Heidi Montag in a bikini: Now with more balcony!

May 30th, 2008 // 193 Comments

These are the latest batch from Heidi Montag’s posed-as-all-hell bikini shoot. I’m actually impressed that her chest balloons didn’t glide her right off the balcony and out to sea. Clearly, this proves there is no God or, at the very least, he doesn’t hear my prayers. Time for a new tactic: Voodoo. Now that’s some reliable shit. Okay, anyone got a Barbie doll I can borrow/dip in acid? Joker from Batman, you still on here? Call me, son. You know my digits.


  1. Juliana

    The only reason why I go on this site is to see if I’ll ever find a picture of Heidi with her mouth closed.

  2. Ted from LA


  3. Sandi

    Chest balloons! LOL!!! I loved the street interview where they asked the guy about what he thought about implants. He looked sheepishly around and said, “My girlfriend just had hers made bigger again. They look great but they feel like a couple of hard footballs.’ Think about that, girls, when you are considering mutilating your body for looks. Be happy with your bodies. You are beautiful the way you are. And, quite frankly, I would much rather have nice, soft real breasts than something that is so obviously fake.

  4. Ted from LA

    Thanks a lot Juliana. You fucked up the delivery of my two post joke. Since we’re talking, the word “why” is not necessary in your post. Delete it and the sentence has the same meaning. Happy Saturday.

  5. Ted from LA

    Listen to Sandi and that stranger on the streets. They know their shit. Besides, fake tits are (wait for it…………… wait for it………………..) an inside job.

  6. alex

    slut need some semen on da face to be perfect

  7. Audrina

    They’re so lame!

  8. Rick

    You know, if you cropped her out of every photo and just posted pictures of him everytime they have one of these photoshoots, she’d probably kill herself within a month’s time. This is a goal you should be aiming for! At the very least, he might think he’s actually “better than her” and dump her for someone else, which would also be hilarious (who knew you could dump a “beard” for a better “beard”? It would be a first.).

    In other words, STOP SHOWING PHOTOS OF THIS SHALLOW BITCH. How many times do people need to tell you?

  9. Payolla

    Here’s how it works

    Montags poeple pay the fish to feature and talk about them as much as possible. Probably some sort of slding scale based ont he number of times she is mentioned or shown. That’s why you get 2, 3 posts a day on this skank and even links to them in posts about other people, such as in the Kunis post.
    Then the clever writers call them douchebags and fame whores so they can keep they impression of this still being a celebrity bashing site.

    See these two don’t care if it’s fake bad publicity or that they get slammed relentlessly on here, they just want the publicity, period. And the Fsih gives it to them in spades, for a nice fee of course. And of course making us all a part of the fame machine for two people we all seem to despise.

    Tell me I’m wrong Fish.

  10. Is it a monser?
    Is it an airplane?

    No ofcourse not:
    So she tries to find work at the moment as a BALCONY-PROSTITUTE!!

  11. Matt Damon

    You know what they say, big feet = big vagina.

  12. ME

    That’s it! I am no longer visiting this page. The simple fact that you even publish pictures of these stupid, worthless people is beyond me. You are either being paid off by them, or have no soul at all. To be honest, I think it’s an equal amount of both.

    Goodbye my friends. Enjoy the future crap!

  13. Farktards

    Uhhh…that’s the March 08 issue of Forbes (which I have because I subscribe to and read it). He’s holding a magazine he found in the lobby. He’s trying (and failing) at putting on an air of wealth. As Hollywood types go, the guy’s poor but I’m sure he thinks he’s uber-rich. The retard will be broke by the time he’s 35 and will have no future. Folks like these two peak at 20 something, earn their lifetime income up front, blow it all and leech off of society for the remainder of their lives. Truly talented actors/actresses have done so, and they even had the advantage of talent to fall back on, but it still wasn’t enough. These two douchebags are screwed.

  14. yawn…call me when her first porno comes out

  15. Liz

    Do you get paid by her publicist, or what?

  16. Jen

    AHAAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA…Spencer can’t READ! Heidi really did a horrible thing by getting those balloons in her chest and her lips pumped. Not that she was attractive before, but really, does she doesn’t need to look so cheap. But, I guess since the two of them are so make-me-throw-up-fake she should really start looking the part. And for Spencer the only thing to really make that picture look EVEN MORE rediculous he should’ve thrown a pair of glasses on his ugly frozen face.

  17. Greg

    BOYCOTT the Superficial until this site vows to never post anything about these two ever again.

  18. Doxes

    When I first looked at this I saw “Heidi Montag in a bikini: Now with more baloney!”

    I like it better than the actual title.

  19. AimEE

    Why???? I can’t stand this chick. She is the biggest poser I’ve ever seen.
    Cut her head off and she’s good to go.

