Heidi Montag can’t jog anymore

April 6th, 2010 // 140 Comments

In a radio interview with Ryan Seacrest yesterday, Heidi Montag opened up about her plastic surgery and revealed that her size E or F – she doesn’t even know – breasts make it impossible for her to jog despite the existence of duct tape. Anyway, here’s more details via Us Magazine:

On having her back “scooped”:
When Ryan Seacrest asked her to clarify what a “back scoop” is, Montag replied, “I actually didn’t know. I might be the first one to try it. It carves out your back a little bit.”

On subjecting us all to her transformation:
“I have the footage of my ten procedures. Going into it, getting it done…I’ve watched a little bit.” The bloody footage might see the light of day in a future reality show, Montag hinted.

On essentially admitting she doesn’t have sex with Spencer:
“I’m very weird about hugging people now — [my body] is very fragile.”

Fragile? Really? I just assumed it’d be hard lump of rubber by now. Which is also why I drew these pictures of me pushing a stick figure with giant breasts off a building and watching it bounce into the air. I call them “An Evening with Heidi After Finding out Her Vagina is Basically a Plastic Easter Egg.”

superficial

  1. Ego

    First!

  2. Taz

    I’d slip her my meat

  3. Miles Teg

    This girl’s 15 minutes are almost up. She’s going to be left with huge debt from her surgery and god knows what else she’s having to pay on to make others think she’s really rich. Playboy will pay her some money to pose then’s that’s about it. She should try porn maybe.

  4. Ego

    I’d wreck her

  5. Sport

    I wish SOMEONE would wreck her I am tired of yet another talentless, plastic attention whore strutting around like she matters.

  6. katia

    so sad so much surgery and still not very pretty… no better than before, and at least before she was natural and fresh

  7. jeo

    Her legs are perfect. I have natural DD’s and I can’t jog either even with the best jogging bra they make. There are other ways to exercise with less impact however.

  8. dude

    she does look a lot better since this last round of plastic. wonder if in all her wisdom she went ahead and lined the inside of her vag with ribbed rubber, yknow, fer her pleasure.. well, and my safety..

  9. WhiskeyDust

    Is it just me or does she vaguely resemble Gweneth Paltrow in the face?

  10. Beeotch

    Hahahahahahahahhaaa ohhh Heidi….It will be so lovely to see you in 20 years when you are melting and your boobs are hanging past your knees….you will need an extra walker in the nursing home to cart those things around…..nice move dumbass!

  11. User123

    I look very similar to pre-pre-surgery Heidi from years ago before any surgeon sliced her with a knife (kinda gawky looking, but still cute), so it’s kinda tempting to see what plastic surgery could do for me. If I got my nose perfected, face carved a little, lips injected a little, & upgraded my boobs, ya I would look a lot ‘better’ I guess, but really c’mon people, how vain of a person are you if your #1 priority over everything else in the world is how you look?? And it would be a never-ending cycle of trying to fight a losing battle. We will all age and become old, & no matter how beautiful you are, there is ALWAYS some1 better looking than you. :P

  12. SCgrl

    In the first picture she cant even stand upright. She needs to quit trying to alter herself and just be happy with who she is/was…she is a Barbie now!

  13. abby

    I would get those reduced before they ruin all the skin in the area. I am sure they were fun at first. Every girl I know that has boobs that big naturally, have had them reduced (insurance covers it) because of back pain.
    Previews of The Hills shows her crying about getting a divorce and Spencer having an adult size hissy-fit. I hope her reality show is about them splitting.

  14. Fati87

    I never knew what she looked like before all of er sugeries. Wow, did this chick do a number on herself.. She is barely recognizable any more. She is headed down a very bad road.. Somebody that loves her really should stop her before she turns herself into a complete freak, which is inevitable without intervention.

  15. Keith

    She is super hot now.

    All women should have whatever surgeries she’s had done. That’s a health care plan I would fully support.

  16. Haywood Jablowmie

    I’d like to point out the nice cameltoe in the first shot.

  17. Attention Whore

    With all that plastic can she now be recycled?

  18. mer

    Who the hell is this? She’s not very good looking.

  19. Birdman

    I know 2 girls with her frame and same size implants (700cc and 750 respectively) – both 34F. Both jog/run regularly. Hell, one even just did the ING half-marathon.

