Heidi Montag in her only useful form

December 4th, 2008 // 195 Comments

These are shots from Heidi Montag’s “honeymoon” in Cabo San Lucas where her mom claims she was drugged out of her mind. Does this look like a woman who’s not sure what she’s doing? Not in my book. Clearly, this is someone who’s willing to perform a variety services in exchange for cash. As long as her boyfriend/husband gets to take all the money and use it to buy high tops, a Trans Am and the douchiest beard known to man.

superficial

  1. mimi

    I really don’t see the big deal with the blonde hair blue eyed bullshit. I thought we were done with those types already. Nothing but trouble.
    I don’t think this girl is hot anyway.

  2. 10pound

    Looks like she is already developing that “married chick” ass spread.

    GETTING BIGGER UP IN THIS BITCH!

  3. claire

    i thought you promised to stop giving these two morons free publicity. spare us!

  4. friendlyfires

    Yeah, I’d hit that … with a baseball bat .. repeatedly … with glee … tee hee .. but, that’s cruelty to a dumb animal … damn the SPCA … always protecting the wrong species … fire up the woodchopper Bertram … we’re groundin’ up sum lib’rawls t’nite … hey, razorbacks are picky, they don’t eat meat, they prefer vegetarians.

  5. rachel

    Butterface.

  6. Arioch

    @8 win!

    She’s a fuck toy. The end. I dont like fuck toys, been there done that. They’re too much work- it’s not worth the trouble for the pussy. Yeah, RLY.

    I would hit it with a nine iron to the face, tho. Repeatedly. Until it stopped giggling.

  7. Danklin24

    I know have a new found respect for Heidi Montag…

    Nah, JK but look at that ASS. Dayum! I guess she really isnt good for nothing.

  8. Mike

    STOP! I’m sick of this bitch

  9. LargelyGay

    She prob sucks the worst cock.

  10. Shep

    Heidi Montag is superfish’s heroin. He keeps telling you he’s quit it and won’t ever do it again but you know he’s lying.

    Time for an intervention. I’ll call A&E

  11. kate

    PLEASE stop posting about them. seriously.

  12. Racer X

    FAIL.

  13. LargelyGay

    Their kids are gonna have such teeth.

  14. desertrat

    Ya know, honestly, I’m not sure I’ve ever seen as shapely an ass as in pic 1, certainly not with that epic sideboob. And I thought republicans were all shriveled and angry :(

    Seriously, she’s perfect. If I could travel the world and fuck the shit out of her at will whilst making millions, I completely would. Way to go Spencer, you mad genius.

  15. blast from the past

    http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1049/918628517_854b0fd3b1.jpg?v=0

    everyone, please, take a look at that photo!!!!

    heidi pre-surgery.
    superficial should do a before and after instead of promoting her, making her look like the fucking whore that she is.

  16. snot

    Stop posting about them. Seriously, I am so sick of these people.

    All of the gossip blogs and magazines should boycott Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt.

    Oh, yeah, and I totally agree with post #11.

  17. Megan

    Has no one else noticed her fucking wonk hand? Look at picture 4. It’s like her thumb is trying to escape. Although I would too if I were being shoved up Spencer’s ass with ball sweat dripping down me every night.

  18. Venom

    Wow she is an idiot but she is fucking hot.
    I would bang her everyday all day.
    I wonder who is banging her cause he sure is not.
    She needs to do Playboy ASAP.

  19. Kevin Reynolds

    I don’t generally like posts like these, puttin’ people down but; I’ve seen the same pictures at least 8 times today and like so many other I am really sick of this woman. However I respond to the best intro line of them all: Her only useful form. Perfectly simple, simply perfect. Kudos to you guys for coming up with the best line.

  20. ummm...yeah

    If that closet-cocksucker was a real man and not just pretending to be one, his face would be turned the other way.
    Fish you fucking lying bastard, we all know now that you are fucking in love with this bitches’ husband, isn’t this your fuckin second post about these two queers today?!
    You fucking cocksuckin queer fag.

  21. WTF

    Two Speidi posts in one day? Fuck you, Fish.

  22. scooby

    i love picture 1. i hate this girl but i think she’s got a great bod.

