Heidi Montag in a bikini

April 30th, 2009 // 198 Comments

Since I just posted about fake breasts and dumb, what better follow-up than Heidi Montag in a bikini? Here she is on her honeymoon in Mexico, and of course, even then she’s still posing for pics. Seriously, I bet this chick can’t go to the bathroom without taking at least three paparazzi and enough lighting equipment to render a pregnancy test pointless.

“It’s a girl, Ms. Montag!”
“Neat. *FLUSH* I’m gonna pose next to the towel rack now.”

superficial

  1. bob

    STOP POSTING ABOUT THIS BITCH

  2. mike

    I hope she got swine flu from mexico

  3. NB

    I thought you weren’t supposed to post Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt stories anymore. You’re making the problem worse.

  4. jumpin_j

    C’mon Phish, show her with her asshat husband with the flu-masks on. Like “we’re safe in Mexico because we have masks and showing off in our bathing suits”.It’s Darwinism at it’s finest. These shots are just lame.

  5. Andy

    THIRD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  6. Racer X

    FAIL.

  7. Wally MoFongo

    Eventhough she annoys the hell out of me I can’t wait to see her in Playboy.

  8. Eva

    Fish… please Photoshop her mouth closed at least.

  9. Seth

    She doesn’t have a creepy flesh colored beard…so… I can’t complain. She’s pretty hot actually.

  10. Everyone hates her cuase shes cam hugger, i hate her cause shes a cocktease!

  11. Ugh. That certainly is a crappy way to start off the day. At least she isn’t fake singing, I guess…

  12. Mr. Horse

    No sir, I don’t like it.

  13. JustJess

    No actually – she is hot – in a Cali bottle-blonde sort of way…

    If she wasn’t such a cam hog – she’d have no problem giving a hard-on to 92% of the this site…

    But she should take a tip from the Amish: they don’t like taking photographs because they believe that pictures rob the soul…

    Hmmm…

  14. ERIKA

    HOW INCREDIBLY STUPID THEY LOOK IN THOSE MASKS, GOSH!

    I understand they can´t read so wouldn´t be informed of swine flue by reading newspapers
    but don´t they watch a TV? talk to friends? step outside?

    ridiculous

  15. man key

    Not a bad arse, although she should ditch the arsehole.

  16. Venom

    Her body is so f*cking amazing.
    Too bad she is with that idiot.
    She needs a real man to bang her senseless for days and then she will quit talking like an idiot.

  17. Fat Chicks Suck

    As ridiculous as this “marketing people as an annoying brand” thing has gotten there’s no denying her body is smoking hot. The whole point is that people love to hate her and everybody falls for it. Whoever is behind this crap is a genius. You think she doesn’t know everybody thinks she’s an attention-whore idiot? Somehow it’s bringing in money and the real joke is on the American public – she’s laughing all the way to the bank.

    All of that aside you’re kidding yourself if you say you wouldn’t tear that ass up. Typically I prefer girls just a touch thinner…but I think her body is pretty much perfect. She wasn’t blessed with big natural tits and I normally hate implants but she looks so hot I don’t even give a fuck. I’d prefer if she was natural even if she was flat but then she wouldn’t be nearly as popular. They fit her image perfectly.

    I doubt she’ll do Playboy (or if she does it’ll probably be a half-assed spread where everything is covered up) but if she does a legitimate nude Playboy shoot it will be the first Playboy I’ll ever purchase. I’ll bet her pussy is absolutely flawless.

  18. Rick

    If she’s in a bikini you can post the “story” – like any normal hetero guy, I’m certainly not staring at her face and detailing the flaws.

  19. why wear mask on the beach? i wonder.

  20. Sport

    The next CANDID photo of these asshats will be the FIRST.

  21. OnlyGayEskimo

    Look, its the origin of the swine flu walking on the beach!
    Lets stone them to death.

  22. chlöe

    what a ridiculous whore.

