Heidi Montag contemplates an upgrade

August 28th, 2008 // 141 Comments

Yes, Heidi, you’ve got the right idea. This is definitely the way to finally get people to respect you as an artist. No foolin’. In the meantime after looking at these pictures, I gotta ask: Does no one carry a gun to the supermarket anymore? You can’t tell me there wasn’t some old lady packin’ who could’ve mowed these two down by the arugula. I thought this was America, dammit!

superficial

  1. erinmaiden

    stop posting about them! shit, they will go away sooner if you just STOP!! maybe they’ll die from overexposure withdrawl. one can only hope.

  2. Giufy Giuf

    This is the GOP base: uneducated, superficial, non-working trust fund babies….

  3. Mr. Fritz

    First? Ugly shoes btw.

  4. Wheres Suge Knight when you need him?

  5. Mr. Fritz

    First? Ugly shoes btw.

  6. de

    If by upgrade you mean a .45 to the temple then I’m all in!

  7. Holyfuck

    If only murder was legal…

  8. sixpack

    what are these posed shots for???? Oh, here.

  9. Deva

    #4, He was beating the wrong woman at the time :)

  10. combustion8

    oh what I would pay for 5 mins with them and a louisville slugger.

  11. hench.

    Excuse my ignorance but who the fuck are these people? I see their (deserved) abuse almost every day on this site but am absolutely clueless as to their (lack of) fame, and don’t think they deserve the time it would take me to Google their asses.

  12. @ #2 HAH…yea, good one. Blame the fact that you dont understand economics, culture, diplomacy and government on a political party. Get a job and you wont have to wait around on the government to help you.

    Whats that?..you have a job?..Well get a better one or learn something besides taking orders at the drive thru, then you will be able to support yourself and your nasty little russian boy porn habit.

    Its pretty simple actually, unless youre of the “other” persuasion. Then its a fucking impossibility.

  13. jesus

    Please stop posting about them. I love this site, but if I have to read about these idiots one more time, I will have to stop reading this site.

  14. sharpeidude

    Photo #7 – I’d love to come up behind her dumbass and push her really hard and fast through the glass doors of the store. Oh the horror!

    (Of course that’s only after beating Spencer into a coma with a can of Progresso Minestone.)

  15. combustion8

    please fish tell me you dont pay them money for these pics.

  16. Brooke

    #1: I couldn’t agree more.

  17. Douchey McDouche needs to surgically remove those sunglasses from his head. And does the ugly chick ever close her f—in’ mouth?

    Stop posting stories about them. It’s not news for these two to go to the grocery store. We will still read your blog every day.

  18. Reality sux don't it right wing cretins?

    So let’s review how badly the Republicans are running the show. Ummm now we are sabre rattling with the Russians again. Nice! And it would imagine that it is ok to militarily threaten them with a missile shield right in their back yards, right morons? And the Georgia thing is most likely about the Caspian Sea and it’s OIL and NATURAL GAS reserves just like Iran and Iraq and Afghanistan is loaded to the gills with strategic metals.

