Heidi Montag in a bikini

August 24th, 2009 // 197 Comments

Since there’s a beach in the Bahamas, Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt took some time over the weekend to partake in one of their horribly canned photo shoots, and somebody needs to tell Spencer he can stop pimping Heidi’s issue of Playboy. Everybody’s seen what’s in it: Nothing.

EDIT: Apparently you can see Heidi’s cock-eyed nipple in the last pic which instantly makes this post more revealing her Playboy shoot. The Superficial: We, uh, meant to do that. Yeah.

NOTE: Added Heidi’s performance at the 2009 Miss Universe Pageant that makes Britney Spears look like goddamn Baryshnikov.


  1. Mandy

    Her ass looks dirty and cellulite-ridden there.

  2. Anaconda Deuce

    First bitches!!!!

  3. JofaMang

    she sucks so much, I only see plastic ugly when looking at that body.

  4. Harold^Sick

    I would say this is awesome but, its not.

  5. Kelley

    Same old shit … boring !!!

  6. Spastic

    PLEASE put up a video of her terrible dancing on Miss Universe last night. It was horrific and terribly funny

  7. libz

    seriously. please stop posting about these two worthless douches. you’re keeping them alive when they are so close to be being dead. just stop already!!

  8. not vapid

    Do she not realise that these posed bikini-up-her-crack-shots are highlighting the pimples on her ASS??? No, I guess that would involve THINKING.

  9. Shelly

    She really needs to put a bag over her face. And those are the worst implants I have ever seen. It looks like they are as hard as basketballs and def. are. Who the hell finds her gross body or that alien looking Jay Leno face attractive?

  10. Beetlejuice

    Just look at those cellulite ripples. It’s over already for her.

  11. juls


  12. kris

    Don’t they ever get sick of seeing each other. Spencer is such a DOUCHE!! I really wish people would stop even talking about or taking their pictures.

  13. winter

    2 more months before they declare bankruptcy.

  14. It's Me Fuckers

    I’d love to be able to make a deal to bring back the child molesting Michael Jackson if God would just kill off these two. Fucking posers, they make me nauseous.

  15. Heidi Montag also sings on the Miss Universe Pageant? That alone has to define what a beauty pageant is. Nothing more than a frivolous waste of time, space and money. Heidi Montag signing on anything has to lower the notch of what the show might be attempting to depict. Heidi Montag not even singing but lip syncing to her sultry ad for her next playboy spread. Stripping nude for playboy yet not really showing nudity.


  16. stupidass

    PLEASE PLEASE PLEEEEEEEEEASE stop posting about these 2. they’re the worst.



  17. clpierced

    Heidi girl, seriously the posing like a slutty slut slut is a lie. when i was 16 i used to take pics like that for my myspace. so now grow up and either show the goods for the guys out there or cover your shit up.

  18. Ego

    Canned photoshoot? That shit looks natural spontaneous. I’d pay good money to see Spensor partake in a UFC match.

    • eric

      that “DOUCHE” (or) “COLONIC” needs to have his ass kicked.not like he does it…he needs to know it’s comming.unlike some of his “so called fights.that guy has never been worthy of comming into our homes even via television.if i did’nt have a child watching mtv i would not have even known this guy existed.I know now that i would have been better for that.After seeing both of them on “i’m a CELEBERITY? get me out of here.That exposed them for the nut jobs they really are.

  19. Angel

    She looks kind of Tori Spellingish in some of these. Her face is sooooo long.

    Note to Heidi and Spencer— “Your 15 minutes of fame is up already.” (please God)

  20. What?


  21. You are welcome

    The video of Heidi dancing.


  22. Chesty peacock

    That amount of cellulite on a 21 year old is NOT tight. Or right.

  23. You are welcome again
  24. Peace of Mind

    A sad day in America.

  25. Max Power

    I hope you’re at least getting paid to post this horrible, unsexy shit.

  26. Chico

    I would love to kick the living shit out of Spencer. I hate his face so much!

    That would be a wicked reality show: ‘Kick the shit out of Spencer Pratt’

    I’m sure it would be hard to find contestants.

  27. i hate these two douche bags, heidi looks like mac the knife…


    i have to admit she kinda has a nice ass :(

  28. Chico

    I would love to kick the living shit out of Spencer. I hate his face so much!

    That would be a wicked reality show: ‘Kick the shit out of Spencer Pratt’

    I’m sure it would be hard to find contestants.



  29. Melissa

    I guess kudos to her for not airbrushing the shit out of these pics???

  30. just me

    It looks like she has gained some weight!

  31. joeamma

    Look at her big fat cellulite butt.

  32. Rogue Wave

    Where is that hungry bull shark when you need it?

  33. Kim

    She’s got a rockin’ bod.

    A seriously rocking bod.

    A body that overcomes all personality flaws.

    I’d bang her all day long, then shove her in a suitcase. I’d make sure to cut the serial numbers out of her implants, of course. I’m a quick learner.

  34. lizzy


  35. IAmNotRickMoranis

    I hate these two with a vicious, blinding passion, but I would eat that ass for about three hours straight. Can’t help it.

    I mean Heidi’s ass, by the way. Spencer just needs to be disemboweled.

  36. Jessesgirl

    PLEASE STOP POSTING ABOUT THESE TWO!!!! They need to go away!

    Heidi can’t dance, or sing (or lip synch for that matter).

  37. rboston

    Heidi is going to be very embarrassed that she used to pose like this in a few years.

  38. Randall

    She is the epitome of perfection in Hollywood. her beauty will blah blah blah. her amazing body is blah blah blah. she shits out rainbows blah blah blah. her booger taste of the sweetest nectars blah blah blah. I write these obnoxiously uplifting rants just to go against the grain and get attention that my mommy never gave me, but my uncle Festus gave me too much of bla blah blah I want Spencer to rub his flesh toned beard on my hole blah blah blah


  39. Martina

    Who cares if she can’t sing or dance? That’s an ass deserves sex tape attention.

  40. Heidi Montag may be a brainless waste of space, but you gotta admit that her ass is amazing. And if you don’t agree with me, you sir, are nothing but a homo.

  41. Name No

    Randal, that was elequent. Too bad you misspelt your own name.

  42. kimberly

    Oh! The places you’ll go… when you’ve been “made” with plastic surgery and a personality that lacks any real human appeal.

  43. unbeliever

    Pictures of Heidi and Spencer are used as motivational material by al Qaeda to incite murderous rage in potential suicide bombers. Non-muslim USA citizens are rumoured to be signing up just on the off-chance chance they’ll get to have a crack at them personally.

  44. Meg

    So sick of these 2! The bikini poses are reallllllly played out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Stop posting and maybe they will fade into obscurity?! Heres hoping.

  45. evil-monger

    Be honest, how many of you are hoping for a Star 80 scenario with these two?

  46. Sheena

    The only time Miss Cellulite Ass doesn’t have her ginormous yap open is the ONE pic where she’s slobbering on the flesh-bearded douchebag. GAG

  47. you

    i just can’t understand why she’s trying to be sexy amidst some of the most beautiful women in the world. she wouldn’t have been queen bee at my high school, let alone at the miss universe pageant. give it up.

  48. Willie Dixon

    Looks like she’s getting a bit chunky…

  49. tom wilson

    Hey, Spencer, ignore these bums. Pose her as much as you want and any which way you want. She looks delicious. Especially from the rear and in profile — maul that ass once for me. Once a day, I mean.

  50. Lou

    Looks like she had collogen (or cottage cheese) shots in her thighs…..

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