  20. bitingontinfoil

    Nasty, trashy, self-absorbed, plastic (siliconed) CRAP.

    You can coat a pile of shit in gold and diamonds but, in the end, it’s still just a pile of shit!

  21. eyepopper

    The male bunny has got one eye on his book in the third from last shot, while the other eye pretends not to notice the camera lens pointed at his media girlfriend’s crotch. He should be outraged, because it’s a form of virtual penetration! Someone please tell him, so that his media girlfriend can sue for $50 million at least.

  22. tam

    LMAO.. THESE photos just made me laugh out loud, WTF….. they look so fake, its ridiculous.. HAHAHAAHAHAH @ the pictures of her pointing at something, omg.. how gay!!

  23. intothewoodchipper

    The Parade of Dumb continues.

  24. Heidi is a Whore

    Here’s a thought: Stop fucking posting these photos. She clearly knows she looks like a posed retard, but loves it because she keeps getting her photo all over the web and magazines.

    Everytime I see one of her photos on here, I am personally avoiding the site for a week. It makes me want to fucking puke.

  25. VOM

    NO MORE………..NO MORE………….

  26. Mandi

    Her toes frighten me..

  27. DaddyzGirl

    Blech! Will these two just implode already?

  28. Apes

    I like the last photo. She’s all like “Look over there… at that thing… that’s super, super important”

  29. Leah

    Ah, sipping champagne on the beach… an American pastime.

  30. JoeCree

    how much are you paid to post this stuff douchebag?

  31. Catherine

    i don’t like them, but who cares if he chooses to post them? why bother commenting on it?

    Theres so many people who say boycott perez and superficial, there probably on the few minutes anyway.

  32. I bet she poses like a Disney Princess when she takes a dump, just in case someone is taking pictures.

    “Secrets To Banging Strippers”

  33. NastyBedazzler

    I am sick as hell of this bitch and her poser boyfriend.

    Fuck these guys. However, keep up with the posts because they make me laugh.

  34. Prison Ink

    Old Spence has got quite the slop-gut going. Ol’ boy needs to hit the gym and lay off the Doritos and weed.

  35. Mannequins Unite

    Why does she always look like she is posing?

  36. Dept. of Weights and Measures

    I wonder how much those implants weigh, they’re Hugh!

  37. Geefus

    Come on – Her body is rock solid and those giant fakies look fantastic.

    Who cares about her brains, or total lack of any.

  38. adt

    FAKE! Spencer Pratt can’t read.

  39. Annie


  40. bill

    Seriously…. the more you post pictures of these media-whoring douche-bags you are actively helping them in their quest for recognition.

    I beg of you, please stop promoting these two.


  41. Grunion

    Seeing these pictures of Hiedi reminded me the belmont stakes is next weekend. go big brown.

  42. alisa

    yah yah yah they’re annoying but her body is perfect…. and her face looks good from far away.. sooooo in these pictures shes a 10… just admit it

  43. HeidiHater

    What is up with her lips? Did Spencer hit her in the mouth or did she get some fake lips going on? I think it’s funny that they “stage” the pictures, like anyone would believe they aren’t staged! If they were real, she’d of dropped him over the balcony like the wet blanket he is – ugh! He’s so gross!

  44. God, I really hate these two. I wish someone would throw them into a pool of sharks.

  45. yo

    Just stop posting about the dumb cunt, that would solve A LOT!! Unless the chic is spread eagle porno style I see no reason for you to always post about her.

  46. I’m with Yo. These two get more than enough attention as it is. I would hate to think a rockin’ site like this would contribute to the fame of those douchebags.

  47. Rowan

    I’m not going to boycott this site, b/c I’d only be hurting myself as I love most of it, but WHY do you insist on posting pix of these two complete talentless losers?!? Heidi is fucking UGLY as hell and Spencer is the epitome of DOUCHEBAG (yea, you love your haters, don’t you, fucking dumbass).

    If people like you stop posting these cheesy ass pictures they may go the fuck away. PLEASE STOP ENCOURAGING THEM!!!!!!!!

  48. Rowan

    I’m not going to boycott this site, b/c I’d only be hurting myself as I love most of it, but WHY do you insist on posting pix of these two complete talentless losers?!? Heidi is fucking UGLY as hell and Spencer is the epitome of DOUCHEBAG (yea, you love your haters, don’t you, fucking dumbass).

    If people like you stop posting these cheesy ass pictures they may go the fuck away. PLEASE STOP ENCOURAGING THEM!!!!!!!!

  49. Megan

    are these pictures a joke?
    i dont get it.

  50. charlotte

    If she didnt have her breasts pumped full of silicone jelly, her chest would resemble a pair of empty terrier ears that flop…. eewwwww annoooorreeeexic!!

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