    Table 4. Oil Export Routes and Options in the Caspian Sea Region
    Name/Location Route Crude Capacity Length Estimated Cost/Investment Status
    Atyrau-Samara Pipeline Atyrau (Kazakhstan) to Samara (Russia), linking to Russian pipeline system Recently increased to 310,000 bbl/d 432 miles Increase in capacity cost approximately
    $37.5 million Existing pipeline recently upgraded by adding pumping and heating stations to increase capacity.
    Baku-Ceyhan (“Main Export Pipeline”) Baku (Azerbaijan) via Tbilisi (Georgia) to Ceyhan (Turkey), terminating at the Ceyhan Mediterranean Sea port Planned: 1 million bbl/d Approximately 1,038 miles $2.9 billion One-year detailed engineering study completed in June 2002. Construction on Turkish section of pipeline began in June 2002. Completion of entire pipeline targeted for 2004, exports by Feb. 2005.
    Baku-Supsa Pipeline (AIOC “Early Oil” Western Route) Baku to Supsa (Georgia), terminating at Supsa Black Sea port Recently upgraded from 115,000 to 145,000 bbl/d; proposed upgrades to between 300,000 bbl/d to 600,000 bbl/d 515 miles $600 million Exports began in April 1999; approximately 115,000 bbl/d exported via this route in 2001.
    Baku-Novorossiisk Pipeline (Northern Route) Baku via Chechnya (Russia) to Novorossiisk (Russia), terminating at Novorossiisk Black Sea oil terminal 100,000 bbl/d capacity; possible upgrade to 300,000 bbl/d 868 miles; 90 miles are in Chechnya $600 million to upgrade to 300,000 bbl/d Exports began late 1997; exports in 2001 averaged 50,000 bbl/d.
    Baku-Novorossiisk Pipeline (Chechnya bypass, with link to Makhachkala) Baku via Dagestan to Tikhoretsk (Russia) and terminating Novorossiisk Black Sea oil terminal Currently: 120,000 bbl/d (rail and pipeline: 160,000 bbl/d); Planned: 360,000 bbl/d (by 2005) 204 miles $140 million Completed April 2000. Eleven-mile spur connects bypass with Russia’s Caspian Sea port of Makhachkala.
    Caspian Pipeline Consortium (CPC) Pipeline Tengiz oil field (Kazakhstan) to Novorossiisk Black Sea oil terminal Currently: 565,000-bbl/d; Planned: 1.34-million bbl/d (by 2015) 990 miles $2.5 billion for Phase 1 capacity; $4.2 billion total when completed First tanker loaded in Novorossiisk (10/01); exports rising to 400,000 bbl/d by end-2002
    Central Asia Oil Pipeline Kazakhstan via Turkmenistan and Afghanistan to Gwadar (Pakistan) Proposed 1 million bbl/d 1,040 miles $2.5 billion Memorandum of Understanding signed by the countries; project stalled by regional instability and lack of financing.
    Iran-Azerbaijan Pipeline Baku to Tabriz (Iran) Proposed 200,000 bbl/d to 400,000 bbl/d N/A $500 million Proposed by TotalFinaElf.
    Iran Oil Swap Pipeline Neka (Iran) to Tehran (Iran) 175,000 bbl/d, rising to 370,000 bbl/d 208 miles $400 million to $500 million Under construction; oil will be delivered to Neka and swapped for an equivalent amount at the Iranian Persian Gulf coast.
    Kazakhstan-China Pipeline Aktyubinsk (Kazakhstan) to Xinjiang (China) Proposed 400,000 bbl/d to 800,000 bbl/d 1,800 miles $3 billion to $3.5 billion Agreement 1997; feasibility study halted in September 1999 because Kazakhstan could not commit sufficient oil flows for the next 10 years.
    Kazakhstan- Turkmenistan-Iran Pipeline Kazakhstan via Turkmenistan to Kharg Island (Iran) on Persian Gulf Proposed 1million bbl/d 930 miles $1.2 billion Feasibility study by TotalFinaElf; proposed completion date by 2005.
    Khashuri-Batumi Pipeline Dubendi (Azerbaijan) via Khashuri (Georgia) to Batumi Initial 70,000 bbl/d, rising to 140,000 bbl/d-160,000 bbl/d Rail system from Dubendi to Khashuri, then 105-mile pipeline from Khashuri to Batumi $70 million for pipeline renovation ChevronTexaco has canceled plans to rebuild and expand the existing pipeline.
    Trans-Caspian (Kazakhstan Twin Pipelines) Aqtau (western Kazakhstan, on Caspian coast) to Baku; could extend to Ceyhan N/A 370 miles to Baku $2 billion to $4 billion (if to Ceyhan) Feasibility study agreement signed in December 1998 by Royal/Dutch Shell, ChevronTexaco, ExxonMobil, and Kazakhstan; project stalled by lack of Caspian Sea legal agreement.