  23. she beautiful as Hell

    I would say this is by far the hottest chick ever posted on this site by far. I don’t care about her personality or douche husband. She is one smokin’ hot babe.
    Period. Of course you ugly whores and groids and brown trash will surely beg to differ.

  24. dirk

    Sorry, but I think her body is hot. I’d soak her in urine and spank her bare ass till it was pink.

  25. trog: king of koalas

    Here’s how this needs to go down. Heidi catches the swine flu and comes back to the states after the honeymoon. She invites over all her incredibly awesome and talented friends, Kim, Paris, Miss California, Britney and all the others who live off the stupidity of the general population. They all get together and have a naked wrestling match in a pool of crisco. Unfortunately the resulting video melts the internetz but they all catch some ‘weird cold’ and save the universe from their ongoing incompetence. Win!

  26. Huckleberry Hashimoto

    Her body is NOT smoking hot. Her navel is ugly, her skin is sallow, her arms are veiny, and she has bones or something sticking out in odd places. She has stringy hair. Her boob job must have been done by Dr. Nick Riviera, the way they hang, or should I say, don’t hang. She seems unable to close her mouth all the way. However, I admit she has great legs.

  27. Jumper Grange

    Me likey… Me very much likey… Oh, and Mikey likey too, he just rose up to tell me.

  28. swineflu

    Is this bitch ever NOT sucking it in?

  29. Classy

    Ahhhhhh, my eyes….damn, please tan, my eyes are blinded. This chick is not cute…not in the least!

  30. No thanks. I’ve already reached my douche quota.

  31. Photoshop Police

    i think my eyes just caught douchbag flu from looking at this post

  32. asdf

    @8

    Yes.

  33. Betty Arugala

    What idiots, the WHO said masks don’t help prevent the contraction of swine flu.

  34. penis

    “Her body is NOT smoking hot. Her navel is ugly, her skin is sallow, her arms are veiny, and she has bones or something sticking out in odd places. She has stringy hair. Her boob job must have been done by Dr. Nick Riviera, the way they hang, or should I say, don’t hang. She seems unable to close her mouth all the way. However, I admit she has great legs.”

    I only understood the last part. All the rest sounded like “blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah” to me and when I put it through the translater it came out “fat hairy jealous fat hairy jealous fat hairy jealous fat hairy jealous”.

  35. When is her stolen home video coming out?

  36. Keith Moon's rotted corpse

    “What idiots, the WHO said masks don’t help prevent the contraction of swine flu.”

    Actually they said “we won’t get fooled again” which is pretty ironic, given these two.

  37. Mike Rackhabit

    i’d hit it til it ached.

  38. STINK

    “Tee-hee-hee! This mask will protect me from the flu and hide me from- OH DEAR GOD HE’S STILL HERE I THOUGHT IT WAS A NIGHTMARE! KILL ME KILL MEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!”

  39. Sam

    “Whats an ugly naval?”

    John McCain.

  40. CDC

    They haven’t contracted swine flu, but for some reason there are 10 new cases of Mexican men who are HIV+.

  41. Hefe

    She is the most annoying, vapid cunt in celebutard history…and that husband of hers is by far the biggest douchebage on the planet.

    However, she is by far the absolute hottest chick in Hollywood and I would spend countless hours eating that plastic Barbie-looking ass of hers

  42. Clem

    At least with the masks you can’t their permanently open mouths.

  43. Vake

    If The Superficial posts one more time about these jerks, I’m unsubscribing.

  44. Pat C.

    Too bad the masks are only half as big as they should be. The entire face should be covered.

    I don’t like Heidi Montag “stories”, except for bikini / nude posts.

  45. Jackson

    You will never see Kim Kardaskank show off her butt in a bikini like Heidi unless the picture has been airbrushed.

  46. love

    I love thse two. always good for a laugh

  47. Danklin24

    Thes douchepuppets are going to come back to the states and kill someone with that damn swine virus, you just watch. The good news is it will be someone from The Hills. So i guess its not a bad thing.

  48. Matthew

    Damn it fish stop posting MR and miss douch

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