Heidi Montag flaps her monster yap on Letterman

May 1st, 2008 // 103 Comments

Heidi Montag stopped by The Late Show with David Letterman* last night (video after the jump) where she expanded on the revived rumors about Lauren Conrad’s sex tape. While looking like Barbie’s sister with Extra Chin Power, Heidi went through her usual schtick about The Hills before reiterating the existence of the tape, according to Us Magazine:

“I tried to help her get it back for, like, a year,” Montag said on the Late Show With David Letterman Wednesday. “I was like, ‘You gotta get it back, you gotta do something about this.’”
When Conrad’s ex Jason Wahler threatened to release it, Montag claimed, “she was like, ‘I don’t know what to do…’ I was like, ‘Well, let’s get it back.’
“Next thing I know,” Montag continued, “it’s blamed on me. All of a sudden, I made up the sex tape… I didn’t film it, I didn’t do it, I’m not trying to sell it. How did it come down on me?”

If I stood across the street, I’m pretty sure I could toss a whole orange straight into her mouth. No, wait, that’s not right. Make it a cantaloupe. Betting starts at 5 PM EST. Deeds to houses, wives (Preferably sans penis.) and Ferraris accepted.

*How the hell did Heidi Montag get on Letterman?: A Superficial Companion Piece on Media: You see, kids, Viacom owns MTV which airs The Hills and also CBS which airs Letterman. Bam! Presto, change-o, Dave spends a full hour crying in his dressing room then bathes in pure gold and baby seal hearts. True story.

Photos: Splash News
Photos: Splash News
superficial

  1. They White Urkle

    what is that dried up spoog in her mouth?

  2. Em

    Heidi Montag’s attempt at being pensive (see pics 3,4,6 & 7) has me laughing quietly to myself. Check that – my attempt at contained laughter now has me shooting Dr. Pepper straight out of my nose and onto the keyboard as I type. Crappppppppppppppppppppppp…………………………….. Now the keys are sticking. Thanks, Fish.

  3. no straight guy would say this

    I don’t care about her tits and legs, she’s so dumb and annoying I’d never want to fuck her!

  4. Mandy

    Hey Superficial writer! Take a break from being irritating and mind-numbingly humourless to read THIS!

    I’m not a fan of The Hills. Never watched so much as an episode. And Heidi Montag seems to be an idiot, so make fun of her personality as much as you want. But she is drop dead GORGEOUS. Any guy would get with her, just purely based on looks. The fact that you have to scrutinize her until you find something slightly off (her chin, according to you) is so pathetic. Let’s see you post a picture of your face on here and we’ll all run rampant with the critique!

  5. kat

    you know, i was going to bitch and moan about the fact that once again we are having to look at her ugly mug. hence creating more publicity for this used up dish rag. but then i scrolled to the top of the page to see the word “superficial”. i immediately realized that this twit is the poster child for superficiality. we really shouldn’t be angry that there are at least 5 posts of this bitch a day. this is what it’s all about and i will revel in her stupidity as long as i have to!

  6. LXNDR

    Hey I love how you’re selling ad space to the Church of Scientology. Good stuff.

  7. Sam_On_Ella

    Famous for being vacuous, insipid, and looking like that guy from mask in blonde wig…MTV watchers, for the love of God, raise your standards.

  8. Matthew

    At least she has the sense to support McCain instead of the complete fraud Obama. That’s more than I can say for lots of people. How many? Oh, probably about 1 percent fewer than the number who’ll support McCain. I can’t wait to see the Democrats tearing up as they watch in disbelief as the third election in a row goes to the Republicans by the narrowest possible margin. And face it, if the Democrats can’t win now, they should disband. What a completely inept group of cowardly, whiny, argumentative know-it-alls. Enjoy your continued failure!

    • Sarah Panis

      Hey Moron, Are you Heidis Brain? You are just another repugnat right wing troll, so GFYS Douchebaggie. (Douchebag is reserved for intelligent folks)

  9. Trover

    She actually has a hawt little body. Sadly, her head and face are attached to it. If we could somehow cut it off, and attach is to–say–Kiera Knightley, we’d have the hottest movie star ever.

  10. Heidi and Spencer would make the perfect Scientolgy couple. They could hange with Tom and Katie. And when Katie got out of line, Heidi would be there to straighten her out.

  11. combustion8

    are those pimples on her head? yuck

  12. combustion8

    is that tori spelling?

  13. Lee

    that’s one of the ugliest outfits I’ve ever seen….really though, could she buy something that isn’t from Sirens or Stiches? Just sick.

  14. LL

    If I got $15 million a year (or whatever Letterman’s getting paid) to talk to asswipes like this skank, I guess I could deal with that. She does need to close her gaping piehole. Having it constantly open like that makes her look like a retard.

    But since Viacom doesn’t pay me shit, I can wish all I want that everyone who appears on MTV would be killed in a terrorist attack or an ebola epidemic, something really awful and painful.

  15. Gunion

    At this point I bet Dave’s wishing that triple bypass was a failure.

  16. Joe C

    Yuck! That bitch is ugly and annoying. I was happy to discover that my AdBlock extension for Firefox let me put in *montag* in the block filter and now it blocks any picture with that sack’s name in the URL.

  17. OnlyGayEskimo

    Anyone notice she kinda looks like Tori Spelling in the face? All jaw and chin and buggy eyes……. ugh. THank god Im not a lesbian.