    Table 5. Natural Gas Export Routes and Options in the Caspian Sea Region
    Name/Location Route Capacity Length Estimated Cost/Investment Status
    Baku-Erzurum Baku (Azerbaijan) via Tbilisi (Georgia) to Erzurum (Turkey), linking with Turkish natural gas pipeline system Planned 254 Bcf capacity 540 miles $1 billion (includes up to $500 million to construct new Azeri section) Financing being arranged, construction originally scheduled to start in summer 2002.
    “Centgas” (Central Asia Gas) Daulatabad (Turkmenistan) via Herat (Afghanistan) to Multan (Pakistan). Could extend to India. 700 Bcf/year 870 miles to Multan (additional 400 miles to India) $2 billion to Pakistan (additional $500 million to India) Memorandum of Understanding signed by Turkmenistan, Pakistan, Afghanistan, and Uzbekistan. Presidents of Pakistan, Afghanistan, and Turkmenistan met in May 2002 to discuss reviving this pipeline idea.
    Central Asia-Center Pipeline Turkmenistan and Uzbekistan via Kazakhstan to Saratov (Russia), linking to Russian natural gas pipeline system 3.5 Tcf/year Existing route N/A Operational. Turkmenistan is using this pipeline to export a total of 8.83 Tcf to Ukraine (via Russia) from 2002 to 2006, as well as smaller amounts to Russia.
    China Gas Pipeline Turkmenistan to Xinjiang (China). Could extend to Japan. 1 Tcf/year 4,1,61 miles; more if to Japan $10 billion to China; more if to Japan Preliminary feasibility study done by ExxonMobil, Mitsubishi, and CNPC
    Trans-Caspian Gas Pipeline (TCGP) Turkmenbashy (Turkmenistan) via Baku and Tbilisi to Erzurum, linking with Turkish natural gas pipeline system 565 Bcf in first stage, eventually rising to 1.1 Tcf/year 1,020 miles $2 billion to $3 billion Project stalled; negotiations between Turkmenistan and Azerbaijan over pipeline volumes restarted in October 2001.
    Korpezhe-Kurt-Kui Korpezhe (Turkmenistan) to Kurt-Kui (Iran) 283-350 Bcf/year; expansion proposed to 459 Bcf/year by 2005 124 miles $190 million; 2005 expansion: $300 million to $400 million Operational since December 1997.

    Table 6. Bosporus Bypass Oil Export Routes
    (for Oil Transiting the Black Sea)
    Name/Location Route Crude Capacity Length Estimated Cost/Investment Status
    Adria-Druzhba Integration Russian Druzhba export pipeline connected to Adria pipeline (flows reversed) to terminus at Omisalj (Croatia) 100,000 bbl/d in first full year of operation; increasing to 300,000 bbl/d 1,987 miles in total $20 million to modernize Adria, integrate the pipelines, and reverse existing flows Yukos expects exports from Omisalj via the integrated pipeline system to start by end-2002.
    Albanian Macedonian Bulgarian Oil (AMBO) Pipeline Burgas (Bulgaria) via Macedonia to Vlore (Albania) on Adriatic coast 750,000 bbl/d (could be expanded to 1-million bbl/d) 560 miles $850 million to $1.1 billion Construction delayed, (proposed 2001-2002) as financing is arranged. Completion originally targeted for 2004-2005.
    Burgas Alexandropoulis (Trans-Balkan Oil Pipeline) Burgas to Alexandropoulis (Greece) on the Aegean Sea coast Proposed 600,000 bbl/d to 800,000 bbl/d 178 miles $600 million Initial agreement signed in 1997 between Bulgaria, Greece, and Russia. Project delayed.
    Constanta-Trieste Pipeline Constanta (Romania) via Hungary, Slovenia, and/or Croatia to Trieste (Italy) on the Adriatic Sea coast. Omisalj (Croatia) has also been proposed as a terminus. 660,000 bbl/d 855 miles $900 million Feasibility studies completed; financing still to be arranged.
    South-East European Line (SEEL) Constanta via Pancevo (Yugoslavia) and Omisalj to Trieste. Omisalj has also been proposed as a terminus. 660,000 bbl/d 750 miles $800 million Feasibility studies completed; financing still to be arranged.
    Odesa-Brody Pipeline Odesa (Ukraine) to Brody (Ukraine), linking to the southern Druzhba pipeline; optional
    spurs to the northern
    Druzhba line at Plotsk (Poland) and/or to Gdansk on the Baltic Sea coast. 500,000 bbl/d 400 miles from Odesa to Brody $750 million for pipeline and Pivdenny terminal Construction on pipeline completed in August 2001; Pivdenny terminal became operational in December 2001. Ukraine is seeking to sign contracts with Caspian oil exporters to fill the line.

