Heidi Montag in a bikini: Now with more balcony!

May 30th, 2008 // 193 Comments

These are the latest batch from Heidi Montag’s posed-as-all-hell bikini shoot. I’m actually impressed that her chest balloons didn’t glide her right off the balcony and out to sea. Clearly, this proves there is no God or, at the very least, he doesn’t hear my prayers. Time for a new tactic: Voodoo. Now that’s some reliable shit. Okay, anyone got a Barbie doll I can borrow/dip in acid? Joker from Batman, you still on here? Call me, son. You know my digits.

superficial

  1. Heroiny

    Gonna vom……..

  2. auzzie

    skank

  3. auzzie

    skank

  4. Ygramul

    The funniest part of this batch is that moon faced retard pretending to read Forbes. Haha. Good one, fucktard.

  5. mrs.t

    Are we supposed to believe that these to have had sex? With each other?

    And what’s with the nonstop champagne? Oh, right-cuz they’re classy.

  6. Monstra

    Spencer thinks that magazine he’s “reading” is pronounced “For bees.”

  7. Jenn

    You know with all of these staged events…I wouldnt be suprised if, next eyar, they come out as BROTHER AND SISTER!! haaa…we fooled you ALLL!

  8. Jenn

    You know with all of these staged events…I wouldnt be suprised if, next eyar, they come out as BROTHER AND SISTER!! haaa…we fooled you ALLL!

  9. veggi

    Irregardless of their staged “relationship” she’s 100% lickable in that bikini. And I don’t think Spencer could ever get excited enough over a female body to get any HIV on her.

  10. Jennifer

    Heidi is disgusting and a shameless attention whore.

  11. honbogi

    Why can’t they just go away!! No one wants to see them!! She’s worst than Paris Hilton :.(

  12. Caminador

    Man, Forbes, Wired, and a book with “POWER” written down the front. I had no idea that this douche bag was a vacuum for eclectic information. Is there anyway we can get a comment on his thoughts on the latest Forbes? That would be….MONEY! ha! (Superficial writer cannot copy that joke, it’s mine)

    But seriously, I hope they burn to death.

  13. norton

    Seriously…. the more you post pictures of these media-whoring douche-bags you are actively helping them in their quest for recognition.

    I beg of you, please stop promoting these two.

    Unless of course they are paying you off to do it. In that case, keep it up. I’m all about capitalism. But start charging more.

  14. NY Ted

    Where the fuck is James Earl Ray when you REALLY NEED him…???

  15. waller

    why do ppl get pissed about the heidi posts? because she’s stupid?

    that’s the only reason i read this blog. to see how stupid / worthless celebrities (and those like heidi that want to be celebrities) really are. i think the VERY un-candid photo shoots they do are incredible — because they are beyond ridiculous.

    keep the heidi coming — i love laughing at how stupid she is.

  16. brittani

    that bitch has the biggest feet i have ever seen in my life

  17. brittani

    that bitch has the biggest feet i have ever seen in my life

  18. morga

    #16 – It’s because they have all of these stupid staged photo shoots.

  19. A blowgun, a slingshot, or a rocket launcher… That’s what I’m asking the douche fairy for next I see these geniuses read Fortune upside down.

  20. Concerned Reader

    I thought that we had a deal that you wouldn’t be posting shit from these two ass bags any more.

  21. Alex

    I thought that we had a deal that you wouldn’t be posting shit from these two ass bags any more.

  22. Refrencing my earlier post about Ms. Kunis, Ms. Montag’s whiteness shows some darkness on her abdomen. That is from receiving a Cleveland Steamer from Specer

  23. snarky

    I have to admit, her body looks really nice. Yeh, she has stupid fake breasts; so unimpressive…anyone can buy those things; but you can’t deny the fact that the rest of her body is very tight, curvy, and fit. But she still needs to get over herself because she needs a fricken face & personality transplant more than anything.

  24. Holly

    STOP(!!) posting pictures of these two. You’re going to force me to gouge my eyes out. Also, you’re only helping them fill their heads with more hot air with all this publicity. Actually..wait… maybe their heads will explode because of all the hot air.. ok.. only post them if it helps the cause of exploding horse face/douchebag heads…deal?

  25. Waller

    #19 – yes, they are INCREDIBLY staged, that’s why they are so funny.

    hopefully everyone is smart enough to see that (its incredibly apparent) and simply laugh at how horrible they are. that’s why they are posted in the first place — to laugh @ them. not to “promote” as #14 says…. i’m so confused on why ppl don’t get it.

    we are laughing AT THEM… /sigh…..

