Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are total idiots

February 15th, 2008 // 173 Comments

Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt spent Valentine’s Day eating on a sailboat. A docked sailboat – where they posed for the most ridiculously non-candid photos ever. Seriously, could these shots be any less natural? Why don’t Heidi and Spencer do something like normal people? Go to a movie. Eat a candlelight dinner. Or have really awkward pity sex with your date because she watched you cry when the naval base wouldn’t rent you a submarine with live torpedoes. All I wanted to do was fire at civilian targets code-named “Funbags” and “Douchehole.” But I digress. What I’m really getting at is; I had sex last night. In your face!

Photos: Pacific Coast News
superficial

  1. kitty_kat

    Love how she opens the box so that the Jimmy Choo logo is showing perfectly for the camera. Twit.

  2. douchenette

    oh funbags and douchehole, you make me laugh and laugh and laugh.

    my theory on the endless photos of romance and open-mouthed gawking delight are that they had to get at least one good photo that showed where the shoes were from – yessir, it’s a valentine day’s product placement conspiracy!

    note how the third (!) shoe picture is from an entirely different angle and setup with the box cover suddenly on the outside with Jimmy Choo in plain view. I don’t care how vapid your c*nt is (i’m speaking here of both participants), you don’t sit and gawk over shoes that long unless someone’s paid you to do it.

  3. FRT

    Nothing a well aimed Cruise Missile would not have solved…!!!

  4. Belinda

    Please, Superficial! Can you do us a favor and not show us any pictures of heidi and spencer. They are so annoying!! All these pictures are choreographed and fake. I just hope they’re not getting any money for these pictures!!

  5. Belinda

    Please, Superficial! Can you do us a favor and not show us any pictures of heidi and spencer. They are so annoying!! All these pictures are choreographed and fake. I just hope they’re not getting any money for these pictures!!

  6. tly

    if you asked me the meaning of “idiot” or “whore”,or both; i’d say “Heidi Montag”,totally..biyatch!

  7. Pilatunes

    I paid a flock of seagulls to shit on them and they didn’t come through. I want my fucking money back.

  8. Katey

    I seriously about choked on my coffee from reading your guys comments.. I love waking up to this humor.. and i’m not being sarcastic at all!!

  9. jeans

    they are repugnant, desperate people.
    keep an eye on them – it will end interestingly/pathetically.

  10. Andrea

    If she at an effin photo shoot? She looks artifical in her posing.

    Who the **** is this skanky wh*re anyway?

  11. kirsten dunst

    da ahahahahah. my saturday morning needed this. thank you superficial.

  12. Anal Fistula

    vapid cunt vapid cunt vapid cunt

  13. Close your mouth you whore!

  14. gateau

    Is it just me, or has anyone else noticed Pratt’s striking similarity to Alfred E. Newman??

  15. Julia

    Sorry, didn’t read all the coments, but did anyone notice that the flowers, her bra, and flip flops were all the same color??? Seriously, who the fuck does that??? But of course these photos weren’t staged (holds back gag reflex at horrendous photos).

  16. Julia

    Sorry, didn’t read all the comments, but did anyone notice that the flowers, her bra, and flip flops were all the same color??? Seriously, who the fuck does that??? But of course these photos weren’t staged (holds back gag reflex at horrendous photos).

  17. eve

    Dear Heidi Hoetag

    you’re pathetic.

  18. FAKE FAKE FAKE FAKEEEEEEE…such an annoying couple…uggggh

  19. weez

    Who the hell are they? I must be getting old. There are all of the “famous” people nowadays and I have no fucking clue who they are.

  20. twzzlrgirl

    From the first pic, I’d like to wipe that, “I got flowers and you didn’t” smirk right off her face with my fist.

    What a couple of morons.

    **Oh, and Heidi, I DID get flowers by the way…but no shoes :(

  21. question

    Anybody know where to get a pair of grey jeans like the douchebag on the right is wearing?

  22. michelle

    stop writing about them they’re fake and lame! Don’t waste ur time cuz we don’t wanna hear about em. I took my time to write this and thats how badly I want u to stop posting stuff about em. theyre smart for doing these kinds of things cuz it get u bloggers attentions.

