Heidi Montag in a Bikini

April 11th, 2010 // 299 Comments

The mannequin known as Heidi Montag hosted the opening of Liquid in Vegas on Saturday and there’s literally no way to describe these pics without equating them to a large-breasted candle you’d have sex with. Sort of like those slutty Yankee Candles who keep tricking me.

ME: I thought there’d be cookies after…
CANDLE: BITCH, WHAT I’D SAY ABOUT TALKING?!

superficial

  1. niin

    Holy mother of god his bitch scares the crap out of me!!! She looks so unbelievably unnatural and plastic.. I can’t believe she really did that to herself.. What can I say…? Tragic.

  2. Kendo

    She just looks… hard. Like anyone who tried to have sex with her would come out battered by those immobile rocks on her chest, the jutting bones in her rib cage, and all the plastic in her thighs. Seriously, women are not supposed to be shiny, but her skin always has this plastic sheen.

    Also, once those balloons begin feeling the effects of gravity, they’ll be around her waist. She’s also precluded keeping that body naturally, as it’s impossible to do a lot of exercises with breasts that big.

  3. Wow. Can get any nicer can it?

  4. Amanda

    She forgot Spencer at home.

  5. jenn

    the people behind her look soooo much more attractive. their natural imperfections are appealing when compared to orange, fragile, hard-looking Heidi.

  6. baptiste

    Poor girl she was so cute! She destroyed herself. Do american men like this type of plastic woman? Zero class.

  7. VtFarmboy

    Shes gone from being a mildly atractive nice girl to a plastic slut. She looks like pamala anderson Now… not 20 years ago. I really feel sorry for her but i guess thats how dim witted superficial do things these days. All looks and no substance.

  8. nutnbutter

    itz ya boy nutnbutter!!

    Where to begin!? Damn i would give that bitch babies in a heartbeat… that spencer is a fagdouche. this bitch would have to where a catchcan for all the jizz ozzing out of her quasi celeb twat…hmmm she’s so fucking hot in a plastic way

  9. JR

    hmmm I didn’t know they could dye you the same color as a Barbie doll…

  10. Dn

    The only thing wrong in these pictures is that rock Heidi has on her ring finger, indicating her attachment to that friggen deluded, weasel brained, garden slug, Spencer Pratt. Look at her! LOOK! That is beautifully sculpted flesh for fantasy, is what that is. I’d rip it from every position/angle and in every possible orifice I could find, and then maybe make a few of my own to fill!

  11. Fonzeyfu

    Freaky with eyebrows to match.

  12. D

    She looks a little dead behind the eyes…

  13. sasha

    Did no one love her as a child? I’ve never seen anyone with such a need for attention. Does she do anything all day but look for photo ops? Sad.

  14. what a shame

    So sad…she’s permanently damaged goods at age what, 23-24? Her “ideal figure” isn’t natural. This girl has essentially reduced herself to an object of masturbation and the worst part is, people are encouraging her to send the message that this is okay.

  15. Plastic man

    Those boobs are so fake. She’s so fake. Blah blah blah.

    I’d still waste one on her tig ol’ biggies and new chin.

  16. barbie

    i give it a year until she takes a pair of ribs off.

  17. helloman

    She’s made a huge mistake. Her face is now more masculine than some men’s faces. block out her hair and she looks like a guy. What’s sad is she made so many big changes to her face that you can’t even tell it’s the same person. If she changed her haircut, you could repost her pictures and nobody would know who it was..

  18. wipe the nut of your face befo speakin

    Most of u r right but now wut` – f tha, shake it baby.
    dem cakes can been geting clapped any day
    Hu care bout 30 yaerz from nou?

  19. @35:

    Two words: Michael fucking Jackson.

    Nothing wrong with this chick before – well her looks anyway.

    Even if you think she gained something in adjusting her body to Barbie doll dimensions, you can’t deny she lost any natural beauty she did have – and no surgeon can ever give her that back.

    Just as stupid as teenagers getting botoxed up.

    She’s just been overworked, and it’s a net loss in my opinion. She would have been better off overall to keep what she had until the point where her looks were about to fade below the potential gains of surgery – then went under the knife.

    But I never figured anything she did would be some kind of optimal economic strategy either. So no shock that she’d wind up shooting herself in the foot at some point.

    Actually, considering her IQ, just give it a few years and she’ll probably be the next Jocelyn Wildenstein.