    So, it might be too early in the total healing process for Heidi to be jogging, but nothing about large implants makes jogging impossible or even unmanageable. I asked both girls about such claims and they said it’s total BS…just wear the right sportsbra. So…as with everything about Heidi…this claim seems engineered to drive publicity.

  20. Yes I hate her. And yes I hate myself for wanting her sooooo badly.

  21. SO RIGHT

    She looks absolutely awful and plastic. She used to be really pretty. SO SAD!

  22. DragonKatt

    I’m an 34 E cup and I can jog. I just have to manage to find sports bras that fit and usually double up! Viola!

  23. Spud

    So she can’t jog? Big deal. She can still sit on my face.

  24. Deacon Jones

    Wow! I’m half expecting a cock to shoot out of her dress in pic 6

  25. bar room hero

    tranny – slag…

  26. miche

    Please please just make her go away! Of course she isn’t having sex with Spencer. Reason 1 – eeeeeewwwwww Reason 2 – he is GAY! Reason 3 – eeeewwwwww Reason 4 eeeeeewwwwww

    I think you get the point.

  27. Parker

    It’s obvious she’s gong over-the-top feminine because she’s surrounded by gay guys like Ryan and Spencer who want her to wear a strap-on and play the man. That’s got to be confusing for someone as simple as Heidi. She’s sure she’s a woman yet these guys treat her like a man and not just any man but a gay man. For her light head that’s a heavy burden and sooner or later something is bound to crack.

  28. bitch PLEASE

    I wish this no talent, media hungry bitch would just go and do her porn movies already cuz we all know THAT’S the ONLY next step she really has after getting those two mexican midgets stuffed up her chest.

  29. el ces

    Heidi…please don’t.

  30. justifiable

    I always figured it was because Spencer was always desperately clinging to her like a 165 pound parasitic growth, but then I figured out that the real reason Heidi can’t jog is that it requires putting one foot after the other in really rapid succession, and that’s just beyond her capabilities.

  31. Give me a break! I don’t want to hear any crap about her “not knowing” about what cup size she is. True, breast implants are put in by “cc’s” and NOT cup size, but you have to know what size your are to buy bras, and obviously she is wearing one and would have needed to get re-measured once the surgery healed. Good grief.

  32. rickardo

    I don’t think she’d be very good in bed/porn. Shit she’s afraid of getting hugs, imagine putting her in a reverse cowgirl?? Forget it….

  33. justifiable

    #32 It is total bullshit – guess she forgot she already told PEOPLE that she’s now a DDD. It’s really pathetic how she keeps trying to milk this for more “reveals” than it ever had in the first place. Now she had “back scooping”? WTF? I’m pretty damn sure the only “scooping” that was done was when they took out her brain with a melon baller.

  34. beautiful, sweetie, what is it X 2

  35. beautiful, sweetie, what is it

  36. TekMoney

    LMAO @ her being scared of hugging people because her body might fall off! Oh and those bolt-ons shouldn’t do much (if any) bouncing because they’re not real and she barely had any breast tissue before the half a dozen boob jobs she’s had done, so spare us the bullshit of you not being able to jog. Besides it’s not like you did anything athletic anyway because you have no talent, so who cares?

  37. Audrina keeps looking better.

  38. jewden

    She can always get those thing taken out and lifted.

  39. Frank

    typical surgery-gone-bad face

  40. elephantman

    jeeze, she really looks stooooopid. friggin retarded! i’d sure like to see what 20 years are gonna do on that plastic.

  41. jules

    OMFG… she looks like Donatella Versace…. a couple years apart…

  42. 90210

    Maybe someone commented on this already, but I am just too lazy to read through all the comments. But is it just me, or is she not starting to look like Tori Spelling? (esp in pic 8)

  43. ehm, these are obviously lifted / tweaked boobies, my guess is 75E

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  45. timmy the dying boy

    Is she wearing crotchless shorts? I really really hope not.

  46. kimi

    @jules. THAT is SO true I saw the pics before I read the comments. And thats the first thing i said when I saw the pic 8. SHiT! Now I read the comments & realize someone else saw the resemblance. Fcking CRAZY

  47. Landon "Reaper" Armstrong

    @11. User123…

    No plastic surgery needed. You’re perfect just the way you are.

  48. No plastic surgery needed. I admire natural beauty

  49. Which brand of bag did she carry with?

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