magazines and on blogs. What I can’t understand is why *anyone* continues to print/blog these pix???

    They are the ulitmate attention whores and I wish people would stop feeding into it.

    And, Heidi, hon, you are trying WAY too hard. You are never going to be good looking so just stop it.

  7. Knee Ya Ha Ha : Top row of pictures remind me of planned balcony Block D – tenth floor… Oh. Re: #88 – well, I say here ‘all weekend’ what meant to say was here all weekend 38 to 64 per cent of time. (Give or take margin of error)
    Cliff Notes :Margin of error ? WTF ? This isn’t Gallup Knee.
    You’re either here or you’re not.

  8. Brock

    You big wanna B. Unless you’ve been on http://www.TheHumanHybrid.com U just a nobody.

  9. tig

    #147

    Fish posts these pics. because the Sup. is on the payroll. They increase viewership ( thus sponsorship) thru the pure hate of the subject. That’s how Celebrutards work these days.

    So, it’s up to you, and everyone else, to stop commenting. It’s that simple.

  10. lauren

    look at how she poses in every single picture. hahahahahaha. it’s outrageous.

  11. Your Mom

    Their bodies only look good cuz they’re twenty years old. If they look like that in ten years, only then will I be impressed. Anyone is tight and hot when they’ve just reached voting age.

  12. Your Mom

    Their bodies only look good cuz they’re twenty years old. If they look like that in ten years, only then will I be impressed. Anyone is tight and hot when they’ve just reached voting age.

  13. justifiable

    Once I realized she wasn’t gonna jump I lost interest.

  14. jack

    Dear Osama:

    Here’s the deal: kidnap and murder these two, preferably involving long stretches of torture first, and all is forgiven. OK? Sound good?

    Yours truly,

    Every living organism on the planet (except Heidi and Spencer, and maybe Amy Winehouse)

  15. Hello?

    Have you taken a couple days off? Was hoping for new material instead of seeing this Heidi stuff still haha

  16. Milandir

    I hit that at least thrice a day, and four times on saturday

  17. sharpeidude

    Fish c’mon…..enough with these two! She’s at least one IQ point short of a toilet plunger and he’s simply a fag afraid to come out of the closet.

  18. HAter

    Bless him spencer is trying to read, you can almost see the brain cells frying!!

  19. Bodylotion

    Somebody kill these two cunts

  20. MIchelle

    Pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee stop posting pictures and stories on this revolting couple. What happened to real celeb stories. These two are in the wannabe class. Media sais these two sell. They don’t, I unsubscribed to one magazine because they wouldn’t stop posting on these two. I would never buy any of her clothes or anything that has to do with them. Hate themmmmmmmmmmmm. I’m not even watching the Hills. Really they are a disgrace to entertainment. Why don’t you get that?

  21. You want more WHORE?
    Sorry boy’s and girls, THIS IS THE MAXIMUM!!

  22. Fudgie

    Slack-Jaw Montag.

  23. robes

    lose these two…just post pictures of her, no pictures of both. That should start to drive a wedge between them and end his 15 minutes.

  24. AttaGirl

    What I don’t seem to get is why they never seem to actually kiss. I get that the pics are staged and meant to look so (at least I hope they are meant to look so), but why don’t they ever actually plant a real one on each other? Maybe it’s that her face will just fall off if even the slightest bit of succion is applied….

  25. rohi

    free porn!

  26. STOP posting about these 2 pieces of shit or I'll stop visiting!

    Okay Superfish, it has to be this way.
    If you don’t stop promoting and posting pictures of these 2 worthless pieces of shit, I’m gonna stop visiting your site. They probably pay you for you to post their fake photos, the trying so hard to be hot but failing ugly horseface and her queer boyfriend. I’m sure the dude is gay. He fucks other dudes up the ass. He couldn’t look any gayer… the ugly horseface is just a cover for him, so no one will suspect he’s gay.

  27. #159 – trust me, NOBODY would give a rat’s ass if the Sup. stopped posting pix of this pair of nimrods.

  28. lulu

    #113 – You got it. I’m looking forward to it.

  29. headache

    ummm who are these people….I’m on the other side of the planet where they do not exist

  30. lila

    Shoot! I thought she was going to jump, but then with those nasty looking implants she just might bounce up and live…unless you have pictures of that, there is no point to this news post.

  31. hot mess

    and no for the record…no one thinks that spencer is hot. unless of course you put a bag over his head. then yeah, i’d hit that.

  32. Mel

    These guys are serious fucktards. Can everyone please stop posting their pics. It’s really making me heave.

  33. meg

    someone ring the goddamn 15 minute bell on these two

  34. Jay

    The book is called “48 laws of power” it’s by Robert Greene, and there is no possible way he is actually understanding that particular book. He may be able to read, but I would be surprized if he could pronounce any of the words in 48 laws. Good try buddy, maybe the cat and the hat is a better start. I’m just say’n. By the way, for anybody who does like to read, and can read on higher than a middle school level; I highly recommend 48 Laws of Power.

  35. Jay

    The book is called “48 laws of Power” it’s by Robert Greene, and there is no possible way he is actually understanding that particular book. He may be able to read, but I would be surprized if he could pronounce any of the words in 48 laws. Good try buddy, maybe the cat and the hat is a better start. I’m just say’n. By the way, for anybody who does like to read, and can read on higher than a middle school level; I highly recommend 48 Laws of Power.

  36. Jay

    The book is called “48 laws of Power” it’s by Robert Greene, and there is no possible way he is actually understanding that particular book. He may be able to read, but I would be surprized if he could pronounce any of the words in 48 laws. Good try buddy, maybe the cat and the hat is a better start. I’m just say’n. By the way, for anybody who does like to read, and can read on higher than a middle school level; I highly recommend 48 Laws of Power.

  37. STFU

    Seriously, anyone one of you ‘men’ who think she is terrible looking or who wouldn’t frack the ever living shiat out of her… hand in your mancards and step over to the buttpuffer line please. Jesus. Who cares if she is a skank, or dumb? She’s surgically enhanced eye candy and at that she does well. My only complaint is the dumbass in all the pics with her… that’s not helping her case at all.

  38. mtv sucks

    ” I WANT HEIDI TO MYSELF” lmfao : )

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UF7qJ3zuGMQ

  39. Tom T

    I can’t tell who is hotter. Heidi in these pictures or Paris in her audition video for The Queen. Check it out here, and let me know what you think:

    http://minimovie.com/film-128313-Lost%20Screen%20Tests:%20Paris%20Hilton

  40. David

    HEIDI is hotter then then Paris hilton a fly is hotter then paris
    but heidi should dump that moron spencer the world hates him she should dump him in the show and in real life he sucks and is not good for her

  41. TOTO

    omg, i hate these 2 idiots

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