  23. moi

    @11 …agreed

    first picture looks porntastic

  24. patricia

    i wish they would go away. on vh1 there is a poll for 2008 and it asks who is 2008 douchest couple and these douche bags are beating every other couple by 95%. Does she ever take off her makeup? people did a story about take a pic first thing in the morning before you get out of bed, yyyea her hair was done make up done, maybe she is an alien? that could by why she like palin so much.

  25. She is my favorite. Just saw her on milllionaire personals site “”"” W e a l t h y D a t e r . c o m”"”"”" last week. I am wondering what kind of relationship she is looking for on that site.Is she single again now?

  26. britney's weave

    FISH HAS A MONSTROUS CRUSH ON HEIDI. OR SPENCER. OR BOTH OF THEM. WHATEVER — HE’S OBSESSED AND THAT’S WHY WE ARE BEING SUBJECTED TO THIS. YOU’RE PISSING ME OFF NOW.

    … end caps lock rant.

  27. LargelyGay

    Fish.

  28. Bob

    I agree.. She should just be a porn star… she cant act… she is mindless… smokin bod… what other qualifications do you need??

    http://internetmiscellanea.blogspot.com/

  29. LIMERICK_MAN_AGAIN

    Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt

    There once were two empty doorstoppers
    Who fancied themselves as chart-toppers
    So clever and cute
    Quoting scriptures en route
    Next year they’ll be cheezing our whoppers

  30. Lucia

    TIENE CARA DE ESTUPIDA..

  31. heidihasadumbface

    Her butt is GROSS. It looks weird…just like her dumb face!

  32. OpenSore

    Yeah right, totally unpredictable pics & her hair’s not even wet…

    How long ’till she gets into porn?

  33. riz

    i think comment number eight deserves more fucking botox than the comment that won taht competition.

  34. pirhan

    Dear Superficial Writer,

    Please crop the pictures better next time.

    Thank you,

  35. LargelyGay

    Heidi paints pictures of Barbara Streisand.

  36. me

    OH i will be wanking to these pics tonight!

  37. :D

    Has she always been like this? Or only after she got those ridiculous implants?

  38. PostmortemG

    First off: I’ve always enjoyed this girl [ Or at least pictures of her ]; maybe it’s because I’ve never seen her show, maybe it’s because I’ve never heard her talk, maybe it’s because i know next to nothing about her. Whatever… I’d still suck the stains out of her panties.

    “She’s a fuck toy. The end. I dont like fuck toys, been there done that. They’re too much work- it’s not worth the trouble for the pussy. Yeah, RLY.”

    That bastard she’s with can’t *POSSIBLY* be sating her. When they divorce, I’ll ask her out to dinner. =D

  39. weirdo

    I’d fuck Heidi’s ass until the skin peeled off my pecker!

  40. Tiffany

    I love how she’s in the water but her hair never gets wet.

  41. Putz Balzac

    How nice…in pics 4 and 5 she’s showing off her giant pussy.

  42. LOL

    LOL at what Comment 8 said.

  43. Eva

    LOL at the names and comments of #35 and #36!!!

  44. ugh!!

    UGH!! look at her CANKLES in the last picture! her legs have no definition, and her ass is rapidly going flabby. she’ll be “losing” a sex tape within the year…it’s the only thing that this bimbo can do in her last gasp for fame.

  45. THAT_GIRL_JENN

    +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    WHAT DO YOU GUYS SEE IN HER AGAIN????

    OH THAT’S RIGHT! WHITE MEN LIKE ANOREXIC, MAN FACED WOMEN WHO HAVE TO RESORT TO IMPLANTS SO THAT THE WHITE MEN DON’T FEEL LIKE MOELSTING CHILDREN.

    RIGHT ON NUMBER 47, ALL YOU R OTHER HOMOS SUCK.

    +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

  46. This is sooooooooo CHEAP!!
    EVERY GUY FEELS HIS PENIS NOW.
    except for spencer’s faggot “PUSSY”, folks!!

  47. Nik

    Watch your ass girl…its starting to blow up.

  48. c1

    What is wrong with her?

    When will she wake up?

    She is soooo desperate… at least she could NOT look at the camera.. god.

  49. c1

    What is wrong with her?

    When will she wake up?

    She is soooo desperate… at least she could NOT look at the camera.. god.

  50. sokoohl

    the red suit makes her look like she has some crazy (awesome!!!) c-toe, also, I like how she’s gettin’ some woman hips. They’re nice.

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