  19. mnconfidential

    how much are they paying for these fake “celebrities are just like US” shots? It’s incredibly pathetic. And I really hate how they play the whole angle where even though people hate them its better than not being noticed at all.

  20. Naddy

    GOD! I hope they trip and fall and Heidis implants pop out and end up in spencers throat and causes him to choke to death

  21. Ted from LA

    #11,
    I can’t believe you don’t know who these two are. They are two assholes. And so is Fish for posting about them every fucking day.

  22. Kendra

    The more I see these people, the more pissed off I get!

  23. Ted Mosby

    Cleanup on Aisle 4

  24. So freakin annoyed

    I can’t…I can’t think about how to adequately write about my pure, unadulterated HATRED for this STUPID BITCH and her psychotic devil head douche bagged boyfriend!!!!!!!!!! “I’m sitting in a cart now! Eeeeeeeee!”, “Now I’m bending over by some fudgesicles and looking at my beloved like ‘Hey beloved anus licker sweetness, how about some delicious fudgesicles!”

    Spencer, “Heh heh, you are so fine babe, now turn a little to the left babe, they’re watching us. We are the shit.”

    Heidi: “We’re SO the shit. I’m super hot.”

    DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    DIE DAMNIT ALL TO HELL!!!

    Please, PLEASE DON’T POST THEM ANYMORE! I want to commit hurrendously violent acts whenever I see pictures of their wanna-be-significant-loser asses. I’m so mad right now.

  25. Caspian Sea

    I am sorry I posted all that it was just to elucidate or shall we say *ahem* illuminate (who are these guys?) the crisis for you dullards in terms of what’s at stake behind the facade and lies spun by the spiders that have cocooned your logic with silk of their deceit.

    Vote for McCain he will protect us from NOT ONLY the terrorists but as an added bonus the RUSSIANS!!!!

  26. Naddy

    who is the photographer? He should commit murder

  27. monday monday monday

    Who is the douchebag taking all these photos of those two retards?

  28. @ 18

    hmm…big words for such a little brained man. Thank God for copy and paste huh? Without it youd be…a liberal having to form his/ her/ its own opinion…which is still a liberal.

    Tsk Tsk Tsk kid. Put your heart away and use your brain when responding to grown ups.

    You are dismissed

  29. Nor Cal

    these two are facinating! we need to see this. they are at the top of their game. they deserve the attention because they are so good at what they do. they are the ass clown extreme. i enjoy seeing hidy in winter boots, a winter shirt and summer shorts in the middle of a heat wave. IN THE CART HIDEY? scrollling the pix i didn’t think it could get worst than riding on the front, but IN THE CART? that is the standard of how i measure total fucking dork implosion. OMG! OMG! OMG! there are no words. these 2 have to be the most hated in America! PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE! if anyone knows these 2, please forward the daily evisceration these 2 receive here to them. other wise, all this constructive hate will go to waste!

  30. sigmundfuckingfreud

    You guys hate so much….I am masturbating to these pics as I type this out. YUM.

  31. missG

    LOL @ 24
    Couldn’t agree more.

