Heidi Montag can’t jog anymore

The Superficial | April 6, 2010 - 11:42 am

In a radio interview with Ryan Seacrest yesterday, Heidi Montag opened up about her plastic surgery and revealed that her size E or F – she doesn’t even know – breasts make it impossible for her to jog despite the existence of duct tape. Anyway, here’s more details via Us Magazine:

On having her back “scooped”:
When Ryan Seacrest asked her to clarify what a “back scoop” is, Montag replied, “I actually didn’t know. I might be the first one to try it. It carves out your back a little bit.”

On subjecting us all to her transformation:
“I have the footage of my ten procedures. Going into it, getting it done…I’ve watched a little bit.” The bloody footage might see the light of day in a future reality show, Montag hinted.

On essentially admitting she doesn’t have sex with Spencer:
“I’m very weird about hugging people now — [my body] is very fragile.”

Fragile? Really? I just assumed it’d be hard lump of rubber by now. Which is also why I drew these pictures of me pushing a stick figure with giant breasts off a building and watching it bounce into the air. I call them “An Evening with Heidi After Finding out Her Vagina is Basically a Plastic Easter Egg.”