Heidi Montag, die. Die now.

April 1st, 2009 // 91 Comments

Heidi Montag Twittered the following piece of “HOLY FUCK NO!” today and, to her credit, somehow managed to overshadow the fact she can actually write:

I wanted to tell my twitter friends first…. I am pregnant!!!!!!!! I couldn’t be more excited!!! I hope its a boy!

Obviously, this was the only April Fool’s joke Melons Moron-o could come up with and, seriously, not funny. Not funny at all. I enjoy a good prank as much as the next guy, but I’m pretty sure people are sitting in their garages with the car running right now. Although, God willing, one of them is Spencer Pratt.

Thanks to Heather who regrets buying all that cyanide off eBay.

Photos: Getty
superficial

  1. dk

    Someone needs to explain to her you can’t get pregnant if you’re the one wearing the strapon

  2. Katie

    April fools, you idiots.

  3. Wow, she sure is funny and pretty and interesting.

  4. mmm mmm mmmmm

    Whatever she sure has the face of an angel though. She never should have got those boobs she didn’t need them her body is great unless you gotta have big boobs.

  5. amanda

    a) i thought they slept w/pillows between them to prevent such a thing

    b) pregnancy should do interesting and terrible things to those implants…

  6. That dog she funny she think totem pole alive!

  7. J

    OMG! Her mouth is open again!!!! no surprise. except for the flys coming from her mouth!!!

  8. SOS

    And you did what she wanted– gave her the publicity!

  9. Lain

    Holy fuck. I shat myself. Thank goodness it was an April Fool’s.

  10. Lain

    Holy fuck. I shat myself. Thank goodness it was an April Fool’s.

  11. yeah

    Yeah, Heidi Montag, I’d like to introduce Chris Brown. Chris, this is Heidi.

  12. yeah

    Yeah, Heidi Montag, I’d like to introduce Chris Brown. Chris, this is Heidi.

  13. BB

    Shes ugly as hell. And also I feel bad for the kid for many reasons not just the fact that if it’s a girl it’s gonna feel damn unwanted.

  14. April the fool

    double. double, toil and trouble…

  15. Truth Doctor

    You only hate her because you’re jealous.

  16. frank the dolphin

    Mmmm…….Boobs.

  17. Bree

    I hate her nooose its so obviously fake.

  18. she’s so lame.

  19. JJ Daddy-O

    How cute! Now she’s doucheing for two!

  20. liz

    you make a lot of vile jokes, but that was probably one of the funniest captions i have read from you.

  21. PostmortemG

    “That dog she funny she think totem pole alive!”

    Wow. I’m at a loss for words.

  22. 13's gay

    Don’t like blondes or women for that matter do you cumcatcher?

  23. jacks

    That look on her face….looks like she just took a huge fucking dump on someones chest…

    God how I hate that bitch…

  24. at least

    she isn’t as ugly and ghetto as christina aguilera.

  25. Savalas

    When the inevitable happens, I hope Snoop Dog is the father.

  26. Obama is a socialist pig. Oh, and a nigger

    Well, we know who the dad is because there is only one jackass that would fuck her.

  27. violet

    why did you even post this fucking shit, it only pisses people off. no one wants to have anything to do with her. she. does. not. matter.

    jesus.

    and yeah, she really should just swallow her tongue and die a terrible death. but that goes without saying.

  28. Dr. Cornelia J. Dogbarker, PhD rescinded

    Wouldn’t bother me in the slightest if she did die right now.

  29. soahc

    I would fuck the living shit out of this bitch. Wait. I’m not into anal. Correction:

    I would fuck the living Preparation H out of this bitch’s vaginal canal.

  30. Arroyo

    @27 – I can’t argue with that.
    but I do think “dad” is Steely Dan

  31. I’m curious: AMERICANS REALLY LOVE IT TO BE FOOLED?
    (it must be, folks)

  32. But will she have 8? Only her fertility doctor knows for sure

  33. i hate that bitch

    CLICK ON MY NAME

  34. who? who? twit? who?

  35. Cartman

    This girl is beautiful. But she is more annoying than beautiful and that’s pretty fuckin annoying!

    Hollywood always rewards annoying attention whores like her. At least she’s worth looking at.

  36. Michael

    One Word: Eugenics

  37. Cash

    As if. Everyone knows a post-op tranny can’t actually knock-up a real woman.

  38. Phil

    I’m pretty sure she and Tori Spelling go to the same surgeon.

  39. Rhialto

    Hola

  40. ok maybe I can take the fake tits, but the mentality of a chick that thinks she’s not worthy enuf to carry the short hair she naturally possesses so “sews” or how ever she keeps that creepy dead, fake hair shit to stay makes me question her crediblitlity and Ms. Thing has put herself on the judges chambers and I say she’s a total dork that happened to hit the jack pot by being in the right place at the right time with the right douche and she’s a total dork!

  41. ok maybe I can take the fake tits, but the mentality of a chick that thinks she’s not worthy enuf to carry the short hair she naturally possesses so “sews” or how ever she keeps that creepy dead, fake hair shit to stay makes me question her crediblitlity and Ms. Thing has put herself on the judges chambers and I say she’s a total dork that happened to hit the jack pot by being in the right place at the right time with the right douche and she’s a total dork!

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  44. .

    If you post anything about this idiot again, I will hunt you down and beat you about the head with your own well-used copy of the Victoria’s secret catalogue. And god help you if you post anything about her “boy”friend.

    Still luv ur site xoxo

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  47. Christian. Right.

    She should get naked before she wrecks everything with a baby.

  48. Anyone stoopid enough to care deserves to be disappointed. She ain’t your sister, she ain’t your friend, so what do you care if she’s knocked up or not.

  49. Gar

    is she allowed to reproduce ??????

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