  32. dianne

    she always looks good. those are some short shorts. but i’ve been watching the hills and as bad as the producers try to make Speidi look, they are the only ones with some sense to break out of the clenching jaws that is Lauren Conrads shadow.

  33. kitty

    did they actually buy any of those groceries or were they just props…

  34. kels

    THIS CHICK HAS A MAN FACE..SUPER NASTY….SHE SHOULDN’T PART HER HAIR IN THE MIDDLE, BUT TO THE SIDE AND NOT LAUGH-MAKES HER MAN CHIN STAND OUT MORE.

  35. My name is Heidi, kill me please

    Kiss me in a cart!!!!
    Fart fart fart!
    Now I’m gonna pose by some cereal like, “huh?”
    Hand on my hip, I’m hipper than my hip! Check it!!!!
    See me? I’m a babe!
    Mouth open wide as if to say, “Aren’t things just great and fun?!”
    Me and Spencer are number one!!!!
    My anger management session needing boyfriend gives good tips
    Like, “Hold these melons by your melons, draw attention to our tits”
    Now we can’t resist each other by the greeting cards!
    Lookit us kiss! WE’RE MOTHER FUCKING TARDS!
    Oops, I mean, we’re trendy.
    And we get paid to piss you off, watch us spendy!
    Yaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyy!!!!!
    I know you wish you were us.
    It’s ok though, I’ll make music videos and you can look up to me.
    It’ll inspire you!

  36. Caspian Sea and Georgia

    Hey Mike are you able to talk like a man or a fag as usual. Bring it on pussy. Sure I cut and pasted you fucking idiot. Just for your dumb lying right wing wacko ass. Try to deal with numbers and statistic and the truth for a change rather than your John Wayne era bullshit you sorry limp dicked mother fucker!!!

    More for you:

    Russia’s Caspian Sea oil output could hit 271 mln bbls by 2023
    13:35 | 16/ 07/ 2008

    MOSCOW, July 16 (RIA Novosti) – Annual output in Russia’s sector of the Caspian Sea could reach 37 million metric tons (271 million barrels) of oil and 18 billion cubic meters of gas by 2023, a government official said on Wednesday.

    Oil and natural gas output in the region has been restricted by the unclear status of the Caspian Sea – a source of long-running disagreements between the five littoral states – Azerbaijan, Iran, Kazakhstan, Russia, and Turkmenistan – since the collapse of the Soviet Union in 1991.

    Alexei Yanovsky, deputy energy minister, told the Caspian energy forum in Moscow that annual output in the entire Caspian Sea region was expected to hit around 180-240 million metric tons (1.3-1.8 billion barrels) of oil and 200-250 billion cubic meters of natural gas in five to seven years.

    Last year, production in the Caspian Sea region, excluding Russia, reached 120 million metric tons (880 million barrels) of oil and around 120 billion cubic meters of natural gas.

    Yanovsky said difficulties in the development of the Caspian Sea region were related to the need to preserve the eco-system and divide the seabed among the littoral states.

    Hey Little MIke what do you see here? (I would bet nothing. He sees nothing for himself, just listens to his heroes Rush and the rest of the Liar’s Club)

  37. Leigh

    What, no one saw fit to run them over with a grocery cart? Come on people, focus!

  38. Kat

    Who holds watermelons up. I hope she gets carpal tunnel from these posed watermelon’s shots. Does anyone really wear hot-pants anymore. Her phony boyfriend is such a Dweeb!

  39. Caspian Sea and Georgia

    Hey Mike are you able to talk like a man or a fag as usual. Bring it on pussy. Sure I cut and pasted you fucking idiot. Just for your dumb lying right wing wacko ass. Try to deal with numbers and statistic and the truth for a change rather than your John Wayne era bullshit you sorry limp dicked mother fucker!!!

    More for you:

    Russia’s Caspian Sea oil output could hit 271 mln bbls by 2023
    13:35 | 16/ 07/ 2008

    MOSCOW, July 16 (RIA Novosti) – Annual output in Russia’s sector of the Caspian Sea could reach 37 million metric tons (271 million barrels) of oil and 18 billion cubic meters of gas by 2023, a government official said on Wednesday.

