Heidi Montag in a Bikini

April 11th, 2010 // 299 Comments

The mannequin known as Heidi Montag hosted the opening of Liquid in Vegas on Saturday and there’s literally no way to describe these pics without equating them to a large-breasted candle you’d have sex with. Sort of like those slutty Yankee Candles who keep tricking me.

ME: I thought there’d be cookies after…
CANDLE: BITCH, WHAT I’D SAY ABOUT TALKING?!

superficial

  1. balhder

    She looks hot. Really fake though. I’d still hit it and brag the next day all the same. But in 20 years she’s gonna be the second cat lady.

  2. Isis

    CAN’T GET OVER HOW GORGEOUS THIS WOMAN IS! SHE’S PERFECTION! EVERYONE IS JEALOUS ‘CAUSE SHE HAS MONEY TO AFFORD THAT STUNNING BODY AND FACE WHILE YOU’RE BATHING IN A PLASTIC POOL ON YOUR FRONT YARD!!!!!

  3. patprotestthehero

    you know the saddest thing about it all is that even after all the moneys shes spent, shes probably only still and 8, and thats at best really…

  4. girl

    her body! is so hot and shes at least honest about having some work done unlike that idiot kim kardashian! who thinks she can fool people

  5. sgfgffd

    BUTT ER FACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this is the kind of woman paper bags were made for

  6. andi72

    i have to admit, her tits were very well done, ive seen alot worse that are half the size of those monsters… yah really well done

  7. KT

    If it weren’t for those circus tits, her body would be phenomenal. I would trade my abs and legs for hers anyday. But those titties and that butchered face need to go.

  8. LEB

    She has such a petite frame that her body would look better with more proportionate breasts. Hers look like a Barbie doll’s.

  9. Bex

    SHE LOOKS AWFUL. SHE WENT WAY OVER BOARD ON THE TITTIES.
    XX

    http://www.thestylingbee.blogspot.com

  10. sarah

    oh weird, i thought these were photos from madame tussauds……….no? oh. plastic surgery FAIL.

  11. mike

    DAT ASS 8-=

  12. jenny

    I strongly recommend _____M e e t i n gW e a l t h y?c 0 m____ to you where I just found my wealthy boyfriend! It is the best and largest millionaires dat’ing site in the world. I saw Rihanna’s profile on thatSITE yesterday! Is she single again?

  13. temp

    so sad that this is what people aspire to be…a vapid walking bimbo.

    body-wise, her boobs are freaking melons, are you guys blind?
    meh, i guess that’s what equally vapid and shallow people look for these days.

    the rest of her body actually looks normal though (and pretty damn fit).

  14. Chambord

    She reminds me of Amanda Lepore. Oh god.

  15. Sham-WOW

    She looks old and haggard. Heidi do us a favor, step away from the tanning bed, and the knife

    I think that bleach has messed up her brain because she was beautiful the way she was.

  16. anti-pathy

    It’s her life, her body,and her money, but if I was this girl’s mother I would be very, very concerned, she reportedly blew a huge chunk of her money trying to launch a music career, she did the massive surgery or so she says to fit the image, I just have two words Heidi – Barbara Streisand, she was a star regardless of the crosseyes and the unfortunate nose.Heidi appears to have the same problem as Lindsay Lohan- not enough people around her to tell her the truth ,and say ‘ NO’ as in “No Heidi, turning yourself into a life sized Barbie doll is only a smart idea if you are planning a career in porn, and “No Heidi, those things look like they were bolted on to your chest,and yes that disproportionate size might appeal to some, but what about the scar tissue that it appears that you are already forming, and the pain , and the back problems”

  17. abcde

    anyone else notice the stretch marks on her butt?

  18. Her tits are totally too big for her body. Having said that, I’d still bend her over and fuck her silly. (Just being honest).

  19. greggo

    I’m happy with her being a freakshow of sexy if she is.

  20. Heidi is on fine mannequin for sure, nice pcitures (better than the other ones you posted lately).

  21. JT

    Now that’s what I call Height/Weight proportionate.

  22. Tori could store a spare golf ball, making her finally and perhaps ultimately useful.

  23. bob

    Her body is amazing but her face looks like the man with the yellow hat from curious george…. what up with that?

