Heidi Montag in a Bikini

April 11th, 2010 // 299 Comments

The mannequin known as Heidi Montag hosted the opening of Liquid in Vegas on Saturday and there’s literally no way to describe these pics without equating them to a large-breasted candle you’d have sex with. Sort of like those slutty Yankee Candles who keep tricking me.

ME: I thought there’d be cookies after…
CANDLE: BITCH, WHAT I’D SAY ABOUT TALKING?!

superficial

  1. jon

    boinnnggg!

  2. Jack Mehoff

    I wannna go motor boating!!!

  3. Ryan

    it’s Lisa from Team America!

  4. Sebastian

    DAMN!

  5. chelsea

    no cute… i just have the strong urge to grab a needle and pin it in her boobs and watch them deflate! lmao. she had a nice body before but now she looks… very fake and unappealing.

  6. james

    She is absolutely perfect. all women should look like this.

  7. Dan

    This reminds me – I need to pick up some more tupperware bowls.

  8. LikerOfNormalFaces

    While I am totally fine with circus tits, but what is wrong with her face? She looks 40.

  9. redpop

    [She is absolutely perfect. all women should look like this. ]

    They do. They’re called mannequins.

  10. DT

    disgusting

  11. timmy the dying boy

    I suddenly feel like some walnuts.

  12. starrz218

    She looks effing ridiculous!!!

  13. MoreCowbell

    Yecch! Those close ups or her face look like something a little kid would draw on construction paper! Paper bag would definitely be in order here.

  14. Fati87

    Repulsive

  15. RICK JAMES!!

    Ok… she’s fake and all, but seriously, who’s going motor-boating with me??!!

  16. Girl

    I can only imagine that motor-boating those things would result in suffocation. I mean, do they even move?

  17. Tum Tum

    Motor-boating those things would probably lead to a broken nose. They don’t look all that squishy.

  18. SLEEPER

    Never in my life did these pictures keep me so LIMP!!!! I almost dosed-off wasting my time looking at these. Hide-n-seek is no longer my game. See HEIDI spread eagle, pussy lips being hung by 20lbs. weights, corn-holed w/2 baseball bats and I might blink an eye.

  19. Sheena

    Those boobs look downright painful. O_o

  20. Lala

    all I can say is, “ewww! ewww! EWWW!!!”

  21. I laugh at you skanks

    The girl is beautiful. You whores and fags here are insane with jealousy and I love it! Enhanced or not she is the hottest chick on this site.

  22. GQ Guy

    James is Right. She is absolutely perfect. all women should look like this.
    Straight men love her!

  23. Jenny

    she is all out-of-proportion

  24. Rossco

    The only way you can tell that’s a real person (and not a mannequin or cgi creation) is the by the visible razor burn around her crotch. Don’t think they’d go so far as to create that if they were making everything else perfect, haha.

  25. OOH~EMM~GEE!! btw, im a female! not hatin

    I think she looks good, for the most part. Her body is great, but her face, im not so sure.

  26. Posttache

    This is disgusting and @3 haha!

  27. Posttache

    This is disgusting and @3 haha!

  28. shittin condoms

    wow i could fuck that ass all day god damn

  29. Sarah

    i can only how ugly her face will be in 30 years if this is what it looks like now! i can’t believe men find this cartoon body attractive! (well i guess i can)

  30. Nikki

    HOLY MILKSHAKE THATS SOME BIG TITTAYS!

  31. janet

    ewww her hair looks so cheap and over-bleached! the big boobage looks pretty ridiculous on her tiny frame – they’re probably as stiff as rocks! hopefully they’ll soften up! everything else looks good though. plastic face looks, well, plastic, but still pretty!

  32. WOW. SWEET!!! Man would I love to tap that.
    Serious.

  33. turd da third

    just wait until it starts to really age, I hope it has saved up a lot of money for a million more surgeries later in life….

  34. turd da third

    In another couple of years it will be walking scar tissue. Scar tissue in not flexible and typically has more nerve endings than normal tissue for a given area… that doesn’t bode well for her future!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  35. Really?

    This is what white people want to look like?

  36. renee

    cant wait to see what the “comments” are when she is 50….

  37. ghost

    Anyone else notice that, post surgeries, she keeps her gaping maw closed in most photos?

  38. girl

    No photoshop here! Her body minus the boobs look good!! The face? MEH!

  39. shut up and do porn already!

    Heidi Montag anal, who wants it?

  40. Kelly

    FUCCCCCCCCCK ME!!!! I WISH I LOOKED LIKE THAT!!!!

    AT LEAST she doesn’t have to fucking smooth out her cellulite like that Kim fuckface KardASShian!!!! NO PHOTOSHOP AND AIRBRUSHING here boys and girls!!!! MY GOD….. Gorgeous.

    I’d do ANYTHING to look like that.

    WOW.

  41. small asian penis

    I wouldn’t do anything to look like that.

  42. Waw. she looking so hot in bikini and bra, and she looking so gorgeous, and i am totally speechless about her, looked her figure, and everything, i just want to say she looking awesome in this pictures,

  43. well, she does look hot in these pics. ok, i like her now.

  44. AnonymousError

    Dude- they forgot to scale down her butt. That thing looks like a massive Kardashian assin those photos. Thumbs down. Heidi is gross.

  45. justifiable

    #42 Yeah, the only thing that’s missing is the tiny valve on the side and the small print that says “Made in China”.

  46. Banging from the neck down. The face & hair have to go.

    None of it’s real, what do I care?

  47. Rachael

    I not gonna come on here and say she looks crap – cos she doesn’t – she’s got a mighty fine body – even though it’s mostly fake and i think she went a little over board on the boobs. What i don’t understand is how can a girl that age need so much work done!!! There was nothing wrong with her body before!
    She is going to be an absolute mess by the time she’s 30…..sad sad.

  48. Rachael

    And btw……what the fuck happened to her eyebrows? Has she had them dyed? They look like spencers eyebrows but thinner! GROSS!

  49. POO

    #35 – what do you mean “white people”???????? I’m pretty sure other races have plastic surgery done to have this kind of physique.

  50. saywha?

    she looks sort of hot when you take a quick glance, but the boobs are way too big (i can’t believe i’m saying that), and her face looks so leathery. everything else looks fine. i personally think she overdid it, but if it makes her happy i guess.

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