  23. DeeMom

    Love the big, red UNLIT candle. Maybe she’ll use it – on him!

  24. Mok Thunder

    Please stop giving these tools free press.

  25. ZaZ

    Har Har @ Jimbo.

  26. Leah

    I’m trying to decide what these two like the most: each other, themselves, or attention.

    Jesus.

  27. Leah

    PS: I love how she just happens to be holding up the Jimmy Choos so that you can see the label.

  28. I also often hold my mouth open for 10 minutes in a look of mock surprise, when I receive a gift….

    Someone please tie them to that boat and sink it in shark infested waters. Please.

  29. Tammy

    She’s such a whore, why the hell is her mouth open in almost every shot? Cause Spencers waiting for payback for those shoes. So she gets shoes and he gets what?? I can’t stand either of them and I’ve never even seen the show they’re on. She just looks vapid and other than her fake tits, there isn’t anything on her I find attractive. No wonder I don’t watch network tv anymore.

  30. pookie8

    What the F%&# are they trying to prove? I really don’t understand what & why they do this. If only someone could find a way to get these two along with OJ & Paris H. in a Saw movie.

  31. chenush

    last!
    its a perfect case of:
    ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww/.
    puke
    twice.

  32. What are they trying to prove? that they can afford a pair of Jimmy Choo shoes!

    They make me laugh….

  33. Lol i still laugh at Heidi’s video for her song, well worth my money on itunes…Douche!

  34. CapeCodder

    You guys don’t get the mouth physics of horses. There is so much excess skin on the chin area that it rolls into the mouth when opened.

  35. My Name

    She needed to replace those shiteous Old Navy flip flops, see? After romping around in the sand for her shiteouser video, she grossed an income equivalent to one Jimmy Choo replica. I’m sure Cristal appreciated the plug, nonetheless right?

  36. My Name

    She needed to replace those shiteous Old Navy flip flops, see? After romping around in the sand for her shiteouser video, she grossed an income equivalent to one Jimmy Choo replica. I’m sure Cristal appreciated the plug, nonetheless right?

  37. Hemlock Queen

    CELEBRITY… WHORES!!!!

    Losers.

  38. daizycakes

    Dear Lord, please please PLEASE don’t let these two reproduce.

    Ugh.

  39. daizycakes

    Dear Lord, please please PLEASE don’t let these two reproduce.

    Ugh.

  40. Great article! Thats an awesome pic haha

  41. Matt S

    Ha. Did anyone notice the wine bottle is empty in every picture? Nice I love reality tv…….

  42. Danielle

    haha she holds the shoes up clearly so the cameras can see them.
    what losers.
    i hate them soo much.

  43. Heath Ledger

    Check out her Wikipedia page, it says she was born in, Crusty Butt Colorado.

  44. Eva

    Oh, What a wonderful day! Happy Valentine’s Day ! I am a single large girl, warm, active, hot, cute, sexy…. I want to find my love. If you are interested in me, find me on bbwconnect.com. I am looking for you now!

  45. Hmf

    Who the hell hangs onto the bouquet of flowers throughout the date????

  46. rustingrabbit

    I wonder if they were the new vegan shoes?

    My boyfriend bought me a pair of steaks to wear, Medium rare. They’s hott!!

    …Of course I don’t understand why he was so pissed at me when I strapped them onto my feet at the restaurant. I mean, it was cute he had the waiter give them to me, but he was sure cranky when I took the one in front of him to put on my left foot.

  47. katiemarie

    ok put down the friggin flowers

  48. geraldo poco

    Seriously – there are paparazzis following these two loser nobody’s around snapping photos? If I saw these two douchebags in the street, I wouldn’t know WTF they were.

  49. t

    These 2 are like the corn in my stool….both are there for an unknown reason and eventhough I havent eaten any, its still there. WHY???
    HIDEME HORSEFACE MONTFUG!!!!
    FATTY FATTY FATTY!!!! EWWWWW! I smell stale cheese now..
    MR. ED is rolling in his grave that his grandaughter is such a skanky HO.

  50. Elias

    My friend just ran into them at the Philly airport. As we all probably could guess, they were total pricks. Why are they famous again? oh wait, i remember, for being pricks.

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