  24. Chenush

    I think she is beutiful, but the baloons are too much.

  25. i would make love to that body forever and ever <3

  26. Catalyste

    If by perfection, you mean doling out the money to get plastic surgery to cover up my physical insecurities while still being a mental case, then I must be the most imperfect person in this world.

    I wonder if her and Kim hang out. Heidi can show off her fake boobs, and Kim can show off her fake butt.

    That’ll turn heads.

  27. Pete

    Is that Shauna Sand and if so, when did she get so fugly!?!??!

  28. Mama Pinkus

    Ms. Montag is a deeply unhappy gal

  29. Jon

    This girls nipples have a hole in them like a basketball and you insert the pump and pump them up on a daily basis depending on how insecure and crazy she is feeling each day.

    Spencer is one lucky man! I want to be a Z cup today Spenny, pump me up! Don’t be like that, pump me up and I’ll let you go hang out with that male hairdresser friend of yours again, like you did the other day when you came home walking funny.

  30. NG

    She looks awesome. If you put a bag over her head, it would be a perfect fuck.

  31. Jon

    I don’t understand how celebrities can go out in public after getting plastic surgery like this. You were already famous before, everyone knows what you really look like, and then after such a drastic change, how can you ever be expected to be taken seriously? It’s like walking around with a “I’m crazy and insecure about my looks” stamp on your forehead.

    Respect to all the actresses that have A cup itty bitties, and a big schnozz and never change it. It’s who they are and gives character. Not everyone can always look the same, there is no perfect size or shape. If you have something wrong with you and try to fix it, 9/10 it will look worse, or at the very least look “fake”. Fake for life. Nice. The only good thing I will say about plastic surgery is how much it can help burn victims or people who lose a body part to cancer or a car accident.

  32. captain america

    she investigated pamela anderson’s legacy?

  33. AnnaDraconida

    Frakkin’ Cylon… no wait, those actually looked real

  34. CA

    Oh sweer ff lord!!!!!!!!!Now THIS is an amazing perfect, legendary beauty!!!!!!!!!!

  35. Rhialto

    Yikes! This bionic girl is hurting my eyes! If i push her on the back,is her arm going to lift up?!

  36. HJ

    I don’t think she looks ugly at all. Her boobs are too big and her belly looks a little emaciated, but apart from that she’s beautiful. But she already was before all the surgery, more so even.

    Im concerned for her, she must have body dysmorphic disorder to think she needs so much surgery.

    @ Jon (82): I agree

  37. Nerd

    Those minimal smiles she is making look like they are absolutely killing her to make. I was all about making fun of her till she off’s herself, but seeing those awkward difficult smiles makes me feel sorry for her..

    OK, I’m done, now I feel like cumming on her face then slapping her.

  38. jagger

    HAHAH you save my day ! disgusting, those tits are going to explode someday. i hope

  39. Darth

    Before,so on the first glance you would think that she’s a bit a clumsy girl.But she’d like it really perfect,doesn’t she?

  40. Nero

    #90

    She’s still a clums.AND it’s still visible.

  41. Boogeyman King Dong

    Is her cameltoe glued to her face now? Cheese!

  42. cellphone

    Why did she got such a big head for that half a brain cell?

  43. Head to toe, she just looks unnatural. It’s a shame, as she was pretty cute before all the surgeries. Kind of reminds me of Pamela Anderson in that.

  44. Beeotch

    She is the poster girl for how to look unhealthy!

  45. ladidaa

    well, at least she’s got nice legs..

  46. 420smoke

    Besides her boobs looking hard as cement and the huge distracting gap between them, I have to say her body is really nice. Her stomach is flawless and thighs and legs are shapely. Her face is so unfortunate though:( She should’ve used the boob money for her face. #8 is right, she does look 40. I mean, if she’s 23 now, lookin like shes in her 40′s by the time she’s really 40 shes gonna look like she belongs in a nursing home. Also, the trailer trash hair color doesn’t help. If she was working a more natural blonde color maybe with highlights etc,. She would look a billion times better IMHO

  47. Gando

    Don’t tell me that she did bang TW!?

  48. Darth

    I’ve to give her kudos for her nice looking pink-brownish tan.

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