Heidi Montag in her only useful form

December 4th, 2008 // 195 Comments

These are shots from Heidi Montag’s “honeymoon” in Cabo San Lucas where her mom claims she was drugged out of her mind. Does this look like a woman who’s not sure what she’s doing? Not in my book. Clearly, this is someone who’s willing to perform a variety services in exchange for cash. As long as her boyfriend/husband gets to take all the money and use it to buy high tops, a Trans Am and the douchiest beard known to man.


  1. ashley

    so sick of her

  2. Camel

    She has a nice bum.

    Ashley’s fat.

  3. Doggy Style

    I could care less about this white whore. But it is my conviction to do her doggy style in the ass raw!!! without douching her first. I want shit stains on my penis to signify my glory. RAW IN THE ANUS.

  4. ashley

    she does have a great body but she’s posted about (what seems like) every few hours. lame.

  5. Lola

    If she really wants fame, she needs to just make porn. No one is going to respect you Heidi. Not only because you’re “pimp/husband” looks like a mutant, but because at age 22, you’ve had more surgery that Cher…. And you have absolutely NO talent whatsoever.

  6. havoc

    What a fucking poser.

    I’m sick of this attention whore.


  7. Bill Clinton

    Wow…. in picture 4 and 5, you can see her pussy between her legs

  8. Ed.

    correction…shots from her hineymoon.

  9. lulu

    publicity whore

  10. Later

    Good Bye Superficial. I’m sick of all the chicks and no guys. I’m in search for a site that shows men as well as females.


  11. E.T.

    Comment 8, Brilliant.

  12. Particle)Man

    Now that’s a woman I could get behind, exhibit A: picture 1!

    But on a serious note, how can that dood get with a hot chick like that. Muthafucka looks like a sea otter.

  13. fish

    this bitch just needs to make porn already.
    she’s useless when it comes to everything else.

  14. ohtobeher

    If I looked like her I would be the perfect woman… genius and beautiful!

  15. Janell

    I wish I never have to see her horse face again. I wish her and her douchy “husband” fall into a hole filled with broken glass.

  16. Beth

    For some reason I smell both a fart and a douche.

  17. Cash

    Couldn’t you at least edit out that ass-clown from these pics?

  18. lompeychonch

    I agree with the chick that said she should do porn. She has the best porn faces in every picture. It doesn’t matter if she is in the grocery store or on the beach, she always has that I’m getting fucked face. Dude looks like a rapist dirtball with that beard of his. It looks like she was down there on a bikini shoot. These fame whores need to be offed.

  19. Deacon Jones

    Where’s a shark when you need one?

  20. Kyle

    I hate her so much but god damn, she is fine. I’d seriously tear that ass up, her body is perfect.

  21. sameshitdifferentyear

    Can that fucking guy satisfy her when the cameras are shut off? Think about it she must have a shed full of power-tools next to her bed. Just going by appearances at least, he seems like half the man Ronson is, or sorry, Timmeh!!!

    You could fit Montag between Elisha Cuthbert’s asscheeks, and she would just look like a partially-plastic thong bikini. Though H’s hips are shapely, she’s definitely got some curves.

  22. Mojo

    @ 21 agreed!

    She’s got a bangin little body…but i’d need to muffle her mouth…

  23. Kahlee

    What woman in their right mind marries Spencer Pratt?

  24. Hefe

    yeah i’m in the same boat as most others.

    can’t stand her but man her body is built for fucking nonstop.

  25. sophie

    8: Hilarious!

  26. pat

    Pic 4 – Ahh! I’m having the world’s ugliest baby.

  27. Funeral Guy

    She’s obviously a complete moron and I’m not a big fan of the plastic bolt on titties, but that is one fine tappable ass.

