Heidi Montag gets stuck in an ATM

June 10th, 2008 // 80 Comments

Once I start kicking asshats from The Hills in the proverbial nuts, I just can’t stop. Which brings us to Heidi Montag who managed to get herself trapped in an ATM vestibule last night. And, surprisingly, it wasn’t staged. Heidi acts as if she could’ve got out without coaching from the paps, but let’s be real: She’d still be in there as we speak. Just like the time she got stuck in that mask with the giant chin and retarded smile.

Photos: Splash News

  1. seb

    I hate her!!!!!


  2. mr secondz


  3. Seb

    I cant believe it!!!!! my first “first” ever….!!! *runs out and fetches the champagne – Krystal of course!*

  4. Jimmy Beam

    I’d like to get something of mine STUCK in her vestibule.

  5. AllieCat

    she’s such a dumbass. her chin looks like a mountain, no amount of plastic surgery can ever make her look hot

  6. p0nk

    you’d think she’d have mastered ATM by now.

  7. Mandy

    Why the hell is her skin always SO shiny? It’s called no-shine powder or blotting papers. How can she stand to have her skin that greasy? Good thing she didn’t press her face up against that glass! I can see all her orange makeup and bronzer melting off, eww!! Definitely nothing natural about this idiot.

  8. Oh wow. Is this what non-celebrities are resorting to now??

    You would think she would know how to get in and out of an ATM by now, especially when Spencer threatens her on a daily basis with that famous line of his: “Where’s my money, bitch!”.

  9. Ted Mosby

    Where is Spencer? Isn’t he like two inches away from her at all times?

  10. Ted Mosby


  11. sam

    Will someone please kill her!?

  12. literarycritic

    @#6: HA! Good one.

  13. That’s who this bitch looks like… fucking Guy Smiley from Sesame Street. Score another one for RichPort, master sleuth…

  14. Randal

    Heidi certainly knows how to be adorable even when she’s not trying to. This so reminds me of that awesome Friends episode when Chandler gets stuck in the ATM with a hot model. I was just thinking how great it would have been to spend time with Heidi as well.

    What a gal!


  15. janex

    @6 – I can’t believe you beat Deacon Jones to that one!

  16. Lola

    I’m with #11 on this…. Please, enough is enough. Someone please run this dirty ass bitch the fuck over and use them silicones to some good use. What the hell? I mean are we as a society this pathetic to make celebrities out of people who isn’t deserving of it? UGH….
    Ugly ass bitch… Fake ass boobs…. Fake ass teeth…. Fake ass EVERYTHING…. Hey you can’t blame or hate Spencer though… He taking advantage of this whore all he can to make money off her. How exactly that is, I’ll never understand

    Heidi, consider yourself lucky you got away this time…. Soon though oily skank, real soon

  17. FirstTimePoser

    I have been reading this site for years and never actually posted anything so Randal, you should feel honored. Dude, you are a douche. Seriously.

    What a douche!


  18. gay4girls

    What is ATM?

  19. janex

    So somebody finally yelled ‘Push!’?

  20. gay4girls

    Oh, wait, never mind. I figured it out. Porn acronyms always confuse me. I only figured out MILF last month.

  21. janex

    @18 – Uh-oh……..

  22. Ass To Mouth..

  23. Hooray, More Heidi!

    Heidi is bad enough with a bikini, but without?

    Slow news day, eh Fish?

  24. sikofdis

    @ #17…I haven’t posted here in about two years…glad to see that we are on the same wavelength. HM is a worthless cunt and randal is indeed a giant douche

  25. jrz

    locked in the ATM? That’s like…..DanYELL stupid.

  26. combustion8

    god what a hideous horse face she has.. I’d still hit it from behind til the cows came home.

  27. gay4girls

    I think Randal is being sarcastic, or maybe ironic, or maybe post-ironic. When I can’t decide if someone is a genius or an idiot I usually go with “genius.” You see, I’m an optimist. Like when I don’t wear my glasses and just naturally assume all of the fuzzy shapes in the distance are supermodels in bikinis winking at me.

  28. robes

    she looks much better in pictures without Spincer or whatever it’s name is, but is still a fake-ass,…especially her chest….spotted as fake a mile away. I wonder if Lauren got her beef curtains fixed…

  29. Anonymous

    If Randal knew anything about the Friends episode that he mentioned (which he doesn’t), he would know that the model he refers to is Jill Goodacre, currently married to Harry Connick, Jr.

    Randal, choke on that instead of the cock you usually are choking on.

  30. daffy

    Red background with black type makes baby Jesus cry Mr Superficial.

    Leave it as it was…. my eyes are painin’ !!

  31. daffy

    Red background with black type makes baby Jesus cry Mr Superficial.

    Leave it as it was…. my eyes are painin’ !!

  32. FromOutOfNoWhere

    Whad da ya know, it’s Miss Ass Clown

  33. how is she stuck?

  34. Richard

    My dick is really much bigger than yours.

  35. ph7

    She’s the most realistic blow-up doll I’m ever seen.

  36. LillyTx


  37. LillyTx


  38. sloane

    Why does she always have to smile with her lower jaw dropped? Seriously close your mouth!

  39. kat

    “it won’t open because it’s a security door”

    a few seconds pass, enter Tyrone.

    “what the fuck are you two doin’ ?”

  40. benny

    I think you guys are all nuts. I don’t care how stupid, clueless, dumb or dense she is, you would all love a chance to feel that chin on our sack.
    You all know it, don’t deny it.
    If you wouldnt nail her, you are gay.

  41. Barely Stearn

    oh boy, the tired old “you hit or your gay” routine…

  42. Tom

    God, she SUCKS. What a stupid, ugly, talentless whore.

    WHY is she famous? What has she done that is in any way interesting or enriching?

    She’s not even sexy. She’s the kind of chick that is so dumb, it doesn’t matter how big her boobs are just because you wouldn’t want to degrade yourself by fucking her.

  43. Jane

    I would say Randal is a blatantly stupid asshole craving for attention. Withouth a shade of doubt.

  44. Mandy

    Is no one going to offer up any suggestions as to why this bitch is so greasy??? SERIOUSLY. WASH YOUR FUCKING FACE.

  45. Jamie's Uterus

    Why is everyone so fascinated with this moron? I tried to watch ‘the hills’ once and almost had a brain seizure. Worst. TV Show. Ever.

  46. Veroonica

    Where is the pandemic when you need it? Dumb bitches like Heidi should remind God that maybe a nice gobal disease might help in thinning the herd.

  47. Oh, so THAT’S how a door works!?!

  48. CapeCodder

    her skin is as oily as exon valdez.

  49. CapeCodder

    her skin is as oily as exxon valdez.


    heidi montag has the ugliest fucking feet and the biggest fucking jay leno chin since drew berrymore

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