  20. Sassy

    She gets any skinnier, she is going to look like the crypt keeper!

  21. cacatua

    I guess it won’t be hard for Mattel to come up with a doll for this chick, they just need to put long hair to Ken’s head and stick it on top of Barbie. Presto.

  22. scram

    what tits? all i see is a giant chin.

  23. Hahaha

    Ok so look at the first pic and then the last pic–she totally got sunburnt posing all day! Her face is melting by the end! lol

  24. sparkly

    My rabbi made one of those out of clay once.

  25. alex

    Holy Crap!!!

  26. Galtacticus

    Hmmm,her butt got somehow a bit meatier.Implants?

  27. The Observer

    She’s nothing but a sperm receptacle. A human blow up doll.

  28. PostmortemG

    That is an absolutely beautiful butt. =D

  29. eatme

    o damn I would do so many disturbing things to her. EVERY woman should aspire to look this good, whatever it takes. women have a responsibility to get their tits done.

  30. Sport

    Hideous. Her face skin looks like its wrapped onto her surgically created fucked-up face. An come on guys, those tits are SO FAKE and SO HARD and not at all mushy like a real tit. What are you all like 14 and never felt one? Who in their right mind likes that crap?

  31. bimbamboing

    She’s the Dolly Parton type.Lots of plastic but quite disciplined and organized.

  32. DragonKatt

    Oh God, she was in Vegas the same time as me? Hahahah, what a blast it would have been if I were to have seen her on my birthday! Ah well.

  33. Bot

    She looks like a dead person full of formaldehyde

  34. Fredericj Salmão

    Although I think she is so hot that I feel like kidnapping her, I dont think every women need to look like her. I would be happier if all women had low self esteem like she must have in order to get all that plastic to look “prettier”.
    That is so because most of women wount have the guts or the money to go apeshit on plastic surgerie, so they will feel sad and worthless forever, and everybody knows how those worthless bitches are easier to bang

  35. stevep1794

    I would eat the peanuts out of her shit after a three day rectal illness.

  36. sikerimamagüzelde?il

    that’s just sad.. pity..

  37. rex

    Montag might be a lot of things, but she deserves credit for looking great. her surgeries were top notch, she looks like shes eating right, and working out. and she seems finally self confident enough to show off her body a little.

    if you want to knock her, do it for still keeping around that douche-bag husband.

  38. cc

    From the sternum down, she is magnificent. Her face now that it’s ‘melting’ looks okay though obviously fake. But her breasts are ridiculous. If she was growing a tail, it would look less incongrous. Ridiculous.

  39. wompwomp

    sad thing is, she still has that jay leno chin.

  40. pearce smith

    the crowd doesn’t even seem to know or care that she is there.

  41. ___

    #141 is right. From the sternom down she looks richtor. Perfect. But her mug and her rack are just downright ridiculous.

  42. skeet skeet

    They must feel like giant bags of sand

  43. bar room hero

    tranny

  44. Bob Vila

    Jesus. I feel bad for this girl, she’s turned herself into a freak and she’ll be paying the price for it sooner rather than later, that much plastic doesn’t last look at Michael Jackson.

    And to everyone who’s saying only fags and women are hating, here is a 100% straight guy who thinks this bitch is pathetic and gross.Give me a natural beauty any day of the fucking week over this artificial tramp.

    She’s already admitted she can’t jog, you think she can fuck worth a damn?

  45. Natalie

    Wow. I’m not just trying to be mean like many of the comments on here, but I really feel sorry for her. She used to be so pretty!! I was jealous of how beautiful she was. Now she looks a circus freak. It’s so sad.

  46. rickardo

    She’s HOT, stop hating folks. NONE of you would kick her out of bed. However, she’s still an idiot dipshit.

  47. VtFarmboy

    #67 you forgot one thing. Ms Striesand has somthing Heidi does not. TALENT. Heidi cant sing, shes a mediocre actress at best what else does she have other than her body. She is another example of what happens when parents sell their childrens souls for fame and fortune at a young age thinking they have talent. Guess what…. most kids dont have enough tallent to carry them thru life. All thoes acting and singing classes cannot make up for real talent. One only has to look at the list starting with Britney, Lindsey, Heidi and the list goes on and on. So if you want your kid to end up looking like heidi or whacked out whore lindsey go ahead and encourage your kid by letting them go to acting camp………. loser

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