  28. Alli SIms

    I agree she has a nice body… A very very nice plastic body.
    Think about it. She’s 21 or 23 or whatever. But how many surgeries has she gone under that the publics aware of? 3 or 4 right? Chest job, lip job, nose job and chin job. Am I right or am I missing more? Look at old pictures of her when she was one of the extras on The Hills. And look at her now. Looks like 2 completely seperate people.
    Whatever the case might be, these bastards are making money. Because assholes like Fish, who makes a big deal about NEVER posting about them, continues to post stupid “staged” photo-ops, that they’re in. So STFU and let these shitheads bask in their 13th minutes of their 15 minutes of retarded fame

  29. dave

    Man, say what you will about that chick, I’d still hit it.

  30. Linds Ho-Bag

    Where’s a mass-bomber when you need one?

    Why would those assholes bomb and terrorize innocent people in India when we have these 2 criminals roaming Hollywood freely?

  31. pinksneakers

    gorgeous coloring, fantastic hair, absolutely flawless body….too bad about that face. specifically, that jaw line. and there is no surgery to fix man-jaws, i am afraid.

    but hey, we all have our flaws! i might live with that face, hair, and skin, though if i could have her body. i would do exactly the same thing as her: run around in as little clothing as possible. at all times.

  32. pinksneakers

    gorgeous coloring, fantastic hair, absolutely flawless body….too bad about that face. specifically, that jaw line. and there is no surgery to fix man-jaws, i am afraid.

    but hey, we all have our flaws! i might live with that face, though if i could have her body, hair, and skin. i would do exactly the same thing as her: run around in as little clothing as possible. at all times.

  33. Matt

    “flawless” doesn’t apply to bodies with hard oversized bolt-on boobs. If she had natural C’s, she’d be flawless (from the neck down).

    Notice how happy Spencer is when he gets to face away from the pussy.

  34. em

    is it just me, or is she getting a little cottage-cheesy around the hips and ass? Not LARGE, per se, but… texturey.

  35. er

    it’s just you

  36. Dozer

    Deacon I’m with you – maybe land sharks if nothing else works.

    but I thought the Fish promised no more stories about these douches.

  37. His Majesty

    I propose a committee be established with the sole purpose of disposing of this wench.

    A separate committee should look into the option of eradicating sir douche-drips-chin-icicles as well.

    All in favor say ye!

  38. dumb

    I’m so confused. I want to punch her in the mouth/chin/neck area yet I still want to paint her toenails.

  39. Adrienne


  40. Dozer

    If they can’t be be attacked by sharks, can we at least sick Amy Winehouse and the hubby at them.

  41. She is an idiot. He is a douce. But Heidi has a fucking incredible body.

  42. Hefe

    #35, it’s definitely just you.

    this moron has a perfect body…..yes even with the fake cans.

  43. Pat

    Spencer has the same picture, but he’s photoshopped some big hairy balls hanging down from the butt.

  44. veggi

    Actually most of the guys here seem like Spencers.

  45. whooo look what i just clicked into!!

    *booty butt cheeks*

    Her face says, she doesnt know what satisfaction feels like!

  46. Jim

    See girls? You can be the best person alive, smart and funny and a great overall personality with a warm, kind, generous heart…and all the guys will still want to hook up with the loud obnoxious conceited selfish dumb girl with the big fake tits.

  47. yikess

    wasn’t she the one who was a loner, always crying, friendless, and doing nothing but work and cry/fight with spencer on the hills?

    great, she paid for this awesomely hot fuckable barbie body. congrats heidi, everyone wants to fuck you. but how awesome is your life, REALLY?

    and 2, WHAT KIND OF A MAN MARRIES A WOMAN THAT SHOWS OFF HER ASS CHEEKS AND VAGINA AND LOOKS LIKE SHES TURNED ON 24/7 IN STAGED PHOTO-OPS FOR ALL TO JERK OFF TO!? fucking trash. scum of hollywood. this is sick and its 2008 and we love looking at this shit. america fucking blows. not my choice to live here :(((((((

  48. Nugaloopagus

    Just like a liberal to make a sexist comment like that. Scumbag.

  49. twizlah

    #9 “hineymoon” is genius.

    i wanna make white pee pee on her front lumps.

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