  18. nick hogan is a killer

    Heidi is hideous in the face, but her body is doable. For that reason, I’d spill some semen on her huge jaw, but I wouldn’t brag about it to my friends. People who find her GORGEOUS must live in the south or something.

  19. Ray

    Uhm, I’m still confused on how she is famous….

  20. Alys

    She needs acne treatment! her face has lots of pimples!

  21. PooPants

    Her puffy hair annoys me.

    As well as her existence.

  22. PooPants

    Her puffy hair is annoying.

    As well as her existence.

  23. a2m

    As usual her face ruins things. I agree with 19 about the semen thing. You might need a Peter North load to cover her jaw though.

  24. jennifer

    So now she’s admitting that she’s knows about the tape when she said that all along she didn’t know anything about it…

    I can’t believe I even know that stupid little fact!!!!!!!!

    ..and wearing lingerie in public is the new fashion statement I assume?

  25. She’s more irritating than a giant hemorrhoid..

  26. pl

    Why is this girls mouth gaping open in every picture she takes..

  27. L

    Ah, #9

    That was brilliant. I’m glad to see someone who sees through the democratic party. To hell with them all. Especially Obama. This country doesn’t need a man who won’t put his hand on the Bible to be sworn in. A muslim president? I hope someone shoots the bastard muslim in his face.

  28. You are both so pathetic

    Heidi stop pretending you didn’t open that huge yap and expose the existence of a tape to the Pratt.

  29. malicious

    it all makes sense now, ze German fraulein, I can see her carting a couple of steins around

  30. ldsqtbea

    she has a nice body … icky face … and most of the time pretty shoes … today, she had ugly shoes and she needs to learn how to stand properly … reference the 2nd picture :-D

  31. supportstheconstitution

    #9 & #28 – my god you are both so blind and retarded. our country is doomed.

  32. Jamie's Uterus

    I may have to start watching ‘The Hills’ so I can understand who these cunts are, since they are blogged about everywhere and people seem to care about these dumb ass twats.

  33. amy

    She looks classy. I love her so much! I saw her profile on millionaire&celeb dating site “W e a l t h yR o m a n c e.c o m” last week. It is said she is dating young billionaire on that site.

  34. leelee

    So I think we could all agree that Heidi is not the worst dressed person in the world (hello, Ashley Olsen, Vikki Beckham, nice to have you here) But what is with those ugly as hell gold shoes?

  35. Vince Lombardi

    Like… I dunno…. she seems like…. kinda…. I dunno….. like bitchy, y’know? I dunno. I mean, I…. like…. like the way she like….I dunno…. looks? Y’know? But like…. she’s like…. well, I dunno…. I guess some of her, like….. y’know, brains?…. like leaked down to her… like….. y’know… like chest? Y’know? Like?

  36. Randal

    Loving the outfit there Heidi. You take very good care of your legs for they shine as if moisturized with Time & Again Mango Slice Hand Cream.

    Your smile radiates and sparkles with the glitter of your eyes and that voice!

    *bites down*

    Your voice dances to my ears like the strumming of a harp played in a large chapel.

    The very nerve of that other girl blaming you for such troubles. She should be ASHAMED!

    Be strong, my shoulder’s here for you. xoxo

    Randal

  37. How low… of Letterman.

  38. Uhh

    Ew Heidi needs to fucking die, seriously. She’s just a stupid attention wanting whore with fake boobs and nose.

  39. Jacs102

    If Heidi was smart she would have used the time to talk about her clothing line, or anything else promoting herself, instead of talking about Lauren and the stupid show that Letterman was obviously making fun of.

  40. Hellwiththeconstitution

    it’s just a goddamn piece of paper

  41. Corlyss

    I still don’t get it. Why is she famous?

  42. The Beer Baron

    She is such a mouth breather

  43. elephant

    This broad is all class. Hence the gum in the mouth.
    Letterman…what happened to you???
    Ever since the move to CBS, you lost it.
    You’re like SNL. You’ll make fun of people and then you’ll have them on your show and kiss ass. Don’t blame it on Viacom. You’ve got enough power to call your own shots.

  44. Binky

    Well, been away for a while, but I must admit it – that’s the funniest thing I’ve seen for a long time. I’ll have to drop in more often again.
    Public at LARGE : Umm…Say … Dave – 9/11 was an inside job – why not save some of your penetrating questions for Jesse Ventura, Willie Nelson, or Richard Gage AIA ?
    Binky: Well LARGE, my sources are saying his show apparently ‘jumped the shark’, as they say in the industry, shortly after ‘Dick Assman’.
    But you must admit – it’s gr8 to see Dave having to do the whole song and dance for his puppeteers !! Who pays the piper ? LOL !
    The NWO :Say Dave – we’re calling this one incisive journalism tonight. Make sure it floats.
    Dave : Could I please bring in ‘Sparky’ ? Or the Hula-Hoop girl ? (not that I’ve seen the show)
    The NWO : No. And no smart-ass remarks from Biff, Paul, or Alan Caulder.

  45. Pixie

    I hate it when women stand pigeon toed on purpose like that.

  46. I Don't Break For Fat Chicks

    Who the fuck is Heidi Montag? Who the fuck cares?

  47. jenn

    is it weird that I kind of love that dress?

  48. kati

    nice doo-doo curls…..sick

  49. squash

    Good god.

    9 and 28. Jesus. I can’t even think of any kind of insult. I’m moving to god damn switzerland.

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