    Oil and natural gas output in the region has been restricted by the unclear status of the Caspian Sea – a source of long-running disagreements between the five littoral states – Azerbaijan, Iran, Kazakhstan, Russia, and Turkmenistan – since the collapse of the Soviet Union in 1991.

    Alexei Yanovsky, deputy energy minister, told the Caspian energy forum in Moscow that annual output in the entire Caspian Sea region was expected to hit around 180-240 million metric tons (1.3-1.8 billion barrels) of oil and 200-250 billion cubic meters of natural gas in five to seven years.

    Last year, production in the Caspian Sea region, excluding Russia, reached 120 million metric tons (880 million barrels) of oil and around 120 billion cubic meters of natural gas.

    Yanovsky said difficulties in the development of the Caspian Sea region were related to the need to preserve the eco-system and divide the seabed among the littoral states.

    Hey Little MIke what do you see here? (I would bet nothing. He sees nothing for himself, just listens to his heroes Rush and the rest of the Liar’s Club)

  40. rough daddy

    i hate this! gratuitous pics,,,all set up to get attention! do something new for crying out loud…

  41. llllllllll

    WHAT DO MY EYES SEE IN THAT SHOPPING CART IN THE SECOND TO LAST PICTURE?!!

    Since when do supermarkets sell horse meat?

  42. rough daddy

    pic # 2 and 3 joan rivers at age 21!!!

  43. sla

    The “H” on her belt stands for “whore.” She doesn’t know how to spell.

  44. BunnyButt

    If I saw people over the age of 12 acting like this in a grocery store, I would assume they are drunk or high and, therefore, dangerous to the rest of the customers. I’d bring them to the manager’s attention and insist they be ejected from the store and/or arrested. And beaten to death in the back of a squad car.

  45. Pink Steel

    Man…you guys are blind…I’d hammer on her arse all night long! I love to pound her!

  46. WooHoo, copy and paste again…twice. Typical little libtard getting all emotional and heart-wrenched.

    What is your point with the russian oil posts? NOTHING I suspect. Just more hot air form those that dont know anything other than what they read on moron.org.

    Give it a rest little 18 yr old, card carrying PETA member. Pam Anderson doesnt frequent here anymore, so you can quit showing off your ability to find defunct, fact-less websites and your super ability to copy and paste with the speed at which you finger fuck your little brothers sphincter.

    Again, this “discussion” is over with. Hurry and get back to your Barack Osama/ NAMBLA/ Change America to Socialism self pity party. You are dismissed.

  47. John McCain

    Hello my fellow Americans. I do not understand economics which of course does not qualify me for the position I am applying for which is merely the President of the United States but I do not feel that should curtail what is in the voter’s hearts when it come to doing the right thing. Which is always vote for the right even if it’s wrong!
    You see I am qualified because I am a war hero – and by that I do not mean I actually accomplished anything but rather was in prison rotting away! That taught me and toughened me for the job for which I am applying. Even though I do not understand anything about the economy which they tell me is in desperate condition right now and the bankers (which as we all know own everything and profit perpetually and exponentially from the financial decline of the lesser classes) are running throwing us all (heh heh certainly not me and mine I am filthy rich) into debt.
    I was an outstanding member of the Keating Five (not sure if I should have mentioned that but I am essentially honest), you know the Lincoln Savings and Loan Scandal but was exonerated (whew!)

    We must remain a strong nation militarily although that brings up the cost of all that military and once more I am not good with economics so I guess we will go deeper into debt but that will be the responsibility of the next several generations to pay off to the Ruling Elite or is it New World Order?

  48. hacksaw

    I’d hit it.

  49. @48

    clap clap clap clap….Thank you for revealing your true self. A pacifist, socialist, anti-military, environmentalist wacko. Everything principle that is the true opposite of which the USA was founded on.

    Yea for you Barack.

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