Heidi Montag in a bikini

April 30th, 2009 // 198 Comments

Since I just posted about fake breasts and dumb, what better follow-up than Heidi Montag in a bikini? Here she is on her honeymoon in Mexico, and of course, even then she’s still posing for pics. Seriously, I bet this chick can’t go to the bathroom without taking at least three paparazzi and enough lighting equipment to render a pregnancy test pointless.

“It’s a girl, Ms. Montag!”
“Neat. *FLUSH* I’m gonna pose next to the towel rack now.”

superficial

  1. Erica

    So Heidi doesn’t wear a mask in most of these pictures but does in a few? How does that make any fucking sense? They both need to die, NOW.

  2. Rebel664

    Heidi is hot, smoking hot, she’s en fuego. But if you’re in beach alone or with people you know are not infected you don’t need the mask. I live in Tijuana and I don’t use the mask. The swine flu is not a airborne toxic event.

  3. SOS

    how does she keep her stomach SO tight and flat? Mine is flat but it’s not all tight and lean like that… that’s all muscle!

  4. Flipper

    Dorks

  5. Ed

    I fuck the Swine Flu right out of her ;)

  6. Lindsay

    I really really want to know where she got that bikini, it’s so cute. and probably costs 5 mil. Give or take.

  7. vito

    Fake tits. Bummer.
    Airhead. Double-bummer.
    Outrageous body inspite of the above. Stupendous ass and great legs. Yummmmy…

    I’d like to fuck her senseless (oops…probably too late). I have confessed that I think she is a hottie and now I hate myself!

  8. emmaleigh

    The last few photos are the best ones, she actually looks hot in those cuz they cover up her horse face and probably the worlds worst chin…
    these two are gross.
    what a horrible boyfriend, parading his girlfriend around like this…he’s using her.

  9. Meghanfish

    It would be neat to work at a restaurant that they eat at… I would fart and poop and sneeze and dance all over their food and they would never know!!!!

  10. norton

    She’s a vapid useless shit for brains. But I have to admit….. wow, smokin’ bod, fake tits and all.

    Him. Just a waste of space. And a fag…. everyone knows he doesn’ t tap that. Which is another waste.

  11. AJ

    she is so white and pitiful

  12. pathfindernj

    Heidi is dumb as wood, but damn would I love to have a shot at that body.

  13. YOmoma

    awe, Fish is just jealous. Can’t hide your wood, right?

  14. Huckleberry Hashimoto

    #35 – For fuck’s sake, are you blind?!? Sorry, I wasn’t thinking, I suppose that since the only woman you get to see in person is your mom, anything in a bikini would look good in comparison. Oh, and real clever moniker you have there. Sure wish I had thought of it.

    #41 – It’s “navel” not “naval.” That’s another word for “belly button.” No need to thank me, I’m glad I could help you learn something.

  15. NJ

    I’d so fuck her, she’s lovely!

  16. Joejam2845

    She’d be a cutie if she didn’t have those Awful Fake Tittys!!!

  17. Whocares

    Anyone who isn’t attracted to Heidi Montag is a faggot, or a fatty.

  18. you can imagine SHIT is coming out of that ASS, folks?
    (be sure, there are more organs here)
    ####BRAINS####

  19. LMS

    YAWN! Another bleach blonde moron with fake tits! Whoop dee doo!

  20. AJ

    Umm doesn’t anybody notice that her ass has been rediculously Photoshopped on here??? The blurred lines of her back thighs and the strange darker color of her back thighs are OBVIOUSLY photoshopped. What a fricken cheater. Celllllulite

  21. Dollface28

    HATERZZZZZZZZZZ! She looks pretty. Christian and married that’s the way beautiful girlz should stay. YOu go Heidi, Spencer is HOT, your doin somethin right!!!

  22. Michael

    Please stop writing about these people

  23. pubo

    her breasts look so HARD . ugh

  24. Agent 365

    i’ll bet they have really angry sex.
    also: CANKLES!!!

  25. JEREMY

    I’m sorry but whatever anybody has to say thats negative about Heidi or Spencer… she has a fucking AMAZING BODY. Implants or no implants, her body is perfect. And all of you are jealous whether its jealousy of not looking like her or jealousy of spencer being the one who bangs her.

  26. Heidi hater

    If they felt so much at risk that they wore masks on the beach, why did Heidi take hers off for her solo shots? Maybe she feels safer away from her pig husband?

  27. Galtacticus

    Hello!

  28. matt

    Her breasts are so gross.

  29. Bo

    Very plastic all over. It’s sad plastic women are considered the hottest. I would think she is hot but I can’t stand fakeness.

  30. kerrie

    I found a great site —— R i c h S e a r c h i n g . c o m —— It ‘s where you have the opportunity dreaming about dating a millionaire and make it true! I thought everyone needed to meet some miracle after all the terrible stuff in the news and the economy :)

  31. Rhialto

    Her body is looking pretty acceptable.

  32. justifiable

    She’s great and surgically perfect from the neck down, it’s undeniable. It’s what’s on top of her shoulders that makes me want to stuff a hand grenade in her navel and pull the pin.

  33. saw it, called it

    #130 Kerrie, the only miracle I want to meet is the one where you and your fellow spammers catch swine flu and die.

  34. CakeSnifferer

    I guess I can’t complain about these pix.

  35. JH

    I do want to nail that chick – rockin bod. but god she is annoying. just noticed she kind of has cankles – anyone agree on that?

  36. SATAN

    dammit, i normally wouldn’t give 2 shits if a girl’s got fake tits or not (and at least she’s not flat), but those are possibly the worst-looking non A-cups i’ve ever seen. i mean if they’re gonna look that bad, at least make up for it by going double that size so i can titty fuck you or somethin.

    oh and her ass is amazing.

    8/10, only cuz her chin annoys me

  37. Beans Bastard

    Do women like it when doing doggy we stick a finger in their ass? My gf loves it. She clenches down on my finger like a fat person would on a turkey sub.

  38. 1988

    She is so boring. Shes like the human equivalent of that processed cheese that tastes like the plastic its sold in. But I suppose being with a woman like her is the ultimate validation for a lot of insecure men.

  39. Jen

    I hope her and Spencer catch the swine, Bring it back here and go on set and gives everyone else on the hills the virus… then we wont have to seee them anymore.

  40. I don’t have a problem with her chin… I could rest my balls on it whilst bruising the back of her throat.

  41. Verez

    Heidi is the hottest babe of the moment. Instant wood.

  42. Hank E. Panky

    Sad. She could have been an amazing model. And then she spoke.

  43. corunmila

    She may be as dumb as a sack of wet diapers, but she has an amazing ass…

  44. as much as I cant stand this couple, Heidi is HOT…look at that ass..its just begging to be tapped

  45. burnin12

    Hey, I don;t like hearing about these two anymore than anyone else but damn, she really does have a great ass!
    Just a pic of that every now and then along with whatever story you feel the need to tell should suffice. No need to see any other part of her and def. don;t need to see S. P. That name alone is horrible enough that it should never be mentioned again!

  46. asdfasdf

    Smoking body, even with the fake boobs.

    She is desperately in need of a serious butt-fucking. The butt-fucking she obviously craves.

  47. mrx

    I concur… hate to say it, but damn that’s a nice ass.

  48. Joe

    She actually looks pretty hot with her face covered up. I like the new look much better!

  49. L Wilbs

    SHE NEEDS TO SHUT HER MOUTH

  50. L Wilbs

    SHE NEEDS TO SHUT HER MOUTH

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