  26. Ryan

    Dude, seriously… nobody watches The Hills, and nobody thinks this girl is hot. She’s extremely fake, entirely unattractive, and dreadfully uninteresting. Please… stop it with the Heidi Montag, for the love of all that is holy…

  27. Ted Mosby

    Reason they haven’t made a sex video is that both want to be able to stare into the camera lens at the same time.

  28. m

    holy fuck!!! what’s with poses idiot hore??!!! Stop drinking champagne, you’re ruining it! man these two make me angry. I agree that I’m officialy more annoyed by them than Paris Hilton… which is massive

  29. Ryan loves Spencer, Ryan loves Spencer, Ryan love Spencer...

    “dreadfully uninteresting”

    lmao. Chill out, dude, he’ll get around to sucking your dick soon enough…

  30. McBeef

    @10

    why has “irregardless” persisted in a post-9/11 world despite the fact it is not a word?

  31. pistola

    this girl isn’t pretty. even with her plastic surgery, her face is still homely- at best. she needs a reality check. and by “reality check,” of course i really mean, “a bat to the face”…

  32. boogie

    Horseface.

  33. antoine

    Does anyone else think that Spencer looks like Marmaduke off of the tv series Car Pool. I think he was also on Cloverfield.

  34. Natalie

    Who are the photographers that take posed pictures of them doing stupid things all the time? I don’t get it.

  35. alison

    why do you post this, they are doing this so idiots (me included w/ this very post) respond. They think it’s funny as hell.

  36. Trover

    What is it with these two douchebags and champagne glasses? They act like they are trying out for a Robin Leach promo video everywhere they go. So unoriginal. They are clowns.

    About time someone broke those glasses and cut them up with them. On live TV.

  37. PunkA

    While I hate these 2 contrived and vapid celebutards, I give them both credit for being very fit. It is obvious that they are smart enough to realize that they make their money off their bodies, and they both work out and take care of them. Heidi in particular, stands out among her Hills group as being the most fit. She isn’t just thin and lazy like the rest. The chick rocks the body, even if she is dumb as a fire hydrant.

  38. scofu

    Anyone realize that this is basically a commercial? Look at all product placement: Wired, Apple, Forbes, Dom Perignon, etc.

  39. gack

    I just can’t get over how big that bitch’s face is. Stupid lollipop head…

  40. scofu

    @ 31: It is a word, check the dictionary: “Its fairly widespread use in speech called it to the attention of usage commentators as early as 1927. The most frequently repeated remark about it is that “there is no such word.” There is such a word, however.”

    http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/irregardless

  41. Randal

    These two have got to be the most cute couple right now in the entertainment industry and possibly the best dressed as well.

    It’s difficult to tell as they’re only wearing swimwear but even that’s hot off the fashion rack of hip and cool.

    Besides being well dressed, Heidi looks amazing and it just goes to show all those other fat Americans that taking care of yourself, excersise and eating properly can really do wonders for your image.

    On another note, it looks like rain this weekend in some parts of the world, so put on your red rubber ducky boots and splish splash in the puddles.

    Hope everyone has a great weekend and I’ll see you on Monday!

    Randal

  42. Igottabemeeee

    Randall saves the day again!!

    Will you marry me Randall? I need someone to give me empty compliments all day to boost my ego.

  43. Sex Nuts & Retard Strong

    Her knees look roughed up…guess she was busy auditioning for her next tv show. I see Spencerdouche is already working on his lovehandles…bwah ha ha. If there is any divine justice in the world, he’ll look like Al Bundy by 25 and Homer Simpson by 30. As for Heidi, she’ll make money by appearing in ever lower and trashier magazines once her 15 minutes of fame are up:
    2008 – Maxim
    2009 – Playboy
    2010 – Raunchy Redneck Roundup
    2011 – Chicks With Dicks

  44. theboss

    Are these two looking for real careers in the entertainment industry? Do they see themselves winning Oscar or a Grammy? I mean, they can’t really expect anyone to take the seriously. Real actors and singers would find this insulting, since most of them would like to have private lives. These two are making a mockery of that desire. Do they not know they are a living joke? I hope they save their money!

  45. riz

    she looks….

    ….unhealthy.

    god help us all if she ever has children. it might even be worse than the britney situation was.

  46. Sarah

    They (she) is (are) soooooo annoying. And not hot or interesting……why not put boobs and ass on a bottle of tartar sauce….who caresssss…stop posting about them. Vannnillllaaaa ….boring.

  47. annoyance

    STOP POSTING THEM!!!this is what they want

  48. Randal fan

    ZOMG I <3 Randal <3
    Have a nice weekend babe. Stay sexy ;)

  49. CJ

    She has Paris Hilton boat feet!!!!

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